Secrets (37 page)

Victoria screamed when she realized what was happening. She rushed past Slade and into the downpour. Her sobs were heartbreaking. Regina ran after her. The woman stumbled into the outer courtyard and through the gate, calling after her son. Regina skidded to a halt, the rain pelting her fiercely. Her clothing quickly became soaked. Slade had followed her and he paused beside her. “Go inside before you get sick,” he said quietly.

Regina looked at him questioningly. No matter what Victoria had done, she could not be immune to her grief.

And apparently neither could Slade. “I'll get her,” he said softly.

Regina hurried to the sheltering overhang of the roof, watching as Slade walked slowly through the torrential rain to Victoria. She had fallen to her knees in the mud. Her anguished sobs did not abate. “Edward! Edward! Please come back, please! Edward!”

Edward was no longer even in sight.

Slade bent and lifted her to her feet. “He'll come back,” he said quietly. “In his own good time, he'll come back.” And he led her inside the house.

 

Hours later the rain had become a steady downpour, blanketing the night. Regina stood by the window in their bedroom, staring out at the drenched silvery darkness. Slade came up behind her, his warm, strong hands slipping over her shoulders.

She leaned back against him. “Edward didn't have a coat or a hat.”

“He'll be okay.”

“I can't help worrying. And hurting. He should be with us now, not out there alone in that cold godforsaken night.”

He kissed her cheek. “You have a heart of gold, Regina. Edward is a strong man. He needs time to adjust.”

Regina was silent a moment, letting a single tear drift down her cheek unchecked. Her heart cried for the entire family, but she could not help but be thrilled by Slade's praise. She turned to face him. “Poor James. What about him?”

“Poor James,” Slade echoed grimly. “He's a very bitter, angry man. I barely recognize him. For five long years he loved a woman who did not exist. He was even faithful to her. He needs time, too.”

Regina embraced her husband. “What about Rick?” She closed her eyes against the image of how he had appeared the last time she had seen him. After Slade had led Victoria back inside, he had gotten up and left the room, locking himself in his study. He had appeared dazed and very, very old.

“Rick's tough. He's a survivor. He's been through a hell of a lot in his life, he'll get through this. But he's
gonna toss Victoria out, mark my words. He's forgiven her a lot over the years, but he won't forgive her this.”

Regina leaned against Slade, hugging him. “God help me, I even feel sorry for her. She's lost her son, now she's going to lose her husband and her home.”

“You are amazing, Regina. I think it's your generosity that I admire most.” His hands slid around her. “I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know.”

She froze, stunned. “I beg your pardon?”

He laughed roughly, caught up in the onslaught of his emotions. “If you think I can say those words again, you're wrong. This isn't easy for me, but I realize how much you want to know how I feel. I guess,” he said softly, “I'm finding the courage to finally tell you.”

She started to cry. She hugged him. “You have no idea how happy you're making me! I've dreamed of hearing you tell me that you love me, Slade!”

“Hasn't it been obvious?”

“Obvious?” She laughed, delirious with pleasure. “Only a month ago you wanted to divorce me!”

He sighed. Finally he cupped her face in his hands. “Can't you understand? I was trying to do what was right.”

She blinked at that. “To this day, Slade, I have not been able to fully comprehend your motivations.”

“I thought that your father was right, that you should return home, live in a castle and marry a duke.”

“Oh, you foolish man!” Regina cried. “Father no longer feels that way, Slade. We settled our differences the night of the gala. He has given us his blessing.”

Slade looked stunned. For a long moment he didn't speak. “God, I'm glad! I've agonized over my coming between you and your father!”

“You needn't agonize anymore.” She hesitated. “He has even given me my inheritance, which is in a bank account in your name in San Francisco.”

He stared. When he said nothing Regina was relieved, because he could have protested. “Oh, you foolish man,” she said again, this time cupping his face. Tears filled her eyes. “You thought me so shallow
that I needed to live in the lap of luxury? Have I proved myself to you yet? Do you realize how wrong you were?”

