Second Chances (22 page)

I push the door open and shuffle out onto the porch. I jump and almost scream when I find someone hunched over beneath a blanket next to the door. I can just see his hair above the blanket and I know it's Chase. Has he spent the whole night out here? It had gotten pretty cool last night. For a moment I feel my heart pulling toward him and I'm sad to think that he has slept here so cold and uncomfortable. 

He stirs then and the blanket slides down away from his face. He's still wearing just the jeans from yesterday and no shirt. I gasp and think about how cold that must have been. He sits up quickly when he sees me standing there. His eyes look a lot like mine do, and where I had at least slept well, he couldn't possibly have.

“Did you sleep out here all night?” she asks, her voice a hoarse whisper. It takes me a minute to sit up and wake up enough to actually realize that Haylee is really standing here in front of me. In last night's delirium, I think I'd started to believe that I'd never see her again. That she climbed out her bedroom window with a suitcase and made sure to get as far away from me as possible. I couldn't have really blamed her. She deserved so much better than me. Someone without my sordid past and without the baggage of Lexi now looming over us.

When my eyes finally clear, the early morning sun is shining against the porch floor and reflecting up onto her face, and I swear she looks more beautiful than I've ever seen before. She's wearing pj's or something and her eyes are swollen like mine probably are, but looking up at her in the early morning light is like seeing a dream before me.

“Yeah,” I finally mutter and shiver as the blanket that her mom had given me last night slides down my bare torso. Her mom had gotten home from work and asked me what I was doing sitting out here. She hadn't even realized I was back. I told her that I'd just gotten in yesterday and that Haylee is upset with me right now. She'd asked if I wanted to come inside and sit on the sofa, but I declined. I told her that Haylee needed space, and I felt like coming inside would crowd her too much. I'd explained that I just needed to be close to her right now, and she had gone inside and gotten a blanket for me. She smiled as she handed it to me and said that she is glad I'm back.

“Why?” Haylee gasps, taking in my appearance. I realize I must look like a hobo sitting here shirtless on her porch with just a blanket.

“I just. . . I wanted to give you the space that you needed, but I. . . I just couldn't be all the way across the street from you. I had to be close,” I explain and my voice sounds like I've swallowed nails for breakfast.

“Chase, you're gonna get pneumonia or something,” she sighs. My heart lifts just a little. She still cares. I pull myself up so that I am standing, and my whole body aches from sleeping hunched over on the cold, wooden floor.

“Hayles, I. . .”

She flinches backward and holds her hands out in front of her. “Please don't touch me,” she whispers, her eyes filling with fresh tears. Someone has just kicked me full force in the gut again. I hang my head for a moment to pull a breath into my faltering lungs. Those are words that I never want to hear Haylee Weston say to me. When I look back up at her, I nod. I won't touch her. . . for now.

“I just want to talk. I need to tell you what happened.”

She is still for a moment, and I'm terrified that she's going to run back in the house and lock the door behind her. She nods slowly and motions inside. “Come in before you freeze to death,” she murmurs and opens the door. My lungs expand just a little more. She sits down in the armchair and I sit on the sofa. I'm watching her every move and facial expression, trying desperately to determine what she's thinking. That's impossible, of course, but I am beyond desperate. She has her hands folded in her lap, but I can see that they are trembling. How had we gotten to this place? How had the girl I loved more than even myself become afraid of me? I hurt her without ever intending to do so. After promising her many, many times in the past, not just with words, but with my actions, that I would never hurt her, I
have
and she no longer trusts me. The emotional pain that I am in at this realization is worse than anything I've ever experienced before.

“I didn't know that Lexi was here,“ I start slowly, trying to carefully think through each and every word. “I didn't even know she knew where I was.”

“But you knew she was here a few weeks ago?” she asks shaking her head as though she's already doubting my words. I wish she never had a reason to doubt my honesty. My brow furrows and I look at her with a stunned expression.

“Wait. . . what?” is my confused reply.

“You didn't know she was here a couple of weeks ago? Because she said that you told her to say hello to me.”

