Saving Rain: The First Novel in The Rain Trilogy (20 page)

The clean, slightly woodsy smell of Kas gives her senses a much needed reprieve. She breaths him in, trying to push away the phantom scent of Brian as Kas carries her to the couch and sits down, never letting her go. He wraps his arms around her protectively, possessively, while she sits trembling in his lap.

Kas places his lips on the top of her head as he whispers, over and over, “I’m so, sorry, baby, I’m so, sorry.” His heart is ripping into a million pieces from what he fears Raina is going to tell him about what Brian did to her.

Self-disgust seeps through Raina when she feels the imminent threat of tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She bites her lip, hard, willing them to stay inside and not fall. She allows Kas to gently rock her soothingly as he whispers heartfelt promises of never letting anyone hurt her again as she struggles to maintain her last shred of dignity.

Sinking against Kas’ muscled torso, she allows the warmth of his powerful arms to surround her as she uses the very last of her weakened reserves to try to regain her failed composure. Kas gives her all the time she needs as he continues to hold her and brush his lips against her hair.

Finally able to muster enough courage to pull herself away from his refuge, Raina slides off of Kas’ lap, shame slamming her to the core of how she broke down in front of him. She thinks of her only saving grace being that, by some miracle, she was able to stave off the tears that burned the back of her eyes like acid rain. She moves backwards, to lean against the opposite end of the couch again, but Kas grabs her wrist, stopping her.

Her mind shoots back to that night again, at how Brian had held her wrists so ruthlessly that they were bruised and swollen from his unrelenting grip and her sincere but futile attempts of escaping his vice-like grasp. Kas’ hold on her is so different, just as strong, but not punishing. He slowly rubs his thumb across the inside of her wrist as he firmly holds her in place.

His eyes are fixated on hers, keeping her eyes locked onto his, like he has her in some kind of trance. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” he coaxes her, his voice barely audible. His eyes continue to put a spell on her, making her tell him her most guarded secrets.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The words start to come out like someone else is recounting some horrible nightmare, but the memories of that night cut sharply into Raina’s mind, reminding her just how real it was. “Brian was my father’s partner in the firm, as you know. He rarely came over, no one really ever came over, but they had been working hard on the case that I mentioned earlier they had ended up winning. My father was staying late almost every night, then bringing his work home with him, and Brian stopped by to get a file. I never felt comfortable around him, the way he had looked at me before gave me the creeps, and I almost didn’t open the door, but I knew what would happen if my father found out he came by, and I didn’t let him inside. I had just gotten home from an evening at the library and was still in my school uniform, and Brian made a wise crack about the school girl look being so hot.”

Bile threatens to rise as she relives that night. “I showed him to my father’s office then walked away, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. He was young to be an established partner in a very successful law firm, and he let everyone know it. He was handsome and wasn’t lacking for dates, he always had some woman hanging off of his arm on the few occasions that I saw him, but the way he looked at me made my skin crawl. I had gone into the living room to grab my books when he came back through with the file.”

A shudder rolls through Raina, and she tries to stop her hands from shaking by grabbing onto her fingers. Kas sees her struggle, and he places his hand reassuringly over hers. She is no longer looking into his bewitching stare, but she still can’t manage to stop the words from spilling out. “He walked over to me and stood too close as he grabbed a loose strand of my hair and twirled it around his fingers while he told me how he liked how I filled out my uniform. He leaned in closer to me, and I took a step back, but he grabbed my arm and I dropped my books. He smiled as he said he would love to see how high my skirt would go when I bent down to pick them up. I had tights on under my skirt, and it was a modest,
school regulated length, but he made me feel like I was wearing some kind of trashy bikini. All kinds of alarms were going off in my head, and I told him that he needed to leave because my father would be home anytime, but he just laughed and said that my father had his nose buried in a file and wouldn’t be home anytime soon.”

Kas listens as Raina tells him the sordid details of that night even though he is using all the self-restraint he has to keep his fury leashed. Raina tells him about Brian forcing her down on the couch and pushing up her sweater and how he looked so pleased when he saw the welts her father’s belt had left the night before. Kas almost explodes when she tells him that Brian had told her that he loved bad little girls who need to be punished.

Raina’s stomach turns as she tells him about how Brian ripped her tights and pushed up her skirt, then how he had slapped her when she had bitten his arm when her struggling and protests didn’t deter him. As she continues, she feels so cold and empty, like some monotone robot just going through the motions. She tells him how he used his tie to restrain her hands while he sheathed himself, then raped her.

