Scars of the Future (21 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

I’d had my best friends flitter in and out all day Saturday and Sunday and by Sunday night I was ready to be alone. Both Sydney and Maddie had yelled at Matt in the living room, and he just and took it, similar to the way he had when his mom was over.

I had reassured everyone that I was okay and made excuses as to why I needed to be alone. I’d also asked them to stop yelling at him. I appreciated the fact that they wanted to help, but it wasn’t helpful. I couldn’t stand to listen to them beat him down like that, no matter what he’d done.

Sunday evening I read the same paragraph in a case file for the third time before I pushed it aside with a frustrated sigh. I stood and walked out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to get a drink. Voices came from the living room, and when I got to the end of the hallway I watched as Drew and Matt argued quietly.

“I was doing you a favor, dude. You were broken.” Drew narrowed his eyes as he looked at Matt.

“A favor? I’ve destroyed every ounce of trust she had, Baird. I don’t know if she’ll ever trust me again.
This
is broken.”

Drew let out a patronizing laugh. “She’s just a woman. There are plenty of them around.” Drew’s left eye was brilliantly purple and I briefly wondered if Josh had ended up hitting someone that night after all.

Matt shook his head quickly. “She’s not just a woman. She’s
the
woman. I can’t imagine my life without her and now she can’t even look at me. We’re having a baby in less than two months and I’ve broken our relationship.”

Drew shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. I’m sorry for calling Kristen, but I didn’t kiss her. You did.”

A frustrated growl escaped Matt’s lips. “ I know, okay? I fucking know. This is on me- all of it. I just don’t know what to do. Amanda is it for me. I wish I’d never let myself get that drunk.”

Drew looked up and saw me standing in the hallway, a cocky smile flitting to his lips. I decided that I really didn’t like Drew.

“Hey Amanda.”

Matt’s head snapped up as he looked at me. “Manda. Can I get you anything?”

I shook my head and moved through the living room to go to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and started back towards the bedroom. I paused as I reached the hallway and turned to look at Matt’s visitor.

“I don’t care for you, Drew. Your lack of respect for mine and Matt’s relationship pisses me off. I’m not going to tell Matt who he can be friends with, of course, but I don’t like you in my home and I definitely will not allow you around my daughter. I strongly suggest growing up.”

I didn’t say anything else as I went back to the bedroom and closed the door. I attempted to do a little more work before giving up and cuddling into bed by myself and sighing. I hated the big bed without Matt.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I got up to get another drink of water. I stood in the kitchen for a few moments before I wandered back down the hallway. Instead of going into our bedroom I went back to the guestroom and stared at Matt. He was asleep on his back with an arm thrown over his eyes. I missed him more than I wanted to admit, but his instability scared me. My heart literally felt broken, and I had this baby in my stomach that I needed to be strong for.

I turned to move back to bed, but suddenly I had an urge to touch him. I decided a little touch wouldn’t hurt and I walked towards the bed. I reached my finger out and lightly touched his cheek before moving across his soft lips. Moving down, I traced the contours of his defined chest, and a weeks’ worth of feeling neglected mixed with sexual frustration burned in my chest. I pulled my shirt off slowly and dropped my pants until I was naked. I climbed in bed next to Matt and shook him gently.

I moved his arm from his eyes and squeezed his hand. “Matt.”

His eyes snapped open and he stared at me for a moment. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I just need…” I hesitated and he propped himself up.

“Need what?”

I grabbed one of his hands and brought it to my naked chest, encouraging him to touch me. He didn’t need to be told twice and I let my eyes close as his fingers found my nipple.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. “I need this right now but that’s it.”

His movements halted and he stared at my face, indecision on his. I was reminded of the night when we’d created our baby and started this between us. I froze, realizing how selfish I was to take sex from him this way again.

My eyes widened and I shook my head. “No, never mind.”

Before I could climb out of the bed, he crashed his lips to mine and pulled my leg around so I was straddling him. He dragged his lips down my chest until he was sucking my nipple harshly.

“Stay. I want to touch you.” His breath was warm on my wet skin as he spoke. “Let me give you what you need.”

I tried to use my toes to push down his boxers and he moved his hands to help. I moved slightly and adjusted my hips so I could slide down him easily, my body already wet and ready for him. My eyes fluttered close and I sighed in contentment. I moved against him, picking the pace up quickly as I worked towards my goal. When I felt the sexual frustration inside of me boil over, my toes curled against the bed and my fingers dug into his chest. Matt let out a throaty moan underneath me and I slowed down until I was completely still. I opened my eyes and gazed down at him as he stared up at me.

