Say It Strong (Say You Love Me Book 2) (21 page)

But that all changed when I met Abby.

I realized—if my brain would allow me to think of something so goddamn painful—that I wanted Helen and Vanessa’s forgiveness before deciding which direction to go with Abby. For the longest time, besides my mother, they were the women in my life. Their blessing mattered to me. It was like the time my grandmother was dying in the hospital, and my mother leaned in close and told her, right there on her deathbed, that she was free to go if she wanted. We would all be okay without her, and so my grandmother sighed her last breath and left us.

Vanessa wasn’t in my life now, but there were too many unspoken things between Helen and me. It was mostly my fault for turning a blind eye to her. But I loved her, so she needed to know how much I was starting to love Abby. And how much it scared me, too.

Was I doing the right thing, or was I leading Abby on? Some might say that Abby would change me, tame me, strip me of my rocker skin, and make me a decent man. Some might say she’d lead me to be someone I am not. And if that happened, who would I be? I’d spent years trying to become Liam Collier, front man for Point Break, and now that I’d arrived, where had that gotten me?

When I finally made it back to the hotel, I crept in through the back, past Nathan, opting to take the stairs. I paused outside my hotel room, taking a deep breath, hoping Abby wouldn’t still be inside. I needed my space today. If, after a day without her—after the show tonight, let’s say—I still wanted to see her, then I’d take that as a sign. But if I didn’t—maybe I was getting myself in too deep.

Especially if she wasn’t sure what she felt for me.

Running my card key through the slot, I heard a voice from down the hall. “Hey, you.” It was Ab, looking freshly showered and hot, a weird smile on her, face like she wasn’t sure what to think. “I was just going to rehearsal. How was the meeting?”

“Huh?” I felt stupid and was sure I looked it, too.

“The meeting with Robbie? In your note?” She paused in front of me, leaning against the hallway wall. When she realized I probably had no meeting with Robbie, her face fell, and I felt like a huge jackass.

“Oh, it was fine. Everything’s great. Our shows tonight and tomorrow are both sold out.”

“That’s great,” she said, chewing her lip. “When you hadn’t texted or called all morning, I just…” She glanced away, at the colorful pattern of the carpet, anywhere but at my face. I had to say something.

“Abby.” I reached out for her hand, squeezing it softly. “Everything’s fine. I just…I needed to spend time with the band so they wouldn’t think I was…”

“Was what?” Her eyebrows sloped. “Spending too much time with Asian Persuasion?” Slowly, she took back her hand and crossed her arms.

“What? No, of course not. Listen, I can’t talk now. I have to shower then get to a sound check. But—”

“You never make sound checks, Liam. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I tried convincing her. “Nothing is going on. I had an amazing time with you last night. I loved sleeping with you again.” Her demeanor shifted slightly, considering the truth to my words. “So…please don’t think anything is going on. I just…need time to myself today, that’s all.”

I knew she was worried about Giselle, about whether or not I had a double life, just like her father had with her mother. I could see it in her face, but I couldn’t tell her with a hundred percent certainty that I could be true to her. Not yet. But soon.

She inhaled a deep, cleansing breath. “Take your time, Liam. We’re in the same place, you and I.”

And there it was. The same uncertainty in her text to Rosemary. So it was true. She wasn’t sure what to think of me. “Trust me, I get it,” I said.

She narrowed her eyes. Okay, maybe not the best choice of words. “Like I said, take all the time you need. I’ll be sure to do the same.”

With that, she turned and strolled down the hall, disappearing around the corner without so much as a glance back my way.

*

The show went kickass, but for the first time in a long time, I felt distracted. It was like I could hear the crowd and see the crowd, I didn’t miss any beats, and everything went without a hitch, but it all went down as though I’d performed behind a glass wall. My body went through the motions, but my soul just wasn’t there.

I never saw Giselle in the front row, thank God, although my reaction to seeing her face would have been a good indication about how true my love for Abby really was. But it was better this way.

