Saving Grace (3 page)

When Grace first came to live with the Belfast pack, Colin had insisted she see a doctor to deal with the grief of losing Ada, and learning the woman wasn’t really related. He told her he didn’t know how a Lycan would react after shifting for the first time after spending a lifetime thinking weres were just fairytale creatures.

This was only her second appointment with Doctor Jeffrey and Grace still wasn’t thrilled with the idea. But she arrived for her appointment on time.

“Grace.” The doctor stood and smiled. “So glad you decided to come back.”

She nodded and quickly took a seat. “Yeah, some things came up I had to deal with.”

“Your first heat?” he looked over his glasses.

She eyed the man, hair graying at the temples and a belly that said he frequently enjoyed beer, buffalo wings or both.

“God, does he have to tell you
everything
?” It seemed there was no way for her to get any privacy or discretion. Her whole life was an open book to her Alpha and now her doctor.

Jeffrey gave a sympathetic smile and nodded. “The Alpha’s job is to concern himself with his pack—every member, Grace.”

“And my heat was just so important, he had to share that with you?” She rolled her eyes and sunk in the chair.

“Yes. It’s yet another change you experienced in a short amount of time. Now, you may or may not know this about me already, but I’m not entirely human. Furthermore, I do not have one human client. I deal strictly with supernaturals. Our moral code, our physical and psychological make-up—it’s all very different than for the humans.” He cleared his throat. “Colin was right to be worried. That’s a lot to take in, even for a supernatural.”

She couldn’t look at Jeffrey. “Did he tell you I sexually assaulted him?”

“That’s a bit harsh. Don’t you think?”

“No!” Grace huffed. “I tackled him, dry humped him and kissed him. All without consent. Pretty much makes me a predator. I might be a Lycan, but I was raised on human values. It’s clearly sexual assault!”

Jeffrey raised a brow. “No. Your body told you to do something. You felt wrong about it and stopped. You didn’t hurt Colin. He’s not held it against you. But before we go down this path, have you finished the reading material I gave you?”

Heated embarrassment warmed her neck until the glow of a blush stung her cheeks. Consumed with learning how to be a Lycan and to control her heat so she didn’t entertain her pack with more unexpected displays of lust, she abandoned the books after discovering a few special abilities. “Sorry. No.”

He nodded. “This makes sense then. You need to read them. I’ll give you the cliff notes quickly though. Lycan culture revolves around the female, in some ways. Females’ bodies go into heat, just like canines, to encourage sex. To encourage propagation of your species. Female sexual appetites during that time is nearly insatiable. This also gives the male a reason, biologically, to stay and be certain she only breeds with him—to carry on his bloodline. The bonding is a way to ensure the bond lasts outside of copulation.”

“Bonding. I’ve heard this before. What is bonding?” She leaned forward, eager to learn more.

“During sex, the pair bite each other, just enough to draw a little blood. The hormones excreted during sex, along with the blood, seal the bond when they lick each other’s blood. From that point on, the couple is a mated pair, able to receive each other’s thoughts and feelings. It’s called clairaudience, to hear someone’s thoughts, or telepathy.”

The anxiety in her started to build. “Great, I already have a wolf inside my head.”

“I heard that.”
Her wolf protested.

“Er, sorry.”

Jeffrey smiled and nodded. “Based on that remark I’ll assume you just offended yourself. Congratulations. That’s a first in my office.”

She rubbed her forehead. “So what else don’t I know?”

“A lot. You need to study the books I gave you. The vampires gave them to me to pass on to you because they felt you needed the knowledge contained within them. The history of the supernatural world is in your very hands. Many would love to get their hands on them.”

“The vampires are the historians. Right?”

“Indeed. They’re all very interested in you right now. I’m surprised they haven’t come for a visit.” Jeffrey scratched his beard. “Very surprised actually.”

Her stomach burned. The idea of meeting a real life vampire did not excite her. Of course, her only knowledge of them were from movies and books so she had no idea what to expect. “Why?”

He scratched his chin as he penciled something down. “Very surprised, indeed.”

That’s not an answer.
She considered the fact that she would be meeting a vampire soon and it unsettled her. Not only would she be faced with another supernatural creature, creatures she had no knowledge of other than books and movies, but rather disappointing someone who’d trusted her with relics of the past.

“Okay, I’ll finish the books. The English is just old, which slows down my reading pace.”

He nodded, but it was the kind of bob that said he wasn’t going to let her get out of studying the books. “I understand you’re growing close to Roman.”

