season avatars 03 - chaos season (21 page)

“But Ava, you’re not dressed for hard riding. You’d have to get a riding skirt, and then we’d have to find you a gentle mare or gelding while we teach you how to balance yourself and handle the reins….”

“Freeze it.” At this rate, Gwen could ride across the Salt Waters into Fip before Jenna was ready. “I’ll just walk. Which way did the Spring Avatar go?”

“Into the forest, Ava.”

The forest surrounding the One Oak wasn’t the largest in Challen, but it was still big enough to hide a single Avatar. However, Jenna’s affinity with plants might help her find Gwen.

She set out from the stable and studied the plants alongside the diverging paths. Off to the right, a thistle held long dark hairs that could have come from a horse’s tail. Crushed leaves gave off green scent. Nodding grimly to herself, Jenna hiked after Gwen, the lover she’d betrayed. Maybe Gwen would turn around and come back along this path, or maybe she would follow another trail back to the One Oak. Maybe she was sick enough of her duties to flee Challen. It didn’t matter where she had gone as long as Jenna found her.

Jenna hadn’t expected to be hiking outdoors. Although her feet were still callused from years of working barefoot on the farm, her slippers soon bore stains and rips. She paused to take them off and carry them. Whenever trees or shrubs closed in on her, she carefully worked her way through the branches so the lace on her dress wouldn’t get caught. Kay had made her realize how much human effort was behind her glorious new wardrobe.

By midday, the birds and other creatures were silent in the heat streaming through the leaves. Jenna hoped she’d find a stream or pond to drink from. She stopped in a small clearing to search for water-loving plants when she heard a horse trotting her way. Panic made her dive off the path. She needed to explain herself to Gwen, but no words had come to her during the journey.

Gwen rode into the clearing. In a pale yellow gown and a hat still balanced on her head, she looked far cooler than Jenna felt. Her face twisted into something red and ugly. “You! Of all the frozen people I could have met out here, it had to be you.” She halted her horse and tried to turn the mare in another direction.

Jenna crept toward her, twigs caught in her dress. “Please, Gwen, at least let me say I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t change anything.”

“It was another life for both of us! We’re better off forgetting about it!”

Gwen curled her lip. “I wish it had stayed forgotten. I was better off when that memory was walled away, even if some of my healing knowledge was behind that barrier.”

“You…you remember that moment?”

“Which one?” Never had blue eyes been so cold and cruel. “The one where I found you and the governess in our own bed, or the one where I slipped off the stair and felt myself falling?”

“It shouldn’t have happened that way.” Jenna came forward, ready to throw herself under the horse’s hooves if necessary to appease Gwen. “That last part was an accident, a complete accident. You shouldn’t have died.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

“Even I can’t heal myself of a broken neck, Jenna.”

She winced. Decades and another life later, she could still remember scrambling out of the bed and running naked after Gwen—or Glory, as she’d been named in that life. Glory had been downstairs attending a ball packed with nobles, so she shouldn’t have come up upstairs for any reason, even if she’d been suspicious of Mara. Because of the ball, she’d been wearing a saffron dress with a long train. The bustle holding it up had broken as she’d fled, and the heavy silk had tangled and tripped her. A sickening snap, and both of them lost everything at once.

“If it helps at all, I grieved for your every heartbeat afterward,” Jenna said.

Gwen sniffed. “And how many others consoled you?”

“That doesn’t matter. None of them really mattered. My soul may belong to Summer, but the rest of me belongs to you. It always has.”

“You say that every lifetime, but you always share yourself with someone else. Or several someones. By All Four Gods and Goddesses, Jenna Dorshay t’Reve, why?”

Jenna wasn’t sure herself. Sometimes Gwen became so serious, so caught up in their Avatar work, that she neglected the physical part of their relationship. Then Jenna would notice someone with an inviting smile, or an attractive figure, and she couldn’t help flirting with him or her. Sometimes Gwen would notice and become possessive of Jenna, allowing both of them to share passion. But more often the flirtation would become a real attraction and give Jenna a chance to relieve her frustration. It never was as good as it was with Gwen, since the link between them quadrupled their pleasure, but it would be enough to content her for a while. But if Gwen didn’t understand that after all of their lives together, Jenna couldn’t explain it. So she shrugged and said, “Because I’m a Summer.”

