Sebastian: The Complete Series (16 page)

His beautiful brown eyes were sad and I closed mine so I couldn't see it. “You hurt because you care.”

“Yes, I care.” I glared at him. “I care too fucking much and I shouldn’t. I like you. In a different time and place, I'd be with you, but not now.”

“You're so fucking stupid, if you knew… if you were older.”

“But I'm not. I'm nineteen. I'm not ready for this. If you want sex, that's fine. I'm here, and I’ll be your friend, but nothing more. We can't see each other, Robert. Look what I'd do to you. You couldn't stand having me as a boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t an escort, could you deal with me living here, or going away with friends? Would you ever trust me?”

His look said it all. I didn’t need him to answer me.

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“In time… it would change.”

“I've never lied about what I am. Before I got paid to fuck, I did it for free. I've always enjoyed it, I've always been easy.” I smiled at him then poked his chest. “You were too, don’t lie.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“I'd drive you insane. I can't do that to you.”

“I know.” He closed his eyes. “But I don’t want to stop seeing you.”

“It can't be more. This has to keep business. Anything more… Shit! I don’t even think we can do that.”

Robert stood and looked at me, then turned to the window. “Me neither. I can't… I want more and this would be like torture.”

“I like you a lot. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I'd rather give you up than kill you slowly. It has to end.”

“It will never end, Sebastian.”

H
arry was still staring at me as I lay on the sofa opposite him. He was bugging me about the night before with Robert, but I hadn’t talked about it which was a sure sign something was wrong because I spoke about all my dates with him.

When I left Robert in the hotel room, things weren’t tied up with a nice little ribbon and I still didn’t know if he would call up and try to see me again or if that was the last time we would meet up.

We both wanted to keep going and to end it at the same time. We were no good for each other, but he was right. It wouldn’t end. Not like this, not yet. I just had to wait and see how long it took him to break and call the agency, then it would be up to me to decide if we should see each other. I hoped he would stay strong and not call, because I knew I wouldn’t say no to him and the whole thing would start over again.

“Just tell me because you're freaking me out, Seb.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I'm fine.”

“You're fine? You're fine after just finding out you have a crazy stalker? You're fine after having two obviously bad dates? No, you're not.”

I sucked on my straw, noisily slurping the last bit of my milkshake. “Okay, the stalker freaks me out, and I'm worried about it. Anthony bothers me, and I don’t want to see him again. Robert… I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It could be him, you know.”

“No, it couldn't be him.” I was sure about that. Despite everything which happened, I just couldn't believe he would do anything that strange.

The police questioned my twink from the bar—he was called Darian, not that I needed to know it because the chances of him coming back again were at zero. They didn’t know about my ‘job,’ so I hadn’t given them the information about Anthony or Leigh.

Tony brought round all the clothes which hadn’t been destroyed, which was all my old stuff, and Harriot ordered new clothes for me. I wasn’t going back to my shared house and I’d decided to move out. So right then, I was living with Harry in his small, one bedroomed apartment. I was sort of looking for my own place, but I wanted to convince Harry to move in with me.

Harry kicked my foot and I jerked out of my thoughts.

“Stop it. Like I'm not jumpy enough.”

“What happened with the Robert guy?”

“You're not going to drop this, are you?”

“No.” He folded his arms across his chest and I groaned.

“He wants more, or he
thinks
he wants more. Reality is, he can’t deal with sharing me, but I don’t think he wants me as a full time boyfriend, more like a personal free fuck when he fancies it.” I stared into space, running everything through my mind. Robert hadn’t disagreed with me when I said he wouldn’t want to introduce me to his family, that I wasn’t his type. In fact, he’d made pretty damn sure I knew I was the exact opposite of what he would want as a partner. “He’s just obsessed.”

“Obsession is dangerous,” Harry mused quietly.

“I'm obsessed with him too. If things were different, if I was ready to settle down… I’d think more about being with him, but that's not what I want and he doesn’t want me. He likes the idea of us, but seriously. Look at us, we’re nothing alike. Just our ages separate us so much. He’s ready to settle down and start thinking about a future with someone, probably a family. Look at me.”

Harry quickly glanced over me in my worn training pants and old T-shirt, and I stared bitchily at him, daring him to say something, but he just smirked and shut up.

“Seb, he’s hot, good in bed, and he makes you feel special, tells you you're different. But you're right, put you in his
real
life and he’d soon change his mind. You come from different worlds and times. He may want you, but don’t believe him when he says you're what he wants. What he
means
to say is, you're what he wants in bed. Or in some nice little house where he can turn up regularly and fuck you, maybe take you to some dive for dinner while he moves his
real
boyfriend into his house and introduces
him
to his family.”

I popped a fry into my mouth and lifted my eyebrow. Harry didn’t talk much about his personal life with boyfriends or ex ones, but I'd have to be in a coma to miss the fact he'd been involved with a client and it ended badly. “What was his name?”

