Save Me (18 page)

I was headed for the kitchen when I heard someone opening the lock on the basement door. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I looked around for the bat I brought back from Zach's. I had my bow back in the bedroom but I didn't want to risk not making it there before whoever it was got in. Pulling the light off my belt, I scanned the room and found the bat. I was planning on standing behind the door, ready to whack whoever walked through when it opened. I shined the light onto the form climbing down into the basement, dropping my bat when I saw the face.

~Chapter Sixteen~

Will shielded his face from the harsh light, taking a step backward toward the door. I flipped off the light and reached over for the lantern to light the room without blinding him. With the light on, Will's eyes adjusted, realizing it was me standing before him. He dropped his pack on the floor, as the color drained from his face. He stood there staring at me like he almost couldn't believe his eyes.

"Will, I—"

"Where were you?"

I could hear his anger building in his voice. I stepped forward in his direction. I wanted to tell him how happy I was that he was okay. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was and beg for forgiveness. As I took my step, Will stiffened. I think he would have backed away from me if there had been more room between him and the door. He didn't want me to get closer to him. I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come.

"Again, you have no idea what you put me through. I thought you were dead."

"I thought you were leaving."

Will laughed in his angry tone, punching the wall behind him. I had seen Will angry many times but nothing like this. My gut told me to step back and give him his space but I couldn't get my legs to move.

"So, what, you did this on spite?"

"Of course not!"

"Let me remind you, you told me to leave. You said that was what you wanted for your birthday, remember? Well, Happy frigging Birthday Andi!"

I stepped forward again before I realized what I was even doing. Will put his hand up to stop me, wanting as much distance between us as possible.

"Will," I said, stepping forward again, ignoring his warning. "Why are you so angry?"

"You can't be serious? I've been looking for you since yesterday! When that horde came through and I couldn't find you, I... I thought you were...dead." He choked on the words.

"Will, I thought you had gone. I tried to come home but I couldn't get back safely, so I stayed where I was until I could."

His face softened a bit but his hands remained balled into fists at his sides. I decided to push my luck and take another step forward.

"I thought you would be gone. I didn't think you would be worried. I didn't even think you would know that I wasn't here."

"I didn't think I was going to see you again," he said, releasing his fists and biting his lower lip.

"Me too." I stepped forward again, less than a foot between us.

"Janet said you snuck out of here without your pack or a weapon or anything. Do you know how incredibly stupid that is? You could have been killed, or worse."

I could tell he was still angry, but frustration, worry and relief all swirled around with it.

"You have some sort of death wish, is that it?" His voice was softer now, less angry, desperate almost.

"No," I whispered, feeling tears welling up in my eyes.

"What then? Why do you insist on making me so crazy?"

"I'm sorry."My bottom lip trembled, refusing to let any tears break through.

And I was. I was sorry for making him worry and for leaving like I did. I was sorry for the awful things I said to him and especially, for telling him to leave. I was sorry that I went upstairs alone that day while he was asleep making him worry. I was sorry for everything I had ever done to make him angry or worried since we met. I was even more sorry that I didn't have the sense to tell him how I really felt about him and what I really wanted for my birthday, which was not having him leave. I wanted to say these things to him but I knew if I opened my mouth the only thing that would come out would be sobs.

"You're sorry?"

My apology seemed to renew his anger.

"Andi, sorry isn't good enough this time. Three people were out there risking their lives looking for you, thinking something terrible happened to you. Didn't you see all the bodies out there?" He threw his arms up in frustration. We had to contend with all of that, trying to find you and making sure they weren't left to harm you if you did come back?"

Of course I had seen them. It was impossible to miss. I worried that Will could have gotten himself torn to pieces trying to go up against that many. I worried that he had been dead.

"Three?"

"Yes, Andi. Janet and Dan went out to look for you as soon as they noticed you missing. Janet left me a note for when I came back to tell me what happened. As soon as I saw it, I headed out to look myself. I know you think Janet hates you, but when you left, she was the one who ran out the door to look out for your ass."

I heard enough of what Janet had to say about me to know she did not like me, no matter what Will wanted to believe. I had to admit however, she didn't have to go look for me so maybe hate was too strong of a word. It did surprise me though. Janet couldn't wait to take Will and get away from me. She never missed an opportunity to insult me or point out my flaws but when it came down to it, she risked her life to look for me. It would have been easier for her just to let me go, out of Will's life for good. I had to give her credit for that. Even if she was only doing it for Will's sake, which I'm sure was the case.

"Where are they?" Panic washed over me with the realization that she and Dan had not returned. What if something happened to them both while they were out looking for me. I didn't think Will could forgive me for that and he would be right not to. That would explain why he was so angry with me not being here even though he had planned to leave anyway.

"Still looking I imagine. We met up last night and took out the horde then split up to look separately. We were supposed to meet back up here around this time."

"That was a lot of flesh eaters for three people."

"Yes, Andi, it was, and completely unnecessary. If you weren't out there we could have just let them pass."

"Why do you even care?"

I meant it as an honest question. I just didn't get it. Will had walked out of the basement wanting to get away from me. On his return, he and Janet were planning to leave anyway so why care whether or not I was here? Will saw it differently. I could tell as soon as I said it that it was a mistake. Will shook his head, shoving me out of the way and walked into the kitchen, his hands balled into fists again. Again, I was just making things worse.

