Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) (10 page)

“Look at you sounding so wise,” I commented, resisting the sudden urge to smile. I wanted to smile a lot around Jude and that scared me a bit.

He gasped, his eyes brightening. “I am wise.” He sat up and drew his knees up, draping his arms on top. “Now watch, here comes the surprise.”

For a moment, I wondered what he was talking about and then I realized we were watching the sunset. The sky deepened with hues of orange and red as the sun descended. My mouth fell open in awe as the meadow around us became awash with golden light.
I didn’t speak and neither did he. For once, I was living in the moment, and maybe this moment wasn’t such a bad place to be.

There was calmness in the air around us as the last of sun’s rays fanned across the land. It didn’t take long for the sun to disappear and for the stars and moon to twinkle above us.

Without saying anything, we both lay back on the blanket, staring up at the sky above.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
He whispered, his fingers brushing lightly against mine where we rested side by side.

“What?” I asked, trying to pick out any of the constellations.

“Nature…everything…
you
.”

I felt his eyes staring at the side of my face and I turned to look at him. “Jude—”

He placed a warm finger on my lips. “Don’t say anything. Please, don’t ruin this moment for me.”

I shivered, but it wasn’t from the cold. “I don’t know you at all,” I admitted, feeling ashamed of all the judgments I’d made of him. Knowing Jude in high school, and after what happened with Graham, I’d turned
him into this horrible person in my mind but he really wasn’t the guy I thought he was. People are always spouting about not judging one another, but we all do it, and I’d been completely unfair with my assumptions of the man looking at me. I’d held onto childish notions making him into the bad guy, when he really wasn’t. It was so much easier to blame him, though. But easier doesn’t always mean better.

“No, you don’t,” he breathed, scooting closer to me so that there was barely any space between our bodies. He turned away from me to look back up at the night sky. “We didn’t ask any questions today.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“I don’t even know what to ask,” he chuckled.

“I’ll go first then,” I smiled, even though he didn’t see it. I racked my brain for something to ask him. I didn’t want it to be something stupid or irrelevant. Finally, I breathed, “Why me? Why am I different?”

He chuckled, turning to look at me again. His gaze was intense as he grinned. “That was two questions, Tater Tot.”

“They’re similar, so it counts as one.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

Sobering, his eyes darkened as he gazed at me. I saw a million different things in his eyes, none of which I could figure out. “Because you just are.”

I laughed, “That’s a really sucky answer and you know it.”

“It’s the truth,” he lifted his shoulders in a small shrug.
“Even in high school there was always something about you that caught my eye.” Chuckling, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I think you carved a permanent spot in my heart when you kicked me in the balls. You were so beautiful and fierce.”

“You’re a strange guy, Jude Brooks,” I shook my head. “Most guys would be turned off if a girl did that to them.”

“What can I say?” He smirked. “I’ve always been different.” He shifted so he hovered above me. My breath stuttered at his proximity. “You wanna know what I think is the most attractive thing about you?”

“What?” I whispered, scared to move.

“That you’re completely unaware of how beautiful you are.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. He lowered his head, and my heart rate picked up
, convinced that he was going to kiss me.

I turned my head away before he could try anything and he sank down beside me, letting out a heavy sigh.

Wanting to alleviate the awkward tension hanging in the air, I said, “Your turn.”

He bit his lip, thinking carefully before searing me with his dark brown eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever stop hating me?”

I wasn’t expecting that question and was unprepared with how to answer. After a moment, I replied honestly. “I don’t know.” I knew that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was all I had.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “At least that’s better than no.”

With a groan, he stood and held out a hand to help me up. I reluctantly placed my hand in his, ignoring how my whole body zinged at the touch.

He draped the blanket over his arm and we headed back to the truck. It didn’t take long for the house to appear and it was just as beautiful as I remembered it.

“I know it’s not the nicest place—” Jude started but I quickly cut him off.

“It’s magical.” Before I could feel embarrassed by my words I jumped out of the truck.

His grandpa was expecting us and opened the door before I could step up onto the porch. His smile widened and then he asked, “Jude, who’s this pretty girl? Have you finally settled down?”

