Second Sight (29 page)

“
I’m not going anywhere
this time. I promise.” He kisses the top of my head. “But there is
somewhere we need to go.” He slowly pulls from me so our eyes can
meet.

“
Where?” I ask, suddenly
sensing a resurgence of tension in my body, my throat suddenly
dry.

“
Evan and Celia have been
staying with Jimmie and Griffin at your house, keeping them
sedated. We need to get you home. The last time Jimmie regained
consciousness, he went ballistic. Evan really had to use his
abilities to get Jimmie to calm down. He was afraid Jimmie would
hurt himself or have a heart attack.”

I cringe, thinking
this
is all my fault.

“
No,” Lev argues, shaking
his head. “The other angels set this in motion.”

“
I’ll never forgive myself
if Jimmie doesn’t recover,” I whisper.

Lev strokes my face. “I don’t think the
damage is permanent. Once you’re there to help, I think he’ll be
okay. Jimmie saw you impale yourself, and Evan just couldn’t
convince him you hadn’t died. Then again, it takes awhile for the
effects of what Theresa did to him to wear off. Still, I think
seeing you will be the best medicine any of us could give him.”

I fold my arms across my chest, suddenly
chilled. “What about Griffin? How is he?”

“
Still out.” Lev sees my
lips part in horror and speaks before I can say anything. “I know
it seems bad, but like I said, sometimes it takes awhile for the
effects to go away.”

“
How much time has passed
since that night in the gym?” I probably should have asked that
sooner, but my thoughts have been scattered, proof Lev was telling
the truth.

“
Three days.”

My knees buckle slightly in shock, and I try
to fathom the passage of that kind of time. “Was I asleep that
long?” I try to remember but can’t.

Lev slips his arm around me. “Elizabeth, you
almost died. For a while, I wasn’t sure I could save you. I’m not
supposed to intervene once events are in motion. That doesn’t mean
I can’t. But this time, it was almost beyond even my ability.” He
leans low and kisses the top of my head. “And that thought haunted
me. It still does.”

As my head rests against his chest, his words
rumble through me, and some part of me feels the pain I must have
given him. But there was no choice. I could no more have killed Lev
than he could have killed me. I just didn’t expect it to hurt the
others I love.

“
Can we go?” I ask quietly,
closing my eyes as I savor the feel of his arms.

He points to the nightgown I’m wearing.
“Sure. But you might want to change first.”

Blushing, I shake my head. “I’d lose my head
if it weren’t attached

“
It’s not like you haven’t
had a million things to think about.” He walks to the dresser and
pats the pile of clothing and a pair of sneakers next to it.
“Here’re some clean clothes. I’ll get myself changed and wait for
you in the living room.”

“
Thanks.” I wait until he’s
gone and close the door behind him before I change, then I
finger-brush my hair and braid it into one long strand that I push
over my shoulder. I take one glance in the mirror by the bed and
feel like crying. It’s amazing I still look like Elizabeth Moon but
feel so different. I’m scared for Jimmie and Griffin. What if me
coming home doesn’t fix this? What if Jimmie doesn’t snap out of
it?

When I walk down the hall and into the living
room, I find Lev waiting. He’s slipped into a navy blue Henley and
jeans. The dark clothes accentuate his light eyes and hair, as well
as the faint glow of his wings.

“
You ready?” I
ask.

“
Yes. I’ll drive.” He slips
his arm around me and leads me outside where I get into his truck.
Part of me still has trouble realizing Scott and Lev are the same;
I think it has to do with the first rocky moments we met when he
was in this form and I was angry at the world. For a few seconds we
just sit awkwardly staring ahead. It’s like any time anything
reminds us of whom we’ve been these past few months, we move to
separate corners and the pain reasserts itself.

“
Do you think we’ll get
past this?” I ask softly.

He strokes my hand. “I’m counting on it. Now
come here.” I wait until he backs out of the driveway before
scooting closer and leaning on his shoulder.

“
Like this?” I ask in a
breathy voice.

“
Much better.”

Even though I’m calmer now, my heart is
racing. It will probably keep racing until I see Jimmie and know
for myself he’s okay.

