Secrets (30 page)

The feel of Detective Jimenez’s hand on mine brought my gaze to hers.  “And between the four of us…if Anthony or
whomever
did this for the reason that I
think
he did it…I’m not interested in reaming him.  However, there are some questions that I need answered.”

That calmed me a little.

Detective Jimenez needed a few more details from me about that night, and then we were free to go.  My father drove us back to the hotel and I sat on the bed while the two of them rested at the table.

I still hadn’t wrapped my head around the news about Antonio. 
I tried to imagine all the built up animosity between him and AJ coming to a head during that one epic collision that landed Antonio in the hospital.  It dawned on me that AJ didn’t have a single scratch on him.

“Well…I for one pray all the police station gives AJ for what he did is an award,” my father said, pacing in front of the window.

My mother came to sit beside me, placing he hand on mine.  “Do you think you should maybe try to call him to let him know that the police are interested in speaking to him?”

Yes…I should, but after that argument, he probably wouldn’t answer.  Still, I tried.  When he sent me to voicemail almost instantly, I hung up and just shot him a text – two of them actually.  The first gave him the basic information he’d need and a summary of what the detective told me.  The second, simply read
, ”And thank you…”

That night, my parents stayed in the room with me, relieving Terrell and Maisha of their duties.  None of us really slept, but that gave us time to talk.  I finally told them that AJ and I had been broken up for months, but didn’t say why.  Their next thought was that I shouldn’t be here alone, suggesting that I return to Fairfax with them.  When I explained that I didn’t feel like being
the topic of local gossip, they understood.

“We could just move,” my father suggested.

“Dad, no.  Your practice is in Fairfax.  Mom, you’ve been at your school for almost fifteen years.  I’m not letting you guys uproot your entire lives for me.”

“That’s our jobs as your parents,” my mother reasoned.  “We don’t want you out here on your own.”

I nodded in agreement.  “I don’t wanna be here at Charleston either.”

My mother frowned.  “Then where would you go?”

I fidgeted with my nails because the thought had only occurred to me an hour before.  They may or may not go for it.

“I
wanna stay with Aunt Lisa and Uncle Todd.  I could transfer to Angel’s school and finish my program there.  And it’s not like I’d be on my own.”

My mother clearly didn’t like the idea.

“Staying here and going home aren’t an option,” I added.

“Lisa and Todd would look out for her,” my father stated with a sigh.

“I can call them in the morning and see what they say.  If they don’t mind, I could be moved in a week or less.”

Mom shook her head.  “I still say we need to get through this time as a family.”

“They’re family,” I reasoned.

She swayed back and forth while she thought.  Her expression eventually softened.  “We’ll call in the morning.”

I felt relieved knowing that I may have somewhere other than here that I could go after all.

“But…don’t you think New York is a big city for you?”  Mom asked.

I shrugged.  “I guess it would be if I was gonna be there alone, but I’ll have Angel.”

With that, it was settled.  If Aunt
Lisa and Uncle Todd agreed, I’d be New York bound, and headed toward a much needed clean slate.  I smiled at my mother weakly so she’d think that this move was what I really wanted, but, in all honesty……

*****

AJ

Terrell shook his head, not understanding why I wouldn’t
go see Sam, knowing that after this, I might not be able to find her.

“Come on, man…I’ll walk with you,” he offered.

I let out a short laugh.  “I’m not afraid of her; I just don’t wanna see her.”

He still didn’t get it.  “She’s loading up the last box as we speak, though.  I get that you don’t like how she’s handling this, but…” his expression was telling of how he felt about her leaving, too.  “…what if you don’t get another chance?”  He asked.

I shrugged, standing at the window with my arms folded over my chest.  Mr. Kelley walked from the dorm with a couple of Sam’s paintings in tow.  I heard Terrell loud and clear, but I couldn’t make myself go down there and tell the one woman I’d ever really love ‘goodbye’, especially when I felt like her leaving was dead wrong.  I’d never done anything but love her, yet, that wasn’t enough to keep her here.  I couldn’t help but to feel like it should’ve been.

Terrell stood beside me and watched as Sam came out and stood on the steps of her building.

“It’s now or never,” he announced.

She was absolutely beautiful
.  I’d fallen in love with that face, that body, her mind, all of it the first time she opened her mouth to speak to me that day in the hall – even though she was cussing me out for running into her.  And now she was just gonna walk away, convincing herself that it was
all
bad, when I knew that to be a bold-faced lie.  We were good together whether she still wanted to admit that or not.  And wherever the wind carried her, she’d realize that one day, and as much as I hate to admit it…I’d probably still be waiting with open arms. 

