Save Me From Myself (31 page)

“What the fuck were you thinking Lyric?” David is pissed. He’s glaring at me, and his eyes have absolutely no warmth in them. I know I should have told him what was going on with SarahBeth and Jeremy, but SarahBeth pretty much blackmailed me into not saying anything to her brother after I walked in on them two weeks ago. I told her then that he deserved to know and that I didn’t want to keep it from him, but then she started threatening to convince him that she hated me. Knowing that he wouldn’t be with me if his sister truly disliked me, I agreed. Now, it just might cost me everything.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell David. She asked me not to say anything. What would you have me do?” I ask him, dreading the answer he might give me. “What would you do if you were in that position? Having to make a choice between your boyfriend and someone you thought was your friend?”

David stalked up to me, causing me to back up, until my back was up against the wall and there was nowhere else for me to go. Once he had me effectively trapped, he growled, “I wouldn’t be put in that position Lyric.
I
wouldn’t put
anyone
above you! There wouldn’t be a choice to make.”

“You don’t know that David! What if it was something about Jeremy? What if you knew something about him and he asked you not to tell me? It was an impossible…”
 

He cuts me off. “NO! It wasn’t an impossible situation. My best friend has been fucking my little sister for
weeks
and you knew about it. We talked about the fact that there was something going on with her and that I was concerned, and still you said
nothing
! Not a goddamned thing Lyric! You could have put me out of my misery weeks ago, and you said nothing. You sat there with me, knowing I was worried about her, worried about what was going on with her. You should have told me.” He’s not looking at me anymore, and my stomach clenches. He’s so mad at me. I don’t know what I can do to make it better.

I’m pleading with him now, “David, she’s your sister. She asked me to let her tell you when she was ready. How could I tell her no? She’s known you for 21 years, I’ve only known you for a handful of months. What did you expect me to do?”

Stopping, he stares at me disbelievingly, “What do I expect you to do? I expect you to be honest with me Lyric. This isn’t high school. Life isn’t about friendships, it’s about doing what’s right. I can’t be with someone who can’t tell me the truth.”

My heart stops, and I can barely ask, “What are you saying David?” My voice breaks, and it’s all I can do not to break down.

Pinching his nose between two fingers, he sighs. Then, David looks at me sadly, and says, “I can’t trust you Lyric. If I can’t trust you, we can’t have a relationship.”

When the tears start streaming down my face, he flinches. He’s really going to break up with me over trying to do what his sister wanted? It’s not like I wanted to lie to him. This can’t be happening. Ending things with Matt was nowhere near this painful, and we were together for three years! I’ve got to fix this.

“David,
please.
Please talk to me. Let me explain -“ I start to say, and I can barely understand myself I’m crying so hard. But, David just shakes his head and starts to turn away. I reach out to grab his arm, and he jerks away from me.

He doesn’t look at me again as he walks out my front door. He doesn’t say a word and he doesn’t slam the door. He just leaves me.

***

Walking into my office at Drench, I’m at a loss. Normally, when something fucked up happens, I talk to Jeremy. Only, Jeremy is part of the reason everything is fucked sideways. Jeremy. And my
baby
sister
. What. The. Fuck. Growing up, Jeremy spent more time at my house than his own. He was there from the time SB was born.

And Lyric knew. She’s known for fucking
weeks
and didn’t clue me in. My sister’s been sneaking around, and looking guilty as hell every single time she’s around me. Lyric knew I was worried and trying to get SB to talk to me. She could have clued me in, but instead, she kept the secret. Every single time I asked her if she had any idea what could be wrong, she looked me in the mother fucking eyes and said no.

At this point, I don’t know what’s worse. Her lying, or the look on her face when I ended things. I didn’t think my chest could hurt more than it already did, but damn, the look on her face, the tears rolling down her cheeks, it almost broke me. I’d already said irreversible things to her. Things I can never take back. Pain I can never erase.

Thinking about everything that’s happened this weekend, I explode. I’m not normally a violent man, but with all the bullshit I’ve had to deal with this weekend, I can’t handle it anymore. It’s got to come out somehow. Turning, I punch the wall beside my open office door. I can’t even be here anymore. There’s too many memories. Lyric up against the wall, on the desk…FUCK! This is why I don’t do relationships.

Walking out of my office, I see SarahBeth standing in the hallway. White-faced, she’s staring at me like I’m going to lose it any moment. And, she’s probably not far off. I feel like I’m going to lose it. “David,” she starts, but I cut her off raising my hand.

“Don’t fucking start SarahBeth,” I don’t want to talk to her about this shit. I don’t want to listen to her excuses, her reasons why they went behind my back. “I’m too pissed right now to deal with you.”

At my words, she goes even paler, but nods her head. When she says nothing else, I squeeze past her, I’ve got to get out of here. The only thing I want to do tonight is drink myself into oblivion. As I walk down the hallway, I hear my sister whisper brokenly, “I’m sorry.” Shaking my head, I walk over to the bar and grab a bottle of Jack.

