Sara's Soul (5 page)

“I have to tell you something,” he said seriously, a tear forming in the corner of his eye.

“Okay.” Sara placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “What do you want to tell me?”

“It’s Lily, my wife. She visited me last night.”

“Really? What do you mean? Did you have a dream about her?”

“No, it wasn’t a dream. I was tossing and turning all night. I haven’t slept much since she passed. And then there was this light coming through my doorway. And Lily just appeared. She was so beautiful, and she smiled at me.”

“Did she say anything?”

“Yes. She said, ‘I love you, and I am always with you.’ And I felt so uplifted and comforted.”

“That’s wonderful, Mr. Benson. I’m glad you were able to experience something that helped with your grief.”

“I figured you would understand, Sara,” he said. “Because of what you told me the day she died. You saw things. You knew things.”

“It’s not the same,” she said.

“Oh, but it is. I realized that all of these ‘gifts,’
they must come from God. Otherwise, why would a churchgoing man like me have something like that happen? I do everything by the book. I follow the rules. I would never invite anything evil or sinister into my life. This was different. It was so loving, so uplifting. God allowed my Lily to visit me because I needed her to.”

“I’ve never seen a spirit, Mr. Benson,” Sara said. “And I certainly don’t claim to communicate with the dead. I only see and feel death. That’s all.”

“But God must have given that ability to you,” he insisted. “He wants you to do something with it. He wants you to serve others. I was afraid that day when you knew details about my wife’s death. It scared the living daylights out of me. It made me angry. But I also saw something in your eyes that I tried to dismiss. I tried to convince myself it was just a lie or trickery. I now know it wasn’t.”

“What did you see?”

“I saw compassion. You wanted to help me, Sara. I know you did.”

A lump formed in Sara’s throat as she fought back tears. She was always filled with so much emotion and many times it wasn’t even her own feelings. “You’re right about that,” she agreed. “My heart ached for you. It still does.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate that. I’m sorry I was too angry and stubborn to recognize you for what you really were. You’re not a demon or a witch. You’re an angel in disguise.”

“I’m no angel, Mr. Benson,” she said.

“Don’t doubt yourself, Sara,” he advised. “You’re more valuable than you know. I have a feeling some pretty big things are in store for you.”

“Thanks, Mr. Benson,” she said. “I appreciate your apology and your vote of confidence. It means a lot to me. And like I said the day your wife passed, if you ever need anything, please let me know.”

“Thank you, Sara,” he said sincerely. “I’m glad we had this talk.”

***

Sara walked back to her house and went inside. She was surprised by Mr. Benson’s comments and his change of heart, but thankful he no longer thought she was evil. He seemed to have a complete turnaround where she was concerned. His so-called visit with Mrs. Benson gave him a new appreciation for the paranormal. He truly believed she had come to him. So many people believed their loved ones visited from beyond. Why couldn’t she see what they saw? It didn’t seem fair.

Her mother claimed to be a psychic medium, so if spirit communication was real, it would only make sense that Sara should be able to do it, too. But she couldn’t. Why would she see death and not the life that followed? Why would she feel the suffering of the dying without experiencing the relief that Heaven brought? It didn’t make any sense.

She clicked on the television to divert her thoughts for a while. An evening drama played, and Sara zoned out, hardly paying attention to the hospital scene between a doctor and his suffering patient.

“Empathy,” a man’s voice on the television said. “It allows you to experience what others feel.”

Sara sat up straighter, taking notice of what was transpiring on the screen.
It sure does
, she thought.

“But doctor,” a woman’s voice responded. “What would be the purpose in that? Don’t you have enough pain of your own without taking on someone else’s?”

“I do,” he said. “But empathy makes me better able to help people. If I can feel what they feel, I can understand them. I can reach them.”

Could seeing and feeling how someone dies actually allow Sara to help people? She didn’t see how the gruesome details of someone’s death could help anyone. But what about the feelings the deceased had for those they left behind? Could knowing those emotions help the bereaved in some way? Was Sara’s suffering meant to bring understanding?

The ringing of the phone interrupted her thoughts. Chip had promised to call, and since she rarely got phone calls, she knew it must be him. To her, Chip represented not only a chance at love, but possibly a way to finally escape death’s fierce hold on her. She picked up the receiver eagerly anticipating what lay ahead.

A thrill of excitement rushed through Sara’s body as she heard his voice. She couldn’t wait to see him again. Her feelings were welcome but foreign. It had been a long time since she had felt hopeful or excited about anything.

“Are you busy tonight?” he asked.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” she said teasingly.

“Oh,” he said, disappointed. “What’s going on?”

“Well, I’m seeing my boyfriend tonight.”

Chip was silent.

“Hello? Chip? Are you still there?”

“
I’m here,” he said quietly.

“What’s wrong? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Silence again. Then Chip cleared his throat. “You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” he replied sadly. “I was under the impression you were single. Why have you been spending so much time with me if you already have a boyfriend?”

“You misunderstood, Chip, I meant—”

“Clearly I did, Sara,” he said, interrupting. “I’m so sorry to bother you.”

“No, silly,” she said. “I meant you. I’m seeing
you
tonight.
You’re
my boyfriend. We’ve been pretty much inseparable for a few months now. I thought our relationship was understood.”

Chip let out a sigh of relief. “Whew. You had me for a minute there,” he chuckled. “Yes, we’re definitely a couple, at least in my mind. I didn’t know for sure if you felt the same way. And I certainly didn’t want to pressure you into anything. I know how hard things are for you. Is it okay if I come over to your place? Maybe in an hour?”