Jude chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “This is Tatum, she’s a…” He peered at me, tilting his head, “friend from school.”

His grandpa snorted. “I’m old, not blind.” Turning to head inside, he kept a hand on the door and said, “Come on in, Tatum.”

“Play along,” Jude mouthed unnecessarily.

“You know,” his grandpa chuckled as he headed to the kitchen, “I should’ve known you weren’t his girlfriend. You’re too pretty for him.”

I laughed at the same time Jude groaned, “Pap!”

“What?” Jerry shrugged innocently. “It’s true.”

Jude shook his head, muttering under his breath before asking, “What did you make for dinner? Something smells delicious.”

“Pulled pork,” Jerry replied, setting a platter on the table and waving his hand for us to sit.

We had no more than started to eat until he asked me, “Jude said you were a friend from school, what are you studying?”

“Journalism,” I answered, waiting for the dirty look. Anytime I told people what I was studying they would cringe and tell me, ‘good luck with that.’

Jerry didn’t do that.

His smile widened. “Good for you.”

As we ate, he lapsed into tales of Jude and all the shenanigans he’d pulled on the farm. Like trying to ride a cow, falling off the tractor when he was ten and breaking his arm, and skinny dipping with the girl on the next farm over at fourteen. Jude shrugged sheepishly at that one.

“Always a ladies man, that one,” Jerry chuckled. “I’d like to see him settle down before I die.”

“Pap!” Jude groaned, setting his fork down. “How many times have I told you not to talk about that?”

“Face it, boy, we all die someday and it’s looking like my someday is around the corner. Between my age and my mind, I’m a ticking bomb.”

Jude frowned, his shoulders slumping with sadness. “I don’t like to think about it,” he mumbled.

“I ain’t going to live forever,” Jerry tried to get Jude to look at him
, “might as well accept that fact.”

“I’m not very hungry anymore,” Jude pushed away from the table and stormed from the room without looking at either of us. I heard his boots pound against the steps.

Jerry sighed and looked at me sadly. “I practically raised him. He looks at me like I’m his father, and that makes it that much harder for him to accept that I won’t be here much longer.”

“Jude isn’t close with his dad?” I questioned. I’d picked up on some animosity there, but I hadn’t wanted to ask him about it.

“No,” Jerry shook his head sadly, “Andrew, my son, was never a real father to him. My wife and I took him in and practically raised him. It was hard on him when my wife, Mae, died a few years ago.” His brows furrowed together and I was sure he was trying to remember exactly how long it had been since she passed. “Jude doesn’t have much to do with either of his parents. I love my son, but let’s just say he and his wife weren’t cut out to be parents. Jude was merely an accessory for them.”

“That’s horrible.” Something in my heart shifted, a small piece filling with compassion for the man I’d blamed for the worst event in my life.
I hated myself for making so many assumptions about him. I’d never given him a fair shot and that made me a pretty sucky person.

“It is,” Jerry agreed.

Sliding my plate away, I said, “Would you mind if I went and checked on him?”

“Not at all,” he smiled. I started to leave, but his next words stopped me in my tracks and I leaned against the doorway for support. “Be kind to him, Tatum. He needs someone in his life besides me to care about him.”

I swallowed thickly and didn’t look back at Jerry as I headed out of the room and up the steps.

I found Jude in his room, sitting on the bed with his back to me. His shoulders shook and I frowned, realizing that he was crying. Jude Brooks had feelings. Who knew?

I took a hesitant step into the room. I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome.

“Jude,” I said his name softly as I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, “are you okay?”

“No,” he looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, “I’m not.”

I sat down beside him and laid my head on his shoulder. Air escaped his lips in a sigh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered, gazing out the window at the night sky.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing his face tiredly. “It really fucking sucks to know he isn’t going to be here for much longer and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate being helpless.”

“It’s okay to be sad or angry or whatever it is you need to feel, but he isn’t gone yet. Enjoy every moment you have left with him, that way you’ll never have any regrets.”

“You make it sound so simple,” he chuckled humorlessly, “but there’s nothing simple about watching someone you love disappear right before your eyes...” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “It’s not even the thought of his death that upsets
me, it’s the thought of what comes before…how he’ll completely forget me and I’ll cease to exist in his mind.”

