Savage Splendor (Savage Lagonda 2) (27 page)

"Answer my question now, Mara. Did you enjoy the Frenchman's kiss?"

"No!" she shouted. "I was repelled by him, is that what you want to hear?"

"Only if it is the truth."

"I did not like him touching me." She found she could no longer look into Tajarez's eyes, but stared at a point just behind him. "It was like a nightmare. He forced me to go away with him. He was talking crazy, saying I bewitched him. He . . . he put his hands on me. It was horrible."

He tilted her chin up to him, and she saw his throat muscles working convulsively. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing," she whispered, remembering the dreadful ordeal. "Palomas found me just in time. He killed Du Lac."

Tajarez's hand strayed to her mouth, and he touched her lips gently. "I cannot bear to think that another man ..." He lowered his head and his lips fused with hers.

Mara tried to pull away, but he would not release her. Holding her in a vise-grip, his lips ravished her. There was no passion in his kiss, she sensed only anger. She was making whimpering noises as he ground his mouth against hers. Mara was never to know what would have happened had Andrew not chosen that moment to awaken. When Tajarez heard the baby crying he released her, and she fell backwards, landing on the soft fur robe that did little to cushion her fall.

"See to your son," he said as he turned away from her and lay down on the fur robe. Great Father, he thought, he had wanted to punish her, to make her feel the pain he was feeling.

Mara gathered Andrew into her arms and lay down across the tent from Tajarez. She had not understood anything that had happened tonight. Why had Tajarez reacted so- strangely about Du Lac? It was not as if he really cared about her. Perhaps he was one of those men who was jealous of any woman he became intimate with—but that did not make sense. What happened between her and Du Lac had happened before she and Tajarez had ever made love.

"I pity your poor wife," Mara said as she looked at Tajarez's rigid back. "Does she have any idea how you pursue other women?"

He rolled over to face her, and she was surprised to see he had a look of amusement on his face.

"I do not pursue other women, Mara, only you."

"How do you think your wife would feel about me?"

"That remains to be seen. You could always ask her."

Mara's face burned red, and she looked away from him. It was hard to think she would soon have to face the woman she had wronged. "I wish you would go away and leave me in peace. I feel defiled by you." Her voice came out louder than she intended it to, and she blinked as his eyes became swirling, dark storm centers. He rolled to his feet and advanced on her. She was lying down and there was no way she could get away from him. He lowered his body down beside her, and, moving Andrew over, pinned her body to the fur robe with the weight of his own.

"So you feel defiled by me, do you?" The tone of his voice sent tiny shivers of fear climbing up her spine to prickle at the nerve center at the back of her neck.

"Yes! Yes!" she cried.

The dark look on his face was enough to convince her that she faced death at his mighty hands. She gasped as his hands moved upward to play with the nerve that was pulsing madly in her throat. Then he circled her delicate neck.

"If you feel degraded by my touch, perhaps you should remember our conversation earlier. I did not force you to lie with me. You were all too willing for me to take you. Do you resent the fact that you allowed an Indian to penetrate your white body?"

Mara shook her head no. She had not thought of him as anything but a man she loved. Oh God, how she loved him. She was being torn apart inside loving him and wanting him to make love to her, knowing it was wrong. Perhaps his jealousy tonight had been because he cared for her a little.

His dark eyes roved over her lovely face. "All right, then, do you resent the fact that I desire you, and you wanted me to make love to you?"

"No, yes, I suppose I do. I am tortured by the fact that I have evidently been so free with my favors."

"I am saddened that you are suffering so needlessly over this, Mara." He wanted to tell her the truth. She was his wife, and he had every right to make love to her, and she need not feel guilty about her feelings for him. He wanted to tell her that no man had ever entered her body with the exception of him. He wanted to shout to her that Andrew was his son. He felt guilty that he had been unable to wait to make love to her until they reached the Cities. If he had been stronger, Mara would not be living in torment. He thought of the Frenchman who had wanted her, and became eaten up again with jealousy.

"Mara." His mouth circled her lips, and he did not miss the moan that escaped her throat. "Did you not feel desire when the man Du Lac kissed you?" His voice was deep and raspy.

"No."

"I am jealous of every word that man spoke to you. I do not like the thought that he touched your lips with his mouth." Tajarez's mouth settled on hers, as if, by sheer force of his will, his lips would burn his ownership onto her, erasing all traces of another man kissing the sweet lips that should only know his kiss.

Mara's body craved closer contact with his. He was lying on top of the fur robe, and she resented that there was anything between them. As if he read her thoughts, he slipped underneath the covers with her. She remembered her promise to herself and pulled away from him.

