Saving Face (a young adult romance) (10 page)

            “I’d like that yeah.”  Wow.  Maybe she could
still have a social life.

            Alyssa thought about that on her drive home
after school.  Why
had
she thought Beth wouldn’t have time for her if
she wasn’t wearing a cheer skirt anymore?  Beth wasn’t that shallow.  Uh-oh. 
Maybe she was the one that was shallow.  It did seem a little over the top
now—that she’d made Brent trail after her at social events like an accessory to
her cheerleading uniform.  She was single now, and it was hardly powering any
major rumor mill.  Of course she was no longer a part of Jenn’s inner circle so
there was the distinct possibility that the rumors were out there.  But if she
didn’t have to listen to them did she really care?

            Man!  Brent was just getting righter and
righter.  At least one benefit to not speaking to him was that she did not have
to hear him say I-told-you-so.  Of course Brent wasn’t really the I-told-you-so
kind of person.  Okay so new plan:  instead of lying around waiting for
graduation Alyssa would—what?  Well something not shallow that’s for sure.

            “Didn’t you need anything?”  Beth’s voice was
coming through a dressing room door.  Alyssa stood in the small waiting area
guarding Beth’s already significant pile of bags.

            “Not as much as you.”  She joked.

            “I like clothes.”  Beth wasn’t offended in the
least.  “Anyway—my dad pays my credit card and he can afford it.” 

            Alyssa giggled a little.  Her parents could
afford it too, but that didn’t mean she was going to rush out and run up a
credit card bill.  Of course her parents would never give her a credit card to
begin with, so the point was moot.

            They were having a great time.  There wasn’t a
store in the mall they’d left out.  Even Pam’s pet emporium had warranted a
visit.  The kittens were so cute!  Alyssa had missed fun.  It was possible, she
realized, that she’d been wallowing a little bit in her own drama.

            “So tell me about this new hobby.”  Beth asked
when they’d settled themselves in front burgers and fries in the food court.

            “Nothing to tell at the moment.  I just have a
lot of free time on my hands at the moment.  Maybe I’ll get a part time job or
go out for softball.”  Even as she said it Alyssa was deciding against working. 
The money would be nice, but somehow that didn’t seem to fulfill her nonshallow
requirements. 

            “Umm… Alyssa?  Softball tryouts were last week. 
I don’t think any of the sports teams are open.” 

            Oh.  Well sports weren’t really nonshallow
either.  Too bad though.  Softball sounded like fun.  “Okay—I’ll think of
something.”  Alyssa put on a bright smile, but this was hard. 

            It took a few weeks of empty afternoons, but
Alyssa finally thought of something.  She suddenly remembered that Brent had
been very impressed when she worked at the hospital’s carnival.  It was fun too. 
Probably growing as a person wasn’t supposed to be and fun, but if it was good
enough to impress Brent…  Brent was definitely the least shallow person she
knew.  Or used to know, since they weren’t really friends anymore.

            You have to take a class to be a candy striper. 
That’s what the hospital volunteers are called.  The woman who answered when
Alyssa called the hospital about volunteering explained that to her.  Taking
the class wouldn’t be such a big deal since it was on Saturdays and Alyssa’s
weekends tended to be wide open lately, but the next class wasn’t until May.  So
Alyssa signed up, but she was still facing eight weeks of boring until then. 
Beth thought it was great though.  Cheerleading would be over by then, so Beth was
free to sign up too.

            The next day Alyssa decided to try the library. 
Volunteering at the library wouldn’t be as interesting, but it would be
volunteering
and so it would fit her agenda just as well. 

            The library had a waiting list of people wanting
to do volunteer work.  A waiting list!  That many people wanted to spend their
weekends alphabetizing books—or dewey decimalizing books?  Whatever.  She was
worthless.  No one needed her help.  Alyssa briefly considered crawling back
into her bed for another three days.  That would probably be back sliding, so
instead she went to the park.  She would go for a run—she needed to try and
stay in shape somehow now that she was a couch potato.