He swallowed. “Yeah, you've proved yourself, Regina, and I feel like a big fat fool.”

“I think you do understand what love is all about,” Regina said softly. “It is about compromise. When a woman really loves a man, she is willing to give up what she must for him and for their marriage—with no regrets.”

He kissed her lingeringly. Then he rested his cheek against hers. “You're incredibly wise for one so young, Regina. Yes, I've come to realize, through you, what love is all about. Before, I was trying to be selfless in giving you up instead of selfish in keeping you.”

“But love is both selfish and selfless, Slade,” Regina murmured. “Are you saying that you loved me so much that you thought to make me happy by sending me away?”

He winced, regarding her seriously. “In retrospect, especially after the past month, it seems absurd.”

“It was very absurd!”

“This month has made me realize how I misjudged you. I'm so sorry. You appear as soft and fragile as a hothouse rose, Regina, but it's an illusion. There's nothing that's not strong and determined about you. I've watched you thrive these last few weeks here at Miramar. You've bloomed. You've never been more beautiful and you've never seemed happier.”

“I've never been happier,” Regina said. She almost told him why she was thriving, then decided he should continue to think for a while that her glow was due only to him and her happiness and being at Miramar. She caressed his cheek. “I love you. I loved you from the moment we met, which is why I kept my identity secret and married you in the first place. And I never stopped loving you, not once, even when I was forced to leave you in San Francisco. There. I have confessed all.” She regarded him through blurry eyes.

“You can confess to me at any time,” he whispered,
taking her earlobe between his teeth and tugging it gently. “I will never grow tired of your confessions.”

 

The next morning Regina overslept, exhausted both from the traumatic events of the preceding day and the emotional ecstasy Slade's declaration had generated. Of course, she was also well aware of the fact that most women were tired in the first few months of pregnancy.

It was still raining. There was no sign of it stopping. In the kitchen a solemn Josephine told her it might rain ceaselessly for weeks. “But then you'd be surprised,” she added. “When it looks like it could nevah get bettah, suddenly the sun is shinin'.”

Regina looked sharply at the Negress. She had not one doubt that Josephine intended her words to have a double meaning. “How is Rick this morning?”

“He's real upset and he's real mad. I only seen him like this once in his whole life an' I been heah since I was a chile.”

Regina's heart twisted. “When Slade's mother left?”

Josephine nodded. “He nevah let on, but he loved Victoria despite her bad ways.”

“He's a very strong man. He'll get through this.”

“That he shore is an' he shore will. He'll be hisse'f, but it'll take some time.”

“And Victoria? Is she all right?”

“Don't you go worryin' bout her, Miz Regina. Last night she done drank herse'f to sleep, she did. She's passed out cold. You let her be.” Josephine was unforgiving. “She should a been tossed out of heah long ago.”

Regina wasn't certain that she agreed, for Rick and Victoria had been through twenty-three years of marriage. She was glad that it was not up to her to forgive and forget Victoria's betrayal, and she worried about Rick and Edward. She was about to ask Josephine what she thought about Edward's flight when the sound of Rick shouting drew her attention. Exchanging a concerned look with the housekeeper, she ran into the dining room. Rick was in full temper, and his anger was directed at James. “What the hell has gotten into you now?”

“You heard me,” James said calmly. But he was wearing a stubborn expression, one Regina recognized, having seen it on all of the Delanza men. “I only came home to get a few things. I'm not staying.”

Regina moved close to Slade, taking his hand, noticing that he was pale. Rick pounded the table. “I won't have it!”

James remained calm. “I'm not staying. That's final. But I wish you would understand.”

“I understand, all right! First Slade left me, now Edward, and now you!” Rick crumpled into a chair. “What have I done?”

Slade was on his feet and around the table, placing his hand on his father's shoulder. “Rick, Edward didn't leave you, he left because of his mother, and you know it. And I'm home now, to stay. James is hurting, Dad. Listen to what he has to say.”