“I’m good, man.  You go ahead and say your goodbyes,” I finally replied.

Terrell shrugged again, sighing as he left my room and jogged down to catch Sam before she got on the road, headed for some destination that was probably public knowledge for everyone but me. 

There was a bittersweet feeling that came over me as I watched her.  She’d been the person who’d loved me the most, and now the person who’d hurt me the most – a contrast that I couldn’t quite process.

Terrell released her and they talked in the courtyard for a few minutes.  They hugged once again, and then Terrell was headed back toward his dorm.  As if she could feel me watching her, Sam turned and found me standing there in the window, staring, wondering how long it would take her to regret this.  Something about the way she looked at me led me to wonder if maybe she already did.

I couldn’t stand there and watch her drive off.  With her eyes still fixed on
my window, I closed the blinds and plopped down on my bed, refusing to let her get to me.  The decision had been made already so there was no point in prolonging it.

I hit
the ‘power’ button on the stereo remote and closed my eyes, letting the lyrics of the song take up all the empty space inside my head so I wouldn’t think about her.  It wasn’t like it’d change anything anyway.

Three soft knocks at the door made my eyes reopen, but I didn’t move or answer.  Without me inviting her inside, Sam turned the knob and
peeked her head inside my room.

“I wasn’t
gonna bother you, but –“

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have,” I snapped, closing my eyes again.  Across the room, I could hear her footsteps as she came all the way in and closed the door. 

All I could do was shake my head.  “Sam…I don’t even know why you’re in here, because I sure as hell don’t have anything to say.”

“Well
, I do,” she replied firmly.  The side of my bed depressed when she sat beside me, absentmindedly letting her arm rest against mine while she gathered her thoughts.  I wanted to move away, keep up the tough-guy act, but I couldn’t.  It crossed my mind that this was probably the last time I’d ever get to touch her…
ever
.

“I owe you an apology,” she started.  “When we talked last week, I let you leave that room thinking that everything that’s h
appened is your fault and that’s not true.  Everything you’ve ever done –good and bad- has all been to protect me.  That wasn’t lost on me.  I know that what you did for me…with Antonio…you put a lot on the line to defend me, and…I appreciate it. 
All
of it.”

“But you’re still leaving,” I shot back.  Now my eyes were on her.

She lowered her head.  “I am.”

I sighed and thought about telling her to get out.

“Because me leaving never had anything to do with my feelings for you.  This is just something that I feel like I have to do.”

I chose my words carefully because I didn’t want her think I was begging her to take me with her or to stay.  Not because I was too proud, but because I knew I couldn’t change her mind anyway – may as well keep my dignity intact.  “And you don’t think that you can get through this with me in the picture?  I don’t get that.”

“And I respect and understand that.  Now I need you to respect and understand that I feel like I need to do this alone,” she countered gently, trapping me in her solemn stare.

I couldn’t do it, pretend like her leaving didn’t affect me.  “This is so stupid.”

When I tried to turn my face away from hers, she placed her hand on my cheek to keep my attention.  Her eyes welled with tears.  “I love you with everything in me, AJ.”

It felt like the walls of my chest were squeezing m
e to death as I stared into those eyes.  “Then how in the hell can you just leave?”

I watched as she took breath after breath, never answering that one final question.  She leaned over me where I lay in bed
dumfounded, and let her lips linger on mine for too long to count.  One of her tears rolled down her face and onto mine before she backed away.  When she hurried out of my room, she’d broken out into a full-blown cry….and I didn’t chase her.  She’d taken away my options and I was forced to live with the decision that she made for the
both
of us. 

My heart followed her out the door that day just like I knew it would, leaving a hollow shell in my chest where love once lived.  I’d done all I could to stop her only to have her run anyway.  It felt like I got cheated out of the life and love that I was supposed to have.  She was supposed to
always
be mine.  There was supposed to be a house in the suburbs, mornings waking up in each other’s arms, kids with her smile and eyes…..a
future. 
Where’d all that go?  Where was our ‘
forever’
?  How did something so sure, so solid, slip through my grasp without me even realizing it?  None of it made sense.  But whether I could comprehend it or not, the reality of it is, she was gone. 

…..What in the hell am I supposed to do now?