             Next to the parking lot at the local park was a
paved quarter mile track that circled a big playground—no one was interested in
monkey bars today.  It wasn’t that warm.  A little further from the parked cars
were a couple of sports fields.  As a kid she’d come here to play soccer,
softball, and any other sport her parents would sign her up for.  Brent was
terrible at soccer but he’d made his mom bring him to all the games anyway.

Running was boring.  Alyssa loved
pretty much every sport—except the ones you did alone.  This sucks, she thought
as she took her third lap around the track.  Not even a whole mile, and she was
bored.  Probably she’d only made it this far because the park was very pretty
and she’d been admiring the view.  Spring wasn’t here yet, but it was a warm
march and the grass was looking green again. 

            Alyssa strained her eyes to see a couple of
people on the baseball diamond.  As the straightaway of the track brought her
closer she made out a small figure wildly swinging a bat in front of the
backstop.  It couldn’t be entirely his fault that he hadn’t hit a single ball
because the pitcher looked even more awkward than the kid.  When the track curved
Alyssa veered off into the grass and headed towards the ball field.

            Closer up, she could tell that the child was
actually a she.  A little girl of about nine years with a blond ponytail pulled
messily through the back of red Phillies cap was staring determinedly at the
pitcher.  Alyssa assumed the older woman was the girl’s mother.  The mother was
only standing about 20 feet from home plate—nowhere near the pitcher’s mound. 
She still couldn’t seem to get the ball into the strike zone.  Alyssa watched
for a little while longer.  The backstop behind, and in front of, the girl
became littered with softballs.  She hadn’t hit even one.

            “Hi there.”  Alyssa smiled brightly and waved to
the pitcher as she approached the girl.  “I’m Alyssa.”  Now she was speaking to
the mom.

The older woman jogged over.  “Nice
to meet you, I’m Patty, and this is my daughter Lynn.”  The little girl looked
up at her shyly from beneath her cap.

“Hey there, Lynn.”  Alyssa crouched
down to look her in the eye.  “Do you like softball?  I do.”

“I don’t know.  We haven’t started
yet.”

“She’s signed up for the rec
league, they start next week.  We were just practicing a bit.”  Patty put in.

“I played for the rec league when I
was your size.  It’s fun.”

“Is it?”  The girl’s eyes went as wide
as saucers.  “It isn’t hard?”

“Well it wouldn’t be very fun if it
was too easy.  If your mommy doesn’t mind.  Maybe I could show you a couple of
tricks.”

Patty’s face colored with relief
and appreciation.

“Alright.  Well I’ll let you in on
a secret.  The most important thing to remember when you’re hitting?  Your
elbow.”  Alyssa adjusted the girls batting stance and helped her choke up on
the bat.

After a few swings Alyssa tactfully
gave Patty a break from pitching.  Lynn was doing much better now that she knew
where to hold the bat and of course now that she had something worth hitting. 
She still had trouble, but each time her bat made that thud of contact with the
ball her smile more than made up for any strikes. It wasn’t just her smiling
either.  Alyssa was as happy for her as Patty.  Before she knew it dusk was
chasing them back to their cars.

“Can you come next week too? 
That’s the real practice.”  Lynn wanted to know.

“Umm.  I’m not sure your coach
would appreciate that.  But good luck, I know you are going to love playing
softball.”

“Actually.”  Patty cleared her
throat.  “We completely appreciated your help today and you probably are very
busy, but the assistant coach just backed out.  I was going to volunteer but I
realize now that I’m in over my head.  If you’re interested…”

“Yes!”   Alyssa was embarrassed at
how loud she’d been.  “I mean, yes I am interested.  I’ve been… umm…looking for
a volunteer opportunity so, yes.  I am interested.”

Patty beamed at her.  “You must be
looking to pad those college applications huh?  Well we would love to have
you.”  She fished a business card out of her purse.  “Here’s my contact
information.  Give me a call and I will put you in contact with Sherry Palm—our
coach.”