During
Save Me Tonight,
Abby’s solo rang out smoother and more beautiful than ever, but she never looked at me, only after the song when I faced her and bowed to her, as usual. She gave me a polite smile and bowed back, and that was it. No lit-up smile, the one that made my chest expand, made my heart ache. Could I live without it? The very thought made me feel sick.

After the show, the backstage energy was stronger, louder, and more raucous than ever before. Tucker and Corbin were determined to get me to party, shoving shots in my face, introducing me to buoyant-breasted chicks left and right, whooping it up, spraying champagne, not relenting until I hit the high notes right along with them. Through the haze of alcohol, I caught Wes’s face a few times, his eyes sadly examining me as though he felt sorry for the sack of shit I was.

I hoped Abby wasn’t watching. I was being an asshole, a rock ’n’ roll bad boy, and there was a lot that was comforting about that. Being who I was, who I worked hard to be, living the life, the dream, relishing in my earned persona. With Abby, I’d been a much more guarded Liam, a best-behavior Liam, which I could do for a while, but…could I keep it up forever just for her?

I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, and my extreme wastedness wasn’t helping either.

“Fuck yeah!” Tucker screamed by my ear for some reason. The VIP room spun in colors, and then I realized I was standing next to two or three adult film stars I’d seen at other shows, and they were making out, squeezing and slapping each other’s tits, while my friends, roadies, and some new people I didn’t even know all stood around and cheered them on in drunken revelry.

I rolled into a corner, stumbled over a chair to more applause and cheers. Corbin set me straight, and Wes asked if I was okay, and I was, but I wasn’t. The only way to know if Abby was The One was to try to drive her out of my brain, be the worst fucking possible Liam I could be, and if at the end of the night, she was still on my mind, then I’d have my answer.

I was pretty sure that was a stupid move, but vodka ruled me, and nobody tried to stop me. Shitty thing about being a rock star…nobody steps in when you’re being a dick. They just let you be one.

“Dude.” Tucker spoke in my ear with his alcohol breath.

I slapped him away. “Bro, stop that. It tickles.”

He cackled then laid his head on my shoulder and burped—stupid fucker—but there was something comforting about that, too. Good ol’ Tucker the Fucker. “Come in here, bro.” He led me to a closed door and reached for the handle.

“Why?”

“Just come here. I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?” I felt the room spin around me as I fought to maintain even footing. All around, people gathered, watching me carefully, laughing, whispering. I was Liam on Parade. “What are you doing, Tuck?”

“Nothing but a favor, my man.” He smiled, the handsome devil, and for giving me that smile when I needed it most, I instantly forgave him for all the stupid shit he’d done to me over the years. He threw open the door and shoved me inside another room, wherever the fuck I was. “Make me proud, son.” He clapped his hand on my shoulder, high-fived Corbin, and began closing the door slowly.

Behind him, a pileup of faces watched
The Liam Show
. Like I was a rat being thrown into a snake’s tank. I spun around. The room’s light clicked on, and—what the fuck?

There, on a long, red sofa, was a vision—an angel. Literally. A hallucination in sparkling white bra and panties, smooth, tanned, gorgeous fucking legs, and fucking huge, perfect, round tits. Tits I’d sucked on before.

“Fuck my life,” I mumbled.

It was Giselle. Fucking wonderful. For a split second, I didn’t know if I should rip my pants off and let her ravage me, or run the fuck out of there screaming like I’d faced Medusa in a dead-end alley.

Giselle split into two, beaming angels, then back to one again. “Bonjour, beau,” she meowed in her perfect lingerie-ad voice. “I’ve missed you.”

Abby

“How do I look?” I stood before Rosemary in all my terrified glory. This afternoon, after my hallway encounter with Liam, I took my first tour paycheck and hit the streets in search of a hot dress I could wear for him tonight post-show. If I was going to tip Liam over the edge, make him fall my way over the fence, I had to keep his visual interest.

Rosemary’s eyes took on a shiny glow. “Wow.”