“
Here, let’s do this.” He
takes my hand and sets it on his chest just above his heart and
puts his hand over it. “Can you feel it?”

For a moment, I just sit there, trying to
feel the slight pounding. Then the strong, calm beat reaches me.
“Yeah, I do.”

“
Focus on it. Match your
heart to that rhythm. Won’t do a bit of good to go see Jimmie if
you have a heart attack, will it?”

“
I don’t guess so.” At
first I feel kind of silly, holding my hand against his chest,
knowing that as an angel, his heart really isn’t beating. But then
again, it must mean something that he’s making it beat just to calm
me, right? And it works, I realize, feeling the thumping in my
chest slowing down. I close my eyes, savoring the way it feels to
be close to him.

“
Much better,” he whispers,
kissing the top of my head.

We stay like that the whole drive from
Knoxville back to Tellico Plains. Part of me doesn’t want to move
because I’m afraid I’ll break the spell of being with him, afraid
that if I move something else will break between us, and I couldn’t
stand that.

He senses my fears and smiles as we pull into
the driveway. “It’s going to be okay, Elizabeth. One way or
another.”

I stare at the house, wondering what passing
through that door is going to hold. My life has been changing on a
dime, and I want it to stop. “What if it isn’t?”

“
It will. Just breathe and
take it slow.” He pulls the keys from the ignition and nods to the
door. “Evan is relieved we’re here. It’s been difficult keeping
Jimmie under.”

I get out and wait for Lev to start up the
walk. By the time we reach the front door, Celia stands there—only
it doesn’t look like Celia. She looks like Scott’s therapist
friend.

“
Boy, am I glad to see
you.” She starts to embrace me, but I duck back. For a moment I
stare, trying to recognize her in that skin because she seems so
foreign. She looks at Lev, and he nods.

Before my eyes, Celia’s body shifts back to
the blonde girl I knew from Hauser’s Landing. “It really is me,
okay?” She offers her twinkling smile, and I fall into her arms,
suddenly more glad to see her than I can say.

The three of us walk through the house to
Jimmie’s room, where Evan, in the same form as always, sits in the
chair across from the bed. The curtains are drawn, shutting out
most of the light, probably to help keep Jimmie unconscious. As I
see him lying there, so still, I can’t tell if he’s breathing, Evan
stands and wraps his arms around me.

“
Good to have you back on
the right side of things.” He kisses the top of my forehead, much
like Jimmie often has, and all I can do is stare at my guardian. My
whole body is shaking. Still, I don’t see his chest
rise.

“
He’s not breathing,” I
whisper, tears pricking my eyes. “He’s not breathing!” I can feel
the hysteria tugging at me, threatening to draw me under. My knees
buckle. I would have fallen if Evan had not been holding onto
me.

“
Yes, Lizzie, he is.” He
leads me over to a chair and presses me into it, exchanging worried
glances with Lev. “You just can’t see it.”

I keep staring at Jimmie, wishing this whole
nightmare would go away. I don’t know how much more I can take. Lev
kneels beside me and puts his hand atop mine.

“
I know you’re scared. You
think because he’s breathing so slightly he’s in danger. Truth is,
when Evan was healing him, he did that to try to keep him
unconscious. He’s been fighting it the whole time. Now that you are
here, Evan can stop controlling his body and allow him to wake.
Just remember what he has seen, Lizzie. Jimmie isn’t going to wake
up calm and placid. His mind is a mess, and he is emotionally
damaged at present. Seeing you is the only thing which will ease
his nightmares.”

Evan takes a deep breath. “Are you ready,
Lizzie? The minute I release my hold, he will awaken.”

I slowly nod, thinking anything will be
better than that still pose reminding me of somebody lying in a
coffin. Jimmie is never this still. I feel Lev standing next to me,
his body inching closer as his fingers slowly wrap around mine,
squeezing. At first, I think there’ll be some kind of sign so I’ll
know when Evan releases his hold, but the only way I know is that
Jimmie’s breathing suddenly shifts into deep, rapid gasps like he’s
been running. His eyelids begin to twitch, and his body convulses.
I shudder as life seems to grip him and tear him apart.

