Sand and Clay (15 page)

Chapter Twenty

   Thursday morning, Caroline woke
up and stared at the ceiling trying to convince herself why she should get out
of bed. She looked at the clock and knew it was time to get up and start
getting ready for work but for some reason her body wouldn’t even move.

She continued to watch the clock
and the minutes ticking away but still didn’t get up. Turner was already gone,
which was typical for the last few days since they were both avoiding each
other like the plague. Things couldn’t possibly be more awkward between them
because Caroline could see the pain on Turner’s face every time that she looked
at him or every time he saw the ring box still sitting on their dresser. He had
no doubts in how much he loved her and she knew it was devastating him that she
couldn’t seem to mirror that back to him.

Caroline grabbed at the phone on
her nightstand and tapped in the number for work, holding it to her ear and
waiting for one of the firm’s secretaries to pick up. After a few rings, a high
pitched voice with a New Jersey accent greeted her.

“Hi, this is Caroline Sanders, one
of the paralegals for Mr. Rosen. Could you please inform Mrs. Ward that I won’t
be able to make it into work today? I woke up with a terrible cold and I am
worried that I might have the flu, I really don’t think I could manage through
a day at the office and I certainly don’t want to get anyone there sick.” Caroline
lied to the lady.

The woman immediately voiced her
concerns and best wishes for Caroline’s speedy recovery and promised to relay
the message to Caroline’s supervisor. Caroline thanked her profusely, trying to
really sell her lie, and then hung up the phone.

Caroline then finally pulled
herself out of bed and went to her closet, picking out some comfortable clothes
to wear for the day. She spied her suitcase in the corner of her closet and
suddenly had an idea that for the first time all week made her feel calm.

She quickly grabbed a smaller
overnight travel bag and began throwing an outfit and some other essentials
into the bag. She got dressed and brushed her hair, fixed some makeup, and
brushed her teeth. Once she was ready she grabbed her travel bag and her purse
and headed out the door.

She paused at the front door and
swiveled around, making a quick detour to the kitchen where she pulled a pad of
paper and a pen out of one of the kitchen drawers. She quickly scrawled out a
note to Turner explaining where she was and promising to be back tomorrow and
meet him at the restaurant that he had made a reservation at for their date.

Then she headed out the door,
locking it behind her, and practically skipping down the stairs in eagerness to
get out of her situation for a few hours.

Caroline got down to the street and
hailed a taxi to take her to Penn Station. Within thirty minutes, she was
boarding a train headed to the Hamptons hoping that seeing her parents would
bring her the clarity, and even the comfort, that she needed.

~**~

The train ride went by quickly for
Caroline as she watched the world pass by the window and let her mind just be
blank. All the stress of the last few days had just reached a boiling point for
her that morning and while she was a grown woman, she needed her parents.

She needed a hug from her mother
and reassurance from her father that everything was going to be okay. She felt
a little silly that at her age she would come running to her parents, but she
knew that they were exactly what she needed right now and that even though they
had their differences, her mother and father loved her very much.

When she finally arrived in the
Hamptons, she hired a town car to take her up to her parent’s house which was
further north and a lengthy drive up the coast. She enjoyed the luxury of the
backseat leather in the black town car compared to the taxi that she had been
in earlier which may or may not have had multiple types of bodily fluid strewn
about.

The quiet town allowed the driver
to speed up and Caroline arrived home faster than she had expected. She thanked
the driver and gave him an extra tip, then headed up the front steps to the
door toting her bag and purse with her. She didn’t bother knocking, but rather
walked right in and dropped her bags in the foyer.

“Mom? Dad?” Caroline called out
loudly from where she stood as she pushed the door shut behind her. She didn’t
hear any response, but then Rosie walked in from the side room.

“Ms. Caroline? What are you doing
here? What a lovely surprise!” Rosie greeted her and came to give her a hug. Caroline
accepted the hug greedily, needing the affection.

“Are you staying the night? Let me
take your bags.” Rosie told her and Caroline confirmed that she would stay just
the one night and head back tomorrow.

“Where are my parents, Rosie?” she
asked.

“Straight out back, my dear. They
are having lunch on the veranda. I will tell the chef to bring out another
plate, you must be starving.” Rosie told her.

“Thanks, Rosie!” Caroline quickly
headed down the hallway and took a few turns before reaching the back door.