“What’s with the sudden change of topic?” she said with a giggle.

“Do you want to go back and talk about how you didn’t fulfill your responsibilities?” The stern look on his face let her know it was time to move on.

She lifted her brows, surprised at the scolding. “Yes. I like him very much. We had sex during my heat, but he’s avoided it since.” She bit her bottom lip, unsure she should have disclosed that intimate detail.

“And you feel rejected?”

“Something like that.”
And I don’t want to have this conversation.
She couldn’t help squirming in her seat with the thought.

“Grace, do you know what it takes to be Alpha of a pack?” He put his pen down and folded his hands on top of his desk. When she shook her head, he continued.

“An Alpha has to put his pack first. Every member of the pack’s needs are met before his own. You’ve been through a lot. You’ve had a lot of changes recently. You don’t even fully understand what being a Lycan means nor what it means to you. Roman likely wants to be mated with you, but knows it’s too early. He’s showing patience, restraint, and ultimately, respect for you. Just be open with him. Let him know where you are. And remember, being mated is for life. You won’t get tired of him and change your mind. If you have a ceremony and a blood bonding—it’s for eternity.”

“Whoa.” She leaned back in her chair. “By being bonded, you mean, married.”

“Yes.”

She stared at the floor and let his words soak in. Roman wanted to marry her…already.

“Does he want to marry me because I’m royalty? That’s it, right? It’s the money or power or something.” No man had ever shown her interest beyond sex. The thought of being with someone forever was foreign.

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Didn’t you just hear me when I said he’s putting you first?”

“But how could he be that serious about me? We haven’t known each other but a few months.” She ran her fingers through her hair, needing to do something, anything. The doctor didn’t to understand how overwhelming and complicated her life had become. “I mean, I’ve never had a relationship for more than a month or two. Life? That seems like a long time.”

He smiled. “And you’re a Lycan. So that means a few hundred years if you’re lucky.”

Her T-shirt soaked up the sticky dampness forming under her arms.
A few hundred years?

“Listen, for what it’s worth, I’ve never seen a Lycan pair that was unhappy. The only infidelity seems to be with the Centaurs and they’re not in this part of the world. At least not that I know of.”

She blinked and shook her head at all the perplexing information. This world was so different from the human world she’d grown up in. It would take time for her to grasp all the changes.

“That’s not entirely true, Doc. Lycans aren’t all into monogamy. I’ve heard sometimes they’re into polygamy.”

Jeffrey nodded. “Yes, and it isn’t always with a female, either. There are marriages and bondings with more than one male. It’s complicated. But in some packs, it’s quite normal.”

He gave an understanding smirk and waved his hands. “We’re getting off topic though. You shouldn’t concern yourself with multi-bondings when you haven’t even considered a mutual bonding.”

She bobbed her head in agreement. “Now the single mate bondings—”

“As I understand it, once you bond with Roman, you won’t be able to imagine even breathing without him. A Lycan bond is that strong. It’s love. It means never being alone.” He nodded and furrowed his brow, as if searching for the right words. “And he’s smart to wait. He likely knows you’re not ready. But be aware, the longer he waits, the more painful it is for him. Most Lycans are around their mate most of their lives prior to forming a bond. You haven’t had that privilege.”

Her stomach continued to burn and churn as anxiety flooded her every cell. “There is some Lycan business that has me a little upset. But I’m not sure we’re supposed to chat about it.”

He smiled. “We’re allowed to discuss anything unless Colin specifically tells you otherwise.”

“There is a meeting with a Council—and…”

He leaned back in his chair, placing his pencil on the table. “Yes, I’ve caught wind of some disturbing rumors. What specifically troubles you?”

Feeling relieved at the sincerity in his voice, she felt confident enough to open up. “And Alphas who, uh, abuse females.”

“And you now realize Colin and Roman were desperate to save you from this fate?”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Had they not been there to save her, she could be a victim. Instead of sitting in the shrink’s office, figuring out her life, she could be living the worst nightmare she could imagine. Worse yet, other women were walking in those very shoes. “I can’t imagine…I just can’t.” Her heart ached for the women who suffered such abuse. “Being bred, like cattle. Forced. It’s just so…”

“Inhumane? Wrong? Disgusting?”

“All of the above.” She took a deep breath, blinking to clear her eyes.

“We all feel that way, Grace. It’s part of our humanity. I would be troubled if it didn’t bother you. Especially given your royal status.”

“My royal status?”