Alyssa could have danced home.  As
a matter of fact she did do quite a bit of bopping around to the radio in the
car.  When she pulled into her driveway she was in such a good mood she almost
didn’t bother to check Brent’s driveway for his car or Jenn’s car. 
Almost
.

            Normally she wasn’t a big fan of bright red. 
But Alyssa was very pleased with her new
Ladybugs
team shirt.  She would
be leaving for the park in just a minute.  The Ladybugs had their first game
this morning.  Coaching was more fun than Alyssa had anticipated.  Hanging out
with those girls was becoming something she very much looked forward to all
week.  Alyssa tried not to think of herself as pathetic for enjoying the
company of a bunch of fourth graders.  They were all just so ready to have a
good time.  No one was worried about gossip, or boyfriends, or breaks, or
time-outs.  Alyssa decided she hadn’t appreciated the fourth grade nearly
enough while she was there.

            They didn’t just goof off either.  Every one of
those girls showed up to their twice a week practices ready to work.  Lynn was
still having a little trouble at bat, but she was by far the team’s best
catcher.  Another little girl named Sammie was quickly developing a promising
pitch and Alyssa had high hopes for today’s game.  Of course at nine years old
she was sure the girls would bounce back quickly from a loss, but they totally
deserved a win. 

            Adjusting her hat on her head, Alyssa headed out
to her car.  She was going to be so early, but she was too excited to wait
around anymore.  Her spirits came crashing down around her when she saw Brent
leaving his front door at the same time she left hers.  Taking a step backwards
Alyssa intended to escape back inside her front door until he’d gone, but it
was too late.  Brent’s eyes found her and he altered his path to intercept
hers. 

            What did he want?  What could she say to him? 
It had been over two months since they’d… well what was there to say?  He
looked good.  His hair was too long—he tended to forget when it was time for a
trip to the barber.  At this length his hair was starting to curl.  Alyssa
loved those curls.

            “How are you, Alyssa?”

            “Oh.  Umm.  I’m good.  You?”  Weird. Weird. Weird!

            “I’ve been better.”  Brent sighed.  He was so
not allowed to sigh at her anymore.  She was experiencing major personal growth
here! 

            “I quit cheering.”

            “Yeah.  I heard about that.”  Probably from
Jenn.

            “I’m coaching a softball team now.”  Well
assistant coaching, but whatever.

            “I heard that too.”  Where did Jenn get her
information from?  Oh, well.  At least he was smiling now.  “Lyssa, can we—”

            Alyssa cut him off.  “I’m sorry, Brent.  I’ve
got to run or I’ll be late for the game.  I’ll see you okay?” 

Like the coward that she was,
Alyssa hightailed it to her car leaving Brent staring after her on the sidewalk. 
Maybe she should have let him finish his sentence.  Maybe he’d been about to
say
let’s just go back to being best friends. 
As much as Alyssa missed
her friendship with Brent she knew there were some things they couldn’t come
back from and drunken sex was at the top of that list.  Maybe he’s been about
to profess his undying love to her.  But she wasn’t sure she wanted that
either.  Well okay she was pretty sure she did, but what if it was still
weird?  Then where would they be?

He’d smiled though.  Perhaps he was
a little impressed?  That idea pleased her and while her excitement from
earlier that morning wasn’t entirely restored, she did perk up a little.  The
Ladybugs won.  And Alyssa’s inner cheerleader burst out when Lynn hit a homerun
in the first inning.  It probably should have been a double—but nine year olds
suck at fielding.  Over all it was a banner day in spite of her Brent moment. 
That moment had clung to her all day.  She couldn’t help thinking that he would
have enjoyed the game. 

