Secrets (10 page)

             
“Pass me the book,” Terrell said, interrupting my train of thought.  He wrote down the first problem and started solving it without much thought.  He stood up from the chair and sat on the floor right below me.

             
“Ok, I’ll let you look over how I solved it so you can pinpoint where it is that you get stuck.”

 
              I stared at the paper for a few seconds.  “It all looks like hieroglyphics to me.  What the heck is
this
?”

             
Terrell laughed at my reaction.  “Alright, pay attention.”  He rewrote the problem and walked me through each step to solve it.  He broke it down even better than Mr. Patel did.

             
“Does that make sense now?”  He asked.

             
“Aside from the fact that your handwriting looks like you write with your toes, I think I’m starting to get it a little.”

             
“Whatever.  Try this one by yourself.”  I sighed and took the notebook from his hands.  I only got stuck a few times and had to ask for his help.  He wrote out the next problem and watched me work.

             
“See? You’re not as dumb as you look,” Terrell smiled.  I slapped him on the back of his head and it didn’t even seem to hurt him at all.  I glanced over in his direction, acknowledging that I was starting to accept him in his self-appointed role as my big brother.  He went from being a nuisance that I couldn’t get rid of, to something like a friend in an overbearing warden kind of way.

             
We finished up at around 7:30.  “Let’s go out to eat in the morning.  My treat,”  Terrell offered.

             
“Oh, it was gonna be your treat whether you liked it or not. I’m broke right about now.” 

He laughed as he got up from the floor.
  “I’ll be here at 10:00 to get you.”

             
“K, see ya.”  I closed the door behind him and cleaned up the pizza boxes.

             
Deanna hadn’t come back yet, so I assumed that she was over at Karl’s.  Some alone time was just what I needed anyway.  I flipped the radio on low so that the music could fill up some of the darkness and empty space around me before lighting a couple candles on my bookcase, too.  A few drops of rain gently tapped against the window.  Next, I slid my sweat pants off and climbed back into bed, pulling the cover up over my shoulder.  I stared at the wall and watched the shadows cast by the rain as they streamed down.  Nearly an hour had passed since I’d lain down, and I still couldn’t fall asleep.  I was angry with AJ, but more than that, I was disappointed that we’d ruined a rare opportunity to spend time with one another by arguing.  Why did it always seem like we were destined to be apart when the pull between us was so strong? 

             
I heard Deanna’s keys turning in the lock and then light from the hall flooded the room for a second before the door latched again.  There was the gentle thud of shoes falling to the floor as the lock was reengaged.  Footsteps crossed the room just before the cover slid off of my shoulder, prompting me to turn swiftly and find AJ standing over me.  The lump in my throat began to disappear instantly, grateful for the fact that he hadn’t given up as easily as I thought.  Without hesitation, I eased over until my back touched the wall to make room for him beside me in the tiny, twin-sized bed.  We didn’t speak.

             
I placed my hands on either side of his face and traced my thumb lightly over his chin, acknowledging internally how much I hated fighting with him.  As good as we were together, it should’ve been a cake-walk for us.  There wasn’t anyone in the world I loved more than him and I was positive he felt the same.  On cue, AJ’s arms tightened around my waist and he inhaled the scent of my neck.  I could feel his chest heaving against mine as he contemplated his next move.  With him so close, with me wanting him like I did, it became hot enough beneath those covers that I wanted to throw them to the floor; however, I was too focused on him to move.  He pulled away a few inches and even through the darkness I could see him staring. This was one of those rare occasions when he let his guard down, exposing all of his thoughts and emotions. 

I was reminded of our unfinished business in New York thanks to an ill-timed housekeeping visit.  The close call had done nothing but make me more certain that I was tired of holding out on him. 
Deep in my heart I already knew that this was going to be the night that I went back on my word, giving in to AJ in a way that I hadn’t in months.  As soon as his lips touched mine, it was a done deal. I immediately forgot about the argument we had earlier, about my promise to my mother, and the one I made to myself too.  None of that meant anything right then.  While there was plenty for us to talk about, it would have to wait until some other time.  For now, there were more pressing issues to tend to.

             
The urgency between us was telling of our desperation.  It’d been so long and so difficult to keep him at a distance.  I was done punishing myself for the way I loved him.  If sex happened to be one of the ways that we expressed it, so be it.  My frantic fingers pulled at his clothing, trying to get his skin as close to mine as humanly possible.  I was finally able to see past the haze of lust to organize my thoughts, pushing him away only long enough to get his shirt over his head.  Our mouths met again impatiently and my hands ran down his back, becoming enveloped in the heat pulsating from his body. 