E
pilogue

AJ

Four months later…

“Have a good one, man.
  ”

“You, too,”
I chuckled to myself as I shut the door; the pizza delivery guy and I were practically friends now.  A few times, the person taking my order on the other end just recited what toppings I wanted and had me confirm.  I made up my mind to take up cooking soon, though.  It’d either be that or start running
twice
a day instead of once.

I locked the door and set the food on the counter, looking around the mostly empty room when I sat in my lone barstool.
  There was nothing but an 80-inch TV mounted on the living room wall, a couple beanbags in front of my X-Box, a floor lamp in the corner, and a stereo beneath the window of what should’ve been a dining room.  Even my bedroom was bare – nothing in there but a king-sized mattress on the floor and my laptop sitting beside it.  I could’ve done more, I just chose not to.  In fact, I was currently sitting on $60,000 in my bank account thanks to the money my father sent when he tried to convince me to come back home in January – right before he sent Reina in to try.  I sighed and shook my head at that whole situation as I walked back to my bedroom.

It still hurt like hell thinking of how out of control my life was at that time – the drama with my father, the way Sam and I ended up, and my brief run-in with the law after my ‘
altercation’
with Antonio.  Lucky for me, the detective in charge of the case wasn’t all that pressed about punishing me for putting him in the hospital, so she didn’t push too hard.  I managed to lie my way out of it because I was careful not to leave fingerprints and there were no witnesses, which left her with nothing but a motive.  A few trips to the police station and it was basically over with.  I owed part of the thanks to Terrell.  Despite my urging him to stay behind that night, he followed me to Antonio’s apartment anyway.  If he hadn’t walked in just as I was getting ready to deliver the final blow, Antonio would be rotting in a
coffin
right now instead of a jail cell.  Detective Jimenez might not’ve been as forgiving in that case.

The mattress didn’t give like it would’ve if I actually had a bed w
hen I dropped down on it and grabbed my laptop.  I checked the time first, noting that Karl still wasn’t supposed to be here for another fifteen minutes.  He’d be staying here all summer until school started back up, at which point he’d return to Charleston with Dee, and I’d be starting school locally to buy myself some time until I figured things out.  With my father no longer owning a majority share of Arata, my future was no longer as secure as I thought it’d be.  There may or may not have been a job waiting on me when I graduated, so I needed to come up with a backup plan just in case. 

It was strange
enough being back in Fairfax, but even weirder being back here knowing that Sam was somewhere else.  It felt a little less like home.  Scratch that, it felt a
lot
less like home.  She crosses my mind once every hour at least, and that’s no exaggeration.  In fact, the only reason I even paid my email account any attention at all was that I hoped she’d decide to reach out one day, opting to just message me instead of calling due to the awkward way we left things at Charleston.  However, those messages that I stood post for never showed.  She never called, never tried to contact me at all.  She was great at disappearing when she really wanted to.

Even Terrell hadn’t heard from her until late May.  She didn’t even tell
him
where she settled, fearing that he’d tell me…which he probably would’ve in a heartbeat.  He’d been pulling for us to get back together this whole time.  Too bad he didn’t know like I did that it was all in vain – just like my constant message checking.

Thirteen new email
messages since morning – mostly promotional garbage and crap like that, but nothing from Sam. 
Of course not. 
I scrolled down all the way just to make sure I hadn’t overlooked anything, checked my junk mail too.  When I switched back to my inbox, I scrolled past a familiar name a few lines up and went back to it.

“Hey, how’s it going?  Just checking to make sure you’re okay after everything.  I know that was all months ago, but still…

Anywho, I got your email address from your mom and just thought I’d see what you’d been up to.  Reina and I are gonna be spending the summer there at “home”, so we should definitely hang out…promise not to bring Reina with me  :)  It’s not like I’m gonna know anyone else there Virginia, so….

My parents are finally all moved into the new house
.  Seems like they like it there better than North Carolina.  Well…I guess that’s it, but you’ll be hearing from me in a week or two I guess, once I get settled there.  So….yeah. 

Oh! 
How’s the new apartment?  You were supposed to move in on the first, right?  Can’t wait to see it!  (Totally jealous you have your own place, by the way).  Like I said before, I’m not too keen on sharing a dorm room with my sister, but I don’t have much choice.  At least at the new house, I won’t have to deal with that for the summer. 

That’
s it, though.  I’ll message you when I get there, but that doesn’t mean you can’t write back in the meantime :) 

Talk to
ya,

Kira”

I stared at the email for a moment before finally hitting reply.  Kira and I hadn’t spoken since her family visited mine around Thanksgiving, but I didn’t see the harm in it as long as she kept her sister away from me – I still wasn’t sure I wouldn’t kill her if given the chance.

