Saving All My Lovin' (9 page)

“Let’s go home,” she said, the three simple words full of invitation.

“You won’t get an argument from me.”

“Make yourself comfortable,” Stephanie said. She took his coat and hung it up in the hall closet. “Thirsty?”

“No, I’m good.” He walked into the living room and sat down.

“I’m going to change I’ll be…” The ringing doorbell cut her off in mid-sentence.

Tony glanced over his shoulder toward the door as Stephanie went to answer it. She pulled it open a bit and drew in a sharp breath.

“What are you doing here?”

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“No. Leave. Now.”

“Steph, what’s wrong?”

She turned halfway. Tony got up from his seat and came toward her.

“It’s okay, Tony.”

“Tony! Who the hell is Tony?”

C
onrad looked Tony over, sizing him up. He spoke through clenched teeth. “This is none of your business.”

“If it has to do with Stephanie it
is
my business. I’m pretty sure she asked you to leave. I won’t be so nice.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Take it anyway you want.” Tony took a step forward. Stephanie pressed her palm to his chest.

“Did she tell you about us?” Conrad taunted.

Tony’s eyes widened for a split second. “No need. There’s nothing to tell. Now leave.”

“I want you out of here Conrad,” Stephanie shouted. “Do you understand? Now!”

Conrad’s face went crimson. The veins in his neck pulsed. “This isn’t over until I say so,” he spat, wagging a finger at Stephanie.

Tony lunged for him. Stephanie stepped up and shut the door seconds before Tony grabbed Conrad. She quickly locked the door.

Tony’s chest heaved in and out. His nostrils flared. “Who the hell was that?” he shouted pointing to the door.

Stephanie paced in a small circle, biting down on her thumbnail. “My old boss,” she mumbled.

“What?” He craned his neck forward in disbelief.

She swallowed. “Come inside. There are some things I need to tell you.”

Tony sat down with his arms draped across his knees, his head lowered as he listened to Stephanie’s sordid tale of her affair with her boss.

“I know it was stupid to get involved with him…he’s married.”

Tony’s head jerked up but he remained quiet, knowing that if he said something he would lose it.

“At first it was just about the sex,” she admitted and flinched when she noticed the tight expression on Tony’s face. “But as time went on and I got promotions and higher commissions, it all helped to
take care of my sister Samantha. I felt trapped. I knew if I broke it off he would blacklist me in the industry. Then what would I do?” Her eyes begged him to understand. “Then when my friends decided to open the spa I saw it as my way out. I broke off the relationship and quit my job.” She blew out a breath. “But he refuses to accept that it’s over. He came to the spa the other day. That’s why we got the security,” she admitted.

Tony ran his tongue across his lips and slowly shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?”

“I…I knew…I thought you would think the worst of me.”

He was silent for a long time. Stephanie’s heart raced. She twisted her hands in her lap.

“We all make mistakes. Most times we think that they’re for the right reasons.” He looked at her. “Come here,” he said softly.

Timidly Stephanie came to stand in front of him. He took her hand and pulled her down to sit beside him.

“Is that everything, all of it?”

She nodded. It was everything. Everything except the rape. She wasn’t ready to tell him that, not yet, maybe never.

He gathered her close. She rested her head on
his strong shoulder. “You’re going to get a restraining order against him. I’m going with you. And you’re going to stay with me for a while especially after he gets served. I’m not taking no for answer. I don’t want you to think about it. Just get your things together.”

Stephanie was so stunned she couldn’t react. This was a brand new Tony. Not the easygoing, fun-loving guy she’d met in a diner to discuss brochures.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing for you to say unless you disagree.” His gaze didn’t falter.

“Tonight?”

“We can stay here tonight. It’s late. Tomorrow we go down to the court and file the order and tomorrow night you stay with me.”

Slowly she nodded in agreement. “Okay.”

He stroked her hair. “It’s going to be all right. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

She’d never had a man stand up for her, want to protect her. The men in her life had all wanted something. If it wasn’t sex it was what she could do for their careers. This was all so new and scary.

