Scattered Leaves (24 page)

"I'll stay a little longer with Great-aunt Frances." I told her. It was a lie. I was getting better at it because she nodded, believed me, and left.
Great-aunt Frances was sleeping soundly now. so I tiptoed out and went to the food pantry. I found the attic key and then, as quietly as I could. I went up the stairs and opened the attic door. I slipped in without putting on the light. There was enough moonlight coming through the attic windows for me to clearly make out the stairway. I went up and sat on the sofa in the dark with the silvery moonlight draped around me like some magical blanket, and then I tried to do what Ian had instructed.
Only, when I pictured Mammy. I called out to her instead of using only my brain. I realized it and stopped myself, but it was hard. I sat there as long as I could and waited to hear her voice. There was just silence, a silence so deep that I could hear my own heartbeat.
Finally. I gave up. I imagined it would take a lot more practice. How could I expect to be as perfect as Ian right away? I told myself and tiptoed back down the stairway, taking great care with the door and lock. I returned the key to the drawer. By the time I went up to the bedroom. Alanis was asleep on the bed, still fully dressed, the book in her hands. I tried making as little noise as possible, but she woke.
"Oh," she said. "I must have fallen asleep. Your great-aunt still downstairs?"
"Uh-huh," I said, and then we both heard her come out of the bathroom.
"How could she get upstairs that fast?" Alanis asked.
I didn't know what to say. She would question me now and discover I had gone up to the attic alone. She would want to know why. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"You fell asleep down there yourself, didn't you?" she asked and smiled. "Didn't you?"
"Yes," I said. She laughed.
"It's all right," she said. "Don't be embarrassed. I did. too. I'm getting ready for bed." she told me. She left to sneak into Grandmother Emma's bathroom.
That lie was even easier than before, I thought.
Lying to the expert liar wasn't as hard to do as I had thought. I must be getting better.
We talked for a while after we were both in bed and the lights were out. Alanis admitted being more than just annoyed at her mother.
"She would go off on a drunken bender for days when my father was still with us. Sometimes. I can still hear the shouting and yelling in my head. It rumbles about in there like tin cans. I can't tell you how many times she told me she wished she had never been married and never given birth to me."
"She said that?" "Many times,"
She was quiet and I was quiet, and then she turned on her side and, minutes later, was asleep. I thought I heard her sob in her sleep. As I lay there. I wondered how Ian actually felt with his body being wrapped. I tried to imagine it and pretend it was happening to me. It frightened me and I turned over, too, and tried to sleep.
Alanis was up ahead of me in the morning, excited about our trip. She wanted us to get downstairs and start breakfast before Great-aunt Frances had awakened. She said we'd both bring her breakfast up to her.
"We'll keep stroking her like this so she's in a good mood and doesn't ask too many questions about the trip," Alanis said.
I made the hot chocolate and Alanis prepared the eggs and bacon, toast and jam. She was a better cook than she had said she was. While she worked. I learned she had been cooking and fixing breakfasts, lunches and dinners ever since she was five.
"Even though I was young. I couldn't wait for my mother to get over a hangover or something," she said.
"What about your granddad? Who's helping him with his meals now?"
"He's good at taking care of himself. Granddad was always on his own. My mother didn't bring him much more than trouble when we moved in with him. C'mon," she said. "Let's bring this up to your greataunt. Wait." she added just as she picked up the tray. She hurried out the back door and moments later returned with a handful of wildflowers. She put them in a tall glass. 'Just like in a hotel," she declared, smiling.
We marched upstairs. Great-aunt Frances was just stretching. Miss Puss was curled up and asleep at her feet and didn't
waken until we brought the tray to Great-aunt Frances.
"Oh, my, my, dear me!" Great-aunt Frances cried. "How beautiful. You two will spoil me rotten." she said and sat up. Alanis moved quickly to set up her pillows and make her comfortable.
"Take your time. Great-aunt Frances," Alanis told her. "We'll come up to get your tray before we leave."
"Leave?" she asked. She had forgotten. Alanis threw me a quick glance.