“We can’t live our lives worrying about the unknown,” I stated. “Every day and what it brings is a mystery, a gift to be unwrapped and treasured. All we can do is find happiness in the little things and peace in the chaos.”

He was quiet, absorbing my words. “I can so tell you’re a writer.”

I laughed. “It’s not about being a writer, I’m just a deep thinker.”

We sat like that for a while, side by side with my head on his shoulder.

Eventually, we headed back downstairs and helped Jerry clean the dishes. I gave the man a hug before we left, holding him tight.

“You come back now,” he told me, walking out onto the porch as Jude and I headed towards his truck.

“I will,” I assured him, wondering when I returned whether I’d be Tatum or Julia.



Jude parked his truck in front of my driveway, and turned to face me. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” I smiled, grabbing the handle to open the door.

“Tate?”

“Yeah?” I looked back at him.

“Goodnight,” he murmured, his eyes darkening. He leaned closer, and pressed his lips against my cheek in a kiss that was so light it didn’t even seem real.

My eyes fluttered closed and I sighed breathlessly. I hoped he didn’t notice but based on his smirk my reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed.

I forced my Jell-O-like limbs from the truck and watched his taillights disappear as he left.

I brought shaking fingers up to my cheek and swore my skin felt heated where his lips had seared it like a brand.

It wasn’t until I was inside and getting in my pajamas that I realized I still wore his sweatshirt and I had no intentions of giving it back.

Chapter Nine

I strode across campus, looking for Jude. He hadn’t been waiting for me by the fountain like he said, so I figured he was at his truck.

I heard shouting up ahead and slowed my steps.

I wasn’t sure if I should turn around and haul ass
away from whatever was going on or check it out.

Since I wasn’t ever one to back down from anything, I strode forward with my shoulders squared. If some idiots were fighting, I figured I could either break it up, find someone to help, or ignore it if need be.

When I rounded the side of the building and the parking lot came into view, I saw two large figures arguing on the sidewalk. Hairs on the back of my spine stood up as I recognized one of the guys as Jude. No wonder he hadn’t been at the fountain. He was clearly occupied trying to defend himself against the mammoth hovering above him.

The guy swung out and his fist connected with Jude’s face, causing him to stagger a few steps back.

Without thinking, I dropped my books on the ground and ran towards the guy. “What the hell is your problem?” I screamed at him.

“My
problem
,” he shoved a finger in Jude’s direction where he hovered behind me, “is that prick sleeping with my girlfriend.”

“I didn’t fucking sleep with her!” Jude cried.

I didn’t care whether he had or not, something inside me felt the need to defend him.

The guy tried to lunge for Jude again, and I cocked my leg back to kick him. My foot connected sharply with his kneecap and he dropped to the ground. I think he was more stunned than hurt.

I stood there, my mouth hanging open in shock that I’d actually managed to bring a guy of his size to the ground. That was a pretty damn awesome, if I did say so myself.

Jude busted out laughing.

I still stood rooted to the ground in disbelief at the lump on the ground. The guy growled, trying to stand.

Jude grabbed my hand and screamed, “Run!”

Like two little kids we ran across campus, laughing heartily at what had transpired. When my legs threatened to give out Jude opened a random door to one of the buildings and we tumbled inside. We were both out of breath, our cheeks flushed.

“That was fun,” he panted.

“Fun?” I questioned, unable to keep the smile from my voice. “I think he wanted to kill us.” The hallway was dark, everyone having gone home, but I tilted my head trying to see what was on his face. “Oh my God! Jude! You’re bleeding!”

His brows pulled together, like he hadn’t even noticed
it. He reached up, touching above his upper lip and then staring at the red now coating his fingers. “It’s just a little bit of blood, Tate.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be macho. Come on,” I grabbed his clean hand and started towing him down the hall, “I have a First-Aid kit in my bag.”

“Of course you do,” he laughed. “What else do you have in there?”

I looked over my shoulder at him and shrugged. “You’ll never know.”

There was a bathroom at the end of the hall and I pulled him into it. He looked around and grinned. “So, this is what the girl’s bathroom looks like.”