“Why are you crying?” He tilted her chin upward and wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I don’t know. Overwhelmed I guess.” She sniffed and laughed nervously.

He kissed her forehead. “You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m here.”

That only made her cry harder.

“Steph,” he held her closer. “What is it? Tell me.”

“I…it’s been so long…” she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “That I’ve had someone…” her voice broke into little pieces of pain, “take care of me.” Her body shuddered as she tried to hold in her sobs and failed.

Tony held her tighter. “Sssh, it’s okay babe. You have me now. And I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again,” he breathed into her hair. “Never. Understand?”

She bobbed her head up and down against his chest. Tony caressed her back soothing her like you would a wounded child.

Stephanie always came across to him as totally together, tough and resilient. This was a side of her he’d never seen or imagined: soft, dependent and vulnerable. Right at that moment he wanted to be able to shut out the world, stomp out all those who’d caused her a moment of anguish and make everything right in her world. He was falling for Stephanie. The truth was he’d already fallen. Hard. When that guy showed up at her door something inside of him snapped. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Stephanie didn’t have a life before
they’d met. But he didn’t want her past in his face. And from tonight on, he’d make sure it wasn’t in hers either. If she let him, he knew that he could make her happy, make her forget all about the past and heal all of her wounds. Tonight was a new beginning for them both.

“Tony…”

“Hmmm.”

“Make love to me.”

He pulled back and looked down at her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Very.”

His eyes slowly rolled over her face, looking for any signs of doubt or hesitation.

She leaned upward and kissed him. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her closer. She parted her lips and let him in. Their tongues danced slowly together, in and out, exploring.

Stephanie moaned softly when his hands trailed down her back, playing along her spine. She arched forward, needing to be closer. She fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, finally opening it. Her fingertips grazed his chest down to his belly. She felt the muscles there shudder beneath her fingers.

“Not here,” she whispered against his mouth. She eased away and stood in front of him. She
pulled her T-shirt over her head, unzipped her jeans and stepped out of them.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured. His eyes ran a hot path along the length of her curves.

She stretched her hand out to him. He took it and followed her into her bedroom.

For Stephanie everything moved in slow motion, like a movie, frame by frame. She captured it all. Each kiss, each touch. Tony was gentle, patient, willing to take eternity if it would make her happy.

They tumbled onto the bed, legs, arms and mouths entwined, unwilling to let even a breath of air separate them.

Tony unfastened her bra and freed the heaviness of her breasts. A sharp intake of breath filled the air when his tongue laved over one taut nipple then the other. His fingers strolled along her waist until they reached the band of her thongs and pushed them down. Somehow she managed to wiggle out of them and kicked them to the side of the queen-size bed.

He tore off his shirt and tossed it to the floor then quickly returned his mouth to hers. She sucked on his bottom lip while she worked to unfasten his pants. The kiss grew more frenzied as he pumped against her. He got out of his pants and boxers and they both gasped in stunned surprised
when their bare flesh came fully in contact with each other.

He pushed her legs apart with a sweep of his leg and rested between her thighs. She bent her knees and Tony cupped them above his arms, raising her legs until they braced his shoulders.

Her heart raced furiously with anticipation. The pulsing head of his penis beat against her wet opening, longing to be filled.

Tony snatched a pillow and shoved it under her hips, raising her even higher. He looked down into her eyes. Her lips parted. The air caught in her throat. The sensation of him entering her stilled her heart. Her stomach quivered. He pushed a little more. More. He groaned. Stephanie’s head rocked back and forth. His hands held her hips, immobilizing her as he pushed in and out, slow and steady.

Stephanie’s mind spun. Her body desperately needed to surge against Tony’s. But he wouldn’t let her. It was deliriously maddening. He raised her legs higher; draping them around his neck then spread them high and wide. Tony rotated his hips.

“Tony!” Her neck arched.