Brent hit like a girl, but he threw
a wicked curveball.  Of course this was slow pitch softball for fourth graders
and no one threw curveballs, but still.  Alyssa spared a few minutes to regret
rushing off on him.  She was very aware that the last six months had been all
her fault.  And a painful game of
what if
kept playing mercilessly in
her head.  What if she’d kissed him in the car that night, if she’d called him
when Pop died, if she’d just been straight with people about their relationship
in the first place.  Then Brent would have been with her today.  Cheering for
Lynn, and offering to buy her celebratory pizza after the win.

Not that she needed Brent to
indulge in celebratory pizza.  But even after all this personal growth, she
still wasn’t planning to be seen at a pizza place stuffing her face—alone. 
Weren’t there some frozen pizza pockets at home?  Yes.  That’s what she would
do.  Pizza pockets and a good book.  Alyssa hadn’t made time for much reading
since the eighth grade.  Now she was on the third twilight book—boy had she been
missing out.  A Saturday night playing Jacob or Edward over her microwaved
dinner?  Not lame.  Personally she favored Jacob.  He was more fun.  Alyssa
missed fun.

On Sunday Alyssa woke up with a
stomach ache.  Stupid pizza pockets.  Sundays used to be her favorite part of
the week.  She knew it was unusual that her best friend next to Brent had
always been her grandfather, but that never used to bother her.  Now she didn’t
have either of them.  Or Mr. Petry, or Mrs. Sloan, Alyssa even missed Charles. 
Even though at thirty she thought he was too old to flirt with her the way he
did, and way too young to be dismissed into the same category of Mr. Petry. 
The old Alyssa would have brooded at the unfairness in life.  New Alyssa
decided to swing by Stoneybrook and have a visit.

Walking into the building was more
difficult than she’d expected.  After the receptionist’s initial surprise at
seeing her after all this time things got better.  She signed Mrs. Sloan’s
visitor book and went upstairs to find out how her grandson was liking married
life.

“Didn’t you know dear?  They are
expecting!  Imagine, me a
greatgrandmother.
”  Mrs. Sloan continued on
about the baby blanket she was already at work on, and green was a neutral
color so it wouldn’t matter boy or girl.  “It ain’t natural this
finding out
. 
No, I told them I don’t want to know.  I can be surprised when the time comes
just like god intended.  There is a reason you know that he didn’t put a window
in women’s stomachs.”

Alyssa pretty sure there were other
logistical issues with the whole window thing.  But it was a sweet sentiment,
and she wondered if, one day when she was
expecting
, she would be able
to wait for the surprise.  Probably not—patience was not among her virtues.

“Where is that young man friend of
yours these days?”

“hmm?  Oh.  Brent and I— well it’s
just me today.”  Alyssa finished lamely.

“So it’s like that is it?  I
thought something was funny when he started showing up in the week and you were
still coming on Sundays.”

“Brent?  My friend came to visit
you?  Tall, blond, green eyes?”

“No need to describe him to me! 
These are new glasses and my mind’s as sharp as a tack.”

“I’m sorry ma’am I didn’t mean to
offend.  I just wasn’t aware Brent had been to visit you that’s all.”

“Not me, deary—although bless his
soul he always stopped to say hello, and I never turn down a visitor.  But no
it was Al he was visiting.  Started coming on Tuesdays I could hear that TV
game all the way down this end of the hall…”

She kept talking, but Alyssa lost
her ability to listen.  Brent had been to visit Pop.  Often—by the sound of
it.  She remembered when Pop started confusing him with her father, but she
hadn’t put it together at Christmas when Pop claimed her dad came on Tuesdays. 
She should have, since no way would her dad spend an evening playing Wii
Bowling.  Was it really possible that she’d missed his exact level of
wonderfulness all these years?  Now that she was aware of it there wasn’t a
whole lot she could do about it.

Alyssa visited with Mrs. Sloan a
little longer and then she walked around and popped in on the few other people
she knew.  When Mrs. Sloan said what she did about not turning away visitors,
it occurred to her that maybe she wasn’t the only one in the world to feel
lonely.  All the residents were very happy to see her, and no one said anything
dumb about being
sorry for her loss
.  In a way that was sad, because it
just meant that these people had grown used to losing loved ones.  But mostly
it was a relief to be able to talk about Pop without having to talk about his
death.  Mr. Petry offered to play her in game of chess, but that was something
about Sundays she hadn’t missed.  New Alyssa didn’t like losing anymore than
old Alyssa had.

