Sati (5 page)

'Sure. I tell her I smoke it occasionally, which I do. She doesn't approve. If only she knew...'

'Would she leave you?'I asked.

'I don't like to think about it.'

We decided to build Jenny a sand-castle. We had a respectable moat in place when Nick got the idea to bury Jenny up to her chin behind the sand walls.I had my doubts. She didn't have on her swimming suit

,and the largest waves werealready brushing our castle's outer perimeter. Ic ould see Linda freaking out later when she heard about her nightmare-plagued child being buried in front of an advancing tide. But Jenny loved the idea.While Nickdug a holefor her, she pulled her dress off over her head. A few minutes later she was buried so securely that she couldn't budge an inch.

And so we spent until sunset frantically repairing the walls ofthecastle, with our princess in distress alternately pleading with us to keep her dry, and laughing with us when she got splashed. Finally, however, nature got the best of us. A particularly large foamy wave disinte-grated our castle walls in one stroke. Jenny swallowed a mouthful of seawater before we could pull her outBut she giggled all the
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harder, and I wasn't worried about any psychological trauma.

On the way home,with Jenny again dancing ahead of us, Nick asked me again about my day. I told him about David's cosigning for my loan.

'Must be nice to be rolling in the dough like him,'Nick observed.

'When I get the other trucks, I'll be able to offer you a job.'

'If you offer it, I'll take it,'he said.

'You don't think I'm getting in over my head, do you?"

He looked at me seriously.'Youknow, Mike, I hate to say this,but I sometimes think I made a mistake talking you into asking Linda to the high school prom.'

It hurt - thatI was so transparent. He could see why I wanted the loan. And he thought I was wasting my time.' But if you hadn't,we wouldn't have had Jenny to play with today,'I said.

'Yeah.'

'Look, we're still talking. We're working on it.'

'You're working on it. Linda's talking because she wants to be a counsellor, and their job is to talk.'

I lowered my head.' You're depressing me.'

Nick patted me on the back.' Hey, I'm just a dope dealer.What the hell do I know?'

Suddenly, I remembered Sati's meeting. I checked my watch. It was seventhirty. I was curious what she would have to say, and whether anyone would respond to her flyer.

'Nick, do you want to meet God?'I asked.

'Huh?'

'I've gotth is girl back at my place who says she's God. Want to hear her talk?'

Nick was interested.' What's she look like?'

'Awesome. Totally awesome.'

'Sure.'

His reaction didnot surprise me. Itwas after all,SouthernCalifornia. Havethe right deity and it was a snap to get disciples.

FOUR

Fred met us at the door of my apartmentA glance inside told me someone had been cleaning up.' Sati wants to know if she can use your place for her meeting,'he said.

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Fred had on dress slacks and a long-sleeved shirt. He'd even washed his face and brushed back his hair.

I hardly recognised him.' Tell her if she's God,'I said,' she should know whether I'll let her use it or not.

Who's been playing housekeeper here?"

'Satidid most of the work. And she said you would let us use the place, but that I should ask you anyway.'

Sati had placed my best chair at the end of the room and covered it with a white sheet. Presumably that was where she was going to sit. Roses had been arranged in a vase on the corner table beside the chair.

'But the flyer directed them to your place,'I said.

'I'm to wait down there and direct them up here.'

'She told you that''

'Yeah,'Fred said.' And I know what you're going to say, that I shouldn't listen to her because she's crazy

.'

'Well, now that you mention it'

Fred lowered his voice and spoke confidentially. Nick, who was carrying Jenny, had to lean closer to hear.'I spent the whole day with her,'Fred said.' I've never seen anyone like her.
Eve
r
ything
goes her way. We went to the bank on Third Street to see if we could use their community room for another meeting she wants to hold tomorrow night We talked to the bank president. At first he said we had to me et all these conditions: we had to be a registered non-profit society, we had to fill out an application; we had to make reservations a month in advance - all this crap. But then she just started talking to him, telling him she was God, and that she needed the room tomorrow. And he gave it to her!'