"We're just going to visit a friend, remember? Well be back before dinner," she told her.
"Oh. Yes,"
"I
hope the eggs are okay," Alanis said, immediately getting her mind off in another direction.
Great-aunt Frances tasted them and smiled. "They're perfect. dear. Thank you," she said.
"We'll just have our breakfast and come up to see you before we leave." Alanis told her quickly and hustled me out of the bedroom. "Chad better not be late," she said when we reentered the kitchen. She made us some toast and jam and put up some
coffee for herself.
I told her I never drank coffee. "My
grandmother said young people shouldn't drink it."
"You drank booze and alcopops, Jordan. You can drink coffee, believe me." she said and poured me some. I tried it but I didn't care for it. Like Great-aunt Frances. I preferred the hot chocolate.
"You better stay down here." she told me afterward. "I'll see to Great-aunt Frances. She's liable to start asking too many questions and you won't know what to say or she'll see right through that glass face of yours."
Soon after, she returned with the tray and told me Great-aunt Frances hadn't even gotten out of bed vet.
"Let's get going," she said. "We'll wait for Chad out on the driveway. I don't want to take any chances."
I followed her out. She was worried that her granddad hadn't left for the store yet, but his car was gone.
"All systems are go," she told me. "As long as Chad shows," she added.
We went down to the end of the driveway.
"Why are we going to see Toby DeMarco again?"
"It's a mystery, Jordan. Don't you want to solve it? It's more fun than sitting around watching your great-aunt fall asleep in the Eying room or reading your brother's nutty letters."
"They're not nutty."
"Whatever," she said. "I'd rather do this than think about my mother anyway," she added and kicked a stone down the road. Of all the reasons she gave.
I
thought that was the most important for her. We both looked at the oncoming traffic.
Above us, a hazy morning sky sprinkled sunlight like light rain on the surrounding fields and forest. There was a nice breeze. but I could feel the underbelly of the oncoming cool fall. A few leaves from older trees let go of branches and drifted lazily toward the around.
Alanis paced impatiently, her arms embracing herself. She glared at the traffic, anger at every car that wasn't Chad's. She was still in a very bad mood because of what her mother had done. I wanted to suggest that if her mother had done this before and returned, maybe she would again, but I was afraid to say anything. I looked back at the house. Maybe a new letter would come from Ian today. I thought. Maybe my father would call again. Maybe
I
shouldn't leave.
"Here he comes." Alanis announced before I could change my mind.
A dark blue Mustang sped around the far turn. We could hear the thump, thump of the rap music. Chad deliberately sped up, then hit the brakes in front of us.
"Hey, girls," he said, leaning out his window, "Going my way?"
"Get in," Alanis told me and hurried around to open the passenger side door. I hesitated for a moment, then slipped into the backseat. "Go, before my granddad returns," Alanis ordered him.
"Yes, ma'am," he said and accelerated so fast that the wheels squealed. "Where we going in Johnsville anyway?" he asked after a few moments.
"Just drive. I'll tell you when we get there."
"It better be worth it," he said.
She dug out a twenty-dollar bill from her pocket and tossed it into his lap.
"Gas money," she said.
"Okay. but I'm not talking about money, Alanis." he said. smiling. "I deserve more than money."
Don't worry, you'll get more than you deserve." she told him.
"Well, why can't you tell me where we're going in Johnsville?"
"We're going to visit one of Jordan's relatives," she replied.
"Relatives?" He grimaced with disappointment. "What's so important about seeing relatives?"
"It's important to Jordan and to me. What do you care?" she snapped back at him. "You doing something better today?"
"I can think of something."
"Think later," she said. She turned up the music, more to drown him out than listen. I thought.
I sat back and stared out the window while they talked and mostly teased each other. I still couldn't throw off this feeling that I was being carried along in currents so powerful there was no way to turn back or to stop. There were no hands to reach for, no arms to embrace me and lift me into safety. Ian was so positive that everything had a cause and effect. One thing he'd always spent time explaining to me was why-- why this happened or that or why this or that would happen no matter what.