“Who?”

“The guy you fell in love with and fucked you around.”

He turned his attention back to the TV and began ignoring me. Not that I let it go, and after ten minutes of me hassling him, he threw a cushion at me and gave in.

“Philip. Happy now?”

“No, I want the whole story.”

“You know the story. It’s the same story sixty percent of escorts experience. He was the one client who I enjoyed, who I wanted to see, who I gave freebies to and stayed nights with. He was the one who told me he wanted more. I believed him and his pretty little lies and moved into a nice house down south and let him keep me. He paid for everything and I went back to uni. He never told me I would be his personal fuck buddy and he’d have his
real
life away from me.” Harry folded his arms across his chest and glared at me.

“Yeah, okay.” That sounded familiar, too familiar.

“Speak to anyone who works in this business and they’ll have something similar to tell you. I don’t want you to be one of them, Sebastian. I've been in the game for a lot of years. Listen to me when I tell you Robert is
the one
. The one who will make you doubt yourself and think about more, but it won't ever happen. All it will give you is heartache and a lot of regrets.”

“Did you love him?”

“Yes.” Harry bit his fingernails, his little nervous habit, and I felt bad for making him talk about such a painful time. “I was for a long time afterwards too. It took me ages to break away from him. For a year after I moved up here, he would call, we’d meet up, fuck.” We both rolled our eyes. “I was so stupid. He was using me even
after
I’d broken up with him, even after I'd stopped getting any money or gifts from him. He got it all and left me with nothing. I hated I was so weak around him. Even now, I know if I ran into him, he would convince me to be in his bed. Convince me he felt something for me, that he missed me. He was such a good liar. But all he wanted was sex and something fun to occupy him when he ran from his fiancé. He had this totally ugly, boring, fat fuck who he went home to. But he knew the right people, had the right job.”

Harry poured himself another glass of wine and drank half of it.

I moved to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek softly. “I wouldn’t let him use you again. Even if I had to knock you out and drag your sorry arse out of there.”

“I’d do the same for you with Robert.” Harry pressed his head against mine then looked into my eyes. “I know his type and you agree with me, I know you do.”

“I don’t think he’s quite as bad as yours, but I do think he’s enamoured with me right now and doesn’t know what he wants. He’s jealous over me. You should have seen—Holy shit, he’s checking out Anthony.”

“What! How does he… You told him about another client? Oh my God, Sebastian. No. That’s a big no no. If he’s as jealous as you think, what do you think he’s going to do with Anthony? You didn’t tell him what you two got up to, did you?”

“Erm… It kind of slipped out. I was trying to comfort him by telling him we didn’t have sex.”

“And how did he react?”

I drifted off, thinking how he pinned me to the bed and how angry he looked. It ate his insides to know I'd been touched by someone else. “He didn’t like it. He was worried about me.”

“You didn’t tell him about the police and the break in, did you?”

“No. I didn’t want to worry him anymore than I did.”

“It could be him.”

“It’s not.”

“We should tell Harriot.”

“No way.”

“But what about Anthony? What if Robert finds him and does something to him and we knew about it?”

“He was just going to check him out.”

“You're trouble, Seb.” Harry grinned at me and I kissed him quickly. There wasn’t anything between us and we both knew that. “How long ago did you and the prick break up?”

“Three years ago, but I still saw him for the first year after we split up, so really like two.”

“Has there been anyone else since?”

“Lots.” He chuckled and I poked his ribs.

“I meant privately.”

“It doesn’t work out. What partner would want me to fuck other men? And if he did, well, I don’t want that. So I stay alone.”

“I feel the same way. Move in with me, Harry. We can be old maids together.”

Harry laughed then thought about it. “Okay. We’ll look for something in this building, that way I might get away with just switching deposits and not giving in my notice.”

“Cool. It’ll be fun.”

“I'm sure it will be.”

H
arry and I found our new place the following weekend. It was on the floor above where he lived, but it had three bedrooms instead of one, and it had a much bigger living area with a nice balcony overlooking the canal below us.

We could’ve moved in that weekend and we’d been having fun and keeping busy by ordering furniture. It was the first place which I actually cared about and had put any thought into moving into. I’d only moved into the old shared house because it was close to uni and was cheap. Now I had a really nice place, one I never thought I would be able to afford.

My mum threw an epic fit when she found out where I was moving. She had questions which I couldn't answer, like where did the money come from. To keep her sane, I told her Harry was my rich boyfriend, which made him feel uncomfortable, but I lied for him when we saw his family so he played along and we went to meet my parents at their house.

He was the first ‘boyfriend’ I’d brought home, so she had the house all cleaned up and the best cups out for him when we got there. It was funny as hell, well, I thought I was funny. Harry didn’t.