'I've got to see this woman,'Nick said.

'You'll like her,'Jenny reassured him.

'He gave her the room because she's pretty and charm-ing,'I said.' I knew her two minutes and bought her breakfast. It doesn'tmean a thing.'

Fred wasn't convinced.' She's got something, Mike. I don't know what it is, but it's something.'

The glint in his eyes had me concerned.'H ave you seen Linda?'I asked.

'Yeah,'Fred said.' She was here a moment ago. She went out looking for you. What about Sati using your apartment?'

'Tell her ... what the hell, tell her OK.'

Nick went downstairs to see if Mary had returned. Fred headed for his apartment. I went searching for clothes for Jenny. I'd only just got her into a fresh pair of trousers|, when David Stone and Mrs. Hutchins on appeared in the doorway.

'Fred told us this was the place,'David said.

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I smiled.' Welcome to the ashram. I'm surprised to see you here, Mrs Hutchinson.'

She scowled.' Someone's got to stand up against this nonsense. That girl's got her whole life in front of her. I'm not going to let her throw it away. I'm going to give her a goodt alking-to, and she's going to listen.'

A few minutes later, a young couple showed up. They looked and acted completely normal. All they asked was if this was where the meeting was to be held. I might have struck up a conversation with them, and inquired if they didn't have a better way to spend their Monday night, when a mother and teenage daughter appeared, followed quickly by a middle-aged man. Incredibly, none of the people appeared unusual. Itwas now minutes before eight o'clock.

Linda poked her head inside the door.' Is this really happening?'she asked.

The group glanced at her, and the mother and daughter fidgeted slightly. Jenny had taken a seat on the floor near Sati's chair. She hardly noticed Linda's entrance. I ushered Linda on to my patio.

'Why not stay?'I asked.' Jenny's been looking forward to seeing Satiall day.'

To my amazement,Linda did not protest.' As long as she isn't kept up too late. Did she give you any trouble?"

'No,'I said.' I got the loan.'

Linda smiled, but it was a polite reflex. And all the hassle with the bank was aimed at getting her back,I thought' I'm glad,'she said.

Nick returned. He said Mary was still out. Since our guests had already monopolised the couch, the three of us decided to take a seat against the wall furthest from the sheet-draped chair. Fred reappeared a moment later and joined Jenny on the floor up front.

At precisely eight o'clock, Sati entered.

She had changed. Her dress was no different, and she was wearing her hair the same as when I had picked her up, loose over her shoulders. Her serene expression was also as I remembered. Yet it was as though I were seeing her for the first time. I did not know why that was so.

Taking a seat on the covered chair, she slowly scanned the room, her big eyes lingering for several seconds on each person. I was the last one she came to, and with me she smiled. I found myself holding my breath, and had consciously to tell myself to exhale.

'We will start with a few minutes of silence with eyes closed,'she said, addressing the group.' During these few minutes, do not mind how you feel or what you're thinking. Just be comfortable. I will signal when to open your eyes.'She resettled herself in her chair and folded her hands in her lap.' Close your eyes.'

Normally, I consider myself a relaxed person, though there is always the odd spell when I can't sit still.

When Sati told us to close our eyes, I feared I was in for one of those times. All of a sudden, the last thing I wanted to do was be motionless. It was like someone had sprinkled an itchy powder directly on to my nervous system. A couple of minutes of this went by. I considered getting up and leaving.

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Then something unexpected happened. Just when I thought I couldn't sit there a moment more, I began to relax. But it was much more than simple relaxation. A delicious warmth started to spread from my chest while, I, paradoxically, a cool current began to flow across my forehead. Both sensations were remarkably pleasant. As my attention went to them, I noticed the muscles along my spine twitching, letting go. Pretty soon I was so comfortable I was sure I was going to fall asleep. Yet quite the opposite happened.