While we kissed, frustration ate away at my patience; we still weren’t close enough.
  I tugged at his belt and managed to unbuckle it with one hand, silently giving him the signal that I wanted to take things as far as they could go.  I rose an inch or two off the bed when he removed my shirt and then watched as he snatched the left strap of my bra down my arm in one violently eager motion.  Craning his neck downward to run his tongue over my tightened nipple, AJ decided not to tease for long before taking it into his mouth completely, sparking a painfully sweet jolt between my legs.  He moaned and pulled me closer when I shuddered.

What
was I thinking depriving myself of this…of
him?
  Temporary insanity was the only plausible conclusion.  Every time I’m around him I have to force myself not think about sex – a task that would be simple if he didn’t look the way he did.  My eyes drifted down to the mess of silky-straight, black hair I’d left in disarray by running my fingers through it and then I took in the lean, muscular body I memorized every inch of – an absolutely beautiful specimen this man was.

I arched closer and draped my leg over AJ’
s hip.  When his jeans brushed against my bare skin, I recoiled, tugging at the side of his pants until he got the hint and got rid of them and his boxer-briefs.  I smiled at the sound they made when falling to the floor beside my bed –
now we were getting somewhere
.  AJ left my nipple exposed and retreated an inch or two to slip his hand down inside my panties.  He smiled devilishly when the maneuver stole my breath and forced a curse word from my mouth. I marveled at the way he skillfully teased and caressed parts of my body that belonged to him and no one else - ever. 

It was true.  Every part of me was his and it always would be
, including my heart.  As if responding to my thoughts, he slipped his fingers deep inside me again, angling them upward toward my g-spot.  My hips thrust toward him and he took my nipple again.  With both sensations ravaging me at once, I reached down between his legs to find him hard and ready to stop playing around just like I was.

My
underwear ended up above my head beside my pillow.  Without the restricting clothing, AJ’s hands had the freedom to roam wherever they wanted – tangled in my hair one minute, grabbing my sensitive breasts the next, and then between my legs again.  The sound of his jagged breaths as I stroked my hand gently up and down his length made the blood rush through my veins so quickly that I could feel my pulse thudding at the base of my neck – his impatience becoming
my
impatience.

When we grew tired of pretending
like foreplay was necessary, AJ covered my body with his, kissing the side of my neck while I stared down his back.  The faint glow of the candles’ flame exaggerated the contours of his athletic physique into harsh lines.  I grabbed at him like I thought he might disappear if I didn’t hold him tight enough.  He responded with a gentle kiss just behind my ear that calmed me so thoroughly that my eyes drifted closed.  Every muscle in my body relaxed and melted in response to his unspoken command.  I was defenseless and he knew it.

The bed shifted beneath his weight when he planted his palms into my mattress and raised his chest off of mine.  His eyes
drifted down as he took the time to appreciate the sight of my unclothed body, shaking his head from side to side slowly as he imagined how good this was about to be.  My thighs parted wider in invitation, praying that he’d take advantage sooner rather than later.  Much to my delight, he granted my request.  Within seconds, our bodies were erotically intertwined and feeding off of one another’s sensual energy – exchanging moans and sex-faces that served as a testament of how badly we needed this. 

I
missed this feeling more than any amount of poetic verbiage could ever do justice.  He worked his hips slowly in grinding circles, hitting spots that sent currents darting through my entire body – feet, toes, arms, legs.  What was I thinking making him wait?  Hadn’t I figured out yet that being a ‘good girl’ was impossible when it came to him?  I would now and always bend to his will.

I don’t think there was a position that he
didn’t
have me in.  With my hands and knees planted firmly in the mattress, I watched over my shoulder as AJ palmed both hips.  Our bodies collided over and over again with a deliciously sensual rhythm that echoed throughout the room.  His name was on my lips when I came and I kept my eyes on him when he groaned and climaxed behind me.  By the time we finished, the pillows were at the foot of the bed, my comforter was wedged between the headboard and mattress, and the contents of my nightstand had been knocked to the floor. 

