Sean Donovan (The Californians, Book 3) (2 page)

Sean lay on his bed waiting for his sister's call to
supper. He didn't care to join the family any earlier than
necessary. In fact, if Kate would let him, he'd eat alone in
his room. No one in this house understood him. He
hated school and he hated work. Their answer for everything was "trust in God." Well, he'd tried trusting in
God, at least trusting Him to give the things he wanted
most, but it never brought him anything more than pain
and confusion.

With these restless thoughts, Sean stayed on the bed
for only a few moments. Rolling to the edge of the
mattress and standing in one move, he went straight to
the dresser, opened the top drawer, and removed a
wooden box. He counted the money within, knowing
the exact amount but somehow hoping it had increased
from when he had counted it the night before.

"Still not enough," Sean whispered, rage boiling
within him as he replaced the box. "Still not enough to
get away from here." Again his voice was whisper soft,
but this time it held a hint of desperation.

He stood for some time trying to calm down, knowing
that if Kate called now he would be too angry to join the
family for supper and they would want to know why.
Suddenly the door opened. Sean turned with a furious
word for the intruder, but what he was going to say died
in his throat at the sight of his niece Gretchen. She stood
on the threshold, an adorable smile lighting her face.

For the first time that day, some of Sean's fury drained
away. He held his arms out toward the beloved little girl
and smiled as she threw herself at him. With her small
arms circling his neck, she chatted up into his face. Sean,
very much enamored with this child, gave her his full
attention. They were still talking when Rigg's voice
sounded from the bottom of the stairs.

"Gretchen, did you tell Uncle Sean that supper is
ready?"

Gretchen, with a little hand to her surprised mouth,
delivered the forgotten message, and the two of them
made their way downstairs. Sean's face, all smiles for
Gretchen, was now shuttered as the family gathered
around the table. He did not close his eyes or even bow
his head for the prayer.

Everyone save Sean talked with familiar ease throughout the meal. In the past Sean's silence had been oppressive and even intimidated the family, but now they
had learned to live around it. Rigg, never intimidated by
anyone, talked to his young brother-in-law as though
nothing was out of the ordinary, including telling him to
help with the dishes at the end of the meal. Rigg ignored
the black scowl Sean sent in his direction.

"Do you want to wash or dry?" Rigg asked casually
when the girls had emptied out of the room.

"I don't want to do either. Why can't Marc do-"

"That's enough, Sean," Rigg said easily. "She takes
your turn more often than she should. And," Rigg spoke
quickly when Sean opened his mouth yet again, "if you
dare suggest that Kate come back in here, I'll flatten you.
She could have the baby any time now and I don't-"

'Any time?" Sean's voice was incredulous. "I thought
she was due in June."

"Sean," Rigg's voice was long-suffering. "There are
only three days left in May. The doctor told Katie yesterday that it could be any time." Rigg wanted to add that if
Sean would get his head out of his angry cloud and think
about someone else for a change, he might have noticed
how large and uncomfortable his sister had become.

Rigg would have been surprised to know that such
words were unnecessary. Sean was giving himself the same speech. Unfortunately, he didn't believe his attitude to be his own fault; his father was to blame. If his
father had kept just one of his promises, Sean believed
he'd feel differently, but it was easier to blame his father
than himself, and easier still to hide his pain behind a
mask of fury.

The next evening, just after supper, Kate announced
that they had received a letter from Father. Patrick Donovan, father to Kaitlin, Sean, and Marcail, was a missionary in the Hawaiian Islands. He'd been away and
promising to come and see them for several years. Katie
and Marcail had both suffered with his absence, but not
to the same degree as Sean. When their mother had died
just before Patrick left, Marcail and Kaitlin had clung to
each other. But Sean, try as he might to fit in, had felt
completely on his own.

"He says," Katie began, "that it looks like he'll be
getting away in a few months. I'll read that part. 'I know
I've said this before, but I'm sure I'll be able to break
away from here and be with you by midsummer."'

Kate fell silent then, praying that this time it would be
true. So often he'd tried to come, but something always
interfered. They were all beginning to believe that they
would never see this man again; Sean was hoping he
would never see his father again. Rigg, closely watching
Sean's face, realized with a start that Sean actually wanted
to avoid his father. That night in bed, the house quiet,
Rigg said as much to Katie.

"I can't believe that, Rigg," Kate spoke in protest.
"Sean has missed Father more than any of us. Seeing
him again has been all he's living for."

