Second Thoughts (19 page)

“Come in.” Eli stood aside and let Melissa in. “Here, give me that,” she said taking her suitcase from her and standing it up in the hallway. “Come through to the kitchen, I’m just fixing myself a drink.”

Melissa followed her without a word. She wondered if Bettina had already spoken to her before she arrived. No doubt Bettina thought she’d be running straight into the arms of Sara. But as she sat there watching Eli pour two shots of brandy into a glass, the realisation came to her that her leaving Bettina wasn’t about Sara anymore. She had left for herself. If anything, the past few weeks had been an eye-opener for the way her life was heading.

Eli put the glasses down on the table.

“So do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. There’s nothing much to say.”

“Okay.” Eli took a sip of her drink and looked vacantly out the window.

“Eli, are you and Scott going to be able to work through whatever’s happened?”

“No,” she said matter-of-factly.

“It must have been bad.”

“It is what it is. You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll be looking for my own place soon. I need to stand on my own two feet.”

“Whatever you say.”

Melissa frowned. Eli had been acting so out of character lately she wasn’t sure if it was all down to her break-up with Scott, depression or both. The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it which was unusual seeing as Eli was fastidiously tidy. She would give the place a spring clean tomorrow while Eli was at work and make her something to eat. She was looking a lot thinner than the last time she had seen her and that was only a few days earlier. Eli scraped back her chair and stood abruptly. Shuffling to the worktop in oversize bunny rabbit slippers, she picked up the bottle of brandy and held it in the air

“Do you want some more?

Melissa looked down at her untouched drink. “No thanks.”

“I’m going to bed then.”

Melissa reached out for her as she passed. “I’m here if you want to talk.”

“There’s no point talking about it. Believe me, it doesn’t solve anything.”

“Eli, this is so unlike you.”

“I’m just tired. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Do you mind if I ask Faye over?”

“It’s your home, Melissa. Do as you please.”

Melissa stared after her. She was going to have to go and see Scott tomorrow and find out exactly what the problem had been. She couldn’t bear to see Eli so miserable.

***

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be happy my best mate broke up from her partner,” Faye said, holding her beer bottle up in the air. “I swear, Mel, you won’t regret it.”

“Have you morphed into Mystic Meg or something?”

“No, but you know it’s true that the last people to realise there’s a problem are the ones closest to the situation.”

Melissa pulled a face. “Did you just make that up?”

“No, I swear it’s true. It might not be exactly the right wording but something close.” She grinned.

“Yeah, well I don’t think it’s anything to celebrate. I feel like a right bitch.”

Faye kicked her boots off and put her feet up on the sofa. “What? For looking out for number one? If you want to feel better look at it like this. It would have been worse if you’d strung her along for years then dropped her sorry arse when she was nearly fifty.”

“Don’t be mean Faye; we’re all going to get old.”

“But we’re not going to all be as bitter as she is,” she said frankly. “Anyway, why didn’t you come and crash at our place?”

“I’m not here for long. I’m going to look for my own place soon.”

“Oooh, for you and Sara I take it?”

“No, actually. Sara doesn’t know I’ve left Bettina.”

Faye’s eyes widened. “What? Why haven’t you told her? You still have time before she catches her flight.”

“Faye, I left Bettina because of me not because of Sara. I’m not telling her and neither are you.”

“Are you kidding? So what’s this all about then if not for Sara?”

“I’m doing this for me, Faye.”

Sara boarded the British Airways flight to San Diego. In eleven hours she would return to her old life without Melissa. She put her rucksack in the luggage compartment and took her seat on the aisle.

An elderly lady in the seat beside her stopped reading her book, looked at her and smiled. “Have you been here on holiday?” She spoke with an American accent.

“No. A wedding.”

The woman’s face lit up. “Ah you’re English. My late husband was English. I think I fell in love with his accent before him,” she said chuckling fondly to herself. “Sixty years we were together, we never spent a day apart.”

“You were very lucky.”

“I know, I know. Some people aren’t so lucky in love for some reason. The best advice I give to young ones like you is if you find it never let it go. You’ll regret it. Take it from an old woman who knows.” She tapped the side of her nose before returning to her book.

Sara massaged her forehead. It was too late for her and Melissa now. All she could do was hope to have learnt from this experience if she met someone again.

She knew she’d done the right thing advising Melissa to go back to Bettina.
If they had stayed together there would have always been an underlying darkness surrounding them. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day it would rear its ugly head. Sara wanted to remember their love as being pure, not tainted with infidelity. No guilt. No hurt. Just love. If she’d have stayed they would have lost all that.

She buckled her seat belt and watched the safety demonstration. By the time the plane taxied on the tarmac getting ready for take-off, wind and rain lashed against the small windows. With the plane wobbling and slanting as it lifted into the sky she made a mental note to leave the UK and everything that had happened behind. Unlike before, she knew the score, Melissa was married to someone else and she had to move on with her life.

She retrieved a folder from her rucksack when the seat belt sign went off. She was going to have to catch up on some stats ready for when she got back to the lab. She may not have love but she always had her work, she sadly mused.

Melissa had been awake since seven. Not that she’d actually slept. She had been watching the little digital clock by her bed all night, counting down to the time she knew Sara would be checking in at the airport. She had been so tempted to call her; to beg her to cancel her flight. Common sense had kicked in and made her see she would be taking a step backward. She was tired of making rash decisions because of fear. That was the very reason she found herself in the mess she was now in. A relationship that had lasted no longer than six months and a marriage two days. She knew in her heart she’d done the right thing but she still couldn’t help feeling sorry for Bettina. Melissa hoped she’d meet someone soon who wanted a child as much as she did. As for Sara, she couldn’t bear the thought of her being with anyone but her, but she wasn’t that selfish that she wished a life of solitude on her. She could only hope she’d never forget her.