"No, Mara," he growled in her ear. "Do not fight me. You know you want me as I want you. To deny me is to lend a lie to your true feelings."

"You will take all I have and leave me with nothing," came her weak protest.

"All I take from you I shall return a hundred fold. I will take the pleasure of your body, but I shall also give pleasure back to you," he said gruffly.

So much for her restraint, she thought. His hands and body were wreaking havoc with her mind. She was no match for his seductive powers. Would any woman be, she wondered. Her hands moved over his back and she felt a scar. She had noticed before that there was a twin scar on the front of his chest, as if his body had been penetrated by some sharp instrument that had entered either the back or the front and come out the other side. She tried to concentrate on the scar instead of on his hands, which were now moving over her hips to her thigh.

"What happened?" she said, rolling her head from side to side as his hands parted her legs.

His lips brushed hers and she gasped. "What happened?" he questioned.

She could feel his hard maleness against her, and she tried to remember the question. "The scar, on your back and chest," she said breathlessly.

He was silent for so long she thought he chose not to answer or was ignoring her question.

He nibbled at her ear, and his warm breath stirred her hair. "I was near-mortally wounded by the Kiowa." His hand had moved up to her waist and he raised his head to look at her.

"From the extent of the scar, it must have been very bad," she said, beginning to regain some of her control.

His eyes seemed to move lovingly over her face. "Yes, I would have died had not someone very brave intervened and saved my life."

"One of your warriors?"

"No, the woman who is now my queen. She drove a knife into the Kiowa chief who was about to end my life, with no fear for her own safety."

Mara wished she had kept her curiosity to herself. She struggled out of Tajarez's arms and moved away from him, turning her back. She did not want to hear about the woman who was so virtuous, beautiful, and now brave as well. She had seen the way Tajarez's eyes had become soft when he spoke of his wife. It was like a sharp knife in her heart.

Tajarez turned her over to face him, and she closed her eyes.

"I am very tired. I want to go to sleep," she told him.

"Mara." He did not fail to see the tiny teardrops that escaped from her tightly closed eyes. It had been a mistake for him to try to make love to her. He must be strong for her sake. Her heart ached for what she was suffering. He could only imagine what it must be like for her not to know who she was and to be thrown into a world with people she did not fully understand. He brushed a golden curl from her face.

Andrew began to stir and Tajarez reached for him and placed him into Mara's waiting arms. He envied his tiny son as he began to nurse at his mother's breast.

21

As a glimmer of my past unfolds.

I wonder what the future holds.

Mara could see the tall, majestic mountains in the distance. They were blanketed with snow, taking on the appearance of a winter fantasyland. As she stood there viewing the countryside, she felt that she was witnessing a virgin land, one untouched by man. She was awed by the beauty of it.

Jeffery rode up beside her and handed Andrew into her arms. He noticed her preoccupation with the surroundings, and remembered what it had felt like to be witnessing it for the first time. When he and Mara had first come to this place, they had stared in wonder at the beauty of it.

He dismounted and then lifted Mara from her horse. "It is beautiful, is it not?" he said, leading her over the deep snow to a place of solitude behind a pine tree where she could nurse her son in privacy.

Mara waited as he dusted the heavy snow from a large rock so she could sit down. She was still angry with him. "Yes it is lovely. I can imagine nowhere on earth that rivals this place in beauty," she said at last. She opened her gown so Andrew could nurse. "You must be anxious to see your wife and son. I am sorry that you had to leave them because of me."

"Mara, I am grateful that we found you unharmed, and we could bring you home."

"This is not my home, and make no mistake about it. I do not intend to remain here one day longer than I have to."

"Mara, about the other night, I . . ."

"I do not want to talk about it," she cut him off.

Jeffery looked at her not knowing what to say. She had built a wall about her every bit as impregnable as the wall that blocked her memory. He knew the hell she must be living through, but he could not help her. He would be glad when they reached the city, so the medicine man could examine her. It was hard now to be met with her disdain toward him. He decided to try to talk to her despite her coldness to him.

"Mara, sometimes appearances can be deceiving. Observe the mountains you see in the distance. They seem to rise out of the wilderness, untouched by the hand of man, and yet inside those mountains lives a civilization that existed long before any white man set foot on this continent—a civilization that will astound you. There is wealth in the Seven Cities the likes of which the world has never known. The people of the Lagonda tribe are intelligent, loyal, and outgoing, but to their enemies they are fierce and deadly. To each other they are kind and loving, and if you will allow it, you will find a welcome that has never been offered to anyone else from the white race. Have you not been shown every courtesy on this journey? Has not your well-being and comfort been the prime concern of the Lagonda warriors who looked after you?"