“As strongly as an Alpha or Beta feel about their pack, you as royalty will find you consider all Lycans to be part of your family, of your pack. You will inherently feel the need to protect them all, unless they give you good reason not to, maybe even other supernatural beings.” He leaned back in his chair. “Just like a Queen cares for her people. You will care for yours. Your mate will become King. It will also increase the magic within you.”

“Whoa? Really? I can’t imagine anything feeling more powerful than I’ve already experience.” Her mouth hung slack as she stared at him.

“It will be unlike anything you or your mate has experienced. Your royal blood will course through his veins after the bonding. Lycans haven’t had a true Lycan King or Queen since your great grandparents.”

She shook her head. “What about my parents?”

The doctor looked at his watch. “You need to read the books, Grace. Your parents chose to reject their royal roles. They wanted to be normal Lycans. You have a choice as well, but we’re over our time for today.”

She thought hard as she drove back to the pack house. She’d spent so much time enjoying and learning the tricks, the fun and the magic of being Lycan. She hadn’t taken any of it seriously. She hadn’t thought about her role in the pack. She hadn’t put deep thought into anything.

Shame and guilt crept in. Her heart felt like it rested somewhere around her ankles. She had a serious role to play in this life and she’d been completely negligent.

Wolf?

“Grace?”

I really need to figure all of this Lycan stuff out. Now that you’re healthy, will a few days without sleep hurt you?

Grace’s wolf stood and stretched.
“Be sure you shift twice a day and go for a walk or run in the woods. This will keep me healthy. And don’t forget to eat. Our bond is strong now. Your food is my food. My food is yours. Nourishment won’t be an issue. We can go without rest, but not for more than a few days.”

Grace nodded, feeling firm in her decision. She’d spent her whole life looking for purpose. She wouldn’t reject her royalty. She would take it on, head first. Whatever that meant.

“You’ll be a great Queen someday. Our people need you.”

They’ll have me.

Roman spotted Grace pulling into the drive and walked to the back of the house. He stood at the tree line gazing at the forest when he heard heavy footprints—too heavy for a Lycan female—crunching toward him. He spun around to see Grace, her jaw set, moving with such determination it made him brace himself.

“Can I have five minutes of your time?” she asked, hands on her hips, her tone filtering in on the spicy side. Something was bothering her.

He smiled in hopes of brightening her mood. “You can have ten.”

“Where can we talk? Privately?” Her brows pulled in and her head was pointed slightly forward.

“Our princess looks determined!”

Roman held in his laugh.
“We might be in trouble.”

“We might be breeding.”

He tried not to roll his eyes. “Patio.” He led her over to the veranda and took a seat next to her on the bench. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh you can do a lot for me. First, we’re about to have a very frank discussion. I realize it’s not a very Lycan thing to do, but we’re going to put all of our cards on the table. Right here. Right now.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Roman tried hard not to look at how her arms squeezed her boobs together. “Um…okay?” He was Beta. Why was he taking orders from her?

“So you want to be mated to me?” Her eyes narrowed at him as her soprano voice sank into an accusing tone.

His heart thundered in his chest. “What? I’m sorry.” He shook his head. He couldn’t have heard her right. “What?” She couldn’t possibly believe he had planned out her future without her consent. His lips curved down at the very thought.

“You heard me. You have plans or hopes to be mated to me?” She leaned in and squinted her eyes. The pressure in his chest increased, and his stomach burned in unison. Her look was so stern, so accusatory. How could he make her understand?

“Well,” he started.
How do I answer her?

His wolf made a sound that somewhat resembled a laugh.
“Start with the truth.”

“Roman?”

He pulled his shoulders back, sitting a little straighter. He had to make her understand, but he didn’t want to make his position seem worse than it apparently had. He wanted her, he wanted all of her, but he wasn’t going to force it on her. “Yes.”
One word answer. That can’t get me into trouble. Can it?

“And you think I have no say in the matter?” Her accusing eyes honed in on him. He could hear his heart beat in his ears.

“Of course you do. Mates choose each other unless it’s an arranged marriage and neither one of your parents are around to make such an arrangement.” He gulped. Did she really think he’d force a mating on her? He tried to quash the offensive question now burned in his gut.

“But you’re pulling away from me. Why?”

He took a deep breath, relieved that the thought of being mates wasn’t objectionable to her, but that she was more concerned with his hesitation. Still, he wasn’t sure where she stood, what she wanted. He wanted to tread lightly but she was making it abundantly clear, that was not the path they were going to take. “I’m not pulling away. I’m trying not to rush you. You’ve
just
become one with your wolf. You
just
met us. You’re
just
and
only now
thinking of us as your pack. Having a mate is serious. I don’t want you to take too much on at once. I don’t want to put you in a position where you’ve bonded with me and regret it. I want my mate to want me back, or it’s just not worth it.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “But you do want me?”