“And yet none of the other Summer Avatars behave like you do.”

“How can you be sure of that? They’re from different generations.”

“It would still be somewhere in their journals, or in another Avatar’s.” Gwen sighed and blew a lock of golden hair out of her face. “By All Four, sometimes I wish They’d switch up our quartets from life to life. I’d rather be paired with a different Summer Avatar this time.”

The words couldn’t have been more lethal. Jenna’s heart seized up for an instant, but then stubbornly continued. Not be paired together! As far back as Jenna could remember, Gwen had been there, her name, gender, and face different, but her spirit still the same bright inspiration Jenna relied on. Gwen was as much a part of Jenna as her plant magic; working with a strange Spring Avatar would surely make all her magic go awry.

“Gwendolyn.” Desperate, Jenna knelt in the dirt. “Don’t renounce me, even if I deserve it. I’d rather lose my magic than lose you.”

“I don’t have any choice, do I?” Gwen stared down at her. “I had a dream last night, a dream that felt like a memory. I was between lives, pleading with the Four Gods and Goddesses to break up our quartet. They refused, and the Goddess of Spring said we four made the best team.” She frowned, the closest she ever came to disagreeing with the Four. “Then I said, ‘At least make sure Jenna and I can’t get married next time.’”

Her dream explained why they were both women this time instead of one man and one woman, the way they normally incarnated. But By the Four, Gwen’s words were more cursed than the pottery shard she bore under her skin. They stabbed Jenna with a wound she knew she’d bear for all her lifetimes.

Maybe that’s why she’s so reluctant to marry this time. Deep down, she must know we belong together and doesn’t want to be with anyone else.
Unlike Jenna, who’d thrown herself at Lex as soon as she learned she couldn’t marry Gwen this in this life.

Maybe Gwen was right. Maybe Jenna did flirt—and more—too much with others. Maybe they would be better suited to other partners instead of each other. But the thought of not being with Gwen in some fashion made Jenna ache inside.

“At least we still have the link,” Jenna said.

Gwen made a sour expression. “Unfortunately, we do.”

She pulled her mare away from browsing on wild grass and urged the animal into a trot, heading straight toward Jenna. Jenna froze, expecting to be run down. At the last heartbeat, instinct made her dodge to the side. Gwen continued toward the One Oak without speaking or looking back.

CHAPTER TWENTY

A Picnic

Jenna pulled leaves off of her gown as she watched Gwen depart. What was she supposed to do now? Would Gwen ever be willing to link with her, especially when Ysabel and Kay found out what Jenna had done? They might also blame her for Gwen’s last death, and she’d be excluded from the group, only tolerated when her magic was needed to help tame a Chaos Season. That would hurt too, though not as much as Gwen’s anger did. What could she do to atone?

Jenna followed the path away from the house for a while, wishing there was some wondrous plant she could give Gwen that would earn her forgiveness. Even a flower made out of gems wouldn’t be enough. Finding nothing that could help her, but unwilling to return to the One Oak, she circled around until she came to the Chikasi River, then followed it toward her tree. At least it needed her like no other creature did. Even her own baby had others to tend to him now. When he was old enough to understand what she’d done, he’d reject her too.

Her oak seedling seemed to be doing well. It hadn’t grown taller since her last visit, but its branches were longer and its leaves greener. Jenna pressed herself against its trunk, half-wishing she could step inside it and disappear. The God of Summer could do that, but she wasn’t as powerful as Him. Instead, as she fed her tree more magic to help it grow, she whispered her story to it.

“I’ve known Gwen for hundreds of years and several lives,” she told it. “We never agree, but we’re supposed to be opposites. We Avatars work better as a team when we can each share something different. We’ve had more arguments over the years than you have leaves, but we’ve always managed to make up and go on working together and loving each other. Until now.” Her breath caught. “Maybe centuries from now, when our memories of this life are fragmented and overshadowed by newer ones, we’ll go back to what we once were. But how can I endure until then?”

Hunger finally forced her to return to the house. As she took a wandering path through the oaks, a black-and-white animal made her pause. It wasn’t a skunk as she’d first thought, but Pouncer, Ysabel’s anilink. She froze, not certain she wanted to face another Avatar. Ysabel appeared before Jenna could escape. The smell of meat and bread overpowered the scents of the woods, making Jenna’s stomach growl.

