Secrets and Seductions (23 page)

“Mummy, Mummy.” Charlee raced for her, jumping and hooking her legs around Leah’s waist, arms linked around her neck as she dotted tiny kisses over Leah’s face. “Daddy’s cooking, pasta and bolo…bolo. He’s very clever, don’t you think?” Unhooking herself, Charlee slid down and retraced her steps to halt beside Mac. She linked her tiny hand in his, and Leah’s heart tore just that little bit more. She was about to destroy her daughter’s world for a second time.

With an apron tied around his middle, a wooden spoon smothered in spaghetti sauce, he looked so good and for a moment, though, she couldn’t say anything. She simply stared at Mac for one last time. It wasn’t Mac the multi-millionaire she saw, but Mac the daddy gazing down at her daughter with adoration in his eyes. She also saw Mac, the lover. He gave her a goofy smile and a wave with the spoon. “Dinner’s nearly ready.”

She tried to smile back and failed.

His eyes darkened, and a fist tightened around her heart. He knew something was wrong.

“Charlee, sweetheart,” she said, dropping down to her daughter’s level and reaching out to her. Charlee came into her arms, and Leah rushed her to her chest. Pulling away, she looked steadfastly at Charlee. “Do you think you could go play in your room for a while? I need to have a talk with Mac.”

Uncertain eyes lifted toward Mac, then back to her. Leah struggled to keep her emotions in check and not scare Charlee anymore. Then, thankfully, Charlee offered a shrug and a smile as if all were right with the world. “Okay, but I
have
to tell you about the farm. It was so cool, with monkeys and a zebra and llamas. Daddy thinks the zebra is black with white stripes, but I think it’s white with black stripes. What do you think, Mummy?”

Farm? Daddy? Leah offered Mac a direct look, brows rising, but he said nothing, did nothing, just stared right back.

“You know, I’m really not sure. We’ll talk later, sweetie. Now off you go.”

Grateful that her daughter didn’t argue, Leah watched Charlee skip to her room and shut the door behind her. The moment the door closed, she rounded on him. “What was all that about?”

“I went on the farm trip.”

“You!”

“Yeah, me. Is there a problem?”

“But you’re…”

“Before you say another word,” Mac said, cutting her off, “you couldn’t go. You asked me to drop her off at kindergarten. I did.”

“That didn’t mean you had to inveigle yourself into the trip.” Leah forced herself to remember it was all about temporary, and she was about to end it.

Give him the check.

But damn it, it hurt so bad.

Toughen up.

She tightened the lid on her pain.

Leah leveled her gaze on him. He was beautiful in a hard-edged, masculine way, arrogant, and still she loved him. Suddenly everything blurred. She couldn’t stop crying. Sobs hiccupped from deep down in a pain-filled place. She needed to vent, to scream about how unfair it all was, how she didn’t want to hurt, to be alone, or to love when love wasn’t returned.

“Leah?” Mac stepped forward, but she put out a hand to halt him.

“Don’t come any closer. It won’t work, not now.” She couldn’t cope with him so close she could reach out and touch him, hold him, beg. She fixed her gaze firmly on him. “It’s over.”

He dropped his hands to his side, expression unreadable and eyes almost black. “We had a deal and our six months aren’t up yet.”

“Cancelled the moment I found out about your custody plans.”

“I explained. Rowena thought the papers were to be sent to me.”

“So you said. But you don’t get it, do you? I trusted you.”

Suddenly, she couldn’t stand anymore and, spinning away from him, she walked into the spacious lounge and sank onto the sofa, hugging her bag to her chest. The air that slid from her lungs in one long breath held all her sadness, her hopes and dreams.

Mac had followed and stood in front of her. She lifted her teary gaze to him. “I loved once, only to be fooled into believing that in the end it would be all right. But in the end it was nothing but torture and would never, ever be right. I loved a man who only loved and lived for the next fix.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your brother.” Even as she said it, a pain burned her chest. “Does it surprise you that your brother was an addict?”

“Drugs?”

She shook her head. “Nothing so visible, but an addiction just as brutal. Gambling, Mac. The family addiction. Your brother gambled his life away, my life and his daughter’s. He couldn’t get enough of it, or enough money, always thinking of the next spin of the roulette wheel, that the next game would solve all his problems, believing he’d be rich.”

