Sarah Mine (7 page)

Another piece died as I stared blankly at the spot where his duffle bag had been. “Hill Deveraux’s whore,” I whispered, pressing my face into his pillow.

CHAPTER SIX

Hill

My thumb pressed the shutter, taking perhaps the umpteenth picture of rocks, and I wound to the next frame. Click, whir, click. “Damn, son, you picked a shitty ass day to phone me.”

My shoulders twitched and I looked away from the angry water bashing the gravelly beach. My oldest brother, Jax, walked towards me, his hair misty from the overcast weather.

I went to wind to the next frame and was frustrated when I couldn’t. Tilting my camera back, I discovered I had used up the twenty-four shots. I began to wind the film back into the canister. “You didn’t have to come.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Jax sat down on the beached log with names and dates carved into it. Somewhere on this piece of wood an angry, scared eighteen-year old kid had scratched his name into it. A way for everyone to remember I had been here after Big Jack had kicked me out. “You called. You
never
call.”

Nope. I didn’t. I pressed my thumb against the lock, the back of the camera popped open and I removed the film roll. There were photos of Sarah on here. Who was I kidding? There were photos of her in the bag between my feet. I could pop the top on all of them. Expose them. Turn them black. Then there would be no more photos of Sarah. “Still, you didn’t have to come…here.”

I had been the first one evicted from the family. Jax had been the second. His crime had been falling in love with Allison Durrand. Big Jack wanted to expand his Deveraux empire one fertile egg at a time. The egg, however, could
not
, absolutely not, come from the maid’s beautiful daughter. Big Jack had threatened Jax: his money and future, or the girl. Jax had picked the girl, and just like that, his money for university had dried up, his architectural dreams had vanished…and so had the girl.

Their father was a clever bastard and knew how to fuck up lives. He had also given Allison a proposition: the boy or the money for her to go to Julliard to follow her dreams. She had picked the money and the future. Cold. Cold, cold, cold.

Bitch.

With Matt, my second brother, it had been the same thing because he had been in love with Molly Vale since junior high. There was nothing wrong with Molly unless one put worth on someone’s bank account. And Big Jack sure as hell did that. He had issued the same ultimatum to Matt. Matt had picked the girl. This time the girl had picked Matt. They were still together.

Technically Matt hadn’t been kicked out like Jax and I. He had walked away. That pretty much summed up my older brother. He may have been the jock in the family and built like a linebacker, but he was the calm brother. Aside from the general beating up on his younger brother, I only knew Matt to have thrown one punch in a fight.

And yet it was Jax I called, because I was drowning in my bullshit and my oldest brother had zero tolerance of bullshit. Especially mine. I needed that right now.

All three of us hadn’t lived up to the level of excellence that Big Jack had wanted. He had tried to manipulate us all to be what he wanted and when that hadn’t worked, his use for us was over.

“I’m thinking of visiting Big Jack,” Jax said as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“Bullshit.” Maybe I’d just throw the film into the cove and let the salt water ruin it. I rubbed my thumb along the velvety lip. Visions of what would happen to those images of Sarah made my belly cramp. I found an empty plastic canister and carefully tucked it away. Protecting the film until I found a dark room. “Why would you do that?”

“He didn’t win,” Jax said softly. “He didn’t win and it will piss him off knowing that. How is Sarah mine?”

My hand fisted on the film and I leaned back to shove it into his pocket. “Don’t call her that.” The chuckle from Jax said he knew he had scored a point. Asshole. “Fine. Sober.”

“Really? Good for her. Did she say why?”

I shook my head slowly. No, she hadn’t and I hadn’t asked. I felt Jax staring at me and I fiddled with the camera. “What?”

“Still the little shit, Billy boy. I was going to drag your ass home with me to see Ally, but I think I’m going to leave you here so you can figure your shit out. You’re twenty-fucking-six. Grow up.”

Even though Big Jack had broken up Jax and Ally, he hadn’t succeeded in the end. It had taken a few years and a lot of forgiveness, but Jax had married the girl. “You don’t know shit.”

“I know you’re running,” he said, nodding his head to the bag. “You come here for a reason. Why? To piss off Big Jack? To romp in Sarah mine’s bed? To visit the glory days of being a Deveraux? Why? You’re the only one of us who keeps coming back. Why?” He stood and I gazed up at my oldest brother. “Call me when you know.”