Yes! Yes, with every fiber of my being!
He nodded and allowed a smile to spread across his face. “Very much.”

“When did you know?”

“Before I even found you. My wolf was fairly insistent you were, uh, the one.” He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans as he tried to force himself to relax. “But since I first met you, felt your presence, I knew. And our first time was during your heat. I didn’t know if it was me, or the heat, or if you…but then, on our last run. You made that part clear.”

“Have you bonded before?”

His jaw fell slack. “You really don’t understand bonding very well yet. No. I have never bonded. If I had, and no longer had that mate, I’d be withdrawn, like Colin.”

“I still don’t understand that.” Her shoulders slumped forward. “I don’t understand a lot, apparently.” She looked slightly defeated.

He wanted to help her, help her understand him, the pack and Lycan love. He thought for a moment. “You know how they talk about amputees—how they mourn their limb. They feel it itch, when it’s not even there.”

“Yeah?”

“Colin mourns his mate every day. Her thoughts are no longer in his mind. He aches for her. His mind is constantly searching for hers, for the sound of her voice. His wolf cries for hers. It’s like purgatory for the heart.”

Grace leaned over like the wind had been knocked out of her. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”
And she gets it.

She lifted her eyes and stared at him. Her blank expression morphed into determination, as if she found the words she’d been searching for. “I want us to date. I enjoyed making love to you and I’d very much like to do it again. But when you pull back, I feel rejected. I don’t like that feeling. Okay?” She bit her lip for a brief second, then gave him one affirmative nod as if to make her point.

He looked at her, open and vulnerable, yet strong. His feelings toward her grew so fast it had him off balance. Remembering how he nearly panicked when he had to wait for her to agree to join the Belfast pack, he quickly answered. “I understand.”

She let out a breath of air as if she had been holding it for an hour.

He released his own, as relief washed over him. She did want him, she just wanted some control over her own life. Knowing he could easily respect those boundaries filled him with joy.

“And when I’m getting serious, when I’m thinking about bonding, we will talk about it, like adults. Like responsible adults. No hiding from each other.” She wagged her finger.

A smile grew on his lips he couldn’t hide. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, as Beta of my pack, I want you to know the vampires sent my doctor old books they want me to read. Doc says he’s sure they’ll be visiting us soon. Or maybe he said he’s surprised they haven’t visited. Anyway, don’t be shocked by vampires coming to see us.”

“Wait! They gave you the books?” He stood up. “
The
books?”

“Yes. And I’m not to share them with anyone. The doctor made it clear these were royal secrets that were not to be shared. I promised him, and the vampires through him, not to violate the trust they placed in me. Not you, not Colin, no one can make me break that promise.” She stood and moved so close to him, he could feel the heat off of her body. “Do you understand?”

“But,
you
don’t understand. No pack has seen those for three or four generations…at least.”

“Roman…”

He held up his hands. “I respect your wishes. But I am going to tell Colin.” The history books contained secrets the Lycans had been coveting for years. His curiosity overwhelmed him. He wanted to see, to peek, to gain some of what was so secret.

She squinted her eyes at him and his heart fluttered. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her in, planting a kiss firmly on her sweet, full lips. He felt her body relax into him, her shoulders easing down and the pressure of her, leaning against him.

“See. She’s already ours.”
His wolf wagged its tail.

Roman released her and gave her a devilish smile. “When you’re ready to finish what you started in the woods, just say the words.”

Her jaw flexed as she stepped back from him. If he didn’t know better, he’s swear she was trying to hide a smile.

“I have a lot of reading to do. I’ll be taking my meals in my room. And other than a run twice a day, I’m not leaving my room until I’m done. I hope that won’t be a problem.”

Roman felt a bit deflated. He wanted to see more of her, not less. The Beta in him couldn’t help but admire her resolve to complete an important task.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. Would you like company for runs, or would you prefer to go it alone?”

“Oh no. I’ll absolutely need some company after spending so much time alone…in my room…again.” Her face flushed. “But, uh, this time at least I can focus.”

He kissed her forehead and stepped aside so she could walk into the house.

Lycan females weren’t usually that commanding with their male counterparts. Other males might find it a challenge, but Grace kept him on his toes. He liked it.