My mind started to float, yet my thoughts drifted past with crystal clarity. It was as if I could see them, as if they were somehow separate from myself. The question of what was happening to me also floated by, but not the answer, and I really didn't care. I felt I could sit there for ever and ever.

Sati spoke. Her voice seemed to come from far off. How perfect it sounded to me right then, despite the fact that she was interrupting my peace. Soft and deep, rich with a young girl's sweetness. She was telling us to open our eyes, I did as requested.

Everyone in the room appeared to have been as settled as I was. Linda was having trouble getting her eyelids to stay up. She turned my way, and I could have sworn the last ten years had never happened to her. There wasn't a line on her face.

'Did I fall asleep?'she whispered.

'Did you?'I asked.

She frowned, checking her watch.' I must have. Ah alf-hour's gone by.'

I had to check my own watch to believe her. Sleep must have caught me unaware, too, I decided.

Sitting on the other side of Linda, Nick smiled and shook his head,equally amazed at the passage of time.

'Thank you all for coming,'Satibegan.' This will be the first time I have spoken publicly, and for that reason, tonight is special for all of us.'

She paused, again carefully taking in everyone in the room. A solitary corner lamp was the room's only source of lightHer blue eyes sparkled through the dimness.' My name is Sati. It is a name none of you consciously recognise, an ancient name you may translate as the word God
.
I am God. But I am not the one you imagine when you think the word God.Iam-beyond your imagination and your thoughts. My nature is divine. It is indescribable; therefore, I will shy away from words while I describe it to you. I say

"shy"for I know in the days to come we will inevitably exchange many words. Such is your state that you depend almost exclusively upon words for understanding. But do not feelb elittledby my last comment.

You are all great. You are all divine. You are the same as myself. Just now you caught a faint glimpse of yourself, and almost saw me. When I talk, I talk to myself. There is only one of us here.'

She grinned, even laughed a little, and I noticed she wast ugging on her hair.'B ut if none of this has meaning to you, accept me as a girl. I ama girl, a very young one at that. I like to play. You will ask why I am here, what profound purpose my coming foretells. You will be disappointed to hear I have no particular purpose in coming. I am here because it suits me to be here. This world, this entire creation, is my playground. I made it to play in, for you to find delight in. The purpose of your lives is to expandmy joy, which is already infinite. Can you honestly imagine any other reason for being here?'

She plucked a rose from the vase and began to caress the petals.' Still, I know you will want a message from me. When I'm asked a question I find it difficult not to answer. I
do
hear your prayers. And if you
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listen closely right now, you willreceive all the spoken wisdom from this girl that you are going to receive.

But do not feel you have to believe what I say. I don't ask for your belief. I never ask anything from anybody.

'You were not born to suffer. If, in spite of what I tell you now, you choose to be miserable, then you do so for your own sake, not for mine. There is hardly a religious or mystical tradition in the world that does not describe God as eternal bliss. This being so, why should anyone suffer for God? It makes no sense.

Therefore, my first and deepest wish for all of you is to be happy. Just that simple - be happy.

'On the other hand, I do understand that you allsuffer, to one extent or another. I will tell you why. You have lost the awareness of the two sides of my nature, of your nature. I am silent and I am active. I ambo thsimultaneously. You are both, too, but you experience only your active side. You have forgotten your inner being, which is pure silence. You search endlessly for permanent happiness in a place where nothing is permanent. Here I am getting philosophical, and that is a shame because truth is always very simple.

There is a state that you as a human being can aspire to that includes an awareness of both sides of my nature, a state beyond all sorrow. Call it what you will. Your oldest traditions give it many names. "Sati"

is one of them.

'Enjoy your life. No curse hangs over you, nor did it ever. No devilc hases after your soul. Sing and dance and be merry. But in your play, remember that the goal of the game - and there is a goal- is to find me. How you reach this goal, I will not tell you. I respect your free will,and 1do so love a good drama, although I begin to tire of the tragedies you continue to play. Don't simply knock and wait for the door to be opened. Go look for the keys. Some fit the lock better than others.'