Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs (18 page)

“Kaitlin and Sky were in tears all morning,” confided another staffer. “They couldn’t believe they were getting the ax and no one had the decency to tell them before sending them the script.” They refused to film the scene till they could talk to show producer and creator Tom Pullman. But Tom was on location finishing edits for a delayed episode. When the guest director insisted the girls film anyway, they walked off set together, sparking a new round of delays that will force FA to air even more repeats.

Here’s where the story gets downright bizarre though, Tome readers — while Kaitlin and Sky were off sobbing about their potential lost paychecks, Pullman arrived on set and Flipped out about the new script pages. It turns out the pages, handed out to everyone from the grips to the guest director, Phil Marker, were FAKE. “Tom was knocking over camera stands, throwing scripts, and basically screaming so loud that we thought he would have a heart attack,” says another source. “He’s not going to rest till he finds out who released the bogus pages. He’s had it with the problems at FA lately. He has to make a big gesture to show he means business. Whoever did this is out of here.”

So who’s getting the ax? The official word is no one. “The rumors are unequivocally false,” said Pullman when called for comment. “We have no intention of letting go of anyone in our cast.”

Hmm . . . sounds like another Affair attempt at cleaning up their PR.

“Everyone is going to be on their best behavior till Tom makes his decision,” claims Tome’s source. “But it’s too late. Someone’s taking the fall for all this and we’re just waiting to see who it is.”

Subscribe to this feed
     
Permalink
     
Comments (52)
     
E-mail to a Friend
     
Next

Fourteen
: Do or Die

When Nadine and I arrive at Liz’s, the only thing I feel confident about is what I’m wearing. I have on a Thakoon Panichgul knee-length black-and-white-striped dress with a corset-style waist; my legs are in black tights and my feet in Cesare Paciotti heels. My hair is pulled in a simple low ponytail. According to my stylist, Tina Cho, the look says I’m “a young Audrey Hepburn–type who is sleek, smart, and totally ready to take on any reporter who comes knocking.”

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FOURTEEN: Everyone knows that the person usually responsible for a star’s great taste in fashion isn’t the celebrity — it’s her stylist. We’re quick to accept their wisdom (and the designers who lend us the free threads) when we’re on the red carpet. But when we’re stepping out on the town or braving a live interview, that’s when we need our fashion gurus the most. A stylist can single-handedly transform a B-lister from a blip to a bona fide star overnight. Top stylists like Tina know the skinny on fashion trends present and future, attend all the runway shows, and know how to make a star feel comfortable in her own skin. Tina is a whiz at playing off my personality and chooses a lot of whimsical, romantic, or tailored pieces for me. She knows how to flaunt my assets (a tiny waist) and hide my flaws (my thick ankles and large hooves look tiny in a high heel). But our biggest weapon in deciding what I wear is Polaroids. Tina snaps pictures of every ensemble I try on so we can see how the threads look on film. If it’s a great shot, then I know that nautical dress is ready for its closeup.

I’m glad I love today’s outfit because pictures of me wearing it are going to be around for a while. Tina picked it for the day-long round of interviews they scheduled to boost my public image a week after Sky and I walked off set. (“I’m only sixteen,” I said several times today, just like Laney and I practiced, “and sometimes I make mistakes, but I’m also smart enough to know how to correct them. Sky and me walking off set was not the answer to this problem.”)

“Are you okay?” Nadine asks as she rings the Mendeses’ doorbell. “Are you mad I’m babysitting you?”

“I’m glad you came,” I assure her. Laney and my parents are afraid I’m going to be ambushed by reporters so they’ve insisted I have a Team Burke member with me at all times till this
FA
thing blows over. Or blows up. Whichever comes first.

Liz opens the front door. I can hear Gwen Stefani blaring from the stereo. “You made it!” Liz cries.

Liz and Austin took the SATs today and to celebrate, Liz decided to throw a “Thank God the SATs are over” bash. I’m glad for the excuse to party, even if I won’t be taking my SATs till at least the spring. With everything that’s happened, I’ve had to put any thoughts of taking the test on the back burner and that’s probably for the best. If I tried to take the exam now, I’d probably choke like Meredith did on her intern exams on
Grey’s Anatomy
. I’m not sure the proctor would have as much sympathy for me as the Chief did for Mer either.

Liz’s olive face is flush and I can tell she’s been dancing because her brown tweed dress is damp when she hugs me. “I thought for sure Laney would keep you tied up in interviews straight till Monday. Are you okay?”

I shrug. What I am is tired. Normally I really love interviews and talking about
FA
, but today’s scripted session — Laney had me rehearsing quotes all last night (like: “The
FA
cast is the most dedicated one you’ll find. Family fights sometimes, but we always stick together.”) — was exhausting.

“She’s a real trouper.” Nadine smiles. Since Nadine has been at my side for all my interviews today — Mom had a date with Botox that she couldn’t miss — she’s traded her normal Saturday getup (sweats) for a fitted beige button-down shirt and wide-leg black trousers. “I’ve never been more proud of the way she’s handled herself.”