“Of course,” she said. Sara regretted teasing him like that. She was just trying to have a little fun, something she typically did very little of. She remembered how Jimmy said he wanted a girl who was more fun. She didn’t want Chip to feel that way, too, so she thought she’d throw in a harmless joke. But she didn’t expect him to respond the way he did. He seemed really bothered by the thought that she was seeing someone else.
He must be as interested in me as I am in him,
she thought. She made a mental note to try to be upfront with him about her feelings and intentions. If she wanted their relationship to last, honesty was the best path. She didn’t want to screw things up. Chip was her best chance at a more normal life, and after all she had been through, she intended to take it.

Sara gave Chip directions and happily hung up the phone. Just the thought of being with Chip made her feel like a giddy schoolgirl. Now, it was time to get ready for her date. She flicked on her gold floor lamp, opened the cedar doors to her closet, and picked out a cute sage floral dress and jean jacket. She was going for the comfortable and casual yet pretty look. She then combed her wavy reddish hair and pulled the top of it back, leaving a layer of hair down. Next came the makeup, soft slate eye shadow, navy eyeliner, and black mascara. Sara topped it all off with a quick mist of lavender body spray. She was ready.

It felt so good not to be obsessed with her escape from life. Not so long ago, she had almost succeeded in killing herself, and now she was about to have an official date with a wonderful man—someone who wasn’t scared off by her and didn’t think she was weird or crazy. What were the chances of that? Sara found it odd how quickly life could change. She didn’t know how long this sudden and rare feeling of contentment would last, and she didn’t care. Any little bit of light that appeared in her life was welcome. She had spent far too much time in a cloud of darkness and despair. She deserved a little bit of happiness, however fleeting it may be.

Now I’ll whip up a little something for dinner. Chip will be surprised.
She thought for a moment and then an idea sprang into her mind. She settled on roast beef, scalloped potatoes, and multigrain rolls. Rounding out the meal would be a nice bottle of chardonnay.

As Sara prepared dinner, she hummed a little tune. Her mind was filled with thoughts of Chip. He appeared out of nowhere and seemed the perfect match for her. She felt like she was meant to be with him. But why did he come into her life now? Why, when she was on the brink of suicide, would she meet the man of her dreams? Was this destiny? She once again remembered the bizarre dream with her mother. It had seemed so real, even though she was convinced it was likely just a dream. That was certainly enough to make her postpone her exit from this life for a while. She had to wait and see how this all played out.

Before long, the doorbell rang and Sara hurried to the door to let Chip in. As she flung open the door, her heart melted. There, standing on her porch, was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. He wore a simple royal-blue T-shirt and Levis that hugged his fit body, but he looked like an angel who had come to save her. His kind blue eyes gazed upon her with affection, and he held a beautiful bouquet of white roses. When he saw her, Chip smiled lovingly, his eyes lighting up like orbs of shiny polished glass.

“Come in,” she said. “Thanks for the flowers. That was very sweet of you.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful,” he replied.

She gently set the bouquet of roses down on the coffee table and turned around. Chip wrapped his arms around her and then began kissing her with a passion she had never known. Their lips soon melted together, and she could no longer tell where his ended and hers began. As he pulled away, she fell to the couch, breathless.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m moving too fast.”

Sara laughed to herself. She had never had sex so soon after meeting a guy, and she had never wanted to. She preferred to get to know a guy first, going on several dates before deciding if she wanted to sleep with him. But somehow she didn’t feel like she needed to get to know Chip. They had gotten to know each other pretty well these couple of months while hanging out together on campus. Sara felt her pulse quicken as she imagined what making love with him would feel like. She wanted him now. And in her mind, he wasn’t moving fast enough. She had waited for this her whole life.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m fine. Now how about some dinner? I made roast beef and scalloped potatoes.”

“That sounds great,” he replied. “I love roast beef. In fact, I had a craving for it this afternoon.”

“Glad to be able to satisfy your craving.” She winked as she guided him to the kitchen, where their meal awaited.

Chip and Sara enjoyed their dinner. They talked like longtime friends, sharing intimate details of their lives. Conversation came easily with him, and Sara didn’t mind answering his questions and exposing a side of herself that few men had ever known. When they finished eating, Chip wiped the corner of his mouth with his napkin and smiled approvingly.

“Thank you. That was delicious. Now what’s for dessert?”

Sara didn’t know what came over her, but the words left her mouth before she had time to think about them. “Oh, don’t you know, Chip?
I’m
the dessert.”

He looked surprised, but smirked. “Sara. I never took you for a naughty girl. I was certain you were the sweet and innocent type. Was I wrong about you?”

Sara sighed and sunk into her chair. “No, you were right. I’m definitely the sweet and innocent type. I never sleep with a man until I’ve really gotten to know him well. And I’ve only ever slept with a few men in my whole life. I’m a good girl.”

“Whew. You scared me for a minute there. I thought I had misjudged you,” he said with a wink.

“Yeah. You seem to know me quite well—only I
was
totally serious,” she smiled flirtatiously. “I don’t feel like I need to get to know you better. In fact, I already feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”

“Really? That’s funny because I feel the exact same way.”

They began to kiss again, and Sara felt tingles of electricity coursing through her body. She shivered. Chip stopped kissing her and looked at her, his eyes wide with concern. “Are you sure this is what you want?
”

“Positive,” she said, planting gentle kisses on his warm neck.

He scooped her up into his strong arms and carried her to the bedroom, where they began to make love. Their kisses were like sweet melodies, their rhythm a glorious symphony. Their bodies melded together in a loving fusion of completeness as they succumbed to their building passion. Chip was everything Sara expected him to be, a gentle, yet passionate, lover who wanted nothing more than to just love her and please her. She felt as if they were one body, one mind, one soul. Everything was as it should be. The sensations between them escalated into a glorious eruption of pure ecstasy. They lay there breathless in each other’s arms. And Sara was quite certain that she would never again love another man. She was complete.