He got on his knees still holding Stephanie’s legs wide open. He jammed into her until they both shuddered. He did it again and again.

“Ooooh…” Stephanie moaned.

“Give yourself to me,” he urged.

Stephanie’s gaze met his demanding one. She pushed hips upward. Tony sucked in air from between his teeth. Stephanie smiled. She squeezed her inner muscles. Rocked her hips. She cupped her breasts in the palm of each hand offering up the fruit to Tony. She clenched her muscles again. Tony shivered, lowered his head and took one nipple into his mouth and feasted.

Stephanie moved in slow circles beneath him. Then faster, faster. Their breathing escalated in syncopated rhythms until it became one unified high note that shattered into millions of bright lights and bursts of electricity that shot through their veins.

“Agh,” Tony growled as he surged into her, his spine freezing as life shot out of him.

“Ooohmygod,” Stephanie wailed. Her insides clenched in a wild frenzy. Her body shook uncontrollably.

Tony squeezed her to him, burying his face in her neck. Stephanie wrapped her limbs tightly around his body, binding him to her until the last of their vibrations were spent.

Stephanie slowly lowered her legs, the muscles screamed. She snuggled against Tony. He brushed her damp hair away from her face and kissed her tenderly on her cheek.

“In the morning,” he said his voice raw and gravelly, “pack a bag. We can come back for anything else that you need.” He kissed her lips.

Stephanie locked her fingers behind his head and nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Never more sure about anything.” He eased off her and lay on his side facing her. Stephanie draped her arm across his waist. “I want you to be just as sure.”

Stephanie swallowed. If she did this, took this leap, she would once again be putting her well-being in the hands of a man. She looked into his searching eyes. Is that what she really wanted?

“I’m sure,” she said, the words, soft but strong.

“Steph…”

“Hmm?”

“We didn’t use protection.”

She drew in a slow breath and looked into his eyes. “I know.”

“I
t’s been a rough week,” Ellie said. She lifted a cup of coffee to her lips. “Thank goodness we finally got the extra help.”

“I know. We couldn’t have held up much longer.” Barbara chuckled and took two English muffins out of the toaster then put them on a plate on the island counter. Sunday morning gospel from WBLS FM played softly in the background.

“Butter or jelly?”

“Cream cheese.”

Barbara shook her head and grinned. Elizabeth
loved cream cheese and would look for any opportunity to lather it on something.

Barbara got the butter, jelly and cream cheese from the fridge and put them on the table. She took a seat opposite Elizabeth, wrapped her hands around her mug of coffee and looked across at her friend.

“I never told you about Wil Hutchinson,” she began before spreading grape jelly on her muffin.

Elizabeth frowned for an instant and shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But…” she pointed a finger toward Barbara. “Isn’t that the guy who came to the spa?”

Barbara nodded.

“I thought there was something going on there, but…” She shrugged. “So what’s going on?”

“Wil and I met in high school. Then we both attended Howard University together.”

Elizabeth relaxed in her seat.

“When I saw him again, everything came rushing back like it was yesterday.”

Elizabeth smiled. “So you two must have been pretty hot.”

“More than that. We were in love. Really in love. We had plans.” She gazed off into the distance.

“So…what happened?”

“I got pregnant.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Pregnant?”

Barbara nodded. She pressed her lips together.

“He left you because you got pregnant?”

“No. I left him.”

“Barb, I’m not understanding. Start from the beginning.”

She drew in a long breath and slowly exhaled. “Wil and I originally met through a friend in high school. He was the captain of the football team. The minute I saw Wil, you know that funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach?”

Elizabeth bobbed her head up and down.

“Well I got it…bad.” She laughed lightly.

“Gurl.” Elizabeth rocked back in her chair and slapped the table with her palm. “I sho’nuff know that feeling,” she said, thinking of when she saw Ron for the first time.

Barbara laughed as the joy of those days washed over her. “Anyway, we really hit it off from the beginning. Every girl in school wished she was me.”