She stepped out onto the veranda to
see her parents sitting at the table with the umbrella open over them, shading
them from the sun. The table was elaborately set with fine china and dishes of
food as well as wine in front of both of her parents plates. Upon hearing the
door open, they both looked in her direction and their faces lit up at seeing
her.

“Carrie!” Her mother exclaimed and
popped right up out of her seat, hurrying over to embrace her daughter. Her
father was only steps behind and wrapped his arms around her as well in a tight
hug.

“Carrie bear, what are you doing
here? Come, sit, and eat.” Her mother smiled at her and gently smoothed a piece
of Caroline’s hair down.

“Just thought I would come up for
the night, get away from the city and relax a little bit.” Caroline told them
as she sat down.

Rosie must have told the chef
quickly because one of the kitchen staff was already at her side with a plate
of hot food to set in front of her. Caroline hadn’t realized how famished she
was until she smelled the delicious food and realized that she hadn’t eaten yet
that day. She quickly picked up a fork and dug in to her meal.

“Well, that’s wonderful, baby. I am
so happy to see you, your father and I don’t have any plans today. I was just
going to do some gardening.” Her mother told her while she continued eating.

“And I was thinking about playing a
round of golf on the putting green out back.” Her father told her before taking
a big gulp of juice from his glass. Caroline nodded her head and took a few
more bites of her lunch.

“Turner proposed to me.” Caroline
told them quietly, looking up to gauge their reactions.

“Oh my goodness, that is so
exciting, baby girl! Let me see the ring!” Her mother motioned for her hand,
wanting to take a look. Caroline looked back down at her plate.

“I haven’t said yes yet. I haven’t
said anything yet. I told him I needed a week to think about it.” Caroline
responded, now avoiding their eye contact. She heard her father clear his
throat and her mother sit back in her chair. Both of them were just staring at
her, waiting to hear more of an explanation so Caroline sighed and put down her
fork.

“I don’t know what to do. I’m
supposed to meet him for dinner tomorrow night to give him my answer. If I
don’t say yes, then we are going to break up I bet. If I do say yes, then we
are going to be engaged. After only six months of dating.” Caroline told them.

“So what are you leaning towards?” Her
mother asked. Caroline shrugged, still confused, and then finished up what was
left on her plate. Her parents didn’t pry any further but just finished lunch
quietly instead.

~**~

Her childhood bedroom still looked
like she was going to come running in and toss her backpack onto the bed and
pull out the dolls in her toy chest to play with them. Caroline was laying on
her old bed with its pink, flowery comforter beneath her and her head resting
on a combination of pillows and aged stuffed animals.

She stared up at her ceiling at the
boy band posters that she had plastered everywhere when she was thirteen years
old. If she was thirteen now, Logan’s picture would probably be up there too,
she thought.

The girl who laid in this bed years
ago and dreamed about growing up and being in love had never pictured simple. She
had never pictured easy and she had never pictured herself following the cookie
cutter lifestyle that most people around here expected of her.

The types of families she grew up
with in the Hamptons all followed a very particular lifestyle and path and to
deviate from that was scandalous. Logan would be scandalous. She closed her
eyes and pictured Logan’s face and couldn’t stop herself from smiling. As she
was thinking of him, a knock interrupted her dreams. Caroline’s mother poked
her head inside the door.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Her mother said
as she walked over and sat on the side of her bed. She ran her hand through
Caroline’s long tresses that were flung out across the bed in random patterns.

“Hi, Momma.” Caroline said, turning
her head to face her.

“I am worried about you, baby
girl.” Her mother said softly.

“Mom, don’t be worried. There is
nothing to be worried about.” Caroline told her. The two were silent for a
moment as Caroline continued to stare at the ceiling.

“Did I ever tell you about
Eduardo?” Her mother said after the brief pause. Caroline, still laying on her
bed, turned her head back to look at her mother.

“No, who is that?” Caroline
inquired, curious. Her mother smiled and got this far away look in her eye as
she gazed out the window by Caroline’s bed.

“He was my professor in college,
art history class. We would go to museums after class together and talk about
the paintings. We could spend hours talking and never get bored. He was only a
little older than me and he looked like he could have stepped right out of the
pages of a magazine.” Her mother smiled and glanced back at Caroline.

“Mom, you had a crush on your
professor?” Caroline laughed and propped herself up on her elbows to pay closer
attention to her mother.

“Not just a crush, my dear, an
affair. We loved each other. Every moment we were alone, we couldn’t keep our
hands off one another. It was electric, something between us that was
indescribable.