Shock and confusion warred for domination in Mac’s hardened gaze. “Are you sure?”

“You doubt it? I lived it. The truth is out now. I won’t protect him anymore. I tried. I’ve made excuses for him, hidden from the bill collectors. Hidden from him too, when he came home, when he had lost.

“Your golden boy brother wasn’t really golden. Well, not in the way he wanted the world to perceive him. He hid his true self. Your brother was flawed, chipped.” Her shoulders sagged. It had been so long since she’d talked, secrets had become second nature.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because of stupid loyalty, though God knows why. I thought I could fix it, fix him, but mostly because of shame… And fear…” She hesitated, then, wondering why.

Funny how it no longer scared her. It was truly over. A brittle smile tempered the strained tension holding her rigid.

“I thought the farm was important, and in a way, it still is, but now only for the income it can provide, and the fact that I love the land and its beauty. In the end, it’s not about the house. That’s gone. Curtis is gone.

“He went from our lives a long time ago. He was a gambler before he was a husband, or even a father. The next money-making opportunity always came first. Then he got sick, and gambling, even a win, couldn’t fix it, and he couldn’t cope with what he’d done. So he drove off the bridge.” She flicked Mac a quick glance. His expression remained distant. Even now she didn’t know if he believed her. “Curtis borrowed heavily on the land, saying it was for developmental purposes.”

“And you believed him?”

“Of course. I was the devoted wife. A gullible fool.”

“But you let me believe you spent all the money?”

“Let you?” He still didn’t understand. “You believed it because you wanted to, Mac. You wanted to assuage your guilt for ignoring your family for years, and decided to believe the word of a liar. Nothing I could have said would have changed that. You’re a clever businessman. You make decisions that cost millions daily. So how come you couldn’t figure this out for yourself​?”

“You’d better look at this, then.” He retrieved a manila envelope from a pile of papers on a side cabinet and held it out to her.

A sudden flurry of nerves crab-walked down each vertebra. She didn’t want to take it. “What is it?”

“You need to read it.”

Dread curdled in her stomach as she finally took the envelope and with shaking fingers opened it and drew out a single piece of paper. She scanned the typeface, each word slamming into her brain, recognition sealing her fate. “How long has this been going on?” The paper slipped from her fingers and floated to the floor. She didn’t pick up the investigator’s report, wishing she could ignore it, willing it away.

“Since the beginning. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“I told you what Curtis said wasn’t true.”

“I know that…now. And that you’re a good mother.”

Her hands curled into fists. “You had me investigated.”

“I’m a businessman, it’s what I do, sweetheart.”

“Don’t you sweetheart me. I’ve heard enough.” Reaching for her bag, she delved deep, finding what she should have given him the moment she walked in but had, in truth, hoped by some miracle she wouldn’t have to.

Again she realized what a fool she’d been to hope and dream where neither hopes nor dreams could flourish. The time had come. Without saying a word, she handed the check to Mac.

For a moment, he simply stared at her outstretched hand, only to jerk back up and snare her with an accusatory glare. “What the hell is that?”

She could have said the obvious but didn’t. “Freedom,” she answered. “With the proposed profit from the olive yield, I’m able to remortgage the land. I’m paying you back. You have no control over me anymore.”

Strong words. Words that would create her future, while inside she cried and cried and then cried some more.

“Why?”

“You need to ask?” She shook her head, curls falling across her eyes. She brushed them away and closed off the gates to her heart. “Now that the upcoming harvest has proved it will be beyond promising, I don’t need you.”

He stepped close, then, so close she could smell him. Leah loved his cologne, the notes of cardamom, frankincense and the fresh tang of citrus. She braced herself against temptation.

“You’re lying. You need me. Your body sings beneath my touch.”

“What you’re talking about is sex,” she countered, knowing full well she lied. “Simply sex.”

In one swift movement, he pulled her to him, his body hard up against hers, and wrapped his arms about her waist. “There’s nothing simple about this.” And his mouth covered hers, taking her breath in a kiss that sought to prove her lie.