“I love you, Amanda,” he whispered tenderly.

I nodded my head and moved silently until my feet were on the floor. I bent over and picked up my clothes before turning my back to him. “Me too, Matt.”

I started to walk away but his voice stopped me. “Amanda, wait.”

I looked over my shoulder at him and he had one of his hands behind his neck.

“Do we… Is there…” He stammered before swallowing loudly. “Is there even a chance for us?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

I hurried to the master bedroom and fell into bed naked, letting sleep claim me before I could think about it too hard.

Monday morning we both got ready for work in silence As I laid in bed, I didn’t miss the looks Matt gave me as he used the master bathroom to shower and dress. I walked out of the bedroom dressed for my day and he pushed a bagel and some juice towards me on the counter.

“Make sure you eat, okay?” His voice was soft but sad, and I nodded.

“Thanks.” I shoved all of my case files back in my bag and turned to look at him. “I’m going to cancel the birthing class we were supposed to take tonight. I don’t feel like going.”

He leaned up against the counter and his gaze dropped to my stomach. “Okay.”

I draped my bag over my shoulder as I picked up my breakfast and almost moved to give him a kiss out of habit. I caught myself and offered a nod before turning to the garage.

“Have a good day.”

I heard his sigh as the door swung shut. “Yeah, you too.”

It had rained sometime the night before and there were plenty of icy spots on the road that made my commute slow. I was anxious to get to work and get my mind off my own mess of a life.

I yawned loudly as the elevator doors opened and I stepped out, tugging at the hem of my dress. I walked back toward the back of the space where my desk was and waved to Jill as I walked by her. I dropped my stuff on my desk and fell into my chair with a sigh.

“Long night? You look like shit, baby girl.” Jill remarked as she looked up from the file she was reading.

“Very long night. If I didn’t have court today I would have called in sick.” I slammed my desk drawer in frustration and fought to keep the tears from spilling over.

“Is Matt still being a douche? I will kick that boy’s ass.” She pulled her reading glasses off and leveled me with a stare that had me believing she really would. She had called me over the weekend to give me some information on one of my cases, and she could tell something was off. I gave her the cliff notes, hoping to avoid the actual story.

“I don’t even know how to fix this, Jill. Maybe we can’t make past it.” I sighed and reached into my bag to pull out my case files. “I just don’t know.”

I sat at my desk reviewing the Wagner kid case, although I really didn’t need to. The hearing today was a formality, just making our decision to remove them permanent, but I had to appear anyway.

I stood up an hour later and started to put stuff back in my messenger bag. Jill looked up from her desk and smiled.

“You look very pretty.”

I glanced down at the black maternity dress I was wearing. Its long sleeves were fantastic for the chilly air, but it stopped right above my knees in a redundant sort of way. I’d paired it with a pair nice knee-high brown boots with a slight heel in hopes that they’d block the wind where the dress stopped.

I pulled on my trench coat and smiled at her. “Thanks. I’m comfortable, which is something that doesn’t always happen these days.” I threw my bag over my shoulder. “I’ll be back.”

I stopped by the restroom to reapply my make-up, trying to hide any traces of my night. I’d left my hair down and I wondered briefly if it would protect my ears from the wind.

I walked the two blocks to the courthouse instead of driving, but by the time I made it through the doors my teeth were chattering. I put my bag and coat on the conveyor belt to go through the metal detector and smiled at the security guards that I was becoming familiar with.

When I made it to the family court wing, I found my assigned courtroom and walked inside to sit down. I sat through about four different cases before someone called, “All parties in the Charles-Wagner case.”

I stood and joined the prosecutor at the table, smiling over at him.

“At this time we are seeking to place the minors Brittany Charles, Rachel Wagner, and Michael Wagner, Jr. Is that correct?” The judge looked at the paperwork in front of him before glancing up at us.

“Yes, your honor,” said the prosecutor.

“Do we have CPS’ support on this?”

I stood and cleared my throat. “Yes, your honor. Amanda Franklin with Child Protective Services. We have deemed the charges against Michael and Jennifer Warner substantial enough to remove all of the children. At this time, we’d like to continue the emergency order filed earlier this month.”

“So ordered. The children shall remain in the county’s custody indefinitely. We will revisit in six months. Adjourned. Next case.”

I shook the prosecutors hand and walked out of the family courtroom to head back to the office. When I made it back to the main courtrooms, I grinned as I saw David and Patty in the hallway.

“Hey guys,” I said quietly and they both turned to look at me.