Andrew had finished nursing and was pulling at a golden lock of Mara's hair. She stood up and glared at her brother.

"I did not ask to be brought here. You may belong to these people, since you are married to one of them and have fathered a child by her, but I feel no such ties to the people of the Lagonda tribe. I only want to return to . . ."

"Return to what, Mara?"

She looked at him in such a lost way that it tugged at his heart.

"I do not know. I only know I cannot go on much longer the way I have been. I do not know what lies behind me any more than I know what I will face when I reach this city. I am frightened of many things, but most of all I am afraid of the man you call king."

"Mara, there is nothing for you to fear from Tajarez. He would never do you harm."   

Mara's eyes sparkled like green fire. "I would like for you to define harm to me," she said, looking at him in contempt^ He thought Tajarez could do no wrong. Well, she would just tell him about his mighty king. She wanted to hurt her brother for allowing Tajarez to assert his authority over her.

"Do you call not harming me, making love to me? Do you think Tajarez's queen will show me this welcome you spoke of?" she said, hoping to shock him.

Jeffery met her level gaze. "You are thinking that as your brother I should have stopped what happened between you and Tajarez. Had I known what your reaction would be, I would have spoken to him on your behalf."

Mara's mouth flew open. "Spoken to him! Not demanded that he leave your sister alone? Am I such an immoral person that even my own brother turns his head while I…oh, God, what kind of a woman am I? You are not even shocked by my behavior!"

Jeffery reached out his hand to her, but Mara spun away from him. "Do not touch me; I am not fit for a decent man to come in contact with."

"Mara, please."

"It is time to remount." A deep voice spoke up just behind Mara.

She turned to Tajarez and scalded him with a glance. "I am sick to death of the way you Indians sneak up on a person. It would behoove you to announce to someone that you are eavesdropping on their conversation," she stormed, venting her anger and frustration on the man she felt had contributed to her downfall.

Tajarez took Andrew from her and turned and walked away before she could say another word.

"Come, Mara. Tomorrow we will be home, then you can rest. Things are not always as black as they appear," Jeffery told her.

That night they camped in the foothills of the giant mountain. Tajarez was in Jeffery's tent, speaking to him and the other warriors.

"I have decided that should the people see Mara, they would confuse her with their reaction. I had hoped that before we reached the City her memory would have returned, but as you know it has not." He turned to Matio. "I want you to ride to the City and spread the word. Say that it is my command that the streets leading to the palace are to be blocked off by sundown. I want no one to witness the queen's entrance into the City. Palomas and myself shall abide here with the queen until we can enter the city in total darkness. Do not alert the people that Mara has been found. I shall let them know in due time that she has returned, but is ill. You may all withdraw now, with the exception of Jeffery. All of you but Palomas will leave at first light.

Tajarez waited until the others had gone before he spoke again. "Jeffery I know you are anxious to see your wife and son. I give you leave to go to them now."

"I am not sure I should leave. Mara is very distressed."

"An understatement," Tajarez said, without humor. "Mara is my responsibility. What I want you to do is have the medicine man ready to examine her tomorrow night. Tell everyone at the palace that I do not want them to show by thought or deed that Mara is their queen. I want no one to see her tomorrow, with the exception of Tabo, and Falon, her serving girl. Have Falon prepare a room for Mara off of the anteroom. I think we should try to make things appear as normal as possible."

"I am glad you are going to be reasonable."

Tajarez raised his eyebrow. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was half afraid you would insist Mara move into your bedroom."

Tajarez stared for a moment at his brother-in-law. "I am not as insensitive as you believe me to be. I can see the harm I have done Mara by not staying away from her, until such time as Tabo tells me she is able to handle the truth. Go to your wife, Jeffery and leave me to look after mine.

Tajarez saw Mara leaning against a tree, gazing in the direction of the mountains. He was about to join her when he heard Andrew crying from inside Mara's tent. Slipping silently into the tent, he went down on his knees and smiled at the tiny miniature of himself. Andrew had kicked his covers off, and when Tajarez touched him he saw that he was cold. Wrapping the warm blanket about his tiny body, Tajarez lifted him into his arms. Andrew immediately stopped crying and began to coo happily. Love and pride were in Tajarez's eyes as he held his son to his face. He had wanted to show his affection for his son openly, but he had been forced by circumstances not to show too much interest in him, fearing that Mara would come to suspect Andrew was his son.