“I hear ya.”

“Wil was a year ahead of me. He went onto Howard and I swore that I was going to follow him there as soon as I graduated.”

“Which you did.”

Barbara sighed. “My parents were so strict. I was an only child and a girl. My father was a Pentecostal minister.”

“I never knew that.”

“Religion was his world, almost to the exclusion of everything else. I didn’t have a social life unless it had something to do with church. No boyfriends, no dating.”

“So how did you manage to get involved with Wil?”

“Sneaking around. My friend Margaret, the one who introduced us, would cover for me. She was the only person that my parents trusted me to be with.” She chuckled. “I’d tell my parents that we were doing work in the church or at the library. Once I was able to get away, I’d meet up with Wil.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “I was so in love. When he left to go away to school I truly thought I was dying inside. It was the longest year of my life. My folks were dead set against me going away to school. Told me no good would come to me in some big city like Washington or New York. They wouldn’t hear of it.”

“So how did you manage to get into Howard?”

“I worked after school and every single day during the summer. Saved every dime. I bought a train ticket from Walterboro South Carolina to Washington, D.C. for the next to the last week in August. I never told my parents.” She swallowed. “I just got on that train and went to see Wil.”

“Barbara, you didn’t tell your parents? They must have been frantic.”

“I wrote them and told them I was safe. Didn’t give them a return address or anything.”

“But…where did you live?”

“Wil had a small studio apartment off campus. That’s where we lived. I worked during the day while Wil went to school. I saved my money to pay for two classes the next semester. That’s when I found out I was pregnant.”

Elizabeth reached across the table and covered Barbara’s hand.

“I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I was too afraid to tell Wil. I couldn’t go home. I knew having a baby would ruin everything for Wil. His plans and dreams of going into the NFL would have come to a halt.” She clenched her hand. “So I ran. Wil went to school one morning and I left. I came to New York.”

“But what happened with the baby?”

Barbara bit down on her bottom lip. “I got a room at the local YWCA and started hunting down clinics that would…help me.”

“Barb, you don’t have to tell me anymore.”

Barbara held up her hand. “No. I want to. I need to. I’ve held this in for so many years.” Her eyes cinched at the corners. She stared into Elizabeth’s
eyes. “You’re the first person I’ve ever said anything to about this.” She was quiet for a moment, feeling for the words, hoping they didn’t still hurt as deeply when she said them aloud. “I went to the clinic. The women there were so helpful and sympathetic to me. They gave me several options. They would help me find housing and a part-time job and I could raise the baby myself as a single mother or I could put the baby up for adoption.” She shook her head slowly.

“When I walked in there all I wanted was for it to be over. I didn’t want to have to think about it for a minute longer than I had to. But the thought of going through with it…or giving my baby up to strangers, never knowing it or it knowing me…or raising it alone at nineteen…” Her voice cracked with pain. She wiped her eyes. “I felt so trapped.” She looked into Elizabeth’s eyes, the haunting agony still evident. “I took the information with me back to the Y, to think about it, you know.” Elizabeth held Barbara’s hand as if to give her strength. “Life is funny. When you can’t make a choice it just steps right in and makes it for you. I went to bed that night and when I woke up I was in the hospital.”

“What? What happened?”

“Sometime during the night I started bleeding.
The pain was excruciating. I was able to make it to the bathroom in the hallway that was shared on my floor. That’s the last thing I remember.”

“Oh, Barbara, I…I’m so sorry.”

“When I woke up my mother was sitting in the chair by my bed.”

Elizabeth gasped.

“She said I could have come to her even though my father never wanted to see me again.” Her short laugh was an empty sound. “She stayed until I was released from the hospital then she went back home. The doctors told me I’d had an entopic pregnancy and probably wouldn’t be able to have children.”

Elizabeth lowered her head, not able to imagine how devastating that news was to someone so young.

Barbara drew herself up. “Anyway, a few years later I met Marvin.” She shrugged. “And the rest you know.”