I didn’t want to figure out why I came back. That was something I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to confront. “How about a ride to the airport?”

Jax stared at me with cool grey eyes. He may wear a fancy suit while he drew fancy buildings, but there was no mistaking that beneath the civilized veneer he was still the big brother who had kicked my ass more than once. “How about you get a fucking clue? See you soon, son. Call me when you really need me.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Jax lifted his hand in acknowledgement and walked toward a slick-looking Mercedes SUV. They were paying him way too much to draw buildings. Within minutes my ride out of Pierce Point was gone. So much for a rescue. So much for loyalty.

Deverauxs.

You just can’t trust them when you need to.

Sarah

The last person I expected to find on my front step was Jax Deveraux. I blinked a few times. Yes, that was Jax with his short, dark blonde hair and tall, lanky strength. “Jax.”

“Hello, Sarah mine.”

My eyes filled with tears and I threw myself at him. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected a white knight to show up in my life. He had come to see me in the hospital, looking like some vengeful angel. Pissed. He had been so mad. Jax had been the one who paid for my time at rehab. There was one requirement: if I fell off the wagon within the first year, I had to pay him in full. For everything. Including the small personal loan that had gotten me out from above Brandi’s and into my house. Every day he would phone: “Hello, Sarah mine. Are you sober today?” On the one-year anniversary of my sobriety, he had torn up the contract, hugged me, and walked away.

On my two-year sober-versary, as he called it, he had taken me into the Pierce Point cemetery. There he had shown me a modest marker that read Sarah Jane James October 15, 1989. “I found your next home,” he said to me. “What do you think? A little smaller than your apartment but really, how much space will you take up?”

On my three-year sober-versary he gave me a job. He flew me from Vancouver Island to Toronto where I drew a sad five year old girl the bedroom of her dreams: a castle on one wall, a fairy garden on another, and in the clouds above her head, smiling images of the little girl’s family that had been killed by a drunk driver.

Jax Deveraux was not subtle with his lessons.

“What are you doing here?”

He hugged me back, lifting me and walking me inside. “I ask myself that every time I come to this shit hole of a town. More importantly, what are
you
doing here?”

I shrugged as I let go of the man responsible for me being alive. If he hadn’t come along I probably would’ve tried something far more successful. I had hit my bottom and saw no way out. Jax had helped me find a way out of my rock bottom.

He took off his coat and followed me into the living room. He tossed it on the armchair then pointed at me. “You’ve been crying.”

“Well…you know.”

“I can figure it out. Six-two, bit of a shit head, always has a camera in his hands? Did you tell him?”

“No.” I sat on the couch and Jax sat in the chair, looking at me with a serious expression on his face. One that said he didn’t want any of my excuses or bullshit. “No, I didn’t. He’s not going to care, Jax.”

“Wow. You really don’t think highly of my brother.” Jax flicked a piece of lint off his slacks. “Good enough to fuck but not good enough to give your secrets to?”

“Hill doesn’t want my secrets.” He doesn’t even want me.

Steel grey eyes pinned me to the couch. “Do not underestimate Hill, Sarah.”

“He won’t care. He doesn’t. I’m the Pierce Point fuck. A girl in every port, right?” I fiddled with the hem of my jeans and wished there was something to drink.

Damn it.

“Perhaps at one point. I don’t think there’s been much porting going on with him. You need to tell him, Sarah. This is a small fucking town that thrives on gossip. Someone is going to tell him and it should come from you.”

I shrugged. Hill was gone. What did it matter? “Are you threatening to tell him? You promised not to.” Shit. What would I do if Jax picked Hill over me? I didn’t have a lot of people on Team Sarah. Someone needed to be on my team or else I was going to smash apart. Pieces, pieces everywhere.

“And wasn’t that a bad decision on my part? No, I won’t tell him.
You
tell him. This is serious stuff, Sarah. He deserves to know.”

Yeah, I thought as I looked away. No one on Team Sarah. “Right,” I said softly. “So I can tell him I sobered up because I overdosed, and then what? What will he do, Jax? Stay? Suddenly, miraculously–” I swallowed my words.

“Love you?”