"My son, my son," he said, kissing the smooth bronzed cheek. "How proud I am of you. I do not ignore you from lack of love, but from necessity."

Andrew gave him a smile that melted his heart. "You are my son," Tajarez said softly as he laid his cheek against the baby's ebony hair. His keen hearing picked up the sound of Mara's returning footsteps. He placed Andrew down on the fur robe, stood up, and backed away, just as the tent flap opened and Mara entered.

"Oh, I did not know you were here," she said, walking past Tajarez and scooping Andrew up into her arms. "You are such a good boy," she said, ignoring Tajarez and smiling down at her son.

"You love your son a great deal," Tajarez said, coming up beside her.

"Of course. Andrew has no one but me to love him?"

"It does not matter to you that he has the dark skin?"

Mara picked up one of Andrew's tiny hands, which looked very dark beside his mother's pale hand. "I would have him no different from what he is. Do you not think him handsome?"

"Exceptionally so, even though he bears no mark that would show you are his mother. Do you yet wonder about the man who is his father?"

"You assured me his father was not among your warriors, so I try not to think about it any longer. Andrew is my son; he does not need a father."

"So you are content to let the identity of the man who planted his seed in you remain a mystery?"

Andrew had fallen asleep, so Mara laid him down and tucked the covers tightly about him. Standing up she faced Tajarez. "I have come to hope that I was an unwilling participant in the accident that gave Andrew to me."

Tajarez's heart cried out to tell her he was Andrew's father. "Why is that?"

She looked past Tajarez. "It is the only way I can live with myself. I have come to suspect that I was attacked and taken against my will, because no one has come forward to admit to being Andrew's father."

Again Tajarez had the feeling of being betrayed, and did not know why. "You have a neat little mind that likes to put all the facts into place. What you cannot analyze, you seek to put aside."

"Is this wrong?" she asked frowning.

Tajarez raised his head and stared at the top of the tent as it moved with the motion of the wind. "I am weary of this pretense. I like only truth. Anything less is repugnant to me."

"I wonder if you would recognize the truth, Tajarez. Will you tell your wife the truth about me? I think not."

Tajarez took a deep breath, and his eyes rested on her golden head. "She knows about you, up to a point."

"But you will not tell her what happened between us. I suspect you only like truth when it is not directed at you."

"You have formed a very low opinion of me, Mara. My wife will know all about you and me in due time."

Mara sank down heavily on a white cushion. "I was looking at the mountain earlier," she said, wanting to change the conversation. She did not really want to talk about his wife. "Jeffery told me I would be entering the City tomorrow night. The mountain looks ominous to me. I could see no way to get past the stone and rock."

"Tomorrow night the mountain will yield its secret to you."

"Why do you wait until dark to enter the mountain?"

"Because I say so," he said curtly. "I am weary of playing questions and answers with you."

"Could I ask you one more question?" She wondered how she dared, for at the moment he was the arrogant king. "My question has nothing to do with your city. I was wondering how it is that you speak English so well?"

Tajarez lay down and regarded her with dark, brooding eyes. "I was taught to speak English when I was a small boy."

"I know Palomas and Matio do not speak English. Are you among a select few who know the language?"

He looked at her wearily. "My cousin Sasha, your brother's wife, speaks your language well."

"Does your wife speak English?"

"She speaks as well as you do."

"I begin to think there is nothing your queen cannot do."

"Sometimes she talks too much," Tajarez said, turning his back to her.

Mara knew he was indicating that she also talked too much. She lay down as far away as she could get from Tajarez and drew Andrew tightly against her. She found she did not like to be ignored by Tajarez—and yet, had she not asked him to leave her alone? He was for sure leaving her alone. Perhaps he had no use for her now. Tomorrow night he would be with his wife, she thought bitterly.

She had fought hard not to love this dark, mysterious man, but she had been doomed to love him, for she knew she had first fallen in love with him in a dream. There was no joy in her heart at the thought of entering the Seven Cities tomorrow night. She knew the first chance she got she would make her escape. Mara was learning something about herself. She was a realist. She could recognize when something was beyond her capability. At the moment escape was impossible, but she would bide her time and soon she would get her chance. It was becoming apparent that she was little less than a prisoner. For some reason that she did not fully understand. Tajarez was the one who would not allow her to leave. She did not delude herself into thinking he cared about her. When he made love to her he had spoken no words of love, in fact, he had made it plain to her that his only love was the woman he was married to.