Her voice is void of emotion due to her self-preservation kicking in, pushing her emotions far away. Her eyes are empty, almost lifeless, as she tells him how he got up afterwards and fastened his pants before untying her hands and putting his tie back on, like nothing ever happened. She retreats even deeper into herself as she tells him how her father walked through the door just as Brian had finished straightening his tie and saw her on the couch, her wrists red and bruised, her tights ripped and her lip bleeding.

Some emotions slip through, and Raina feels her heart pounding through her chest as she tells Kas how her father had punched Brian, and how she had thought her father was finally going to be there for her when he had grabbed Brian by the shirt and they had started screaming at each other. The pounding in her chest becomes harder, and grief washes over her as she tells him how Brian had grabbed her off the couch and shoved her sweater up, showing her father the bruises and welts he had left on her back before threatening to expose him to the police and the public if he reported anything that had happened that night. The sickening nausea returns as she tells him how Brian had told her father that she had wanted it anyway, that she had asked for it.

Kas sees the heartbreaking emptiness in Raina’s eyes when she tells him how her father had left her standing there, dazed and scared, while he went outside with Brian, only to return a few moments later to grab a bottle of whiskey and begin to drain it straight from the bottle.

The vein is furiously twitching in Kas’ jaw as he asks her, “What did your father do, Raina?” His expression is so pale, he doesn’t ask because he wants to know, he doesn’t want to hear any more of the pain of her terrorized past, but he has to know how it ended that night. He has to know the full sickening depravity so he can begin to help her heal.

Raina wishes the floor would open up and swallow her as the shame and pain from her father’s words resound in her mind. She flinches as the memories of his words crash into her. She cringes as she remembers how he told her that she is a worthless whore who had provoked Brian to do what he did.

Her words are barely above a whisper when she tells Kas how her father had grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bathroom, demanding that she take a shower and give him her clothes. Raina bites back the stinging tears again as she tells Kas how sorry she is that she got into the shower. The shame engulfs her as she confesses that she relented to her father’s request after he had threatened to hurt her worse than he ever had when she had refused at first, telling him that it would wash away all of the evidence. She wants to stop talking, to stop telling him what happened that night, but she can’t keep the secret hidden inside of her any longer. Once she started talking, she feels like she has to get it out, or it’s going to poison her slowly until she withers away to nothing.

Kas’ fists curl in tight knots when he learns that her father had locked her in the attic after she got out of the shower. “That is the time he locked you in the attic for three days isn’t it?” he demands, trying to rein in his anger as he grabs Raina and pulls her back onto his lap. “None of this is your fault!” Kas tells her forcefully, as if the strong intention behind his words can force her to understand that she is not to blame.

Raina’s gaze lowers. Intellectually, she knows that she did nothing to deserve or provoke what had happened, but after years of being told how worthless she is and how everything is her fault, it’s hard to wash away the choking blame and guilt.

“I’m glad you went to Judge Whitaker, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you. You are a very brave young lady, Raina,” Kas tells her with utter seriousness resounding in every word.

Raina doesn’t feel brave, she feels the polar opposite.

Kas sees the doubt in her eyes and makes it his personal mission to prove to her the truth, no matter how long it takes. “Judge Whitaker told me that your father tipped him off to Brian’s sickening pedaphile tendencies after you spoke with him in private that night. He also told me that your father said that there was no correlation between you and what he had told him about Brian. Henry told me that he didn’t believe your father completely and that it has haunted him every day since, wondering if there was a correlation.”

Raina’s heart breaks even further when she hears Kas tell her about Judge’s guilt, a guilt that he shouldn’t have. She knows that she could have told him everything and that he would have believed her, but she also knows that she had no proof, and without proof there wasn’t anything he could do about it, especially when going up against one of the most intelligent, deceitful lawyers around. She knows how brilliant of a lawyer Brian must have been to work with her father, who is inarguably the best lawyer on the East Coast. At least, that’s what all of the newspapers reported about him with every case he won.