“Hey.  Good to hear from you.  The apartment’s okay – better than being at home. 
Hanging out sounds cool.  Hit me up when you’re in town.

AJ”

I didn’t bother rereading it before hitting ‘send’ and checking just one more time for a message from Sam.  I couldn’t believe she actually stuck to her guns.  I was going crazy not talking to her, and yet she had the power to get in touch with me and simply chose not to.

Karl knocking at my door like he was being chased by a mob
snatched me from my thoughts.  When I answered, he had three or four duffle bags in tow, a case of Pepsi, and a smile.

“
This is gonna be epic!  You do know that, right?”  He said as he brushed past me, headed for the second bedroom where he dropped his things.  I watched him bring the Pepsi back out and place it in between the two beanbags before heading for the pizza on the counter.  “We’ve got our own place for the entire summer, man.  Tell me that’s not awesome?”

I shrugged.  It wasn’t like we’d be having parties and stuff like that.  He had a girl, and I was still so wrapped up in S
am that I may as well have had one too.

Karl slapped me on my back and evaluated my expression.  “Dude, I know you still love her, but…she’
s gone.  And you know what they say the easiest way is to get over
one
girl, right.  Get under
two!”
he joked.  “Seriously, though.  It’s been six months.”

“Four.”

“Whatever.  Bottom line is, she made her choice, now you get to make
yours
.  Are you gonna move on, or are you gonna spend the rest of your life hoping she comes back?”

My heart was set on the latter option.

“Listen, I’m not saying you need to jump into another relationship or anything.  In fact, I’m saying the exact
opposite
of that!  Get out and live, man!  You’re young, you’re single, you’ve got money.  Go out and act like it!”

I plopped down on the beanbag chair and stared at the muted television.  Karl fell into the one beside me. 
Shaking my head, I sighed.  “I don’t know.”

“What’s there to know?  There’s no decision to be made!  All I’m saying is
be open.  If something feels right, go with it.  Plain and simple.”

I heard Karl.  Most guys probably would’ve gotten out there and
moved on by this point.

“Just think about it,”
he concluded.  I shook my head again, finding it hard to imagine.  Karl laughed.  “Alright fine; I won’t push.  But mark my words….one day….there’ll be another girl.” 

Not even wanting to think about it, I
waved him off and turned on the game.  “Whatever, man.”

He was just reaching for his controller when his phone sounded off in his pocket.  “Hello?”

While he talked to whoever the caller was, I went to grab a slice of pizza.

“Alright, cool.  Call me when your plane lands.  Love you,” he concluded.  When he put his phone away, I stared at him questioning
ly.

“Where’s
Dee
headed?”  That had to be who he was talking to.

Karl cleared his throat and tried to pretend like he was engrossed in the game – too bad it was only in the startup menu. 
“Yeah.  She’s just going away for the weekend.”

Why did he have that look on his face?  “
She going on a trip with her parents or something?”

Karl scratched the top of his head. 
“Uh…no.  She’s going alone.”

My stomach dropped
.  “She’s going to see Sam, isn’t she?”  I asked, walking toward him swiftly.  “Why didn’t you tell me you knew where she was?”

Karl sighed heavily.  “I
don’t
know where she is.  Dee wouldn’t say; that’s how Sam wanted it.  She knew that if I knew, you’d know.”

I folded my arms over my chest.  “Why didn’t you tell me Dee was going, though?”

“What good would it have done?  AJ….dude….it’s over and done with, man.  That’s what I’ve been trying to help you understand!  You’re chasing Sam’s shadow and she doesn’t want to be chased!  She’s off wherever she is, probably living her life, and you should be doing the same.”

Fresh anger washed over me at the thought of Sam going to such lengths to keep me in the dark about where she chose to settle.  It felt like a slap in the face – like I was so bad that she had to run from me. 
Who the hell does she think she is?
If she wanted me to let her go, I was gonna let her go.  I looked at Karl, realizing that he was exactly right.  Sam chose to go her own way and I had to stop thinking that she’d come back.  The idea of there being an
‘us’
was an illusion.  We were two individuals who were together for a time, but that time had ended.  Granted our season was over sooner than I would’ve ever imagined, but that was no excuse for living in the past.  And as soon as I figured out what that meant and how to get her out of my system, I’d be my own man again.  Life was getting ready to take some very unexpected turns….

Read on to find the synopsis for Free Falling Book Three: Exposed, as well as a sneak peek at the cover!