Sebastian Darke: Prince of Fools (5 page)

'We'll just have to take our chances,' said Cornelius; and he gave Sebastian a sly wink.

Sebastian resumed his seat by the fire, opposite Cornelius. 'You'll take a cup of elvish coffee?' he suggested.

'By Shadlog's beard, I will! My tongue is near cleaved to my mouth with thirst. They told me that I'd encounter streams out here but I haven't found one in three days of walking.'

'Is that so?' murmured Max. 'Well, well – no water, eh?'

Sebastian ignored him. 'We are without milk, I'm afraid. But I can offer you a little bee's gold to sweeten the cup.'

'You are most kind, sir. I am in your debt.' Cornelius clasped the proffered mug in his big hands and took a sip. He smacked his lips in appreciation.

'Well, this is a most welcome meeting,' he said. 'There was I, thinking that I would cross this plain without encountering a single person. Now here I sit, sipping coffee and enjoying good conversation. And I have no doubt that I am in for an evening of fine jest and merriment.'

Sebastian stared at him blankly. 'I'm sorry?'

'You
are
a jester, are you not? So I can surely anticipate some hilarity.'

'He's obviously never heard your jokes,' murmured Max.

'Or is it perhaps a double act I've found?' ventured Cornelius.

'Oh, Max never misses an opportunity to have his say,' agreed Sebastian. 'But no, I work alone.' He attempted to steer the conversation in another direction. 'So, Captain, where are you headed?'

'My destination is the city of Keladon.'

'Ours too! I go to offer my services as jester to King Septimus.'

Cornelius nodded approvingly. 'And I go to enlist in his army! Well, well, we have much in common. Perhaps we would do well to travel together. My sword would come in handy should Brigands attack. And I would pay my way by keeping the larder well stocked. Nobody is better than I at catching javralats.'

'That sounds like a great idea,' enthused Sebastian.

'Easy for you to say,' snorted Max. 'You won't be the one pulling the extra weight!'

'Max!' Sebastian smiled apologetically at Cornelius. 'He doesn't mean that – he's just feeling a bit cranky. Where have you travelled from? You mentioned a Queen Annisett, I believe?'

1 did, sir. The proud and beautiful Queen Annisett of the kingdom of Golmira, jewelled city of the North. Have you ever had the opportunity to visit it?'

'We've never heard of it,' said Max bluntly.

Cornelius chose to ignore the remark. He sat back and smiled. 'Oh, it is a fine and prosperous place. I enlisted in the army there as a young man of eighteen summers and steadily worked my way through the ranks to the post of Captain. I had a fine regiment of men under me and together we fought many epic battles against the neighbouring kingdom of Tannis. My men were willing to put their lives at my command and I was ready to give mine for them. I don't believe there was a happier man in all of Golmira.'

There was a long silence, during which Sebastian became aware of the chirruping of insects in the bushes behind them.

Then Max said, 'So what went wrong?'

'Who said anything did?' snarled Cornelius.

'Well, nobody. But if everything was so wonderful in Golmira, why are you headed for Keladon?'

Cornelius's face darkened and he glared into his mug of coffee. 'Because something happened,' he said. 'Something . . . stupid.'

Sebastian and Max waited patiently to hear what it was. Finally Max had to prompt Cornelius.

'Please feel free to share it with us.'

'Some . . . meddling pen-pusher . . . some blithering jumped-up idiot . . . pushed through a proclamation stating that every enlisted man in the queen's army had to be . . .'

'Yes?' said Sebastian.

'. . . had to be . . . well, of a certain height.'

'Oh,' said Max and Sebastian together.

Cornelius sat there staring into his coffee mug as though he might find an answer to his troubles in those dark brown depths. It was clear to Sebastian that the little man was fighting with a conflict within himself. Clearly he didn't really want to talk about this; at the same time, he quite obviously needed to discuss it with someone.

'I mean, it was ridiculous! My exploits spoke for them?selves. I had slain more of the enemy than my entire detachment put together. Nobody was a better fighter, nobody had the skill with a sword that I had. But I was confounded! I even appealed to the queen in person, asking her to exempt me from this ridiculous ruling.' Cornelius sighed. 'It was to no avail. She spoke to me in private and told me that since she had signed the papers that made the ruling law, then there was nothing she could do. She could not rescind the order. I simply had to leave. But where would I go?'

Max opened his mouth to say, 'Keladon,' but Sebastian gave him a look which made him abandon the idea.

'Where indeed?' agreed Sebastian, in a sympathetic tone.