“Oh, please,” I snorted, “I’m sure you’ve had sex in plenty of bathrooms.”

He hopped up on the counter, letting and his laugh bellowed around us. “First off, just because I like to have sex doesn’t mean I want to do it in public places. Secondly, if I did have sex in the bathroom,” he shrugged, smiling crookedly, “it’s not like I’d be paying much attention to my surroundings.” My mouth fell open and his grin widened. “Just sayin’.” He held his hands up innocently.

“You’re disgusting.” I mumbled, rifling through my bag.

“Hey, you’re the one that kicked a guy for me,” he defended. Chuckling, he scratched his chin. “That was pretty badass of you.”

“I’m not a princess.”

“No, you’re not,” he agreed.

I finally located my First-Aid kit
. I set it on the counter and began rifling through it for what I needed. I pulled out a wad of cotton balls and dampened them with rubbing alcohol. I wasn’t sure if he was cut, or if the blood was from his nose, but I wanted to be on the safe side and try to avoid any sort of infection.

“This might sting,” I warned.

“I know. I’m a nurse, remember?”

“Of course,” I laughed, my hair falling forward as I reac
hed up to wipe away the blood. Even with him sitting on the counter he was still a lot taller than me and I had to stretch up on my tiptoes to reach. I noticed his eyes flick down and he swallowed thickly. “If you’re trying to look down my shirt I will punch you.”

His eyes immediately flew up to look at the ceiling. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m a guy. You put boobs right in my face and I have to look. I’m pretty sure it’s a law or something.”

I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so much. It seemed weird that of all people it would be Jude that made me laugh again, but then again maybe it was appropriate.

Wiping away all traces of blood, I inspected his face.

“You know,” he started, “it’s kind of funny that
I’m
the nurse and you’re the one taking care of me.”

“I’m not the one that got punched,” I replied easily. “Everything looks fine. You might bruise though.”

“Tate,” he whispered my name and I found myself held in his brown-eyed gaze. It was like I was hypnotized—caught in his trap.

Before I could reply, or do anything, one of his hands cupped the nape of my neck and drew me close. My breath fanned out of my lips and my heart beat rapidly. It was like everything was moving super fast, but super slow at the same time. It was weird.

He closed the distance between us and sealed my lips with his.

I lost control of my body, leaning into him as he devoured me. I let out a small moan and my fingers tangled in the soft strands of his brown hair. I never wanted to let go. His tongue pressed against my lips, seeking entrance. Nothing had ever felt this good. This was so much more than a kiss.
I couldn’t get close enough to him. Our bodies lined up perfectly and my chest pressed against his as I leaned closer.

“Tate,” he breathed my name in the space between our lips.

I startled at the sound of his voice. I jolted away from him, breaking the kiss. It was like my hand had a mind of its own as it flew out and smacked his cheek. His head swiveled to the side, stunned by my action.

I used the same hand to cover my mouth as I gasped, “I’m sorry! I-I don’t know what made me do that!”

“Jesus Christ,” he rubbed his cheek, “what is today? Everyone-smack-Jude-in-the-face-day?” He started to laugh and I was tempted to hit him again.

“It’s not funny.”

“You’re right, it’s hysterical,” he countered.

I felt defensive so I took a few steps back and straightened my clothes. “Never kiss me ever again.” I turned hastily, pushing open the bathroom door and out into the hallway. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

“Aw, come on, Tate!” Jude called after me. “You know you liked it!”

D
idn’t he know that was the problem?

“It was gross,” I called over my shoulder. “I felt like I was drowning in saliva.”

“Oh, Tater Tot,” he laughed, “that’s a new one. Most people
love
my kisses,” he grinned. He caught up to me easily, slinging his arm over my shoulders as I pushed the door open and stepped outside. I hoped that guy had left. I’d hate to run into him again.

“I’m not most people,” I retorted.

“You’re not,” he agreed.

“Oh, crap!” I exclaimed suddenly, stopping in my tracks.

“What is it?” Jude asked, stopping as well and looking at me quizzically.

“My books!” I cried, burying my face in my hands.

“Don’t worry about them, we’ll just go back and get them,” he turned, ready to head back in the direction of the bathrooms.