"I understand what you're saying, Kate, but think
about how betrayed he feels. You can feel his anger the moment he steps into the room. I don't want to upset
you, but I thought you should be warned."

In the dim lantern light, Kate studied Rigg's face.
"What are you not telling me," she finally asked.

"You might disagree with me, Kate, but I think he's
trying to gain the courage to leave here. I think if he had
the money, he'd walk away from Santa Rosa right now."

Kate's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "He has a box of
money in the top drawer of his dresser," she whispered,
as though afraid of being overheard. "I came across it by
mistake just yesterday when I was putting his clothes
away. The lid flipped up, and I saw what was inside. I
closed the drawer right away, so I don't know how much
there was, but-"

"Shhh," Rigg hushed her as she began to cry, his arms
moving to surround her swollen frame. "It's all right,
Kate. You didn't intrude. As hard as it seems, it just
might need to be this way."

"Rigg, he's not ready to be out on his own," she
sobbed.

"I realize that, but as you've said many times, he
might need to go through more pain before he sees that
God has been in control from the very start."

Kate was out of words then, as she cried and prayed
into her husband's chest. Rigg held her until he fell
asleep, only to be awakened once again, several hours
later, with Kate telling him that he should probably go
for the doctor.

The next afternoon Sean sat in his sister's room and
held his niece Molly. She was a tiny dark-haired bundle,
ten hours old and looking just like Gretchen had at that
age. His sister was resting in the bed, and Sean was
unaware of her scrutiny.

Help him turn to you, Heavenly Father, Kate prayed silently. Help him see that running will do no good. If it be Your
will, use this precious baby to soften him, to show him that you
area God of love and tenderness, especially when we hurt.

Rigg entered the room then, and Sean's attention was
drawn away from the sleeping infant. He surprised both
parents with a compliment, something he hadn't given
in ages.

"I don't know how you do it, Katie, being married to a
great hairy beast like Rigg, but Molly is a beauty."

'Beauty runs in my family," Rigg told him, his voice
amused.

Sean snorted in disgust and startled the babe in his
arms. Kate watched in fascination as he spoke to Molly in
soothing tones and held her even closer to his chest.
Husband and wife exchanged a glance after witnessing
this tender act, their hearts praying for the same thing.

The next two weeks were nearly idyllic in Kate's estimation. Molly was a good baby, and Sean was as civil as
she'd seen him in months. He was also very helpful and
unashamedly in love with his new niece. He played with
Gretchen every spare minute and appeared to be making
an effort to once again join the family. All of this changed
abruptly, however, when a letter came from Aunt Maureen in San Francisco.

She was bubbling over with excitement over Patrick's
promised arrival, really believing that this time he
would come. Kate read the letter to everyone after supper, and both she and Rigg took note of how tense Sean
became, how shuttered his features.

They talked that night and decided not to confront
Sean, but to keep their eyes open for a while and pray for
an opportunity to speak with him.

But no such opportunity arose. Rigg was at work,
Marcail was at school, and Kate was with the girls at
Grandma Taylor's house the day Sean wrote a brief note,
left it in his room, and walked to the other side of town to
catch a stage headed south. What never occurred to Sean
was that his actions were exactly like those of the man he
told his heart he most hated.

Maureen Lawton Kent, sister to Patrick Donovan,
stood in her library trying to calm the frantic beating of
her heart. Her nephew Sean was upstairs in one of the
bedrooms, and she knew he would be coming back
down for supper at any moment. She wondered how
swiftly she could get word to Kaitlin and the family,
somehow certain that none of them knew where Sean
was. The thought had barely formulated when the subject of Maureen's thoughts appeared in the door.

Sean's appearance surprised her. He'd filled out even
more from when she had seen him at Christmas, losing
almost all of his boyish looks in the process. His brows
were low over his unsmiling eyes, and his mouth, even
when he spoke, was set in a grim line.

"Oh there you are." Maureen hated how breathless
she sounded. "Are you ready for supper?"

Sean nodded and followed his aunt to the table. For
the most part, the meal was silent and tense. Sean was
starting to regret his decision to come here; in fact, he
was starting to regret his decision to leave Santa Rosa.
He knew he would have to force his family's faces from
his mind or there would be more tears. Sean's anger
rushed in and rescued him. There had been tears on the
stage and then again in the room upstairs, but no more,
he told himself.