What was the why about me? I wondered. Why was I here? Was it simply because my parents had gotten into a bad car accident? If I thought about that and how Ian had explained it. I could keep asking why forever. Why had Grandmother Emma and
Grandfather Blake brought up my father to be the way he was? Why had they married? Why was
Grandmother Emma so different from Great-aunt Frances? The why questions would go back so far until-- and this made me smile when I thought of it-- I would ask why this tadpole met this egg and turned it into me.
As Alanis and Chad continued to tease each other, laugh and listen to their music. I wondered if any of these sorts of why questions ever occurred to either of them. Did Alanis ever wonder why she had the mother she had? Should I ask her?
I thought not. I closed my eyes and thought about my mother. I listened hard for the sound of her voice and tried to not hear any other, but it was too hard to do in a car with music playing loudly. Ian had known what I had to do when he'd told me to find a very quiet place.
After what seemed at least an hour. Alanis turned to tell me we were almost there.
"When we get there, we might have to tell them you're her grandniece." she said.
"What do you mean, she might have to tell them? I thought she was visiting a relative," Chad said.
"She is, but the relative is old and has a bad memory," Alanis replied without skipping a beat.
I'd
never met anyone who was as good or as fast at coming up with a lie as she was,
^-
When
I'd
first arrived.
I
would have said
I
wasn't interested in that,
but
now
I
thought it would be better to be able to make up stories sometimes.
I
couldn't help thinking
I'd
be better off being more like she was,
"Pull into that garage," Alanis ordered after we saw the sign announcing we had entered Johnsville.
"I
need to get us directions."
As soon as he stopped, she jumped out and went into the office.
"She's one crazy girl," Chad said.
"but
that's why
I
like her. You never know what Alanis is going to do or say next. She's an original. Know what that means?"
I
shook my head.
"She's different from the other girls, who are boring and predictable. She's full of surprises. Say.
I
like her hat on you, by the way. That was another surprise.
I
never thought she'd give that to anyone.
I
thought it was attached to her head. She must like you a lot"
I
didn't say anything. I wasn't sure Alanis wanted him to know
we were being like sisters.
"Who is this relative?" he asked.
I felt myself panic, and then I remembered what Alanis had told him and said. "Another great-aunt."
He nodded and moved with the music until Alanis returned.
"Keep going until we reach the third traffic light and then turn left." she told him when she got into the car.
"Yes, boss," he said, saluted and drove on.
Johnsville was a prettier community than ours. The houses looked clean and newer or well kept, and their lawns and bushes were trimmed to look like they
were
in a painting. The streets had no potholes, and the stores we saw looked busy. What struck me about our town was the empty feeling in the streets.
After another turn, we saw a sin indicating we were closing on the Sisters of Mercy adult residence.
"That's it." Alanis told him.
"She's in one of these places?" Chad asked.
"Yes, so now you see why she couldn't visit Jordan."
The residence came into view just to the right up a long drive. It was a very large three-story building with a wide portico and stucco made to look like stone. The Grounds were pretty and well manicured with concrete pathways, upon which we saw two people in wheelchairs, each wrapped in blankets, as if it had been very cold outside. Two nuns talked to each other while the residents sat staring at us as we drove up to the parking area. The nuns stopped talking and turned our way. too.
"Now what?" Chad asked after he parked.
"Wait here." Alanis told him.
"Wait here? And do what?"
"Twiddle your thumbs." she said. "C'mon, Jordan," she told me and opened the door. She pulled the seat forward for me to get out.
"You better not be long," Chad threatened.
"Tell you what," Alanis told him. "I'll stay with you as long as I'm in there."
He smiled.
"Okay, deal," he said.
"Why did you say that?" I asked her as we walked toward the entrance.
"It's what he wanted to hear," she said. "Always tell boys what they want to hear."
She opened the big door, and we stepped into the residence lobby. A half dozen or so elderly people were sitting in the lounge watching television. Two were playing cards off to the right. We could hear some soft music piped in over speakers in the walls.
As soon as we entered, a nun started toward us. She didn't look much younger than the residents at the home.