Rick looked up, his eyes wet. He blinked furiously. “Hell! Go on, you got something to say, say it!”

James took a breath. “Once Miramar meant something. Once there was a future. I worked hard for years for that future. No more. It's meaningless to me now.” His tone became pleading. “Rick, can't you try to understand how I feel? For the past five years I've been building a home here, a home for me and Elizabeth and our children. My dreams weren't dreams, they were delusions. Well, never again. Those dreams are dead and buried. I can't stay. I don't know where I'm going and I don't give a damn, but I do know I can't stay here. Everywhere I look I'm reminded of what I once wanted—what I almost had.” He laughed bitterly. “What I thought I almost had.”

Rick bowed his head. “You think I'm so callous I don't understand? You want to know the truth? Last night I couldn't sleep, not just because of Victoria, but because I knew, I already knew, you weren't going to stay.” He lifted his head. “Go. Go. Find what you need to find, do what you have to do.”

James breathed in relief. “Thank you.” Then he smiled at both Slade and Regina. “Besides, the future—Miramar—belongs to them. Isn't it obvious?”

 

Ten days later the rains stopped. The gray skies cleared. The sun appeared. The hills around them were no longer baked yellow from the sun, but lushly green. Yet no one was pleased. James had made it clear that he would leave on the first clear day they had.

Victoria was gone. She had disappeared without even a note, although she had taken several trunks. Rick seemed to be relieved. Regina thought that it was better this way; he was spared having to send her away. And there had been no word from Edward, although they had learned that he had taken a northbound train in Templeton. Slade told her that he thought Edward might have gone to San Francisco, finding temporary solace with Xandria. Regina fervently hoped so.

What was left of the household gathered to wish James well and see him off. He was in good spirits. Slade had said that James had to find his own destiny, and Regina agreed. Rick was resigned, but Regina knew he clung stubbornly to the belief that one day James would return to stay.

Josephine hugged him, weeping. Lucinda moved into his arms and kissed him demandingly on the lips, clinging. James returned both her openmouthed kiss and her warm embrace, causing Regina to look away, blushing. Apparently they had formed a
tendre
of some sort for one another.

It was Regina's turn. In less than two weeks she had grown very fond of James, and thought of him as a friend and brother. She gave him a hard hug. “I'm so glad we have met,” she told him earnestly. “I wish you the best, James, only the best.”

James winked at Slade. “It looks like my brother has made out like a bandit.”

Regina lowered her voice. “You must promise me to come back in six months.”

James's eyes widened.

“I haven't told Slade yet, but I am going to tell him tonight. You shall be an uncle.”

James whooped and gave her an exuberant hug.

“What did she say?” Slade asked suspiciously.

“She'll tell you in her own good time,” James returned, smiling.

The men said their good-byes. More unashamed hugs followed, with many more promises. James mounted up. Regina slipped under Slade's arm, Rick on her other side. James gave them a wave of farewell and spurred his bay forward. Waving back, they watched him trotting away. He turned and lifted his hand one last time and disappeared around the bend.

There was a moment of silence.

“I guess he's got some soul-searching to do,” Rick said. He sighed. Then he slapped Slade's back. “Let's see if we can't get some work done today, son.” He strode to the barn.

Regina regarded her husband. “Sad?”

“No.” He smiled. “I'm not sad at all. I heard what you said.”

“You did!”

He lifted her off of her feet and spun her around. “Another generation of Delanzas!” Setting her down, he took her hand and lifted his gaze to the green mountains which rose sharply against the horizon. “Now I'm more determined than ever to make Miramar a part of the future—a part of
their
future.” He looked past the house, where the winter-gray ocean butted up against the hillside. “I almost envy them. The twentieth century is dawning, Regina—new, different, exciting, filled with challenge, and with promise.”

“You are a poet,” she whispered, leaning into him. “You are a visionary.”

He laughed. “I am a realist, sweetheart. And I think this is the perfect time to tell Rick. Don't you?”