Leah steeled herself. She had to resist, had to. She arched away from him, missing his body heat instantly. “You’re right,” she said, praying for courage where she knew the frailty of her heart would be her downfall. What she really wanted to do was hold on tight, tell him she loved him, and if he didn’t love her, then that would be okay.

She fortified her flagging resolve. “We are good in bed, but that will never, ever be enough.” She twisted out of his embrace. She deserved better this time, and if she had to wait forever for it, she would. Mac needed not to simply want her in his bed, but need her as much as she needed him. “We’ll be gone in the morning.”

His brows creased, his expression strained. “Gone?”

“Charlee and I are moving out. Temporary is over.”

Chapter Fourteen

“But I don’t want to go, Mummy. And Daddy will be all alone.”

Leah’s heart broke, but she wouldn’t relent. “It’ll be an adventure, Charlee.”

“Not going, don’t want adventure, don’t want to go.” Charlee stamped her foot, folding her arms as her bottom lip began to tremble. Then the tears fell, and Leah’s heart broke all over again.

Lifting Charlee to her lap, she let the little girl cry until there were no more tears, just as she wanted to cry too. But she had to be strong and resist the temptation to stay.

She opened the mobile home brochure, hoping that if she involved Charlee, it might go some way to appeasing her heartache. “Now, which one shall we choose?”

Thankfully the insurance company had assessed the damage and offered to pay out, but it would be months before she could begin to rebuild.

That had been three weeks ago. Now they lived in a mobile home parked on the property. It wasn’t so bad, as they had electricity and running water and the familiar landscape she loved so much.

In the past, a home meant order and stability. Now, the mere act of sticking to a routine kept Leah functioning at best.

Up, breakfast, kindergarten for Charlee, who, with the extra physiotherapy Mac insisted he continue to pay, progressed daily, and so bit by bit life became normal. She worked with the pickers, relieved as she watched the first of the harvest come in. But was she happy?

How could she be? Her nights were spent lying, watching the stars, dreaming of Mac’s strong arms around her, imagining his kisses and then crying herself to sleep. Sleep, however, only brought lonely dreams, and she would wake with tears streaming down her cheeks, cries for Mac breaking the nighttime silence. Happiness didn’t come anywhere close. She was miserable, lonely, and she missed him so very much.

The morning chill of late March gave way to the first hint of the coming autumn. Leah had often wondered how New Zealand’s pioneers managed with the differing seasons. No familiar gentle landscapes but the harsh bush of a land littered with volcanoes and thermal activity and rugged mountains. No white Christmases, but the blazing heat of summer.

This morning Leah found it harder than ever to crawl out of bed, yet despite the nausea she’d been battling the last few days, it had to be done. After a quick shower in the miniscule cubicle called a bathroom, she scrutinized her reflection in the mirror. The stark changes in her appearance shocked her. Purple-black shadows gave her that panda-bear look, and she’d already lost her golden summer tan. She spun from the mirror. “Toughen up,” she chastised herself.

She didn’t need reminding that she’d found love and let it go. And that it was over.

Sitting on the banquette that was sitting room seating by day and at night turned into Leah’s bed, Charlee called to her. “Mummy, there’s a car coming up the drive.”

Leah cocked an ear, and sure enough, she could hear the distinct crunch of tires over gravel, and the grunt as the driver changed down gears and the vehicle took the last steep bend.

“It’s Daddy, Daddy.” Charlee flung the door wide, and before Leah could stop her, she jumped down the step, her limp no impediment. Leah wanted to be annoyed, but the delight at seeing her daughter making progress filled her heart with joy.

The moment Mac exited the familiar silver Mercedes, Charlee leapt at him. He held her sky-high, twirling her around and around. Charlee’s bubbling laughter echoed across the valley, Mac’s joining it, a sound that seared across Leah’s heart.

She stole a moment to remember it all, hold it close and savor it. Then there was silence as Mac approached, and her skin prickled right through to her scalp.

“Hello, Leah.”

He looked…the same. No. Better. Wonderful. Dressed casually in jeans and polo and a pair of Texas-style cowboy boots, he walked toward her. He waved, giving her a tentative smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. They were dimmer somehow, the sparkle gone.

Leah swallowed back the lump in her throat. He tempted her still, and damn it, she shouldn’t let him do that. She should have been prepared and shut those feelings down in an instant.