Alyssa turned 18 on the warmest
sunniest April day she could ever remember.  Usually her birthday called for
boots and an umbrella.  This year she pulled out open toed sandals and a
sundress.  Now— warm sunny days in April are still
days in April,
so she
pulled a light sweater over the spaghettis straps of her dress. Sweater and all
she felt very springish and was determined to enjoy the day.  After all you
only turn 18 once.

Last year on her birthday Alyssa found
her car filled to the brim with balloons when she left for school in the
morning.  This year it was much easier climbing into her car.  At sixteen she
almost missed homeroom after spending the morning over a tall stack of
homemade, strawberry, birthday pancakes.  Who needed all those calories?

At school Beth and Tommy were waiting
by her locker with chocolate chip muffins. 

“Oh wow, thanks guys!”  Alyssa took
a huge bite.  “So much better than pancakes.”  She grinned at them.

“Happy birthday, you’re welcome,
and what about pancakes?”  Beth smiled widely from where she was leaning
against Tommy leaning against the row of lockers.

“Never mind.”  Alyssa smiled to
herself around a second bite.

“So what’s on the agenda for the
evening?”  Tommy wanted to know.

“Well it’s a Friday night, and my
mom has a late shift at the hospital so that means I’ll be fixing my own
dinner, doing homework and going to bed early.”  Alyssa groused.  The Ladybugs
did have a game the next day, so it wasn’t as if her entire weekend was a
bust.  But it was still a pretty depressing plan for her 18
^th
birthday. 
Last September she and Brent had driven all over town buying lottery tickets…
just because he could.

“Or, you could come out with us.” 
Beth linked her arm through Alyssa’s and started off down the hallway.  “And
that is more of a demand than a request.  I have been planning a surprise for
you.”

“I’d listen to her, Alyssa.  She’s
getting bossy in her old age.”  Tommy teased.  Beth had celebrated her 18
^th
birthday at the end of January.  Tommy, like Brent, was born in September. 
Alyssa suspected he missed lording his
legal
status over them.

Beth continued on as if he hadn’t
spoken.  “We were going to leave right after school, but you can’t wear that.”

Alyssa was insulted.  “I like this
dress!”

“It’s a nice dress, but you are
going to want pants, and a jacket.”  They were passing Beth and Tommy’s
homeroom, so Alyssa didn’t get a chance to question the cryptic comment.

A surprise sounded nice.  Most of
the rest of the day Alyssa enjoyed herself.  In other years she had gone out of
her way to flaunt her birthday with beauty queen style birthday girl sashes,
and carrying around flowers or gifts that she’d hinted shamelessly to various
boys about.  It was a surprise when she realized she didn’t miss the constant
comments and good wishes those tactics had brought her.  Her closer friends
remembered, and it turned out that those were the only
happy
birthdays
she needed.  She left her phone on all day.  The school had very strict
rules against this, but Brent might remember it was her birthday, and text her
or something.  So she left it on.  He didn’t.

After school Beth and Tommy
followed her home, and Beth insisted she change into jeans and sneakers.  And a
jacket.

“Gee mom, should I wear a hat?” 
Alyssa teased as they climbed into Tommy’s car.

“Nah, helmets are provided.”  Beth
tossed a cryptic look back to where she sitting.

“Helmet?”  So much for surprises
being fun.  “Where are we going?”  No answer.  “Tommy?”  Alyssa tried to change
tactics.

“Not a chance.”  He laughed over
his shoulder from the driver’s seat.  “She’d kill me.”

“He’s right.”  Beth sang happily. 
Alyssa slouched in the back seat and pouted lightheartedly.  How bad could it
be?

It was bad!