SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (50 page)

“Listen, Dylan. Please,” he didn’t say
anything, so I went on, “But I don’t like you when you’re drunk and high and
making threats to my sister and mean, bitter comments to me-”

“I haven’t been drunk or high for almost
three months and you still haven’t let me touch you.”

“I wasn’t finished. I don’t like the guy
who just sits around the house all day and rarely showers or puts on a shirt,
either.”

“I’ve been riding bulls since I was eight,
Amber. It’s what I planned on doing with my life. I didn’t go to college and
short of working on a ranch for shit wages, I don’t have any skills. I’m good
at it rodeoing. Good enough that I have enough money in the bank that I don’t
have to rush into finding a job. I’m adjusting to being home all the time and
being sober – it doesn’t happen overnight. They told me in rehab that I wasn’t
going to stay sober if I continued to live the same lifestyle and hang out with
the same people. I’m doing what they told me, and I thought what you wanted,
Amber. I thought you were being honest when you said you wanted to see me
through this…”

“I was being honest, and believe it or
not, I am proud of you. I’m also relieved because at the rate you were going,
you were going to end up getting hurt or hurting someone else. I do hope you
did it for you, too, and not just for me.”

“It was for you at first, but yeah, I’m
glad that I did it for me, too, now.”

Sadly, he was right. He did everything I
asked and I’m still not happy. I know why, and I also know that I won’t ever be
happy if I walk around with a heavy conscience. “Dylan, there’s something I
haven’t been honest with you about and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I’ve
just been looking for ways to blame you for my unhappiness when it’s really
me.”

“I have a feeling I’m not going to want to
hear this.”

I had a feeling he was right. “I’m sorry,
just know that up front, but the truth is that I’ve tried to feel differently
and I just can’t. I think that I’m in love with someone else.” He looked like I
kicked him in the gut, but not necessarily surprised. I guess when you factored
in that he and I hadn’t had sex for about four months, it wasn’t a hard
conclusion to come to.

“Who?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

“The point is that I didn’t set out to
fall in love with someone else, but it happened and now I don’t know what to do
about it. I assumed for so long it would be you and me forever…-”

“It still can be, Amber. Are you sleeping
with this guy?”

“Not anymore. I saw him while we were
separated.”

“You cheated while I was in rehab?”

“That’s not fair, Dylan. It’s not cheating
when we’re separated. I’ve never cheated on you and since the day I moved back
in with you, I haven’t even seen him.” That was because he hasn’t shown for his
appointments, but Dylan didn’t have to know that. I hadn’t had any plans on
continuing my affair with Kyle while I lived with Dylan. I just didn’t have
that in me.

“Okay fine, whatever. You moved back in
with me, that has to mean some part of you still wants to be with me, right?”

“Some part of me will always want to be
with you. But it’s not fair to only give you part of myself.”

“If you’re not still seeing this other
guy, then what’s to keep us from getting back to where we…shit…not where we
were when I was being a drunken ass, but before that, when you wanted me and we
were happy?”

“I don’t know if we can do that.”

“Are you willing to try? Amber, I was
willing to change my whole lifestyle for you. Are you willing to at least give
me a chance to make you fall in love with me again?”

I was looking into his eyes – the same
pair of eyes I fell in love with and have been looking into for almost nine
years. I had told Kyle that I owed it to Dylan to at least try, and I meant
that. But since Dylan’s been home, I hadn’t been able to get Kyle off my mind.
The question in my heart is if it be fairer to leave Dylan alone and allow him
to find someone who loved him with their whole heart or stay with him and hope
that eventually my feelings for Kyle would fade. Maybe it was only a crazy, mad
attraction and if he’s not in front of me five days a week, I’d get over it. I
wished I knew.

Meanwhile, Dylan was sitting here looking
at me and waiting for an answer. The Dylan I had lived with for the past five
years would have never done that. He’d be going off on me by now – more proof
that he was trying to change.

“Okay, Dylan. If you still want me, I’ll
put in as much effort here as you are and I’ll stop living in the past.” He
smiled and opened his arms. I moved into them and I could feel his heart
slamming into his chest as he held me.
He
loves me…and I love him. Kyle was just a distraction when Dylan and I were
going through a hard time… I hope
.

CHAPTER
NINETEEN

KYLE

“Okay, Kyle, keep your head really still,
honey. Here we go…” I’m lying face down on a cold table and I’m wearing a mesh
mask the radiology people made out of a mold of my head. They left the spot
they wanted to radiate open and they once again shaved hair off my head and
tattooed little dots for the laser to point at. I’m considering just shaving it
all off. That’ll make it easier the next time someone wants to poke and prod at
my skull.

At least this was painless…virtually. The
position is uncomfortable and my scalp tingles a little bit, but there’s no
pain like after they cut me open or stitched me up. It’s quick, too. The only
real pain in the ass is that I have to do it every day for twenty-eight days
straight. Except the weekends, I get those off. I’m on Wednesday of the second
week of treatment.

That first week I argued with my sister. I
wanted to refuse it. I was just so sick of it all. But she made some valid
points – the best of which that I don’t really want to die before I’m thirty,
or go blind, or be unable to walk. So, here I am. Sarah had won again. “Okay,
Kyle, that’s it.” The tech came over and helped me off the cold table and took
off my helmet. “Are you doing okay?”

“Great.” As far as the radiation was
concerned, I was doing okay. The rest of my life, I was still kind of figuring
out. I’d always been so in control of everything that this was new to me. I
think Sarah’s constant nagging made me that way. If I was on top of everything,
she didn’t have anything to nag me about. Now, with these daily trips to the
radiation clinic and the fatigue that comes afterwards, I was getting behind on
the work I was doing at home. And then, of course, there was Amber. I couldn’t
stop her from running through my head every five minutes all day long or
inserting herself into my dreams at night. I was as horny as hell, but that
wasn’t even the real problem… I didn’t just miss the sex, I missed her.

