Salvaged Soul (The Ignited Series Book 3) (22 page)

“I know it’s not the same for you anymore . . .” She paused, perhaps to give me a chance to correct her, to tell her that her gut instinct was wrong, that I
was
still in love with her.

Instead, I offered her a weak smile as a form of apology. “It was the same for me at first, Lil. For a long time, it was.”

She nodded, understanding registering in her eyes before she looked away. “It’s been seven years . . .”

“Yeah.”

“Even if it feels like yesterday to me . . .”

“I’m sorry.”

“I can’t expect you to still be in the same place, waiting for me, after seven years,” she concluded, though the heavy sigh that followed her words hinted that she had hoped for it.

“We thought you were dead,” I offered as explanation. As if that made it better.

“I know.” She turned to me with a forced smile. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Few knew what it had been like for me when I thought Lillian had died. If anyone could imagine my devastation, it was her. At that time, she had known me better than anyone.

“And I’m sorry for all that I’ve done to you since,” she continued. “I only remember bits and pieces, and what I do remember is horrible.”

“It’s okay, Lil.”

“No. I tried to kill you, Nathan. Multiple
times.” She swatted at a tear as it slid down her cheek, and shook her head as if disgusted with herself for crying. Just like the Lillian I remembered. “And that girl? The first chance I get to apologize to—”

“She knows it wasn’t really you,” I cut in quickly.

“I still want to let her know how sorry I am. If she can ever bear to look at me.” Lillian hung her head solemnly, and muttered, “I don’t know how you can stand to look at me right now.”

“It wasn’t you.” Placing a finger under her chin, I lifted her head. “I know that. We all know that.”

“I’m going to make it up to you,” she said fiercely. “To all of you. Everything that I did before . . .”

“None of that matters now.”

She nodded slowly, as if reluctantly accepting that the things she had done as a Skotadi could be forgiven. No matter how long it took, she needed to forgive herself. She wasn’t there yet, but she would be. Someday.

We retraced our steps back to the village center. Few words passed between us along the way, but after the heaviness of our discussion on the beach, I welcomed the silence. We naturally parted—Lillian turning for the girls’ dorm and me for the boys’—like we had done hundreds of times before, and I couldn’t help the sensation of déjà vu that slammed in to me.

I nearly faltered, but forced my feet to keep moving.

Her voice stopped me. “Oh, and Nathan!” I turned in time to catch her smile—the first real one I had seen since she had woken up. “Thanks for bringing me back.”

I nodded, and watched as she turned away.

Lillian was back, but only partially. She needed more time to recover from the emotional wounds, but the healing had started. I would do what I could to help her. We were no longer what we had once been, but I still considered her a friend, and she seemed content to have that.

She knew things weren’t as they had been between us. I had that off my chest at least.

It dawned on me as I watched her walk away, that though she knew I had moved on, I hadn’t told her everything. She didn’t know I was in love with someone else.

I never actually told her about Kris. 

Chapter 22

{Nathan}

Lillian was waiting for me again the next day, after my morning class.

“Friends, right?” she greeted as I approached.

“Of course.”

She flashed me a bright smile. “Are you going to lunch?” She sounded hesitant, but hopeful.

I had intended to get something quick at the mess hall and then swing by Kris’s room. She had been fine when I’d left this morning, and Kim assured me she was in good hands, but I still wanted to be with her. It was mostly for my benefit, not hers, considering she probably wouldn’t know if I was there or not. After failing to tell Lillian the complete truth yesterday, I felt like an asshole and wanted to redeem myself.

But then, I was the only friend Lillian had right now, and I felt bad about leaving her to fend for herself when everyone on the island looked at her like she was still the enemy. I felt the need to protect her. For now. Until she got back on her feet.

And right now, she was still pretty shaky.

“Yeah, I can go to lunch,” I said.

“I don’t want to keep you from something.”

I shrugged like I didn’t have anything important to do. “No. I’m good. Let’s go.”

Predictably, every Kala we passed along the way stared. Some even stopped in their tracks—literally—to stare. The bolder ones whispered as we passed. The boldest yet—and if I ever found out who it was, they would hear from my fist—had the nerve to shout,
“Demon!”
Of course, he had waited until we were past and I didn’t see his face.

Everyone in the mess hall—and I mean everyone—looked up when we walked in. From the collective gasp of surprise that greeted us and the stretch of silence that followed us through the dining hall, I assumed that this was the first glimpse most of the Kala were getting of her.

Of course, I was with her for her grand entrance. It would appear to everyone that the fabled couple had reunited. I supposed it didn’t look good. But then, aside from a few rumors, none of them really knew the truth about Kris and me.

