Saving a Legend: A Kavanagh Legends Novel (30 page)

Her tears fell quicker and she shook his head. “Please stop saying that. I’m not perfect, Kieran. I can’t do this. I wanted to talk to you, because I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” Kieran gulped nervously, not sure why she seemed to be getting more worked up when he’d thought their conversation was going well. “It seemed like you were forgiving me? Is there anything I can do to make you understand how sorry I am?”

“It’s not about any of that, Kieran. I do forgive you, and I’m not angry. But that doesn’t mean we belong together.” She avoided looking at him directly, pulling out of his arms instead and burying her face in her hands. He immediately missed her. “All of this has only reminded me of all the reasons why we won’t work. I care about you, and I’m not mad at you, but that’s exactly why I can’t keep doing this to you.”

“Fiona, you’re not doing anything to me,” he said, panic starting to lace his voice. He could feel her slipping through his fingers, and he had no idea why. “I swear to you on my life, I’m never going to put myself in a situation that could lead me back to prison. You can trust me.”

“I do trust you, Kieran,” she said quietly, “but I’m not so sure you can trust me.”

“Fi,” he started again, but she put her hand up and turned.

“I’m sorry, Kieran. This is really the best thing for both of us, believe me.” With that, she walked back into the house, taking his heart with her.

Chapter 21

“I’ve never seen a more depressed man in my life,” Nora told Fiona as she braided Shea’s hair into two pigtails a few days later.

It had been a miserable week and Fiona had tried her best to avoid seeing Kieran, but she lived with his parents. Despite the fact that she had successfully ditched Sunday’s family dinner, saying that she needed to work at the flower shop and taking Shea with her, she’d still seen him around town, and each instance had shattered her.

Her only respite now was at the youth center, because his recent prison stay had excluded him from performing community service with kids anymore. Just another thing to feel guilty about where Kieran was concerned.

“He’ll be okay,” Fiona assured her, hoping that was the truth for him, because it certainly wasn’t for her. She’d spent every night tossing and turning restlessly, wishing he were there beside her. She’d had to stop herself dozens of times from texting him or calling him, reminding herself that their separation was
her
choice. That it was the best for the both of them. “I’m sure he will be fine.”

“Fi, you broke the man’s heart.” Nora looked skeptical. “They don’t just get over that kind of thing.”

“Well, I hope that’s not true, because I’m breaking, too.” Fiona sniffed, not wanting to say too much in front of her little sister. “Shea, go get your book bag from the office, please.”

Once her sister left, Nora looked back at her. “I don’t understand, hon. I know I’m being nosy, but I can see the sadness on your face the last few days. You miss him. Hell, I miss him around here, too. He’s made his mistakes, but he’s a great guy.”

“He is. He’s wonderful, so…” Fiona’s words faded, and she cleared her throat. “It’s not about that, though. This is the best thing for both of us.”

“Remind me how that goes again?” Nora eyed her pointedly. “How your life is better
without
the first man to put a smile on your face in ages?”

“Nora, if he’d never met me, he wouldn’t have caught Shea with drugs, and he wouldn’t have gone back to prison. He’s trying so hard to fix his life and make something of himself, and my involvement screws everything up for him. He deserves a fresh start, and I’m not that.”

“That’s such bullshit, and you know it,” Nora scoffed. “This is about your past…about your stepfather.”

Fiona’s head snapped up to stare at her friend. “It is not. It’s because he’s better off without me.”

“It’s his fault he got caught, not yours. Not mine, not Shea’s, not anyone’s but his. He was on parole because of his own doing in the first place. He could have been sent back for anything at any time, whether he had ever met you or not. You’re making excuses, and for what?”

Fiona shook her head, a lump forming in her throat. “I’m not.”

“You are, and it’s because you think you don’t deserve him. You’re still feeling guilty over what happened with your stepdad. What does Kieran even think about all that?”

“Nothing,” Fiona admitted softly. “I never told him.”

Nora’s jaw dropped and she exhaled sharply. “He didn’t tell you about his past, so you dumped him…but you’re doing the same thing?”

“That’s not it.” Fiona rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, studying the ceiling tiles as she groaned. “I didn’t break up with him because of that, Nora. You know me better than that.”