Liz steers us through the Mendeses’ pink marble entranceway, down the long hall past the state-of-the-art kitchen, and into the eight-hundred-square-foot den with sweeping views of the Los Angeles skyline. “I know just the thing to cheer you up,” Liz promises me. About fifty of my former Clark High classmates are here — dancing in the middle of the room, hanging out on the leather couches, watching
Bring It On
on the fifty-inch plasma screen that hangs above the fireplace, or making out on the pool deck — but the person Liz has in mind is right in front of me.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Austin says. He wraps his arms around me tightly and I feel like a burrito. He looks adorable in an untucked white linen shirt and deeply distressed jeans that are frayed slightly at the thigh. “How are you holding up? I tried calling you all day,” he says. He smells like peppermints. Ahh . . . I feel better already.

Oh wait. I forgot.

“I, I, um . . .”

This is the first time I’ve seen Austin in person since he
maybe
said he loves me. It’s been over a week since we’ve been face-to-face due to all this craziness. We’ve talked, but asking him to clarify the love question over the phone seemed cheesy (well, to be honest, I was dying to, but Nadine said it was a bad idea). I’ve been rehearsing what I would say to Austin when I saw him, but now that I’m here, I’m at a loss. I search his face.

Does he look like someone who is in love? Am I supposed to say, “Hi. I love you too”? Am I ready to say it or do I want to say it because I
think
he’s said it? This whole thing has left me feeling so awkward around the one person I truly trust. “I, um, I, um . . .”

“Burke, what’s wrong?” Austin laughs. “Don’t tell me you ran out of things to say after all that talking today?”

I grab a coconut shrimp from a waitress making rounds, pop it in my mouth, and nod. Maybe if I just keep stuffing food in there, I won’t have to talk to Austin about the L-word all night! Yippee!

There’s definitely enough food here for me to do that. The great thing about Liz’s parties is that no matter what the occasion, the scene is as hot as a celeb part-owned restaurant opening. Tonight she hired DJ Samantha Ronson to spin tunes, has a parade of waiters carrying everything from curry chicken to spinach quiches, a sushi chef making fresh Maki rolls, and even “SATs ARE OVER” gift bags done by celeb gift basket giant On3 Productions containing cucumber herbal eye wraps, Archipelago candles, and Origins Peace of Mind stress-relief cream. Liz’s dad is a celebrity lawyer to the stars (including me) and makes up for his long hours at the office with a no-limit Amex for Liz. No wonder Liz’s parties are the most coveted invite at her school.

“Laney booked me so tight I barely had time for a bathroom break,” I explain to Austin. Laney forgot to leave a slot open for lunch too, so I am starving. “Your e-mails kept me going.” I can’t look Austin in the eye. What if he drops the L-bomb again, right here? What would I do?

HELP!

Austin smiles. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the dance.”

OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO!

“Hey.” My friend Allison walks over wearing a cute fitted ballet-neck tee and slim jeans. “How are you holding up? I hate that Alexis Holden. You poor thing.”

SAVED! Oh wait. She’s talking about Alexis. That’s not an easy conversation to have either. Hmph. “I’m okay. How are you?” I ask instead.

Beth hugs me too. “We saw you on
Access Hollywood
.” She pushes her tortoiseshell frames onto her nose as she stares at me with sad eyes. Beth’s in a houndstooth mini and a cream-colored sweater. “Who would be stupid enough to circulate a bogus script? Seriously, are you okay?”

“It’s good she’s getting out,” Liz says as Josh appears at her side. Besides Nadine and me, Josh is the only other non-Clark person at this party. Josh puts his arm around Liz’s waist. “It will take your mind off what’s going on.”

“You’re not being fired, are you?” Josh asks. Liz elbows him hard and he winces.

“Of course not!” Liz admonishes. “They’ll find out who did this and fire them and then everything will be back to normal.” Liz flashes me a big smile. “Besides, Daddy says you’re still under contract through the end of the season. If they’re axing any teens, it can’t be you.”

“Oh, because I keep reading that Kaitlin is a suspect and with all the fighting you’re doing with Alexis, you and Sky might be the ones to go,” Josh adds.

“You can’t believe that stuff, ” Austin tells Josh. “Kaitlin isn’t going anywhere.” He squeezes my hand.

“I’m sorry,” Josh apologizes as Liz gives him the evil eye. “I thought . . .” He trails off.

“It’s okay, Josh.” I try to sound light. That’s how I was with Nancy O’Dell earlier. (“This whole mess has been blown way out of proportion. We just want to concentrate on fixing
FA
right now. I hope to be there for a very long time.”)

Everyone stares at me sympathetically and it’s beginning to make me feel worse. Like I’ve already been fired. “Guys, forget about me,” I tell them, turning on my acting charm and thinking of the countless party scenes I’ve done as Sam over the years. Sam and Sara have always been the coqueens of the Summerville party scene. Well, at least they were until Colby arrived. “You guys should be celebrating, not worrying about me and some silly TV show.” I laugh, trying not to sound fake.