I jump to my feet then, both hands in my hair as I walk around her living room. “I didn't know she was here, either time. I swear that to you. Can you tell me exactly what she said?”

Haylee nods slowly and closes her eyes. My brain doesn't even know what to do with this information. I remember that Lexi was out of town for a few days. She told me that she had to travel to visit another client. She never told me that she'd come
here
and talked to
Haylee
!

  “I was coming home from boarding one evening and she was standing on the porch. She said she was looking for Haylee Weston,” she pauses and I clench my fists at my sides as I sit back down to listen. I am too afraid I'll put my hand right through her living room wall right now. “Anyway, she said that she was just passing through the area and that you'd said to say hello. She came inside for a few minutes and basically told me that I'm holding you back from furthering your career as a wakeboarder and that you just didn't have the heart to tell me that. She said that I am 'just an itch you have to scratch, the small town girl from next door,'” She uses air quotes and I cringe at Lexi's words. I know she can be a ruthless bitch when she needs to be, but this is Haylee we are talking about. Haylee, who's never done a thing to her. My Haylee. 

“I had no idea,” I murmur and I'm afraid of how she must have felt after that. A memory slams into me suddenly. “Is that why you called that one morning and asked if moving back here is really what I want? Because of what Lexi said?” 

She nods, her cheeks stained red. I don't know why she'd be embarrassed by that. I feel embarrassed because Lexi is obviously here as some kind of ploy for me. “Shit, Hayles, I'm so sorry. I honestly had no idea about her little visit. And what she said isn't true. I never told her or anyone else that I didn't want to move back here because it's all I've been thinking about for the last few weeks.”

Instinctively, I reach out to touch her hands and she flinches back slightly. I grit my teeth and pull back, remembering that she doesn't want me to touch her. “Then yesterday, when she showed up at Griff's. . . at that point I had no idea how she even knew where I am. I never told her specifically and I was shocked to see her here.” I close my eyes and take a breath before I continue. “The only part you don't know is that Lexi is the one that my friend Dylan recommended to me. He knew a few guys who used her before, so we met and that was that, just business, until one night I got fucked up and ended up sleeping with her. I regretted it instantly in the morning and told her as much. As far as I was concerned, it was a mistake and we would put it behind us, but she never forgot. She always believed that there was something between us, but there wasn't, and when I told her I was done, getting out of the business and moving away, she freaked out. I totally expected her to pull some of this crap with me, but not you, not
here
.”

Haylee is pale all of a sudden and I know I need to hurry up and finish up this explanation or she's gonna bolt. Even saying it I can sense how fucked up this all is. “I was arguing with her yesterday on the porch outside at Griff's. I wanted to know what the hell she was doing here and that I had made it clear that our business arrangement was over. That was when she caught me completlely off guard and kissed me. I've never kissed her, Haylee, not even that one stupid night. I'm not sure how much you saw, but as soon as I realized what she was doing, I shoved her off of me and told her to get the hell out of here. I'm so sorry that you had to see that, but I swear, Hayles, it was
her
who kissed
me,
and I pushed her away just as quickly.”

I just look at her for a minute, and other than blinking her eyes, she is as still as a statue, and it's unnerving as hell. I need to know that she believes me. I need to know what she's thinking.

I can't stand the silence anymore. “Nothing has changed, Haylee. I love you, and I'm here because I want to be here. I can't erase my past, as much as I wish I could. That was me trying to deal with everything that I'd lost, trying to fill a void. I won't make those mistakes again.”

“What about the drugs?” she asks so softly that I almost don't hear her. I'm not sure what she's asking though.

“I told you. I haven't touched any of that stuff since I went to the hospital. I'm done. . .”

“Then what's in your truck?” I must look as confused as I feel. “I found a bag filled with a white, powdery substance in your glovebox.”

My heart sinks and my stomach drops to my toes. I don't have a clue what she's talking about, but it can't be good. “I just picked that truck up from the airport an hour before I got to Griff's to surprise you. I put the rental papers in that glovebox and there was nothing like that in there.” What the hell is going on here? “Wait, what made you look in my truck? It's fine that you did, I'm just wondering why?”