Nora was silent for a moment before she sighed deeply and moved over to hug her friend. “The only thing standing in the way of you both being happy is you. You’ve got to tell him. You’ve got to at least let him decide if he can handle it.”

Fiona took a deep breath at the reminder of one of the worst days of her life. She’d had no choice, it was him or Shea. He had already violently taken one family member from her and had set his sights on Shea next. Fiona couldn’t allow that; she had to stop him. She had made a choice: she had chosen to kill him.

But she wasn’t sure Kieran would choose to forgive her.

—

“What the hell, dude! Avoid the fucking face. This mug needs to be gorgeous for the prefight interviews on Friday.” Kane rubbed his palm over his cheek that Kieran’s fist had just grazed.

“Relax.” Kieran stepped around him, moving to jab him in the side. Kane blocked his fist this time, returning with an even harder knock to Kieran’s back. He groaned and fell forward as the strike radiated through his body; kidney shots were always the most painful.

“Tapping out?” Kane wiped his brow on his wrapped wrist, breathing heavily as he stepped back to get some distance.

“Fuck that.” Kieran pushed himself up and rushed his twin brother, catching him in a clinch as they both struggled to get the offensive position. They parted quickly, as neither could stick the hold, then Kane’s uppercut caught him under the chin, knocking his head back. He coughed and sputtered as he staggered backward.

“Nice, Killer!” Rory called out to Kane from the edge of the cage, where he was waiting with Ace. Kieran’s fire flamed at the reminder of what had once been his career, and the name that his brother had stolen. His mother had told him that he should be flattered, that Kane had looked up to him and wanted to be like him—but he didn’t believe that.

No one wanted to be like him.

No one wanted to be
with
him, either. Despite Fiona’s insistence that things between them were over, the look of desire in her eyes had been unmistakable the few times their paths had crossed this week. It was confusing as hell, but as long as he saw that, he couldn’t let go of the possibility that she might change her mind. That there was something between the two of them still, if only her mind would let her heart take charge for once in her life.

“Shit!” Kieran groaned as he was knocked backward, hitting the mat hard as Kane had leveled him with a punch he hadn’t seen coming.

Definitely should have been paying attention.
He stared at the ceiling, trying to push air back into his lungs. Kane’s and Rory’s faces appeared above him, and Rory offered him a hand. Kieran took the help and pulled himself to his feet, stretching his side where a bruise was already forming.

“Well, I’d say you’re ready for Friday, Kane.” Rory patted him on the back. “You okay?” he asked, looking at Kieran.

“I’ll be fine,” Kieran replied, then turned to his twin. “You’ve definitely got the championship in the bag.”

“Hell, yes. I’m gonna make him my bitch,” Kane agreed, referring to his upcoming opponent in the state championship fight, for which he’d been training for several months. “Then I’m going to ask your woman’s friend out, K. Got tickets to the latest Logan Clay concert. Chicks go nuts for that dude. No way Nora’s turning me down.”

“I don’t have a
woman
anymore,” Kieran reminded him, “and there’s no way Nora’s going out with you, no matter what you try to bribe her with.”

“You’ll see!” Kane responded, still as cheery as ever as he walked out of the cage to go shower.

Rory and Ace walked with Kieran over to the water station, and they both had their fill as the silence grew between them. Kieran watched his older brother crush a water bottle and toss it in a perfect arc into the recyclables container. Kieran had spent his entire childhood looking up to this man, wanting to do what Rory did; wanting Rory to like him, to be proud of him.

He wasn’t sure how they’d gotten so off course from that.

“Remember that time when we were kids and we made our own bowling alley outta these?” Kieran held up a water bottle as Rory eyed him sternly for a moment before his face split into a softer smile. It’d been a while since he’d looked at Kieran like that; the only happiness he’d seen on Rory’s face lately had been reserved for Clare.

Rory knocked the water bottle out of his hand with a chuckle. “I refused to drink water for, like, a month after that.”

“I think we drank at least thirty bottles that day so we’d have enough empties that we could use them as pins for a whole slew of lanes.” Kieran chuckled. “Why did we even do that? Why didn’t we just dump out the water, or use them when they were full?”