Melissa had to start thinking practically now. Not only about her love life but her professional one as well. In all honesty she couldn’t see herself still running the coffee shop for much longer. It wasn’t her dream. It was what Bettina had thought she would be good at. Not that she blamed Bettina – matching jobs to people’s skills was her specialty. But what Melissa was looking for was something that made her heart beat with joy.

It wasn’t too late to join a charity abroad and volunteer. Her trust fund was going to be available soon and she would have ample money to get by on.

Yes, she was going to use this period in her life to make the right decisions for herself. Her first step would be to give the house a good clean.
Maybe Eli will come travelling with me.
She entered the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the sides. Next, she went into the living room with the vacuum cleaner. She moved the sofa out the way and picked up several books that had fallen behind it. As she looked at the covers one by one the door suddenly burst open.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Eli entered hopping on one foot whilst trying to put a shoe on. “I’m late for a very important meeting.”

Melissa laughed. “Don’t worry; I’ll drop you at work. You’ll be there in time.” She put the books on the table making a mental note to go through them when she got back. They looked like her mother’s.

“Thanks,” Eli said grabbing her bag from the floor and unzipping it. She took her brush out and tugged it through her hair.

“Let’s go.”

As promised, Melissa drew up outside Eli’s workplace with minutes to spare. “I’ll see you tonight,” she said as she got out the car and tugged at her bag.

The contents tumbled to the floor. “Shit, I forgot to close it,” Eli said trying to push everything back in. “Would you mind picking up the rest of my stuff and taking it home?”

“Of course not.”

“Thanks. See you later.” She grabbed the bag and ran towards her building.

Melissa looked down on the floor and started to pick up her toiletries, chewing gum and... She frowned.
What’s Eli doing with mum’s diary?
She must have found it when she was looking for the photo albums. Despite feeling like a peeping tom she picked it up and opened it. Maybe she’d written about what was bothering her the days leading up to the fatal car crash. She quickly flicked the pages towards the last entries.

The pulse in her fingers throbbed as she turned the page. It didn’t make any sense. What did her mother mean Scott had somehow found out he was her dad? Was this some kind of sick joke? She continued reading, unblinking, unable or unwilling to take in what was being said. When she got to the last line, her heart jolted as an icy feeling spread through her stomach. Shock soon turned to anger.
No, no this can’t be true!
She flung the diary onto the floor and stared at it. Scott was her father! And he had raped her mother!

She tried not to focus on the images that were playing in her mind, biting her bottom lip until she tasted blood. Her mother being…she couldn’t bring herself to think the word let alone say it. Everything suddenly fell into place. Her parents arguing on the day of the crash. The vacant stare her father gave her before he ran to his car and sped off. She opened the car door and vomited. After several more seconds of retching she closed the door and put the car into gear.

I want to look that sick fuck in the eyes and hear what he has to say for himself!

***

“Melissa, are you a sight for sore eyes,” Scott said smiling as she walked into the shop. His smile faded when he saw what she held in her hand.

“Am I, Scott? Or should that be...Dad!?”

Scott’s eyes widened. “Look Melissa, I don’t know what Eli’s told you but it’s all lies.”

“The only one lying round here is you. You’re a fucking animal, that’s what you are.”

Scott held out his hands haplessly. “Melissa, please not in front of my customers. Come into my office.”

Melissa looked around at the gawping faces. “Why? Don’t you want them to know you’re a rapist? You’re a coward aren’t you? A fucking weasel of a coward.”

He hurried over to the door and opened it. “Can everybody leave please? I’m closing for the rest of the day.”

He stood erect ignoring the look of shock on the customers’ faces as they walked quickly past him. He closed the door and leaned against it.

“Melissa, I’m so glad this is all out in the open. Your mother was a bit of a fantasist, you know that.” He took a step forward. “I’ve been living for the day when you found out the truth about me. It’s all I’ve lived for. She denied me my rights to be your father.”

She dug her nails into her palm as she looked at him with the disgust she felt inside. “Father! You’re a rapist. I only had one father and he’s dead now
–
you killed my parents! He found out on the day they died, didn’t he? He was on his way to confront you! You’re nothing to me and never will be.”

“Don’t say that Melissa,” he said, with an imperceptible note of pleading on his face. “We’re blood. I thought you’d be happy that your real dad gave you away at your wedding. You know you’ve always felt a bond between us.”

Stupefied she blinked at him. “My real dad? Have you lost your mind? You repulse me. I don’t want to ever see you again,” she said as she passed him. “I hope you fucking rot in hell.”

Melissa had been sitting at the gravestone of her parents for what seemed like hours. She wept for her mother and what that bastard had put her through. Wherever her dad was, she prayed he knew how much she loved him and that he was the only dad she ever had or needed. Melissa wept for the pain and hurt she had caused Bettina by not being truthful with her from the beginning. If anything, she was the selfish one. Her fear had bound her to the first anchor she encountered. Finally, she wept for Eli for trusting and believing in a chameleon. She deserved so much better.

Melissa didn’t even want to think about what her true parentage meant for her. That she was the product of a rape. She had to keep fighting the urge to give into the voice that was telling her that she was the reason her mum and dad had died. It wasn’t her fault, she told herself, she had done nothing wrong and neither had her parents. It was Scott that was the sick one, the one who had blood on his hands
–
no one else. It was his shame and she was not going to carry it for him. At this moment in time she needed to be there for Eli, to support her through this terrible period. She leant over and kissed the granite headstone before walking back to her car and driving home.