Will filled a glass with water from the tap and sat at the table. I followed him in and sat facing him. The way things were going it would probably have been better to just walk away and give him some time. I only seemed to be saying the wrong things and I didn't want to make him even more angry with me, if that was even possible.

"Will, I just meant--"

"Just don't, okay?" Will dropped his face into his hands and rubbed it back and forth against them.

It took all my strength not to take his hands and pull them away from his face. I wanted to tell him everything in my head right now but I was sure I'd only screw it up and make things worse. I didn't want to risk him walking out and leaving me forever with things the way they were now.

Will looked exhausted. Not only had he been up all night looking for me, but he had to take out a few dozen flesh eaters with only Janet and Dan to help, all because of me. I really could understand why Janet felt the way she did about me. I tried to keep quiet, giving Will the space he needed, but I just couldn't stand to see him there like that.

"Please talk to me."

I tried to gently nudge one of his arms away from his face to get him to look at me. He let me, but instead of looking at me, or talking, he got up and walked across the kitchen.

"I'm not even sure what there is left to say Andi."

"A lot," I said walking over to him, not being able to stand the distance between us again.

There really was a lot to say. The problem was I never managed to say what it was that needed to be said. The only things that came out of my mouth seemed to be either completely opposite of what I wanted to say, or the exact thing that would make him angrier.

Will didn't move away this time. He stood looking into my eyes, giving me a chance to say something right this time.

"I know it's not good enough, but..." I paused, taking one of his hands into both of mine. "I really am sorry."

This time he didn't freak out. He even let me keep his hand in mine, which I thought he would have pulled away by now. I took a few seconds, trying to get the words set in my mind.

"I left because I couldn't stand to be here and watch you walk out that door for good."

"Andi, you--" Will started but I cut him off, knowing exactly what he was about to say.

"I know, I told you to leave."

Will dropped his eyes down, as if saddened by the memory of that night.

"I didn't mean to make you worry. Honestly, I thought you would have left already. I had no idea that you would be here worrying. I did try to get home but ran into the horde."

His eyes snapped up to mine. The realization that I had run into the horde brought back the worry to his face.

"I didn't have weapons and there were just too many, so I went back to Zach's house to wait it out."

"Andi, if they would have followed you..." Will put his other hand over top of mine.

"They didn't. I know it was stupid to leave like that, without anything to protect myself--"

"Yes, it was."

"I just couldn't be here when you left. Watching you walk out of here with Janet, it..." Now it was my turn to pull away and turn so he couldn't see the tears once again threatening to make an appearance. "I would have rather taken my chances with the flesh eaters."

"Andi," Will said softly, taking my wrist and pulling me back around to face him. "You wanted me to go."

"No, Will. I didn't." The tears that refused to come the last few days finally broke through and streamed down my face. "I never wanted that."

"Then why did you tell me to go?" Will held me by the shoulders at arm's length, searching my face for answers.
"I don't know," I whispered through tears. I still had no idea why I said it.

I knew even before I got the words from my mouth that day that it was a mistake. Even when I could have tried taking them back right away and apologizing, I did nothing but sit there. How could I even hope that he would believe me now?

Will looked over me as if he needed evidence this was true, then pulled me hard against his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly. He held me so tightly I found it hard to take a breath but I never wanted him to let go. Oxygen was overrated. His heart pounded against my ear, as I sobbed against him. The world could have melted away and I wouldn't have cared. All I needed in that moment was to be there in his arms.

I thought my tears would never stop. Will stood, holding me patiently, for what seemed like hours as I sobbed hard into him, soaking his shirt with my tears. He did loosen his death grip on my lungs, allowing me to breathe, his arms gently around my waist. He rested his face with his cheek against my hair. Neither of us spoke for a long time. Will waited for my sobbing to quiet before he would allow me to move my face away from him enough to see his face.

"Can you ever forgive me?" My eyes pleaded with him, swollen and burning from crying.

"Oh, Andi." Will shook his head, closing his eyes. "You make me crazy. You know that don't you?"

I made myself crazy. How could I have any other effect on him? A stray tear escaped down my face and Will wiped it away with his knuckles. He looked down at me with a mixture of frustration and tenderness and sighed.

"Is that a no?"

Will shook his head, flashing me that crooked smile I loved so much.

"Of course I forgive you silly girl."

He pulled me against him again more gently this time, then released me to look into my eyes.

"Then you'll stay?"

"I'll stay."

~Chapter Seventeen~

There was so much Will and I still needed to talk about. I couldn't give him answers about why I told him to leave because I still didn't understand that myself. There were other things he did need to know though. He needed to know that there was nothing going on between Dan and me, not even when he walked in to find us on the floor with Dan on top of me. I knew how bad that looked. He also needed to know how I felt about him. That one I didn't quite know how to explain to him. I was only just starting to work it out in my own head as it was. I never thought I would feel this way about someone, certainly not since the world had gone to shit. Just being able to admit it to myself was hard enough. How was I going to tell Will? I just couldn't risk not telling him and having something happen that would make me regret it. One thing I learned from the events of the last few days was that I would certainly regret it if anything happened and I didn't let him know how I felt. Letting that nearly happen once was bad enough. Letting it happen again was inexcusable. Unfortunately, our conversation was going to have to wait.