Searching For Captain Wentworth (49 page)

‘I don’t know if
you’re really ready to go home just yet,’ he
said. ‘I’m sorry, Sophie, I don’t mean to sound so
bossy, but it was
such a shock
finding you lying on the ground covered in blood like
that. Wait until you’ve been up for a few days and
then I’ll let you
go.’

‘Josh, I can’t
really explain what happened that day, but it’s
all to do with me and nothing to do with you. It
wouldn’t have
mattered where
I’d been, I’m certain I’d have had some sort of a
fainting fit.’

‘Do you remember
anything about why you came to Lyme
yet? You must have been trying to get in touch with me, I think,
don’t you? Sophie, I’m sorry. I feel it’s totally
my fault.’

I shook my head
and looked beyond him to the distant
horizon. ‘I honestly don’t know exactly what happened, or how I
got here.’

He clammed up
then, and didn’t say any more. He looked as
if he had some huge worry on his mind. I felt
awful. The last thing
I wanted
was for him to feel responsible for me.

‘Listen, Josh.
I’m feeling so much better. I’ll get up later,
please don’t worry about me.’

Josh was silent
for a moment. I couldn’t make out his
expression. He looked so sad. ‘The thing is, Sophie, I really need to
talk to you.’

I guessed it
must have something to do with Louisa. It still
didn’t seem right that she had just gone off like
that. It was all so
casual and I was
sure he was upset by her behaviour. He hadn’t had
to say anything these last few days, but it was so
obvious that
something was
upsetting him and weighing on his mind.

‘We’ll talk
later, okay?’

He nodded, but
he didn’t look happy and the mood in the
place seemed charged with something indefinable
like electricity
crackling in a
lightning bolt before a storm. I felt suddenly very
aware of his physical presence and his closeness.
He put out his
hand and touched
me briefly on my arm and I jumped in surprise.

It was like the
feeling I had when Charles came within feet of me
and I couldn’t account for it except by knowing
that every part of
me ached for
him. I wanted what I couldn’t have and as I leaned
back against the pillows I thought I’d never felt
so miserable in my
life before.

Thinking of
Charles made me remember Jane and the last
conversation I’d had with her came back so clearly.
I suddenly
realized how
completely selfish and stupid I was being. She had
loved and lost so much. I wondered if she’d ever
managed to see
her love again
and if that meeting really had been the last they’d
enjoyed.

There was a pile
of books on the bedside table that Josh had
chosen and I reached for a modern biography on
Jane, in the hope
of finding some
clues. I skimmed through the pages, but I soon
found there was little written about that
particular period of her life
when so
many letters between Jane and Cassy had been destroyed.

There was
mention of a romance at the seaside, which had resulted
in a tragic ending that didn’t quite ring true.
Perhaps Cassandra had
wanted
her nieces to know that Jane had been in love, but hadn’t
wanted to divulge the whole story. I read that
later on that year in
1802,
Jane had travelled with her family back to Steventon in
October and then the most astonishing discovery
leapt out of the
page. In
November they had been invited to Manydown, home to
the sisters’ friends, Alethea and Catherine
Bigg-Wither. The story
was that
their brother Harris had proposed to Jane! I’d reached the
end of the page and I couldn’t have been more
surprised.

Just as this
information was sinking in there was a knock at
the door and Josh appeared with a huge smile on his
face. ‘I’ve
brought us some
lunch. Are you hungry?’

Hours had passed
by; I couldn’t believe it was lunchtime. I
was hungry now I thought about it, but I was also
completely
intrigued by
what I’d just read and longing to find out more. It must
have shown.

‘Sorry, am I
interrupting?’

‘Oh no, Josh!
I’m the one who should be apologizing; it’s just
that I’ve found out the most amazing thing. Did you
know that Jane
Austen once
received a proposal of marriage?’

Josh’s black
curls shook enthusiastically as he nodded. ‘I’ve
been finding out quite a lot recently, I must
admit. I think you’ll
find that
she accepted him too, though it didn’t quite work out
exactly as you might think.’ He paused to glance
into the bulging
bag of shopping.
‘I’ve got smoked salmon. Does that sound okay?’

‘Yes, lovely.
Thanks Josh, you’re so kind, but I insist on
giving you a hand. Give me five minutes, and I’ll
come
downstairs.’

I put the book
down, got out of bed, showered and dressed.
My head felt a little fuzzy, and my ankle ached,
but I was feeling
much more like
my old self. Josh looked up and grinned when I
entered the kitchen. He was just setting a vase of
plump, scented
roses in the
middle of the table and I buried my nose in the
overblown blooms. The smell of summer made me feel
light-headed.

‘Sophie, are you
sure about this?’ said Josh. ‘I can always
bring your meal up to you on a tray if it’s all too
much, too soon.’

Ignoring him, I
selected two pretty plates from the painted
dresser and fetching knives and forks with napkins
from the basket
on the side, I
laid the table and sat down to quarter the lemon that
Josh produced from a brown paper bag. I watched him
unwrap the
salmon carefully
arranging the pink pieces on a blue platter, before
cutting thin slices of bread liberally buttered
from an earthenware
dish.

‘What did you
mean about Jane Austen’s proposal?’ I asked.