“Did Marvin know?”

Barbara shook her head. “We simply resigned ourselves to not having children. What has haunted me all these years was that after I left the clinic, I’d made up my mind to go through with having the baby and taking care of it myself. A part of me always felt that I was being punished for even thinking about taking a life.”

“You don’t really believe that do you?”

“Years of being browbeaten by religion does things to you. I would say a million prayers for forgiveness anytime Wil and I would make love. I just knew I was going straight to hell. I guess my penance was never being able to have children of my own.”

“Barbara, we all make mistakes. Especially when we’re young. If there is one thing that I believe it’s that God is a merciful God. Bad things happen to good people all the time.”

“I suppose.” She looked at Elizabeth. “So there you have it, my sordid, dark past.” She brought the mug to her lips and took a sip. “And now my past is right here in front of me once again.”

“How do you feel about Wil?”

She tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment. “Honestly?”

“Yes, honestly.”

“I never stopped loving him. Never.”

“Then you have a decision to make my friend.”

Barbara looked off into the distance then down at the diamond sparkling on the third finger of her left hand. “I know.”

Wil finished his mail route and returned to the main post office to check out. He couldn’t remember what he did for the entire day. All he could think
about was Barbara. He still could not believe that after all these years he’d run into her again.

He returned his mail cart and punched out. Stepping out into the chilling November air he took a look around as if seeing the city he’d lived in for years for the first time. He zipped up his wool jacket and hunched his shoulders against the stiff wind and started home. Since his wife died, he’d resigned himself to being alone, at least with regard to a relationship. His focus had been on raising Chauncey to the exclusion of everything else. Now, with his son on the threshold of stepping out into the world on his own, he would really be alone.

Was Barbara seeing anyone? Had she ever married? Did she have children? She was still just as sweet and as beautiful as he remembered. But with that memory came a pain he’d never quite gotten over—the day she disappeared.

She was simply gone as if she’d never been there. He’d come home from class, excited about having an NFL scout check him out at practice. They wanted to talk, but he wanted to talk to Barbara first. If he did get drafted to the NFL he wanted them to be married first. He’d come home ready to pop the big question…

His throat tightened as the images of an empty
apartment suddenly loomed before him. All that was left of their relationship was a cursory note. “It’s best this way. Please don’t look for me. Barbara.”

To this day he couldn’t understand why she’d done it. How could she have hurt him that way? For months he’d walked around in a trance, barely getting through his days. It effected his playing and ultimately cost him everything.

The team had been in the middle of a scrimmage. He couldn’t concentrate. He went out to receive a pass and the next thing he knew he was crumpled in a heap, his right leg twisted at an odd angle. Any thoughts of going to the NFL were shattered just like his leg.

The bus pulled up to the stop and Wil got on board. Stepping on, he found a seat in the back. He stared out the window as the bus rumbled down Amsterdam Avenue and images of those painful days rolled by and how his love for Barbara turned into something ugly.

While he lay in the hospital with a series of pins and braces on his leg he hated her. Hated her for leaving him, hated her for loving him, hated her for taking away his dream.

It was Kimberly who’d nursed him back to health, stuck with him through rehab and helped to mend his broken heart. So he married her. In a way
it was to thank her for being there for him. He couldn’t say he truly loved Kim because in his heart, as much as his anger tarnished the image of Barbara, he knew he’d never love anyone other than her.

It wasn’t fair to Kim. He knew it but he couldn’t help it.

“She’s gone, Wil. Gone,” she’d said time and again. “When are you going to let it go? I’m you’re wife, the mother of your child, but all you care about is Barbara!”

He had no answer for her. It was true. And then one day Kim couldn’t take it anymore and she walked out.

The bus came to his stop and he pulled himself up from his seat and got off.

As the years passed and as Chauncey grew, Barbara got pushed to the back of his mind. His anger and disappointment had waned over the years. And then there she was.

He turned the key in his door. He had to find out what happened back then. She owed him an explanation.