We lie there naked and panting with our eyes glued to the ceiling, relieved and
exhausted.  AJ brought my hand to his chest; his heart was beating a mile a minute.  I turned over and kissed the inside of his arm a few times before resting my head there.  I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling this connection with him.  I mean, yeah we’re close even
without
sex, but there’s no denying that I did in fact feel closer to him now. 

A good half hour passed before we regained the strength to fix the sheets
, blow out the candles, and reposition ourselves the right way on the bed.  My dorm room had officially been christened and our lengthy drought had now come crashing to a screeching halt.  Listening to AJ’s steady breaths, I drifted more easily than I had in days, and thankfully, so did he for a change. 

C
hapte
r
5

Sam

When I awoke in AJ’s arms the next morning, I was reminded of the relief I felt at the realization that he hadn’t left town after our argument, instead sticking around so we could both cool off and then talk more rationally.  We could’ve possibly gone without seeing each other until Thanksgiving if he hadn’t been so level-headed.  When I saw him standing there beside my bed last night, the walls I’d built up against him tumbled and shattered as I succumbed to my emotions and deep-seated desires.

             
He was still asleep as I lie there thinking.  Our argument came back to my mind and I wondered how it even came to that.  The whole thing with Terrell had all been blown out of proportion, but I understood how it could’ve made AJ uncomfortable.  Still, I was sticking to my theory that he had to have been in a bad mood way before I called. 
Had
to be. 

Terrell was starting to grow on me, but if I had to distance myself from him in order to save my relationship with
AJ, I wouldn’t even think twice about it.  In a perfect world, though, AJ would eventually meet Terrell, realize that our relationship was completely platonic, and whatever qualms he had about us being friends would fade.

             
AJ’s eyes flickered open and he stared at me for a second like he’d forgotten that we spent the night together.  A broad smile crossed his face when the details of our night came rushing back.  I smiled back and closed my eyes when he kissed my forehead lightly.  His fingers ran down my cheek and pushed stray hairs away from my face.  Part of me wanted to apologize for hurting his feelings and making him feel like I didn’t care about what he was going through, and another part of me wanted him to see my side of the situation too.  I was smart enough not to ruin the moment by bringing it back up, but we had to talk about it eventually.

             
“Do you have to leave soon?”  I asked.

             
“Not ‘til tomorrow.”

             
I breathed a sigh of relief at his response, but stared curiously.  “How’d you get here anyway?”

             
“Drove,” he replied sarcastically.

             
“No, I mean how’d you get the money?

             
“I called my mom Thursday morning and told her I needed some cash.  She wired me a few hundred dollars and I left early yesterday evening – drove all night.” 

             
“Well, that was simple,” I replied, knowing that this wasn’t a favor he’d be able to call in whenever he wanted.  Mrs. Hahn’s kindness didn’t mean that our situation had changed any; our visits would still have to be few and far between.

             
AJ was getting ready to say something else, but the knock at the door interrupted him.  I totally forgot that Terrell was supposed to come by and get me for breakfast.  Naturally, my heart sank.  Not because I had anything to hide, but because Terrell coming here was precisely what set AJ off in the first place.

             
“Just a minute,” I called out, trying to hide the tremble in my voice.  AJ watched as I slithered my naked frame over his to get out of bed.  As quickly as I could I pulled on my clothes and rushed to the door, stumbling over one of AJ’s shoes along the way.  With the slightest hint of hesitation, I pulled the door open a few inches.  Terrell was wearing a big cheesy grin on his face.

             
“Time for pancakes!” he stated, sounding as greedy as humanly possible.  He paused and looked over my attire. “Didn’t you have that on yesterday, though?  If you needed quarters to do laundry, all you had to do was ask.”

             
I rolled my eyes and fought back a laugh, mostly because I was painfully aware of AJ’s presence behind me.  “Shut up.  Look, it’s a bad time,” I explained.

             
I heard AJ exhale sharply and I closed my eyes, bracing for the storm.  “No it’s not.  Let him in.  I’ll be at Karl’s.”  When I turned to face him he was already fully dressed and buckling his belt. 

             
“Why are you leaving?”  I asked.  “Wait.”

             
He wouldn’t even look at me.  I turned to Terrell who was peering inside, trying to figure out what was going on.  “Look, I’ll talk to you later,” I blurted in Terrell’s general direction.  Without waiting for him to respond, I shut the door in his face.  AJ stood to his feet and started walking toward the door.

             
“See?  This is what I’m talking about!  You don’t listen to me,” I said exasperatedly.