“Let’s change the subject,” Austin suggests. I could kiss him. But then he says: “Let’s talk about your birthday instead.”

I groan. “That’s not a good topic either. How about politics?”

Nadine laughs. “Austin, hasn’t anyone told you? Kaitlin hates her birthday. Something goes wrong every year.”

“I’m jinxed,” I admit.

“You are not,” Liz scolds. “You’re just a victim of some bad party planning. Seriously, Austin, at the last party her mom and Laney threw, paid for by Neutrogena, I knew exactly
two
people. They didn’t invite anyone Kaitlin knew.”

“I’ve heard all the horror stories,” Austin cuts them off. “But I’m not giving up. There’s got to be something you’d like to do. Tell us, Burke. You’ve got witnesses.”

“I can’t think of anything,” I say. “I’d rather hear about the SATs.”

“Liar,” Austin accuses.

“How do you all think you did?” I ignore him.

Everyone starts talking at once and I hear a few collective groans mixed in.

“The essay was tricky,” Austin admits.

“I didn’t mind that as much as I did the sentence completion section,” Liz says. “The questions were much harder than the ones in last week’s sample tests.”

“The math multiple choice,” Josh says. “I got tripped up on that student lottery question.”

“Me too!” Liz says. “I answered 3/8.”

Josh frowns. “I think I picked 2/9.”

“The worst part is the waiting,” Allison interrupts. “I can’t believe we’re not going to have the results for a month! I don’t think I can take it.”

“I took the test three times before I was happy with my score,” Nadine says. I stare at her in disbelief. Nadine didn’t ace it on the first shot?

“Let me guess — you scored a lowly five hundred in writing?” Liz jokes.

“The test was a little different when I took it,” Nadine says brusquely. “But in answer to your question, on my third test I got a fourteen eighty out of a possible sixteen hundred.”

“Show-off,” Allison mumbles.

I laugh, but I’m distracted by a familiar voice coming from the TV.

“Hi, I’m Brian Bennett, and you’re watching
Celebrity Insider
! First up, the question on everybody’s lips this weekend — Who’s being axed from America’s beloved nighttime soap,
Family Affair
?”

“Could somebody shut that off?” Liz yells. Instead of hitting the power button on the remote, the girls on the couch turn the volume up so loud it’s drowning out Maroon 5.

“It’s no big deal,” I assure Liz, trying hard not to listen to the gossip show even though part of me wants to hear what they’re saying. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Ever since last week’s fiery walkout and bogus script caused more drama on the set of
Family Affair
,
Celebrity Insider
and fans have been wondering what would happen next. The show’s executive producer and cocreator says otherwise, but sources close to the show say heads are going to roll.”

“Nobody in our cast is going anywhere.”

That’s Tom talking. I still won’t turn around and face the screen, even if everyone else I’m standing with can’t help but watch. I hear Josh whisper to Liz: “I told you so.”

“Sources tell
Insider
that whoever created that fake script will obviously be on the unemployment line alongside Peter Hennings, who plays Dr. Braden. But rumor has it that someone else will be getting the ax as well. Since it’s the teens who’ve plagued the set with delays and a Vegas PR nightmare, our sources hear that the network wants one of them to go to show that this kind of behavior won’t be tolerated. They’re just trying to decide who — their new shining star, Alexis Holden, who is rumored to be difficult to work with, or their longtime siblings act, Kaitlin Burke and Sky Mackenzie. But don’t listen to me. Let’s hear them speak for themselves.”

“Brian, Brian, Brian, do you really think if I was being fired I would sit on your couch and deny it?”

That’s Sky talking. She’s always had a thing for Brian, even though she pretends she doesn’t. I wait to hear if her charm works.

“Even if you’re not going anywhere, Sky, you can’t deny your feelings about your costars. It’s no secret that you and Kaitlin Burke have never gotten along.”

Sky taped an interview with him today, just like I did.

“Who says? Kaitlin and I may not spend every waking minute together, but I certainly respect her as an actress. I would work alongside her any day.”

“Wow, what did you have to pay her to get her to say that?” Liz gives me a wink.

“Guess that deep frost between Sky Mackenzie and Kaitlin Burke is finally thawing, because Kaitlin, too, had nothing but kind words to say about her costar.”

I slowly turn to face my on-screen self. At least a dozen partygoers are staring at me. There I am, larger than life, wearing the same dress I have on now. I’m sitting cross-legged, leaning my two elbows on the arm of
Insider’
s earth-tone-striped couch. My hands are resting under my chin and you can prominently see the Coach Gallery Breast Cancer watch that Mom insisted I wear (“Everyone knows proceeds from the watch go to charity,” she said. My stomach turned as I realized what she was implying. “You’ll look extra sympathetic.”)