Josh fetched two
glasses and a bottle of chilled wine from the
fridge. I watched his lips pressed together, a
little frown furrowing
his brow
in concentration as he skewered the cork and pulled it out
with the delicious sound that always accompanies a
freshly opened
bottle of wine.

‘She said yes
straight away, but changed her mind by the
morning. There must have been an awful scene.
Apparently, her
brother James
had to go and fetch them home.’

Poor Jane. She
could only have been thinking of her family
when she accepted, I decided. Manydown, a rich
estate, would have
been the answer
to a comfortable life, a home for her mother and
Cassandra but, unlike the man she’d loved, she
herself could not
commit to a
loveless marriage. In the space of a night, no doubt
tossing and turning, she’d known she could never
marry without
love. And
knowing what she’d told me, I recognized that she’d
never forgotten her one true love.

‘We certainly do
not forget you as quickly as you forget us.’

The words were
spoken before I realized that I’d said them out
loud.

‘That’s from
Persuasion
.
Whatever made you think of it?’

‘I just wonder
if Jane changed her mind because she was still
in love with someone else. Perhaps someone who
could not be
hers.’

‘Mmm,
intriguing, Miss Elliot. So, do let me hear it, you’ve
obviously been doing a little sleuthing of your
own.’

I hesitated. I
couldn’t very well tell him that Jane had told me
herself about the love of her life. I got up and
busied myself with
slicing some
bread to avoid looking at Josh. ‘I have been thinking
about it. I had a dream, one that was so real. Oh
Josh, you’ll think
me so silly.’

‘No, I won’t. I
dream too. Everyone does and if you feel
passionately about something or someone, those
things or people
have a way of
creeping into your dreams too.’

‘It was a kind
of dream, I think. I met Jane. She told me about
the love of her life; a secret tale that’s been
lost in time. And every
single
novel she wrote is littered with hints and signs of her own
story, from
Sense and Sensibility
to
Persuasion
.
Jane and her lover
were separated
by lack of fortune and family disapproval, a theme
that runs through all of her novels.’

‘So who was the
love of Jane’s life? What was his name?’

I suddenly
realized that apart from knowing what he looked
like, and the clues I’d gleaned about his character,
I had no idea.

‘I don’t know,
Josh.’ I couldn’t recall Jane ever having
mentioned a name, only referring to him as Robin
Adair, but in a
way I was glad.
It was nobody’s business but her own and I also
knew that even if I had known his identity I wouldn’t
want to share
such personal
information. ‘Captain Frederick Wentworth, I
suppose,’ I said with a smile. ‘I can’t tell you
his name, but
honestly, Josh,
it was all so real. You do believe me, don’t you? I
even met her sister Cassandra, three of Jane’s
brothers and her
parents.’

Josh was silent.
How I wished I hadn’t spoken. He was
looking at me with the strangest expression and probably thinking
that the blow to my head had done more damage than
he’d realized.
His answer
surprised me.

‘I do believe
you. I …’

He paused. Josh
looked into my eyes with such a strange
expression. He seemed so upset and so sad; I wished
I could do or
say something to
comfort him. He put the bottle down and came
straight over taking my hand in his own.

‘Oh, Sophie,
what have I done?’ he said. ‘I have a confession
to make, and I’m not sure whether you will like me
very much after
I’ve made it.
The truth is I’ve planned something of a surprise for
this afternoon; there’s a taxi coming to pick us up
very soon. I hope
that’s okay; I
know I should have said something before, but I’m
really hoping you’ll come.’

He wouldn’t
enlighten me any further no matter how many
questions I bombarded him with. The cab duly
arrived and although
I
couldn’t wait to find out where we were going, Josh was tight-
lipped. We headed out of Lyme and along narrow
country lanes,
frothing white
with cow parsley and dotted with wildflowers.

Summer in all
her glorious greenery was burgeoning in a riot of
nature. We were both quiet and thoughtful for a time
and after a
while I gave up
looking for clues through the window as we passed
views of green fields and sheep grazing upon them.
After what
seemed an
interminably long time the road widened slightly again
and I was struck by the sense that I knew the territory,
that I’d been
here before. I
lowered the window in expectation and breathed in
the sweet air, which only served to heighten the
sense of
excitement.
Further along we encountered a pair of ornate gates
and the remembrance of them was like revisiting a
dream I’d once
had. Before we
entered the twisted carriageway with no view in
sight, I knew exactly what to expect. I sat on the
edge of my seat
unable to say a
word recalling every moment of my last journey
here. Not much had changed, though the driveway
appeared
slightly more
overgrown than when I had visited it in another life.

Beyond the green
tunnel of thickly wooded trees, the vista opened
up to our eyes. There, standing serenely as ever
stood Monkford
Hall, the gabled
manor house of my ancestors, golden and gilded
with afternoon sunshine that winked in the diamond
paned
windows.

Whilst I sat
open-mouthed, Josh leapt out of his side of the
taxi and came round to mine to open the door with a
flourish and a
bow. I couldn’t
begin to think about why we were there, but when
he bent down to take my hand all thoughts of the
house
disappeared, as
his jacket flapped open and I caught the most
disconcerting glimpse of white leather fingers just
poking out of his
inside pocket.