“Are you still going to your physical
therapy?” the tech asked me as I slipped on my jacket. It was like she was
reading my mind.

“No, I’ve come a really long way and I
know how to do all of the exercises at home and I’ve been doing them. With
doing this every day, there’s not a lot of time left to do that, too.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Does the doctor
think that’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, he signed off on it,” I lied. I
couldn’t see Amber every day and not want her. This was the only way for me to
get over her.

“Okay, but make sure you keep up the
exercises. That spot where you fell is still healing…”

Jeez,
every woman in my life is so bossy
. “Thanks, I will.”

I went out into the lobby and found Sarah,
the bossiest one of them all. Kimber was with us today, and she ran up and put
her arms up to me. “Kimber, Uncle Kyle can’t pick you up…” Sarah was still
talking when I swung my niece up into my arms. “Kyle Cloud! Put her down;
you’re going to fall.”

I just rolled my eyes at her and walked
outside with Kimber in my arms. I was doing all this shit to stay alive. I was
not going to stop living.

*******

“Is it okay for you to have beer?” We’d
just sat down in a corner booth of the Electric Cowboy bar.

“Jesus… You and Sarah really have been
spending too much time together, haven’t you?”

“I’m just asking.”

“I can have a beer; stop nagging me like
an old woman.”

“Fine, check out the cowgirl at the bar.”
I looked in the direction he was leering. There were two girls at the bar. One
of them was in an outfit that looked like she should be in some sleazy rap club
and the other one had on a short denim skirt a ruffled beige blouse and a pair
of cowgirl boots. She had long, dark hair and even though I couldn’t see her
face, I’d have to say I would do her. At this point, a knothole might even do.

“She’s hot.”

“Go talk to her.”

“Not yet, we just sat down.”

“Man, what happened to you?”

“Let’s see, brain tumor, surgery, therapy,
woman who wanted her ex-boyfriend instead of me…”

“Wah! Wah! Stop whining about how shitty
your life is and do something about it.”

I stood up and looked at Greg. “Fuck you.”
I heard him laugh as I made my way up to the bar. There was plenty of space,
but I chose to insert myself in between the two girls. “Excuse me, ladies. Can
I have a glass of ice water?” I asked the bartender. I was facing the brunette,
and her face was just as hot as the rest of her. The first thought I had was
that she favored Amber. I mentally kicked myself in the ass. “Are you ladies
having a good time tonight?”

She looked me over and smiled. “Not bad so
far,” she said.

“Good,” I gave her a smile of my own. “I’m
Kyle.”

“What’s wrong with your head?”
Fuck
! The ghetto chick behind me. I
should have known she’d be a cock-block. I turned towards her with the smile
pasted on my face and said,

“Brain surgery.”

“Really?”

I laughed. “Would I lie?”

“It looks all red and irritated…like bugs or
something.”

“Valerie! That’s rude!” The cowgirl was
sticking up for me. That was nice, but I’d lost my burst of confidence. I
grabbed my water and looked back at the pretty one.

“Have a good night,” I told her. I took
the water back to our table avoiding Greg’s eyes and the feeling that the girls
were staring at the back of my head and wondering what kind of bugs I have.
“Hey, asshole,” I said to Greg as I sat down. “You said you got the hair back
there to cover my bald spot.”

“Did they really say something, man?” he
looked incredulous and shot the girls a mean look.

“Stop looking at them. Yes, the ghetto
princess pointed it out. She says it looks like I have bugs.” His lips
twitched, but he caught himself.

“Turn around, I’ll fix it.”

“You’re not putting your hands on me out
here in public. I’ll keep my head to the wall, thanks.”

“Come on, man. Not all women are going to
be assholes about it.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not in the mood
for it tonight, anyways.”

“Kyle-”

“Let it go.” The waitress brought our beer
over and by the time we finished it, I saw Greg gawking at a blonde a few
tables over with her friend. “Go talk to her,” I told him. He grinned.

“Thanks, but I don’t need any
encouragement. I’m just waiting for her friend to…and there she goes. I’ll be
back…maybe.” I rolled my eyes and watched Casanova make his way over to her.

“Excuse me…” I looked up into the pretty
hazel eyes of the cowgirl with the rude friend. “I’m sorry to bother you. I
just wanted to apologize for my cousin. She’s from back east and they talk
different to people back there. Half the time she doesn’t even realize how rude
she’s being.”

“It’s really okay,” I told her.

“It’s really not okay and I’m really
sorry. I hope you have a good night.”

“What’s your name?”

She smiled. She was really pretty.
“Callie.”

“Can I buy you a drink, Callie?”

She sat down. “Sure, I’d like that.”

“Are you from Dallas, Callie?”

“Austin originally,” she said. I waved the
waitress over. “I came to Dallas for school. I got offered a job right after I
graduated, so I stayed.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a legal assistant. I start law school
next fall.”

“Oh, wow, that’s cool.” I never used to be
picky, but lately, I appreciated a girl who had a brain. Maybe I was finally
doing what my sister spent the last ten years telling me to do…growing up.

“Yeah, my dad’s a lawyer and I’ve always
wanted to be one. What do you do?”

“I’m an architect.” The waitress came
over, and Callie ordered a beer and I ordered another one.
 

“That’s cool. Can I ask you a personal question?”
Callie asked after the waitress had left.

“Sure.”

“Were you serious about having brain
surgery?”