David grinned and pulled me into a hug before kissing my temple. “Hey Amanda, what are you doing here?”

I gestured back to the wing I’d come from and shrugged. “Child placement case. What are you doing here?”

“Patty’s been called as a witness on a case we worked on. I was bored so I decided to hang out here.” He laughed lightly and nudged his partner.

Patty was a sweet woman and we’d gotten to know her well since Sydney and David had gotten together. She had light brown hair that fell to her shoulders, and although I was used to seeing her in pantsuits, she was wearing a skirt today that looked amazing on her. She was probably about David’s age, and they’d been partners for years.

“What’s going on with Wagner?” I asked and Patty frowned.

“Sick bastard. He’s being held over without bail since we grabbed him from your place.” She sighed and shook her head. “His wife is just as sick. She was good to the younger ones but she treated Brittany like garbage.”

“That’s the case I was just in on. They’ve been placed with a really nice family, and I’m working on getting Brittany the counseling she needs.”

David smiled and pulled me in for another side hug. “You’re good at this Am.” He turned so we were facing each other and leveled me with a more serious look. “How are you and Matt?”

I shrugged and looked away from his eyes. “About as good as we were a few days ago.”

He sighed and shook his head. “I’ll kick his ass.”

I laughed and pat his cheek. “You’re the second one to offer today.” I dropped my hand to my stomach and David reached out to rub it, too.

“It will all be okay.”

“Detective Patty Wilson,” a voice called from behind us.

“That’s me,” Patty said and she gave me a quick hug.

“Good luck. I’ll see you later.” I hugged her back and watched as she walked into the courtroom.

“What you and Matt are going through is really similar to what happened with Syd and me.” David walked me to the doors and shot me a quick glance.

“Yeah,” I replied, nodding. “But she didn’t do it to spite you like he did. She did it because she thought you two were over and he did it to hurt me.”

He shrugged. “We got through it. It took time, but we did. Our relationship is so strong now, and I hope that the same thing happens with you two.” He held open the door for me and we stepped into the freezing air.

“I hope so, too.”

“I’m here for you, sweetheart. Matt is one of my friends but you are like a sister to me. If I can do anything, let me know.”

I stopped at the top of the stairs and stared at David for a second. He opened his arms and I moved in to them, giving him the tightest embrace I could. We stood like that for several minutes before I pulled back. I didn’t speak because I knew I would cry, and David seemed to understand.

I kissed his cheek and offered him a little wave before moving down the four steps. I had made it to the second one when my foot landed on a thin sheet of ice. My right leg went out from under me and I knew I was going to hit the concrete. I tried my best to turn my body and landed at the bottom of the stairs with my right hip and shoulder slamming into the cold cement.

“Amanda, are you okay?” David had his hands under me immediately and was inspecting me carefully. A few more people crowded around and I groaned.

“My pride is injured, but I’m fine. Can you help me up?”

David stood and pulled me up with him, giving me a once over. “Did you hit your head or your stomach?”

I shook my head quickly and rubbed my shoulder. “I avoided both.” I gave him an embarrassed smile. “I should have watched where I was walking.”

David insisted on walking me back to my building, not leaving me until I was safely in the doors. I dialed Dr. Eaton’s office on the way up to my floor and the nurse reassured me that if I didn’t land on my stomach I should be okay. She told me to keep track of the number of kicks and to let them know if I had less than five in an hour.

Jill tried to stifle a laugh when I told her what happened, and I threw my pen at her. I ducked into the bathroom to check out my shoulder and cringed when I saw the light bruises forming. Olivia’s movements were strong, though, and I was just happy I’d avoided falling on her.

I spent the rest of my day doing phone checks on some of my cases, and by the time I pulled into the garage it was after seven. I was barely through the door to the garage door and into the kitchen when Matt was in front of me.

“Are you okay?” He placed his hands on my shoulders and his eyes scanned me for injuries.

I sighed and let my head fall back to hit the door behind me. “David called you?”

Matt straightened up and glared at me. “Yes, but you should have.”

I walked around him to put my purse and bag on the table before removing my coat. “Olivia is fine, Matt. I called the doctor and they reassured me that everything should be okay. She’s also been kicking up a storm.”

“Fuck, Amanda,” Matt’s voice was loud and I turned around in surprise. He looked like he was in pain as he shook his head. “It’s not just the baby I worry about, and you know it. I love you and I deserve to know when you’re hurt.”

His ferocity took me by surprise and I didn’t respond for a moment. When I finally pulled myself together, I gave him a sharp nod.