“Fuck if I know.” Rory shrugged. “We were stupid kids.”

“We’re still stupid kids,” Kieran said, looking at him more seriously this time.

“No argument here,” Rory agreed.

Kieran exhaled slowly, knowing this was the time he needed to talk to his brother. They’d been putting off this conversation ever since he got out of prison the first time. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have blamed you for everything back then. It wasn’t your fault I was mixed up in some stupid-ass shit.” Kieran rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you were just looking out for the gym.”

“I didn’t know you were involved, K,” Rory told him. “One of Pop’s guys told me about the gambling happening, and the street fighting, and so Pops told me to shut it down. None of us knew you were part of it. It was just bad on the business to lose so many of the gym’s talent to street fighting, with them getting hurt and no regulations to keep order. Plus, all the lost income not having those fights under our roof, and then losing so many of the fighters to injuries. It was a clusterfuck for Legends, Kieran.”

“Yeah, I know. I never thought about how much it affected the family.” Kieran nodded stoically. “It was stupid. I was stupid. Thought I was being all badass going rogue.”

“You were never badass,” Rory teased.

Kieran punched him lazily in the arm. “Fuck you.”

Rory reached a hand out to him, and Kieran took it. They shook firmly, then pulled in for a half hug as their shoulders bumped together and they patted each other on the back. The tension melted away and the apologies were accepted—it was that simple. It always had been with the Kavanagh men.

They fought hard but forgave easily.

“Think Pops will forgive me?” Kieran asked as the two men walked back toward the front with the big black-and-white dog on their heels.

Rory nodded. “He already did a while back. He’s just being a hard-ass to keep you in line.”

Kieran rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

“The question is if Fiona will forgive you,” Rory added.

“That ship has sailed,” Kieran said adamantly. “She’s been pretty clear that she doesn’t want me.”

“Well, get your shit together and maybe she’ll change her mind. Get a job, a place to live…Be someone she would like to have as a role model for her little sister. I think that’s probably all she’s worried about. Yeah, sure, you lied and did some stupid shit, but you’d be surprised how much women are willing to forgive. I did something sort of similar with Clare, and she forgave me. Eventually.”

Kieran gave him a pointed look. “But she made you eat shit for a few days first, right?”

“Felt like longer than that.” Rory laughed. “Speaking of my woman, though, I want to ask your help with something I want to do on Friday.”

“Whatever you need, man.”

“Thanks.” Rory nodded, and Kieran clapped him on the back as they reached the front desk, where Casey was looking up at them.

“Do I sense a truce?” She smiled as she looked from one to the other. Both men shrugged but didn’t admit to anything.

“Is Pops here?” Kieran asked as he headed toward the back office. Casey just waved him on back because there was no point in answering when he could now see Seamus sitting at one of the large desks in the office.

“Hey, kid,” Seamus said.

“Hey, Pops. Is that director job here still on the table?” he asked as he plopped down in a chair next to his father’s desk. There was no point in beating around the bush with his father, or easing into the request. Seamus liked everything straightforward, and Kieran loved that about him.

“Depends.” His dad lowered a pair of reading glasses on his nose. “You still arsing around with your life?”

Kieran smiled at his father’s wit and shook his head. “I’m shaping up, Pops. I’m trying, at least.”

“Hmm, I guess we can work something out, then.”

“You won’t regret it.” Kieran shook his hand, making the promise not only to his father but also to himself. Things were going to be different;
he
was going to be different.

He finally understood that he was the only one who could give himself that.

Chapter 22

“Is this a joke?” Fiona gaped at the letter in her hands.

“What’s wrong?” Casey peered over her shoulder, her long red hair brushing against Fiona’s skin. Fiona held the letter in front of Casey’s face.

Casey took the paper and scanned it. “Oh, I’ve heard of that school, they’re really great. Not far, either.”

“You don’t understand. I didn’t apply for this. I couldn’t afford the application fees, and they said Shea wasn’t a candidate anyway because we live outside of Woodlawn. Well, we used to before we moved here.” Fiona paced back and forth, trying to contain her excitement.