Every part of us knew it was risky,
he could have lost his job. If my parents had found out, all hell would break
lose. But, we couldn’t help ourselves. There was something between us that we
had to explore and would have regretted it if we didn’t.” Her mom said.

“Why are you telling me this, Mom?”
Caroline said softly, thinking of Logan and how she felt similarly about him as
her mom was describing with Eduardo.

“Because Eduardo was the love of my
life, and I am so glad that I found him and that when I did find him, I let my
whole heart open up to him.” She said.

“What about Dad?” Caroline said.

“Oh, I love your father, honey. But
Eduardo, that was different. That wasn’t just love, it was the other half of my
soul. It was magnetism. My heart telling me that it had found it’s missing
piece.” The far away and dreamy look was in her eyes again.

“Well, why didn’t you marry him
then? What happened to Eduardo?” Caroline asked. Her mother sighed and looked
down at the bed. Her eyes had gone from dreamy to cloudy in a flash.

“He was killed. He was driving to
come see me and he never showed up. I only found out on the news the next day
what had happened. A truck hit his car and he died alone in the middle of the
street.” A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. Caroline was silent but
reached out and held her mother’s hand. After a quiet moment, her mother
cleared her throat and tried to regain her composure.

“Anyways, I mourned and grieved for
months and months. Luckily, I met your father about a year later and the rest
is history. I love your father, but Eduardo was my soul mate and I will love
him until the day I die.” Her mother finished, standing up and walking towards
the bedroom door.

“Mom, why did you tell me all
this?” Caroline sat up in bed and asked her.

“Because, darling, I didn’t get a
chance to be with my other half. You do have that chance and you are throwing
it away.” With that, her mother walked out of the room, leaving Caroline
staring after her, stunned at her mother’s final comment. 

Chapter
Twenty-One

Caroline had slept in late at her
parent’s house on Friday without intending to. She had planned to catch the
eleven o’clock train out to the city but by the time she woke up it was almost
two in the afternoon.

Panicked, she rushed through a
shower and brushed her hair. She snuck into her mother’s closet and rifled
through her dresses. After way too much time dragging her feet and trying on
different outfits, she found one that she knew would be perfect for the
evening. It was a black wrap dress that accentuated her every curve and hung
just above her knees in a flowing pattern that spread out when she twirled
around.

She found a chunky blue necklace
and some earrings in her mother's bathroom as well as some matching blue high
heels to finish the ensemble. After swiping some blush and mascara on, she was
ready to go and headed downstairs. Her parents were already out and about for
the day, probably at the country club, so there was no point in trying to find
them to say goodbye especially since she was so late and had promised dinner
with Tucker at seven o’clock.

By this time it was almost half
past four and Caroline knew the train would never get her there on time. Her
father’s driver was luckily in the front foyer and willing to drive her so she
didn’t even have to take the train. She thanked him profusely and hopped into
the town car’s backseat.

As the duo headed off towards the
city, Caroline watched the scenery fly by her window, smiling to herself the whole
time. She looked down at her lap, the invitation to Logan’s show starting at
seven o’clock in one hand and the diamond engagement ring from Tucker in her
other hand.

She was only going to be able to
make it to one of them and she knew what she was going to do. She tucked both
items away in her purse and settled back for the long drive into the city,
hoping to make it on time.

~**~

The town car finally pulled to a
stop a few hours later in front of one of New York City’s beautifully tall
buildings. Caroline thanked her father’s driver again and hopped out of the
car. She didn’t have time to go home and drop off her overnight bag, so it was
slung over her shoulder.

She smoothed her hair and hope that
she still looked okay after the long drive, even though she was hauling around
her luggage with her. She looked up at the entrance as she stood on the
sidewalk trying to gather herself and she took a deep breath.

She knew that this was it. This was
one of those moments that defined the rest of your life, the moment where you
choose what path you will take. She took another deep breath and then walked up
to the doors and let herself in. Once inside she glanced around, looking for
him, but couldn’t see him among all the people. After a moment, she saw a hand waving
at her and she smiled back at him, walking over.

“You came.” He said to her smiling
with excitement, standing up and taking her bag from her and placing it under
the table.

“Of course, you didn’t think I
would?” Caroline replied. He smiled back at her and brushed her cheek with his
hand.

“To be honest, I was a little
worried. Especially when you disappeared the last two days not to mention the
small fact that you are about forty-five minutes late.” He leaned forward and
kissed her gently on the lips, then he pulled her chair out for her and the two
sat down.