Wow, he didn’t need to say it like it was impossible and improbable. I already knew that. Having Hill’s oldest brother rub the fact that Hill would never love me in my face was not what I needed hours after waking up to find him gone. Yeah, I knew exactly where I belonged in Hill Deveraux’s life. And that was in bed, flat on my back. “Can you go? I’m tired.”

Jax swore as I stood. “Damn it. Sarah–”

“I know where I fit in his life, Jax. I’ve known since I was fifteen years old and he treated me like a doormat to wipe his shitty boots on. I’ve known since I was seventeen and we had sex. Drunk or sober, I know exactly what I am to him, because he’s not here, is he? Telling him what happened isn’t going to change a thing. Do you know why?” I met his gaze, hating the tears that slipped free. “Because he still left. I know you came here for him and not me so go get him. He needs someone right now and he doesn’t want it to be me.”

Pressing my hand against my stomach, I walked into my studio and locked the door. I slid down the door, folded my arms over my head and did what I had vowed never to do again. I cried over Hill Deveraux.

Again.

Hill

What the hell was I doing? Dragging my hand down my face, I pressed the doorbell. I shouldn’t be here. I should be trying to get as far away from Pierce Point as humanly possible. Jax wasn’t the only means out. I found a ride at eighteen; I could find one at twenty-six.

Instead, I was standing on a familiar porch, ringing a doorbell. I had never, in all the years I had known Sarah, rung her doorbell. And didn’t that just up my asshole quotient for the day.

The door opened and I stared in confusion. Why was Jax in Sarah’s house?

“She’s crying. Fix it.”

I grabbed the front of my brother’s shirt and shoved him hard against the interior wall. “And why, big brother, is she crying?”

Jax slapped off my grip then smoothed down the front of his expensive wool coat. “Well it sure as fuck isn’t over me. Like I said, William, fix it.”

I watched my brother walk down the sidewalk to his slick vehicle that I hadn’t noticed before. Fuck. If Jax had hurt her, I was going to kill him. I was going to bloody up all that slick shit clothing Jax wore and make him hurt. I lowered my duffle bag and backpack to the floor then shut the door. I called out for her. “Sarah?”

Crouching down, I unlaced the battered hiking boots I had thrown on when I had slipped out this morning. They were easier to wear than carry. I looked up and Sarah stood there, tears still on her cheeks, her eyes red and puffy.

That was it.

Jax was dead.

“You left.”

“I came back.”

“You left.”

Yeah. I had. Nodding, I stood up and toed off the heavy boots. “Just catching a head start on the kicking me out of your house.” She nodded as she wiped impatiently at her cheek. “Got as far as the cove.” I walked to her, nerves pricking at my skin. “Realized I had some unfinished business.” Okay, had it shoved in my face but it was still a realization. It counted.

“Big Jack.”

I shook my head as I cupped her face and gently brushed my thumbs over her eyes. “Sad Sarah.”

She repeated the words and I nodded. I wanted to know why my brother had been here. Why the hell would Jax come see Sarah? My brother was ten years older than her and happily married to a woman I still didn’t entirely trust to not rip his heart out a second time. Not that I suspected the two of them were having an affair. Jax knew Sarah was…

I mentally shrugged off the end of that sentence. But what the hell was going on?

“Why are you crying?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Searching her eyes, I rolled the question around in my head. When her lashes started to lower, I tilted her head up. I was getting damn tired of her always hiding from me. “No,” I answered and saw the flinch in her eyelashes. “Because it probably means I hit the asshole bull’s eye again.” And wasn’t that getting tiresome? “Unless it was Jax hitting the asshole button then I’ll go kick his ass. Sure, I’ll get a beat-down but I’ll take the bastard down with me.” I rubbed my thumb over her mouth, then met her teary gaze.

“You came back. You
never
come back.”

What was she saying? Hadn’t she been paying attention over the years? I
always
came back.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Hill

I traced the graceful line of Sarah’s spine. She was so damn beautiful as she lay on her bed, her body sated and soft. It was nice to know that even without her mind impaired by booze and drugs, Sarah Jane James was a sensual being. More so now, I decided, because she was right there with me. “You are,” I said, leaning down to kiss the small of her back, “by far,” I kissed the slight curve at her waist, “the sexiest woman,” I gave the swell of her ass a bite and enjoyed the surprised gasp from her, “I know.”