Well, except for a few. And every one of
them
was sitting at a table together, staring at us along with the rest. One set of eyes in particular bugged me more than the others.

Micah sat at a table with Richie. Alec and Bruce were there too, and I assumed that Jared had decided it was okay for Alec to go about his normal daily activities.

I saw Micah’s smug smile, and I wanted nothing more than to smack it off his face. I felt his gaze boring into my back as I collected a sandwich from the deli, and by the time I sat down at the table across from him, I was drilling him with a hard glare.

I barely noticed when Lillian sat down beside me a moment later. Until Micah’s eyebrows rose in mock curiosity.

“What?” I spat, not bothering to reign back on the hostility.

He grinned, and if he weren’t the Kala’s golden boy, I’d call it a slightly evil looking grin. “Going to introduce us to your friend?” he asked, putting unnecessary emphasis on the last word.

“You already know who she is.”

Micah looked pleased with himself. Belatedly, I realized that he enjoyed getting me worked up. I would have to remember to work on controlling my reactions around him, if only to rob him of the joy he got out of pissing me off.

Feeling Alec’s eyes on me, I glanced in his direction. I shook my head at his bewildered expression. He knew I despised Micah, but even he was surprised by the level of disgust radiating off of me at the moment.

“Okay, anyway . . .” Micah drew slowly, forcing me to bite the inside of my cheek to maintain a neutral expression. He reached across the table, extending a hand to Lillian. “I’m Micah. I know we technically already met, but I haven’t met
this
version of you. Much better than the former, I’m sure.”

Lillian accepted his hand politely, but I recognized the wariness with which she regarded him. Either she had picked up on his smugness, or she was reacting to my obvious dislike of him.

I busied myself with my sandwich as the others at the table introduced themselves.

“Alec?” she asked thoughtfully, coming back to him after the others had finished their introductions. “I think I remember you.”

He shot her a cocky grin. That certainly hadn’t changed. “Most girls do.”

She made a noise that sounded suspiciously close to a laugh, and I nearly choked on my sandwich. Figured. I should have introduced her to Alec sooner. Only he could succeed in healing seven years’ worth of remorse, and resulting depression, in under two minutes.

“I don’t doubt that,” she returned.

And now they were flirting.

I shoved another bite into my mouth, suddenly eager to get out of there. The last thing I needed was to witness more of Alec’s natural charm.

“So, Nathan?” Micah called.

I glanced up silently. With my mouth stuffed, I couldn’t say what I really wanted to say to him.

“Have you seen Kris lately?”

I chewed quickly, suddenly eager to have full use of my mouth.

“Of course he has,” Alec interrupted, dropping the flirtation with Lillian, which had to have been a first for him.

“It’s day two,” I answered stiffly—not that I thought he deserved any response from me, but Lillian was now watching us curiously and I figured I should play nice. “She’ll be waking up tomorrow.”

Micah opened his mouth to say something else, but Lillian interrupted him.

“Waking up?” she questioned.

Alec volunteered an answer first. “She took the same potion they gave you. So did I, and I woke up yesterday with my eyes looking like this. I just might be a natural bad boy though, so we’re all eager to see if it works better for her than it did for me.”

“Works for her?” Lillian shook her head in genuine confusion, and I realized that she didn’t remember who Kris was.

“Kris is the girl that the Skotadi created. You were apparently assigned with the task of tracking her down,” I said to Lillian, hoping that was enough to jog her memory.

Lillian’s face contorted. “Oh, God. That’s her. That’s the girl . . .”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“And she’s taken the same potion that changed me?”

“Yeah.”

She turned to Alec. “And so did you, but it . . .”

“We don’t know what it did,” I finished. Looking at Alec now, he still looked the same. Even his eyes were easier to overlook than they had been yesterday. They flared more when he was angry now. Otherwise, the gold kind of blended in to the green.

“It sure as hell didn’t do what you said it was supposed to do,” Alec fired at me.

Lillian looked at me, a silent question visible in her eyes.

“I met Circe, and she gave me this potion,” I explained. “She said that it would bring out someone’s true potential, and protect their soul from evil.” I saw a flicker of recognition pass over Lillian’s face. It passed so quickly that if I hadn’t known her so well I might not have noticed it. “We gave it to you, Alec, and Kris.”

“It worked on you,” Alec concluded.

Lillian looked to Alec, then back to me. “You gave them both a potion enchanted with a
potential spell,
and it was created by Circe?”

I nodded uneasily. I had nearly forgotten that Lillian was an Incantator. She understood things that I couldn’t begin to understand about spells and potions, and the wrinkle in her brow concerned me.