“I am sorry about that. I went to
my parents house, I left you a note, did you see it? I just needed to get out
of the city and think things through, you know?” She unfolded her napkin in her
lap and sipped some wine.

“Yeah, I got it, I think it’s good
you got that time for yourself. I hope you don’t mind that I already ordered
for us since you were late. I know what kind of wine you like.” He smiled at
her again and reached across the table for her hand.

“It’s delicious, Turner.” Caroline
put down the wine glass and took his hand, giving him a squeeze. The waiter
walked up to them and asked for their orders. Turner already knew what he
wanted and opened his menu, Caroline quickly flipped hers open and scanned the
choices.

“I will have the New York Strip
Steak, 16 ounces and medium rare, please with the baked potato and broccoli.” Turner
said confidently and then closed his menu.

“And I will have the butternut
squash ravioli, please.” Caroline said, picking out an item. The waiter wrote
down their orders and took their menus from them.

“So, how are your parents doing?”
Turner asked her.

“Good, same as usual. They were at
the country club all day today. It was nice getting away for a bit. Mom and I
had a great talk, it was pretty momentous. She has never really talked to me as
a peer before or opened up that much about her past. She has just always talked
to me like I am still her little girl, you know? But last night, we talked in
the most real and close way we ever have. It was pretty wonderful.” Caroline
mused, smiling at the memory of bonding with her mother.

“That’s really amazing, Caroline. I
remember the first time I felt that way with my father, it was kind of a shock.
First time I actually felt like an adult, I think.” Turner chimed in. The two
took a few sips of their wine and chatted a bit more about their parents until
their dinners arrived.

“Oh my goodness, this looks
delicious.” Caroline said, quickly digging into her dinner. She realized that
she was actually starving since she had woken up so late and not had a chance
to eat, this was actually her first meal of the day. She had done the same
thing yesterday in her spontaneous move to go to her parents. She was realizing
that the stress of everything was really taking a toll on her mind.

“Slow down,” Turner laughed,
“you’re going to choke on your food.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten all
day, I was in such a rush to get back.” Caroline laughed. She finished her meal
within minutes and Turner cut off some of his steak for her to eat as well. The
couple finally finished their meal, happily smiling at one another. The waiter
cleared their dish and then immediately showed up with a large lava chocolate
cake for two.

“I ordered this ahead of time for
us, it take a long time to bake.” Turner said as Caroline looked at him in
confusion.

“Well that was sweet.” Caroline
told him, she gazed at his big, puppy dog brown eyes and curly mop of hair and
smiled, feeling a warmth in her heart for him. She knew that she was so lucky
to have met this man and experienced the kindness he showed her every day.

“I was hoping it would be a nice
way to celebrate. At least I hope that we are going to celebrate.” Turner said,
his voice getting quieter while he looked down at the table and shuffled his
feet nervously, bumping his knees clumsily against the bottom of the table.

Caroline looked down at her lap,
knowing he wanted an answer. They had been avoiding the issue for most of
dinner now as well as the past week and she knew it was about time that she
eased his mind and let him know what she had decided. She leaned down and
reached into her purse, pulling out the ring box that held the gorgeous diamond
ring that he bought for her. She put it on the table between them and they both
looked at it.

“Turner, I have thought about this
a lot. Marriage isn’t something I ever wanted to rush into and we have only
been dating six months and have never even discussed it before, so that is why
I felt like I had to take the time to think this over before making a decision.
I know this week was tough for you and I am sorry about that because the last
thing I want to do is ever hurt you. I truly hope that you know that and
believe it, because even with every mistake I have ever made- I have always
loved you and never wanted to hurt you. ” Caroline explained.

“What do you mean? What mistakes? Caroline,
you have been wonderful.” Turner told her, leaning forward. She gave him a
tight lipped smile but the expression on her face was that of pain.

She reached across the table and
grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Then she picked up the ring box with her other
hand, opened his hand that she was holding, and placed the box on his palm. Turner
looked down at their hands, both of her hands wrapped around his one hand and
the lonely, little ring box.

“Turner, I love you so much. You
are so wonderful to me. You are the perfect guy in so many ways.” Caroline
cleared her throat because she felt her voice beginning to break.

“I know where this is going.” Turner
sighed with a hint of anger and pushed himself back from the table, dropping
her hand. The box sat on the table like a stone. Caroline sat back in her chair
and sighed, folding her hands in her lap.