“I thought you’d be hungry.” Ysabel held out a basket for Jenna’s inspection. “There’s meat pies, and a couple of berry ones. I brought a jug of chocolate too, but it might be cold by now.”

“That’s better in this heat.” Jenna wondered if Ysabel was trying to tame her with food, as if she was a wild animal. She supposed she ought to be grateful anyone cared enough to feed her. Maybe Ysabel didn’t know yet what she’d done as Jacob.

“Is there a good spot to sit nearby?” Ysabel asked. “Or do you want to go to the gazebo?”

“I prefer the company of trees right now.” Seeing Ysabel’s hurt expression, Jenna added, “I mean, as far as plants go. You and your anilink are welcome anytime.” She pointed to an ancient oak with a huge protruding root. “That looks like a perfect spot to sit.”

Ysabel still looked uncertain, but Jenna sat on the root and patted the spot next to her. The root warmed under her touch, as if she’d bonded with this tree in another life and it still remembered her. Pouncer circled at her feet, waiting for scraps. Ysabel shooed him away long enough to shake out a blanket and settle it over part of the root and the ground. Finches, woodpeckers, and flickers peeked out of nearby trees, watching her. She took out two pies for herself, then passed the basket to Jenna. “You can have the rest.”

Suddenly ravenous, Jenna tore into the hand-sized pastries. She ate four in the time Ysabel finished hers. While Jenna searched the basket for another pie, Ysabel opened the jug of chocolate. Pounce sniffed at it, but she raised her finger and said, “You can’t have everything, you walking stomach. Some foods aren’t good for cats.”

Jenna pulled out a couple of plain, chipped mugs and smiled at them. “This looks more like what we used back on the farm than something I’d expect to be drinking out of at the One Oak.”

“Even Avatars aren’t allowed to bring the finest china into the woods for a picnic,” Ysabel said. “The housekeeper actually scolded me when I tried taking cups from the table. You should have seen her face when she remembered I’m one of the Avatars. You’d have thought I was going to send fleas or rats after her.”

Jenna’s smile disappeared. “Rats. In my last life, I was descended from a family of ratcatchers. That’s where ‘Raddesdeath’ came from.”

“Pouncer, leave the birds alone.” Ysabel glared at her cat as he chased a flock of finches away. “Why would Summer send you into a family like that? They don’t sound like they do anything with plants.”

“You’d be surprised. I worked with a lot of herbs, learning about their healing and poisonous properties, before I became an Avatar.” She turned away, facing the tree. “Maybe I should have stayed a rat-catcher.”

Ysabel tapped her to take the cups. “By All Four, why would you say that?” She looked astonished. Maybe she didn’t know, but she would soon through the link.

“Don’t you know what Jacob Raddesdeath did? He killed Glory, the Ava Spring!”

The jug of chocolate slipped out of Ysabel’s hand, splashing liquid on the root and some grass next to it.

“What? How? Are you sure?” She frowned as she blotted chocolate from her dress with the blanket. “I don’t remember it that way. She fell down the stairs and broke her neck.”

“Yes, well…that was after she caught me—I mean, Jacob—in bed. With someone else.”

“Oh. Oh!” Ysabel shook her head sadly. “Yes, I remember now. How could I have forgotten? It was quite the scandal, especially since our replacements were barely into their teens. I swear you and Gwen always cross each other in every life. I don’t understand why the Four keep putting you two together—or why you two marry each other in every life.”

“Except this one,” Jenna said. “I don’t think Gwen will even want to link with me after this.”

Ysabel shrugged. “We all have to link if we’re going to tame Chaos Season.”

“And—you don’t mind that?”

Ysabel leaned over and picked up the shards of the jug. “I hope this pottery isn’t as dangerous as the shards from Kron’s water clock. I don’t want to give that nasty Sal-thaath a chance to enter Challen.”

Jenna grabbed Ysabel’s arm, half-hoping the link would form between them without Gwen. “Tell me true, Ysabel, do you hate me? Do you think I’m not worthy to be an Avatar?”

“That’s up to the Four to decide, isn’t it? There are some Avatars I don’t like very much, but I don’t hate you, or Gwen, or Kay.” Now Ysabel glanced at her for a heartbeat. “But I do think you could not provoke Gwen as much as you normally do.”