“Is that wow bad or wow good?” I glanced down at my tight, red minidress with black boots laced up to the knee. I had my reservations about the outfit, feeling like a
fille de joie
from a house of ill repute, but when I’d told the sales lady I’d be wearing it to the Point Break concert tonight without offering any more details, she assured me it would get me into Liam Collier’s pants.

Rosemary choked on her laughter.

Ha.
If she’d only known.

“Abby, you look H-O-T. You could easily give Emilie Autumn a run for her money.”

“So I look like a clown rag doll?”

“No!” She scoffed, losing patience. “You look theatrical, provocative, a goddess of strings, the complete opposite of stuffiness and boring black and white.” She gave me two thumbs up. “I approve of this dress. Perfect makeup, too. Go get ’im.”

“Okay…” I breathed out a heavy sigh, grabbing her squarely by the shoulders. “Then wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it. You got this. Liam is going to forget everyone and everything from his pre-Abby days. Giselle? Giselle, who?” She hugged me tightly.

“You’re my best friend,” I said. “I think I’ll keep you. You sure you don’t want to come?”

“Nah.” She pointed in the general direction of the buses. “It’s been a long day. Think I’ll go shower and call it a night. Really, I’m fine.” She smiled, and I hugged her again.

“I’ll check in with you later.” I headed out of the dressing room and down the hall, closer to the din of festivities coming from the VIP and surrounding rooms. Smiling, I worked the boots, feeling like Sandy from
Grease
about to meet Danny Zuko, imagining the gawks I’d get as soon as I reached the band. No doubt Tucker would say something crass. Corbin would probably stare me down like he did at Robbie’s house that night, and Wes would sweetly compliment me. And Liam? Not to sound like him, but Liam would crap his pants.

The partying noises grew closer. My nerves jittered more by the moment. I approached the towering, familiar form standing by the door. “Good evening, Nathan.”

“Good evening, Miss Chan. You’re looking lovely this evening.”

“Thank you. Is it okay for me to go inside?” I asked, peeking through the space between the double doors, hearing familiar voices within. “Liam did say we’d meet after the show.”

For a split second, he was hesitant. “I’m actually not sure. Sorry to do this…” He checked his clipboard while I waited, tapping my purse, for approval. “Well, you are on the list as staff, miss.
And
as Mr. Collier’s guest.” He smiled, reached for the door, and pulled it wide open for me.

“Thank you. Have a good night.”

“You, too, Miss Chan.” He beamed his friendly big-boy smile.

From the millisecond I walked in, everybody’s faces snapped toward me. There was Robbie, Wes, Wes’s friend from grade school, all the roadies, and the eyes every man in the room ogled and widened to three times their size. Tucker paused his frolicking with a topless woman when he saw me. I watched his hand slip into his pocket.

“Hey, Abby.”

“Hi, Abby.”

The greetings came from all around. “Helloooo, Miss Abigail…” a tech crew guy said, smiling, running a hand through his hair.

Their reactions empowered me. Never had I felt like one of those glossy, poolside vixens from Robbie’s house back in LA, but tonight, I was a contender.

I turned my attention back to Tucker, but he’d moved, and it was hard to find him in the crowd. He was texting.

A tall lankiness slid into my path. “Hey, darlin’,” Wes said with a smile.

“Hi, Wes, have you seen Liam?” I asked.

“I have, I have.” He nodded, drink in hand. “But he uh…wasn’t feeling well last time I saw him. Maybe you should text him.”

My eyebrows knotted together. “So he’s not here?” A leaded feeling plagued my rib cage, made it hard to breathe. I didn’t grow up with brothers, but I was keenly aware of the unspoken rules whereby male buddies covered up for each other in the face of female crises.

“’Fraid not.” He laced his arm around my shoulders and ushered me to the side of the room. “He might be on the bus, but I wouldn’t go there. He’s feeling sick, just wants to sleep, you know? Let him know where you are…tell him you’re looking for him.” Something showed in his face, as though he hated the fact that he was lying to me.