She was glad I was moving out because somehow I slipped up and told her about the break in and she was all worried. Harry was such a star—he made her relax and even offered to cook dinner when we moved into the new place so she could see how secure and happy we were there.

I felt bad for lying when we left because my parents really liked him and it felt good sitting beside him with them treating us like a couple. The whole afternoon left a bad taste in my mouth and I dragged Harry out for a night in town, one which ended up with me running into Darian—remember the cute blond twink who worked in the bar? Yep, him.

It didn’t end well. He wasn’t happy at all, understandably, and we got removed from the bar. A bar I loved and went to all the time.

I was fucking mad.

Which is how we found the gay bath house.

So, first of all, let me explain something. I had no idea Leeds had one! How did that amazing piece of info slip past me?

I mean, how did I get to the grand old age of nineteen and NOT know this!

I was being stroppy, storming through some streets which I’d never been down before when Harry caught up to me and pulled me to one side for a stern talking to.

That was when I saw him.

Leigh.

Remember my married guy who used to book me when I first started the job? I hadn’t seen him since our last date, but there he was, swaying up the corridor opposite us, attached to some big guy wearing leather pants. Ugh. He was drunk, so drunk he was practically being held up by the bear walking with him.

I slapped my hand over Harry’s mouth, because the guy was just on a roll and wouldn’t shut up, and stared at Leigh.

Harry looked over his shoulder and swiped my hand from his lips with a snarl. “No way! You’re not following the gorgeous twink in there. I won’t let you. I don’t care how attractive he is, or how good a fuck he may be. If he’s going in there, you’re not following him.”

I opened my mouth, ready to explain everything, then I smirked at him, lifting my brow up and doing a little victory dance. “Ha ha. Gorgeous, attractive. I found your type.” It had only taken me months. Harry never talked about anyone like that, not unless it was in a business way and he was critiquing competition.

Harry threw his hands in the air and spun around, making me laugh at his ballerina impersonation before he grabbed hold of me and started to pull me down the corridor and back onto the main streets. “You’re drunk.”

“You like him.” I grinned at him, trying to worm my way out of his grasp.

“So what? I may like him, but I don’t like what he gets up to.”

“You like him. You like him.”

Harry sighed heavily, taking the tone of a hard-done-by mother whose child wouldn’t shut up and leave her be for a second’s peace. “Yeah, he’s my type. Well done. We’re going home and never seeing him again.”

“I know him.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all. Fucked him then?”

“He paid for me. That doesn’t count.”

“He paid…” Harry looked over his shoulder, but Leigh had long since disappeared inside. “He paid for it? What the hell for? And with you?” He looked me up and down then grinned. “Couldn't help it, sorry. But that’s all the more reason to leave him be.”

“He’s the married guy. Leigh.” I watched as Harry recalled our conversations then he stopped walking and rubbed his face roughly. “Yeah, see. That’s what I was thinking. Come on, Harry. You saw how drunk he was, and that’s not the same person who came to me. Something’s happened. I'm betting on: bad coming out with the wife, a divorce followed by some sort of break down leading to promiscuous random sexual encounters with ugly hook ups. What do you think?”

Harry looked into my eyes and I did the cat from Shrek look, all big eyes and pet lip sticking out. “Harry.” I fluttered my eyelashes and he groaned loudly. I smiled and spun him around. “So, what’s the deal with this club and why haven’t I heard about it before?”

“It’s not a club. It’s a gay sauna.”

“What!” I slammed my hand on my chest and gasped. “Wait! There’s a gay sauna in Leeds and I
didn’t
know about it. What the fuck!”

“You pay to go in. People pay
you
, Seb, not the other way around.” Harry paused as we got closer to the door. “Look, we work for the most elite escort agency in the North, probably the UK right now, and if we’re seen going in here… She won’t be happy. It may be safe, but they still carry a certain stigma with them. One she wouldn’t like following us back to the agency. Besides, why would people pay for us if we’re in there giving it away?!”

I was already walking in,
sort of
listening to him, but… not really. “Hurry up. We’ll lose him.”

The entrance was like any other reception to a club, but it had a more clinical feel to it, more private gym than club really. The big guy behind a desk gave us the once over and I looked down myself, wondering what the fuck was his issue. We both looked fucking good. A lot better than the fat fuck doing the looking.

“Not seen you two in here before.” He tapped the till and pointed to the price list beside him.

“Yeah, bout that. I’m just looking for someone.” He and Harry tutted at me simultaneously and I shrugged. “What? We are doing.”

“Yeah, most men who come here are looking for someone. That’s kinda the whole point.” The guy actually rolled his eyes. He rolled his eyes. At me!

Let me just clarify that.

He. Rolled. His. Eyes.