'And then one of my men told me about Keladon. He said it had the most powerful army in history, including a special unit called the Crimson Cloak – bodyguards to King Septimus himself! This most celebrated of units is made up of volunteer soldiers from all over the known world. A unit with its own rules, its own laws – and, so far as this man was aware, no height restrictions. I resolved that I would be a part of it. So I set off from Golmira four moons ago, and now here I am, sitting at a campfire and about to have dinner with you two.'

'Small world,' said Sebastian. Then he winced. 'Sorry,' he said. 'No offence.'

'None taken, my friend.' Cornelius seemed to make an effort to shrug off his bad memories. 'Anyway, that's enough about me. I see that javralat is still a long way from being cooked, so why not give me a sample of your jester's skills? I could certainly use a good laugh after my recent experiences!'

Sebastian and Max exchanged worried glances.

'A good laugh,' said Max quietly. 'Yes, well, that would be a novelty.'

'Hmm. Let me see now . . .' Sebastian thought for a moment, leafing through the imaginary book of jests that he kept stored in his head. Finally he made a selection.

'A man is standing by a river eating a pie. Another man comes along with a little mutt on a lead and the mutt starts to jump up at the first man, after a bit of pie. So the first man says, "Excuse me, do you mind if I throw your mutt a bit?" The second man says, "No, not at all!" So the first man picks up the mutt and throws him into the river.' Sebastian smiled and waited for a reaction but Cornelius just looked at him blankly.

'That's one of the better ones,' Max told him.

'Could the mutt swim?' asked Cornelius.

'Well, I . . . I don't know,' said Sebastian, somewhat confused by the question.

'You don't know? Well, you
should
know – you're the one telling the story.'

'But . . . it's a joke. Whether the mutt can swim or not has no relevance.'

'I beg to differ, sir. If the mutt can swim, it's an amusing tale. If not, it's a tragedy. The mutt will drown and his owner will be heartbroken. Hardly a laughing matter.'

'I hadn't really thought of it like that,' admitted Sebastian. He considered for a moment. 'Very well. The mutt can swim.'

Cornelius looked relieved and his baby face split into a grin. 'Ha ha, yes, very droll!'

'You think so?'

'Oh yes, once we'd cleared up the business about the mutt. Do you have any other stories?'

Some time passed as Sebastian fired off a series of jokes at Cornelius, but it was hard work. Cornelius always questioned some small detail, which held up the flow of the story. He laughed dutifully when they finally got to the end of each one, but it felt a bit like walking uphill in a gale, and Sebastian was relieved when the javralat was finally cooked. Cornelius split the sizzling carcass down the middle with his knife and the two of them fell to with a vengeance, tearing ravenously into the succulent flesh. After a little while Sebastian became aware of Max gazing at him hopefully.

'What?' he demanded.

'Let's have a bit,' pleaded Max.

'You? You can't eat this – you're a vegetarian!'

'I know, but I'm starving!'

'I can get you a bit more mulch if you like.'

Max shook his head. 'A delightful prospect, but nonetheless, I think I'll settle for a bit of javralat.'

Sebastian shrugged. He broke off a large hunk of hot meat and set it down in front of Max.

'I've seen everything now,' exclaimed Cornelius. 'A buffalope eating meat! Who'd have thought it?'

'Please don't tell anyone,' pleaded Max, as he tore strips of flesh from the bone with his blunt teeth. 'It's probably a hanging offence in Keladon!'

Sebastian and Cornelius threw back their heads and laughed at the guilty expression on his shaggy face.

With the unfamiliar sensation of having a full stomach, Sebastian settled contentedly back to enjoy the warmth of the fire and the conversation. The clouds had rolled back and the moon rose steadily in the sky like a great ripe cheese veined with blue. Now Sebastian was even more aware of the great stretches of plain that lay all around them. When he turned his head to look, he could see across it for miles and he felt very small and insignificant camped out here in the midst of this unfamiliar landscape.

Cornelius had produced a clay pipe and he sat there, puffing out great clouds of fragrant smoke as he regaled them with stories of his adventures in the army – how he had fought his way across the known world and back again. If his stories were to be believed – and Sebastian was surprised to find that he was already beginning to trust the manling implicitly – then he had led an eventful life indeed.

'There's a whole world out there,' he told his two listeners, 'more than you would have dreamed possible. Travel in one direction for a long, long distance and eventually you come to a great stretch of water called "the ocean", which is further across than you can see even on a clear day. Cross that ocean on a ship and after many moons of travelling you will come to another land on the far side of the water, where the people look different and speak a language you cannot understand. And if you keep going in a straight line, do you know what happens?'

Cornelius and Max both shook their heads.

'Why, you arrive back where you started, of course! Because I have come to understand that the world is shaped like a great ball. We move across its surface like flies on a giant fruit.'