“After I ran out of Griff's and came up the hill, Lexi was still parked up on the side of the road. She called me over and told me that she had tried to warn me that I wasn't enough for. . .” Her voice cracks and so does my heart, “. . .someone like you and that I should look in your glovebox. . .” She trails off, tears sliding down her cheeks. I want so badly to reach out and pull her into my arms, but I can tell she isn't ready for that yet.

“Why would Lexi know what was in my glovebox? Unless she put it there herself.” I slam my fist down on the coffee table harder than I realize, and Haylee jumps. “Sorry, but Lexi is here trying to get me back, even though I was never with her, and she is obviously trying to make you end things with me. She must think that if I don't have you, I'll come back to California and to her. That will never happen, Haylee.” My voice is determined now. “Lexi is showing her true colors and I hope none of us ever sees her again, but I don't think she's done. We can't let her do this to us. Haylee, please tell me that you believe me.” I realize that it's a fairly crazy story, but it's the truth. I know now that Lexi is certifiable, and I want to tell her exactly what I think of her, but I also don't want her messing with Haylee anymore.

“You slept with her,” she whispers, and I drop my head into my hands. I was afraid that was what she was going to focus on. “How do you think you would feel if the situation were reversed? What if we'd just had sex and I went downstairs to answer the door, and what if you happened to glance out the window just in time to see Parker kiss me, and how would you feel when I told you later that he and I had slept together a while back?” I feel bile rise in the back of my throat and my core temperature spikes.

“Honestly,” I start, my voice thick with the emotions swirling around inside of me, “I'd freak out. I can't even stand to see him put his hands on you, and what you just said about you and him. . .I know it's not true but I felt sick when you said those words. So, yeah, I'd lose my shit for sure, but once I calmed down and you explained what was going on, I would believe you, because it's
you,
Hayles. My best friend and so much more.”

Her head drops into her hands, and she is wracked with sobs. Her whole body shakes, and I feel the pain that she is feeling. I can't stop myself. I get up and drop down on my knees in front of her and wrap my arms around her. I know she has asked me not to touch her, but she's bawling because of me and I can't just sit here and watch. She feels so cold and tiny against my now overheated skin. I hate that she even used Parker as her example. I hate what Lexi has been up to behind my back. I hate that I ever hired her in the first place. I don't know how I'm going to make this all right again, but I will die trying.

A few minutes later she pulls back and wipes her cheeks with the bottom of her t-shirt. Her bronzed, flat stomach is exposed right in front of me, and I swallow and push that image aside for the time being. “I don't know what to think right now, Chase,” she says quietly. “I think I need some time to process everything.” She stands up then, so I follow.

“Please go back to Griff's and get some sleep in an actual bed or something,” she says, and I could swear there is the ghost of a smile in the corner of her lips.

I nod and walk toward the door. I turn back to say, “Every word I said is the truth. I'm right where I want to be, and I love you.”

I push the front door open and walk back to Griff's in a daze. Haylee hadn't pushed me away when I'd held her. I'll have to hold onto that and hope for the best. Griff must have been sitting in the kitchen because he comes out the door as soon as I start walking up the steps to the back porch. I walk inside, into the living room, and slump down onto the sofa with Griff and his dog at my heels. My whole body aches inside and out.

“Please tell me you did not spend the night dressed like that on Haylee's front porch,” Griff says as he flops down into the recliner. I just nod. “You are out of your mind! Out of your mind for that girl, huh? Did you get to talk to her?”

I nod again and fill him in briefly. I'm too tired to talk much longer. I tell him all about Lexi's little tricks and he doesn't seem too surprised. Haylee told him about Lexi's first visit. I don't know why no one seemed to think they should tell me.

“Wow, you sure picked the spawn of a demon for a manager,” Griff replies, and I press my lips together and nod. “Look, go get some sleep and I'll go check out your glovebox and keep anything as evidence.” Griff watches too many police and detective shows on TV. “I've gotta go to work in a bit, but I'll check on Haylee before I go in.”