She turned away to study the table in silence. Finally, she murmured, “I’ve never heard of it being used in that way. But Circe knows a lot more than I do.”

She almost spoke as if she
knew
Circe. Personally. “Did you ever meet her?”

Lillian shook her head absentmindedly. “I don’t think so.” She didn’t sound so sure, but it wasn’t because she was hiding something. No. She legitimately didn’t remember.

“Do you remember much about Incantation?” I ventured, hoping for an opportunity to get some answers about the significance behind
potential spells
, and why the concept seemed to concern her.

Or Callie. As of yesterday, Lillian still hadn’t remembered anything about Callie, but the doctor said her memory could come back at any time. We had to keep trying.

Lillian shrugged with little conviction. She was distracted by her own thoughts. “Some things have come back.”

I was about to probe for details when her head snapped up, her eyes wide when they turned to me. “Is everyone still scared of Incantators like they used to be?” she whispered.

I understood her fear, and quickly tried to alleviate it. “We all know,” I said, looking around the table at the others. “Kris is an Incantator, too, and we’re all trying to help her. Your secret is safe with everybody here.”

Lillian looked around the table, and must have seen what she needed to see for reassurance, but her expression still carried an edge of uneasiness. I decided to let the questions about the potion and Callie go for the time being, and let Lillian finish her lunch in peace. When she finished, she pushed back from her chair and excused herself, claiming a sudden bout of exhaustion.

What she didn’t realize was that her time as a Skotadi hadn’t changed her cues. I still recognized them, and I knew the exhaustion excuse was nothing more than that: an excuse. Something was bothering her. I just didn’t know what.

Instead of digging for answers, I let her go with the intention of giving her some time to sort through the thoughts that were bothering her before I asked her about them. I would have let it go entirely, but I couldn’t because a part of whatever was bothering Lillian was related to Kris.

I wouldn’t—I
couldn’t
—let something that might affect Kris go.

Alec slid into Lillian’s now empty seat beside me. His eyes were on her as she walked away. “What do you suppose that was all about?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”

Alec nodded thoughtfully. “So the two of you went out, huh?”

My hand faltered as I reached for my drink. “Yeah.”

Alec let out a soft whistle. “I wouldn’t want to be you right now.”

I glanced at Alec and saw that his attention remained on Lillian’s retreating backside. Though I knew I would regret it, I asked, “Why is that exactly?”

Alec looked at me like he thought I was joking. Or an idiot, because as far as he was concerned, the answer was obvious. He lifted a hand in gesture to Lillian, and made a noise that equated, ‘
duh
.’

I turned back to what was left of my sandwich with a groan.

“I just don’t get it,” Alec mused, speaking more to himself than to me. “I mean, you’re not a bad looking guy, I guess, but still . . .”

I turned to glare at him. ‘
Not a bad looking guy
’? Really?

He finally looked away from Lillian, probably only because she had made it outside by now, and he could no longer stare at her ass. He looked at me as if I held the answers to all of life’s mysteries.

“How do you get all the hot ones?” he asked. “I mean . . . there’s
her
, and she is . . .” He blew out a puff of air, “and then you have the perfect girl, who for some reason wants you more than me, and she is . . . well, you know . . . but then there’s . . .” He gestured to the door behind which Lillian had disappeared, “Well, you know . . . and then there was that hottie on the beach? I mean . . . I just don’t . . . wow, that’s all I can . . . just wow.”

“Can you finish just
one
of your thoughts?” I snapped.

“Sorry. I get like this around the really hot ones,” Alec muttered, and settled a look of disbelief on me. “Yeah, I really don’t envy you at all right now.”

I shook my head because . . . well, he should envy me. Only one part of his ridiculous ramblings rang true. I did have the perfect girl, and she was the only one who mattered.

As I turned away from Alec, my eyes swung up and caught Micah’s gaze.

The smirk on his face combined with the slight shake of his head told me exactly what he thought.
Just a matter of time . . .
  

After lunch, I met with Jared to go over some details for the upcoming mission. Supervisor Jeffries had given him a list of objectives. He wanted specifics on things like
how many, where, and why
, but he left it up to Jared and me to devise a plan to get the Intel. Then it was up to me to lead a team in obtaining it.

After an hour of planning, I left Jared’s office with a throbbing headache. For the second day in a row, I ordered the students in my afternoon class to do group drills while I laid low with my aspirin and bottle of water. By the end of class, my problems hadn’t gone away, and neither had my headache.

As I prepared to leave, I caught a glimpse of the one person who could make it worse.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and turned for the door with dread. Not only because it was Micah, and he was the last person I wanted to see, but that was especially true after the scene at lunch earlier.