“
Easy,” Lev whispers. “He’s
just about to come out of it.”

Then Jimmie’s eyelids jerk open wider than
I’ve ever seen, revealing blood-shot eyes. He’s looking at the
ceiling, but from his expression, I don’t think that’s what he’s
seeing, not by a long shot. He’s making these panting sounds, and
it scares me. I’ve never seen him this far out of control.

“
Elizabeth, talk to him.”
Evan’s voice is low and soothing, but I also sense its inherent
warning.

I swallow hard and shift to sit on the bed
beside Jimmie. Sweat beads his temples and runs down the sides of
his face. His breathing is wild and labored. My dry mouth feels
stuffed with all my fears and regrets, so stuffed there’s no room
for words.

“
It’s all right,” Lev
murmurs. “Just talk to him.”

My hand creeps along the peaks and valleys of
the bedspread until I come to Jimmie’s hand, and when I look at his
fingers, I see the faint wrinkles and scars from all the hard labor
his life has been. He’s done it not just to provide for himself but
also to take care of me. It never occurred to me to wonder how
different his life might have been had I not been thrust into it,
that maybe he wouldn’t have had to work so hard. That makes me
cringe, and I have to remind myself to focus.

“
Jimmie,” I say, my voice
wavering.

Immediately his eyes shoot to my face, and he
gasps as tears pool in his eyes, washing the light blue and turning
them a shade darker.

“
Lizzie, is that you?” he
rasps. Light reflects in the tears as they trail down his face. He
seems so much older and more vulnerable.

“
Yeah. It’s me.” I’m
shaking so violently even my voice trembles, and before I know it,
I’m crying, tears blur my vision.

“
Oh, God,” he whispers. His
hand slips away from mine so he can pull me to him. I can tell he’s
straining; his grip should be so much stronger than what I feel in
these spasming arm muscles. As he holds me, all I can feel is the
pain and breath ripping through him, and I know it’s my
fault.

No, it’s not.
Lev’s voice enters my thoughts.
You didn’t choose this, and neither did
he.

I can’t argue with Lev logically, but my gut
tells me different. Still, there are no words between Jimmie and
me, just a lot of tears and embracing. It seems like we stay that
way forever as Jimmie refuses to let go. Maybe he feels if his arms
aren’t holding me I will suddenly vanish and leave him in a world
bereft of me. That’s how I feel about Lev. But no matter how much
you love a person, you do have to let go, knowing it might cost you
in the end, and knowing that being apart makes you feel weak, hurt,
and halved.

His arms finally ease their hold so I can
slowly raise my head and take in the miracle of his eyes and
tear-streaked face. “I thought I’d lost you, Lizzie Girl. And I
couldn’t bear it.” He reaches for my hand, and I take it.

“
You couldn’t lose me if
you tried,” I whisper, my throat aching from all my
tears.

He shakes his head. “I know what I saw. I
stood there, watching as you plunged that dagger deep in, and there
was all that light. Blinding. I tried to crawl to you, but I
couldn’t get there. I lost you.” His voice is trailing off, and I
see doubt creep into his eyes. I know where he’s going with
this.

“
It’s okay, Jimmie. Just
take a deep breath.”

He shakes his head and blinks. His right
eyelid twitches. “No, it’s not. Not at all.” I can see his
breathing is getting worked up again, and my shoulders tense.
“You’re dead, Lizzie. I saw you kill yourself. There’s no way you
could have made it through that.”

Chills sweep down my spine, and I touch his
forehead. It’s burning up. “What’s wrong with him?” I ask, suddenly
very frightened again.

“
Theresa’s possession of
his will was stronger than we thought; it’s taking more to break
it. Aside from that, he hasn’t been exactly willing to be healed.
He feels guilty, like he drove you away.”

“
Lizzie?” Jimmie’s eyes
dart to me, and in them I can see the profound fear that eats away
at him, slowly consuming him.

I lean close. “Yeah, Jimmie. I’m here.” I
take his hand, and he puts mine between his, anchoring himself to
me.

“
Don’t leave. Please, baby,
I didn’t mean to drive you away. Just don’t leave again.” He
flinches, and I feel the pain of his words.