             
“What do you wanna say?  I think I have a pretty good grasp on the situation, but if you think you can explain it better, go right ahead,” he said condescendingly.

             
Where the hell was all this coming from?
  “Terrell is just a friend.  He doesn’t even look at me like you’re thinking; I remind him of his sister.  It doesn’t get any less romantic than that.”  AJ continued staring at me like his mind was already made up about Terrell’s intentions no matter what I said.  “Why don’t you just meet him?  For me?” 

             
I held his gaze.  His eyes flickered a little and the hard expression he was sporting softened slightly, letting me know that if I laid it on thick enough he’d give in.  “I tell you what,” I reasoned, moving in a little closer and tugging at the hem of his shirt to pull him the rest of the way.  He stared down on me, waiting for me to continue.  “If you just agree to give him a chance, then I won’t bug you about it anymore.”  I smiled at him sweetly to soften him up some more.

             
He sighed and tried to pretend like what we did the night before didn’t have him wrapped around my finger.  “Say you’ll stop talking to him altogether and we have a deal,” he countered, the corner of his mouth hitched up into a half-smirk.

I shot him the
‘you are NOT my daddy’
look that he was fully expecting, and his smile grew.  Got him!  He looked away for a second, and then nodded.  “Fine.”

             
I leaned in to hug him, placing a kiss on his chin while he still tried to play hard to get.  “Thanks.”

             
If all went well, AJ and Terrell would get along and I’d be able to keep them both around.  Before AJ could change his mind, I went down the hall to talk to Terrell about us all hanging out later.  He’d left his door open and I found him sitting on the edge of his bed, channel surfing.

             
“Busy?”  I asked.

             
“Nope.  Everything ok?”  There was a look of genuine concern on his face.  I didn’t understand why he had this innate calling to protect me, but it was nice to know that I had someone here looking out for me.

             
“Yeah, I’m good.  Sorry about that a few minutes ago, but I was wondering if maybe you and Maisha wanted to double with AJ and me for dinner.”

             
Judging by the look on his face, it was just now dawning on him that the 6’2” Asian guy in my room was AJ.  “Uhhh….yeah! That’d be cool.  I’ll call her in a while.”  I nodded and turned to walk back to my room, but his question halted me.  “I didn’t get you in too much trouble, did I?” 

             
“No, not too much,” I smiled.

             
Terrell snickered, calling my attention to him again.  “So, that was AJ?” 

             
“Yeah, why you say it like that?”  I knew what he was hinting at, but I wanted to see how uncomfortable I could make him.

             
Terrell shrugged.  “I just didn’t realize that was your type of dude.  I’m not knocking it or anything; I’m just a little….surprised.  That’s all.”

             
I didn’t say anything, just scrunched up my face.

             
“Don’t get me wrong; you can like whoever you want to.  Maybe I just assumed he’d be more like the guy we saw at the store.”

             
Again I stared, but didn’t say a word, enjoying the awkward discomfort that Terrell’s posture was giving off. 

He fumbled for a response as
I smiled and hurried back to my room without giving him a chance to dig himself in a deeper hole. When I walked in, AJ rushed off the phone and wouldn’t make eye contact with me.  He quickly struck up conversation before I could ask him who he was talking to.

             
“What’d he say?”  Was the question he forced out with his eyes focused on the floor.

             
“They’re coming.”

             
“
They
?”  He stared at me curiously.

             
“His girlfriend Maisha’s coming too,” I explained.  Judging by the look on AJ’s face, he wasn’t expecting that.  He finally removed his shoes and then pulled his shirt off over his head.

             
“Mind if I use your shower?”  He asked.

             
When he asked the question, I cringed.  “Yeah, but let me straighten up in the bathroom first.”  With a heavy sigh, I rolled my eyes and went in to clean after my filthy suitemates.  Through the adjoining door, I could hear Jen and Bianca’s TV blaring.  I had half a mind to drag them out of bed to help me, but I sucked it up and did it all myself.

             
By the time I finished, I’d broken a sweat and two nails.  “Did you clean it or remodel it?”  AJ asked when I returned.

             
I stuck my tongue out and then smiled as I set down the bottle of cleaning solution that I concocted, consisting of almost straight bleach.  AJ smiled back and took the towel I set out for him.  A few seconds later, the shower turned on and I plopped down on my bed. 

God…..please let this dinner go well.

*****