***

When Anna gets home, she finds me throwing things into my suitcase.

“What the hell?” she cries, “Lyric, what are you doing?”

“David and I are over. I can’t stay here. I need to get as far away from Nashville as I can.” I’m not sure she can even understand me, I’m crying so hard.

She gasps, “Oh no! Is it because of SarahBeth and Jeremy? Did he let you explain?”

I shake my head, “When he realized I’d already known and hadn’t said anything, I think it broke him. I’ve never seen him so upset! He looked heartbroken, and I did that to him. He thinks I betrayed him. I don’t think he’ll ever get over that.” After I’ve said that, my shoulders slump, and I sit heavily on the edge of the bed. Anna sits next to me, and puts her arms around me. As soon as she tries to comfort me, I lose it.

Anna helps me lay down on the bed, and she lays next to me, putting her arms around me. She doesn’t tell me I was wrong for keeping the secret, or that he’s a first class jerk for being upset with me, she just murmurs words I can’t understand while stroking my hair, allowing me to cry. I didn’t cry this much or this hard when I ended things with Matt, but maybe that’s because
I
was the one to end it that time. This time, it was David’s choice, and it wasn’t what I wanted.

We lay there like this for a long time, me sobbing, and Anna holding me. When I’m finally cried out, she pulls away and studies me. After a few moments, she opens her mouth, and then closes it again. Finally, with a determined look that I’m very familiar with, she says, “So, you fucked up, he fucked up, his sister and best friend fucked up, and you’re just going to what?
LEAVE
?
That’s
your answer to this? To pack up and run with your tail between your legs? You’re not going to fight for him
at all
?”

I’m stunned, and my mouth drops open. “Um, what? How am I supposed to fight for him? Did you miss the part where he thinks I
betrayed
him?”

“Honey, you
did
betray him. You knew that his sister and his best friend were screwing behind his back for two weeks. And you said nothing to him. I’d be pretty pissed off too. But, when he calms down, he’s going to realize that you weren’t keeping it from him to hurt him. SarahBeth asked you, well, really, she
told
you not to tell him. Remember what she said?”

Yeah, I remember what she told me when she asked me not to tell David. She said if I told him, she’d never forgive me. That she’d make sure David and I didn’t last very long because he wouldn’t be with someone she outright hated. And she would hate me if I told him. I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. I wanted to tell him about his sister. I knew he’d be mad, and hurt that they didn’t tell him, but I also didn’t want to be the one to have to tell him.

Anna continues, “If you turn tail and run sweetie, you’re telling him that he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought. If you’re able to give up on him so easily, to move on.”

I sputter, and she says, “I know that’s not what you’re actually doing. But, will he know that? Or will he think you just up and left him?” It doesn’t matter. He’s not going to come looking for me. He may not have come right out and said that tonight, but by telling me that he couldn’t be with someone he doesn’t trust, he implied it.

Shaking my head, I tell her, “I’m sorry Anna, but I need to leave. At least for right now. I can’t take seeing him everywhere. Ruby’s, here, my bedroom. It hurts too much. I need a break.” God, I hope she understands, because after everything else that happened today, I can’t fight with her too. I just can’t.

Sighing, resigned, she replies, “Okay Lyric, if you’re sure that’s what you need to do, I’m not going to force you to stay.”
 

Thank God
. Letting out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding I finish packing my things. Zipping up my suitcase, I ask Anna to take me to the airport. I’ve already booked my flight, I’m too upset to drive back to Manhattan. I’ll have to come back for the rest of my things eventually anyway.

***

I’ve been living in a Jack Daniel’s induced fog for the past three days. I haven’t left the house, I haven’t checked on the bar, answered my phone, or looked at any text messages or emails. SarahBeth has been avoiding me, and Jeremy’s cleaned his shit out and left. The glimpse I had of my sister as she tiptoed down the hall thirty minutes ago has shown me a crushed, heart-broken girl. The fact that I’m largely responsible for the way she looks makes my chest hurt. I’m still pissed. At all three of them. But, I miss them too. It’s the most fucked up combination of feelings I’ve ever had.

I’ve got to get to the bar and get payroll and inventory orders done. I don’t have to time to sit in a drunken stupor and act like a mother fucking girl.

When I get to the bar, things are pretty quiet. Of course, it’s only Tuesday afternoon, so that’s not anything new. Bypassing the bar and dance area, I head slowly to my office. Obviously, I should have paid more attention to my surroundings, because I barely sit behind my desk before a brunette, pissed off female is standing in front of my desk glaring at me. Wonderful. She’s just want I want to deal with today.

I say nothing, just sit and wait for her to speak her peace. With the way she’s practically vibrating with rage, it won’t be long before she erupts. And, true to form, it doesn’t take more than a few seconds before she starts. “Goddamn you David Pearson! I hope you’re happy with yourself! Lyric’s
gone
!!”