“Listen up, sugar lips. We’re not here to sample the local clientele. And we’re certainly not paying for the privilege of stepping inside your
fine
establishment.” Harry poked me in the ribs but I just blanked him. “I mean, do we look like we need to be here? Honestly. You have no idea who you’re talking to. I could earn what’s in your till at the end of a shift in two hours. Now, be a good boy and let us in so we can grab our friend and fuck off out somewhere nice.”

The guy pursed his lips and stood up. It was at that point I realised he was big. Like, B.I.G.

Both me and Harry followed his gigantic stature as he straightened up—his bear-like physique and growling noise made me step back.

Harry chuckled and took a step towards him. “I apologise for my insane friend. Well, when I say
friend
…” I pushed him and he slapped my hand away. “Look…” Harry found the name badge on the giant’s security pass and smiled up at him. “Brian. We’re really here to drag a friend out who got a little too drunk and became separated from us.” His preppy school boy accent was working wonders on the giant. “You’ll have to forgive our lack of understating regarding the rules and such. This is our first time.” Another winning smile. “Obviously, you can’t just let us in without payment. So, let me just pay the fee and we can be in and out in no time at all. We won’t cause you any problems. I promise.” Harry tilted his head and smiled his famous sexy smirk, making sure to tilt his body just right, showing off the goods behind him and catching the eye of the ogre.

The giant tapped the price list again and held out his hand. Harry paid quickly then began dragging me through the door and into the back room.

“It’s a changing room.” I looked around the place. It felt like I was about to go do a session at the gym.

“No shit, Sherlock. What did you expect to see? It’s a sauna.” Harry was looking around the large locker room for Leigh, so I thought I’d better swiftly move into action and do the same.

“He’s not here.”

Harry nodded at me then sighed. “I guess we’re going in then.” He looked down his fitted, three piece, navy Hugo Boss suit and frowned. “I think we should change.”

“Change? I didn’t bring anything.”

“Dear God. You are so naive. How do you manage?” Harry tossed me a towel.

I waited for the rest, but it never came.

“Erm…”

“Just leave your shorts on and wrap it around you. We can’t go in there fully dressed. Not only will we look like fools and stand out like a clown telling jokes at a funeral, but we won't be allowed in the saunas.”

“Okay.”

So, apparently we were removing all our clothes now.

Using the key for the lockers we were given when we paid, we stripped off, spending way too much time folding our clothes and placing them in there for later, then wrapped the towel around our hips and tried to look total nonchalant as we entered the next room.

“This is all your fault. Remember that, won't you, Seb?”

“Yes, Harry.” I pulled his towel off his hips, leaving him in his tight, white, leave-nothing-to-the-imagination shorts, and laughed as he got a few smiles and looks from the guys near us. “You’re going to be sooo popular, Harry Warry. Watch you back, and don’t bend over for too long.”

“Fuck off.” He tied his towel tighter then grabbed me and we headed through what looked to be like a communal shower slash pick up joint.

I tried to concentrate on looking for Leigh, I really did. I mean, it’s not my fault there were so many other
interesting
things to look at. It was mainly flirting and kissing in the bigger rooms which were open, but in the more private, smaller room and saunas there was way more going on.

I was standing open mouthed while I watched a threesome of big guys kissing and sucking each other off when Harry reached in and yanked me out. “Aww.”

“Shut up! I think I found him.” Harry and I walked across the hallway and he opened the door to the next sauna an inch or two so I could sneak a peek in and check out who was in there.

There he was. My Leigh. Drunk and being felt up by two hairy guys with way too much badly inked tattoos all over them.

Harry nudged me and I elbowed him in the chest. “Is it him?”

I tilted my head, exaggerating it for his benefit. “Hard to tell from this angle. Erm… Leigh?”

Leigh managed to look over one of the guy’s shoulders, his glassy eyes focusing on me, then the realisation of who I was crept in and his jaw hung slack. The two guys with him weren’t too happy by this point. We were spoiling their fun and they weren’t too eager to let us continue.

Harry pushed the door open and glared at the big guys with a condescending, stuck up look which only the English upper class can pull off.

You know the one.

The one where they sneer down their noses with a look of pure disgust etched on their features. Like you just walked dog shit all over their antique, oriental, sixteenth century, hand woven rug.

That
look.

Which, considering he was wearing just a towel, was super-duper impressive.

“Forgive the intrusion. I just came for my friend.” Harry reached in, bypassing the stunned looking guy holding Leigh on his knee, and grabbed his wrist. “We’ll be leaving now.”

“He doesn’t want to leave.” Oh, one of the prison break guys found his voice and took hold of Leigh’s other wrist and poor Leigh was now the rope in a tug of war game.

“Erm, look, mate.” I went for the friendly option. “He’s drunk and he’s coming home with us. So let him go, huh? We don’t want any trouble. We just want to leave. There’s plenty of other men here to keep you busy for the next couple of hours.”