“Turner, I can’t marry you.” Caroline
said flatly. The guilt was washing around in her stomach mixing with her squash
dinner and threatening to make a reappearance. 

“God, Caroline, why not? We already
live together, we love each other. Is it just because it’s too early? I mean,
we can just have a really long engagement period.” Turner said, rolling his
eyes and clearly exasperated. He felt frustrated and was letting his emotions
be easily displayed.

“Because, Turner, that’s not what I
want. We both know that. I just think we have to face facts that this isn’t
meant to be.” Caroline said.

“How can you say you love me and
then also say it’s not meant to be? Is this about whatever mistakes you are
talking about? You have never made a mistake in my eyes.” Turner told her.

He grabbed a spoon and took a big
bite of the chocolate cake, trying to comfort himself.  Caroline sighed and
paused for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She dabbed her napkin
underneath her eyes where tears were welling.

“Turner, I do love you but it’s not
meant to be and my mistake was ever letting us get this far when I knew
somewhere deep down that my heart was somewhere else.” Caroline tried to
explain. Turner put down his utensil and looked at her with a stern look she
hadn’t seen before.

“Is there someone else? Do you have
feelings for someone else?” He asked.

 “Yes, I’m in love with someone
else.” She said quietly, confirming what he was fearing she would say. Turner’s
face was first confusion and then it hardened again.

“What? Who?” Turner said, dropping
his spoon with a loud clatter.

“It doesn’t matter, Turner.” She
said, placing her napkin on the table. “Aralia and Jackie will be by this
weekend and move all my stuff out. I am really sorry.”

“It matters to me, Caroline. Who is
he?” Turner asked again, slapping his napkin down on the table.

“Why do you want to know, Turner? What
does it matter? The outcome won’t change, it will only hurt you more and that
is not what I want to do.” Caroline told him, arguing.

“I am only going to ask one more
time. I want an answer, I think you at least owe me that. Who is he?” Turner
said, grimly. Caroline sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Logan Clay.” She said, mumbling.

“Logan Clay? Who is Logan Clay? Wait,
Logan Clay the rock star?” Caroline was silent and just looked at Turner but
she could see the wheels turning in his head as he began putting some puzzle
pieces together.

“Shit, Caroline.” Turner said,
somewhat loudly. Caroline looked around the restaurant, a bit alarmed.

“Turner.” She warned, suggesting he
lower his voice.

“That time you started crying when
we watched his music video Hazel Eyes? Holy shit, are you the hazel eyes he
wrote about? And crap, that day on the news where he was at your favorite
coffee shop? That wasn’t a PR stunt, was it? You said you went to Aralia’s that
night. Did you lie to me? Crap, this is all starting to make sense now. I can’t
even believe that you would do that to me, Caroline.” Turner said to her
coldly.

“Turner, I never meant to hurt you.
Logan and I had our fling before you and I ever met. It was over when we met. He
was gone on tour for six months and only got back last week. I just realized
that what I thought I had gotten past and moved on from, I really haven’t.” Caroline
told him, begging forgiveness.

“Well, I have great timing, don’t
I? Proposing to my girlfriend the same week she starts cheating on me?” Turner
accused her.

“Turner, it wasn’t like that!”
Caroline said emphatically, rubbing her hand against her temples to relieve the
ache in her head.

“Just leave, Caroline.” Turner said
coldly, picking up his spoon to finish the lava cake by himself. Caroline sat
there for a few moments but knew that there was nothing else that she could say
right now to make this better and that things were only going to deescalate
from here if she tried.

So, Caroline nodded her head and
tried to hold back her tears. She picked up her purse and her overnight bag and
left the table. As she got to the restaurant doors, she could feel the tears
threatening to burst, so she quickly went out to the sidewalk and hailed a cab.
Luckily, one stopped right away and she hopped in. The moment she sat down, she
burst into tears and held her face in her hands.

“Miss? Where to?” The cab driver
said awkwardly, turning around to look at her. “Miss, are you okay?”

Caroline couldn’t speak, but just
kept crying for a few more minutes. The cab driver rummaged around in his glove
box and came up with an old box of tissues and handed them to her. She smiled
at him in thanks through her tears and tried to calm down, wiping the tear
stains off her face. After another few minutes, she began to get her breathing
under control. The cab driver was still parked in front of the restaurant and
awkwardly glancing back at her, clearly regretting having pulled over to pick
her up.

“I’m sorry,” Caroline told him,
calming down, “I just broke up with my boyfriend.”