Raina never wanted Judge to have to hear the awful truth and know there wasn’t one thing he could do about it if there wasn’t enough evidence to take to court. “My father had made it very clear that if I had said anything to anyone about what happened, no one would believe me. He told me that he would tell everyone that I had started experimenting with drugs and was unstable if I said anything. I knew that the shower destroyed crucial evidence, and I’m sure my father destroyed my clothes, I never saw them again after that night. But I just knew by the way that Brian looked at me, the things he said to me, that he was sick and that he had a perversion that didn’t start with what he did to me that night. I told my father that I would tell Judge everything that he had done to me over the years, including his cover up of what Brian did, if he didn’t tell Judge that they needed to investigate Brian. I knew that there wasn’t enough to get a warrant to check his computer for his personal use, but if my father allowed them into the firm then they had a chance. I had never wanted to be wrong more than I did the moment I found out that they found inappropriate images of underage girls. I couldn’t hold anything down when I saw the news that night.” Raina shakes involuntarily at the memory.

“Brian’s in jail for what they found, but he should be tried for what he did to you, too, Raina, for what he put you through.” The injustice of it all makes Kas want to beat Brian to a bloody heap, something he would do if Brian weren’t behind bars. “I am so sorry this happened to you, baby.”

His words are so sorrowful that her heart breaks for him. She sinks back into him, so grateful that he can’t see the emotions that she fears are so evident on her face right now.

“I’m sorry you had to go through your childhood like that, I don’t know how you went through all of that and turned out like you did.”

Raina shrugs shyly, “I threw myself into learning, anything and everything I could at first. Reading gave me a welcome distraction from reality. My mom had always read to me, and she taught me to read before I started school, so I threw myself into books. My mom was also teaching me how to find games and crafts on the computer before she died, and every time I got on the computer I thought of her, so I got on it a lot while my dad was working. I loved the vast possibilities, and I became familiar with how to navigate websites and then how to problem solve, then how to create things. I guess it was also a way to secretly rebel against my father when he told me that I am stupid. I would get on those websites where you are supposed to crack codes, and I wouldn’t give up until I cracked every code I could find.” Raina looks at Kas and smiles, “All completely legal of course.”

Kas’ heart triples in size at how Raina can still smile and joke with him after divulging the nightmares of her childhood. He brushes his thumb across her cheek then leans in and gives her a kiss full of passion, desperately wanting to give her something good, something pure, something full of love. He hears her soft groan and feels the warmth of her body as she leans into him, kissing him back so innocently and so hungrily at the same time, that he nearly comes undone. He deepens his kiss, and he shifts her onto his lap, running his hand behind her neck, pulling her even closer to him. He feels how her body responds to his, how her lips part to allow him full access, how her head tilts back and her hand runs up his chest and wraps around his own neck until they are as close as two people can possibly be with clothes on.

Raina feels herself spiraling, her senses igniting like fireworks bursting through the sky. She has never felt so out of control in her whole life, and part of her is terrified, but another part of her is loving the free fall into blissful oblivion. Kas knows just how vulnerable Raina is right now and starts to pull away, not wanting to go too far, too fast. He wants to give her everything she wants, everything she needs. He wants to erase every bad memory, to show her just how wonderful making love can feel. He wants to make it perfect for her, but he wants her to be ready, to be in charge. He needs her to regain some of the power they took away from her. He pulls away from her and stares into her beautiful jade eyes, so bright, pleading, and innocent that he fights to control the torrent of emotions rushing through him.

He knows, beyond a shadow of doubt, that he would lay his life down for her without question. Lowering his head, he gives her another sweet, chaste kiss before he gently picks her up and sets her down beside him. He sees the flicker of self-doubt rekindle in her eyes, and it’s all he can do to keep himself from taking her back into his arms and carry her to his bedroom. He knows that he could have her tonight, he could love her like she deserves to be loved, but he also knows that she would deeply regret it in the morning, and he couldn’t live with himself if she has any regrets. He runs his thumb softly over her kiss swollen lips before pulling her chin up to where she is looking at him, “I love you so much, Raina Kapture.”

Raina’s heart feels like it is going to burst with so many conflicting emotions. Pain, betrayal, fear, shame, and despair pull at her from every angle, but love is so much stronger, and the love she has for Kas fills her, giving her strength, courage. “I love you, too,” she whispers, the words ringing off of her ears like birds singing in the middle of winter.

So many times she has wanted to say those words aloud, so many times she has wanted to wrap her arms around him and show him her love. The emotions rushing through her are overwhelming, and she has to make herself take a breath, clear her mind enough to where she can gain at least a fraction of self-control. As she slowly floats back to reality after the mind-reeling kiss, shame starts to creep back in at how wantonly she felt and how her self-resolve dissolved into pure putty in his hands.