“They’re not there,” I put a hand on his arm to halt him. “I threw them down on the ground when I jumped between you and that guy.”

Jude gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. “You mean that you threw those poor defenseless books so you could help me? I’m honored.”

“You’re such an ass,” I groaned, looking around to get my bearings on campus, so I could head back in the direction we came from. I really hoped they were still there. Nibbling my lower lip, I looked up at Jude. “What if someone took them?”

He shrugged. “So what? It’s not the worst thing that could happen. At least you’re alive.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled. “That makes me feel loads better.”

A grin spread across his face. “Glad I could be of assistance.” When I headed in the wrong direction, he grabbed my arm. “Nuh-uh, pretty girl, it’s this way.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, with eyes downcast.

“You know,” he grinned boyishly, “I think I need to change your nickname to Rambo.”

I rolled my eyes. “How about no nicknames?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He countered.

We approached the area where I’d
seen him arguing with the guy and I scanned the ground for my books. Luckily, they were there. Albeit, covered in dirt. I picked them up, brushing off the debris.

“You ready to go?” Jude asked as he pulled his keys from his pocket.

After the kiss, I thought maybe I should back out, but this was for my paper and Jude would know what was up if I said I needed to go home. “Yeah.”

He seemed surprised. “Good, let’s go. We’re running late and I didn’t have time to change into my scrubs.”

We rode in silence on the way to the nursing home—neither of us acknowledging the kiss. I knew it wouldn’t be long until Jude had to say something. He wasn’t the kind of guy to keep quite about something like that.




Jude didn’t bring up the kiss until we were almost back to campus so I could get my car.

“We haven’t asked any questions today,” he smiled. “You first.”

“Did you really sleep with that guy’s girlfriend?” I asked immediately. It had been bugging me. Even though Jude had denied it to the guy he could’ve been lying.
The answer shouldn’t have mattered to me, but for some reason it did.

“
I didn’t,” he assured me, sincerity shining in the depths of his eyes. “I don’t know why he thinks I did, but I didn’t. In fact,” he looked at me significantly, “I haven’t slept with anyone for weeks.” I blanched at his words. Was he saying that he’d given up his man-whore ways because he was spending time with me? I couldn’t even begin to process that information. Rowan had said as much but it still baffled me. “My turn,” he said, straightening in his seat. I waited for him to ask his question, but after a long moment of silence I figured he couldn’t think of anything. Finally, his voice filled the cab of the truck, and the next words he spoke echoed around my skull. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jude Brooks was asking me for
permission?
This was new.

“I thought you were the kind of guy who takes what he wants and doesn’t ask questions?” I replied.

“You’re right,” he grinned, and I knew I was in trouble.

As the truck came to a stop at a red light he grabbed the back of my neck and tugged my body against his, sealing his lips over mine. Every time his lips touched mine it was like he stole a piece of my soul and made it his.

This time, I didn’t pull away—or slap him like I should have—instead I let myself
feel
. I’d closed myself off from my emotions for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like to have this scary, stirring of butterflies feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t believe it was Jude of all people making me feel this way, but a kiss was innocent enough, right? Well, maybe not this kiss, ‘cause it was pretty freakin’ hot.

The cars honking behind us was what finally tore us apart.

“I’m going to do that again sometime,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over my lips before pressing the gas and taking off.

I felt giddy, almost high, from the kiss. I wanted to hate
it, God I really did, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t know the exact moment that Jude paved a way into my heart, all that mattered was he did, and I was never going to be the same once I gave in completely.



I was surprised to see my dad’s car in the driveway. While it was late, it wasn’t
that
late and even before Graham died he’d never been home at this time. Nowadays he rarely even bothered to come home to sleep. I didn’t know where he stayed most nights. My guess was that it wasn’t at his office. I didn’t like to think about the possibility of my dad cheating on my mom, but I wasn’t naïve enough to think he hadn’t.

I stepped inside, looking around for him. I didn’t see him, though. He was probably only home to grab something before leaving once more. It was what I’d come to expect. In the last six months, I’d only seen him a handful of times. There were other times I’d known he’d been home, the evidence left sitting around in the form of mugs of coffee and packets of sugar.