Secrets of Surrender (9 page)

She recognized the carriage. As she anticipated, Alexia had learned from Phaedra about this visit and had come to see her.

Her heart dropped a little when the carriage door opened. A tall, stern man stepped out of its shadows, then turned and handed down her cousin. Lord Hayden Rothwell had accompanied his wife.

Perhaps that was just as well. She had questions for him and it would be best to ask them directly.

She opened the front door as they approached. Alexia beamed delight at seeing her. Lord Hayden was too busy frowning at the beggar and whore to smile.

“You used to visit Phaedra here?” she heard him ask. “Alone, before we wed? Even after?”

“On occasion,” Alexia said, ignoring her husband’s dismay. She stepped over the threshold and embraced Rose. “Do not scold me, Rose. When you returned my letters unopened you made it clear that you would not allow any risks, but even Hayden agrees that it is unlikely that this meeting will be reported to the harpies. The denizens of this neighborhood do not know us, and do not gossip in polite drawing rooms in any event.”

Rose brought them into the odd sitting room. Lord Hayden occupied his attention with the bizarre engravings hanging on the wall.

“I am glad that you came, Alexia. And you too, Lord Hayden. I was hoping that you would. I do not intend to stay long, so your prompt visit is most welcome.”

Alexia’s face fell. “There is no need to rush back to Oxfordshire. You can surely remain in town until after Christmas. I had hoped we could dine together then, if not before.”

“That would not be wise. If not for your sake, then for my sister’s we must accept the penalty of my fall.” She took her cousin’s hand and squeezed it. “Please sit, Alexia. I have need of your advice.”

Alexia perched on the divan. Lord Hayden moved his examination of Phaedra’s possessions to the bookcase.

Rose sat in a chair where she could see his profile. No matter how carefully he read those spines, she doubted that he would miss one word of her conversation with her cousin.

“Alexia, a most unexpected thing happened four days ago. Mr. Bradwell proposed marriage.”

Alexia’s astonishment was honest. Lord Hayden’s lids merely lowered a fraction.

“Did you accept?” Alexia asked.

“I was so startled that I begged off making a decision at once. My inclination was to turn him down immediately. I fear that he does not comprehend the consequences of such a match. Indeed, I cannot imagine why he would speak so rashly. Unless, of course…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless he had been encouraged to do so by someone’s promise of a settlement.” She glanced at Lord Hayden but saw no reaction to her insinuation.

Alexia turned her attention to her husband too. “Hayden, did you have a hand in this?”

He faced them. “I did not bribe Mr. Bradwell.”

“To be sure,” Rose said. “However, a settlement is not normally thought of as a bribe.”

“Why do you assume that this offer is dependent on my meddling? It could be that Mr. Bradwell comprehended the consequences very well, perhaps better than you do. Such a marriage is of mutual advantage. In your case, Miss Longworth, marriage will transform this scandal into one much less damaging.”

Rose granted Lord Hayden his brilliance, but his little speech did not speak well of his strict honesty. It sounded as if he had thought it out at leisure, not in the last half minute. Nor had he explicitly said he that he had not offered a settlement.

Husband and wife exchanged an eloquent gaze. Lord Hayden bowed and strolled toward the doorway. “If this is the reason for your visit to town, Miss Longworth, I expect that there will be much feminine talk now, and confidences that no man should hear. I will say good day to you and return to the carriage.”

Rose waited until the door closed behind him. “I am not sure that I believe him.”

“If he speaks so plainly, you should believe him. He can be very clever but he is rarely sly.” Alexia unpinned her mantlet and let it fall off her shoulders. “I assume that you do not want to accept this offer and are looking for an excuse to refuse.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I know how you loathed proposals in the past that had financial incentives. You found the best excuse to convince your heart to decline Mr. Bradwell. Only you are wrong about the settlement, so now what reason will you use instead?”

Alexia waited for an answer, as if Rose had one.

“Must I enumerate the benefits of this match?” Alexia asked. “Hayden is correct, and I saw it immediately too. If you marry Mr. Bradwell it will transform this scandal. He is not a gentleman, but his honor toward you will make Norbury appear an ass and a rogue all the more. The assumptions that people have made will be rethought. I daresay many will even believe there was no affair with Norbury prior to that scandalous night.”

That transformation played out in Rose’s mind. Mr. Bradwell had alluded to this, but it took Alexia’s firm gaze to make it plausible.

“It is brilliant, actually,” Alexia said, indicating all the nuances were lining up in her mind too.

“And in return he gets what?”

“Your blood and your connections, Roselyn. You are a gentleman’s daughter. You have a cousin related by marriage to a marquess. And, of course, he gets a most beautiful wife.”

“The beauty will dim soon, and the blood is badly tainted. Nor do I think he cares much about social connections. Can you see why I am suspicious of your husband’s frankness? No doubt he fears I will reject it outright if I know the truth, since it is one more debt to him that I can never repay.”

“If you are right, then the debt is mine and there are no accounts to be balanced between Hayden and me. We do not play such childish games.” Alexia stood and crossed her arms. Her expression grew strict while she began pacing out her thoughts. “Do you dislike this man, Rose?”

“Not at all. Although, in truth I do not know him very well.”

“I would say you know the most important things about him. Does he repulse you?” A little pink spotted her cheeks. “You know what I mean.”

“No.” At least not as far as she knew. She would not admit to Alexia that the notion of the carnal side of marriage left her chilled, however. Alexia was so passionately in love that she would not comprehend that problem at all.

“Do you hope for better? Another rescuer, but this time one more appropriate to your birth?”

“Hardly.”

“Then I do not understand. Perhaps you think me too practical, but if the choice is between poverty and ruin or security and salvation—”

“There is another offer.”

Alexia halted in mid stride. Astonishment widened her eyes. “Another offer? Not another rescuer, though. Pray, do not tell me that you are being pursued by another Norbury, and have received an offer to be some gentleman’s bought possession.”

“It is not that kind of offer. I received another letter from Timothy. He begs me to join him, to live with him.”

Alexia’s face fell into a mask of sorrow. She closed her eyes to hold in a private pain. Rose said nothing, but her heart joined Alexia’s in experiencing the poignant grief that mention of her brother evoked.

“And you are considering going to him?” Alexia asked.

“Yes. I had made my decision before Mr. Bradwell spoke to me.”

Alexia sat on the divan again. Her violet eyes misted. “You worry for him now, of course. Now that he is alone. He was always the weakest among you, and now—I want you to know that I understand, Rose. And I understand how tempting that must be, to have travel and a new life dangled in front of you. But—”

“Yes, it is tempting. Very tempting. I will take a new name. No one will know about me, about Norbury, about Tim. No one will know about
anything.
”

She heard the force and bitterness in her own voice. Alexia bowed her head and allowed the vehemence to roll over her.

“
You
will know, Rose,” she said gently. “You would not take that five thousand. You would not accept Hayden’s support. Will you now live off the fruits of that crime?”

“It need not be that way. I can find employment. Tim can serve as a secretary and support us both. I can convince him to return the money—”

“He never will. It is probably mostly gone already, to drink and gambling. You have been in constant sorrow since his ruin, and not yourself. I understand why you want to run away, but you are not thinking clearly.”

“I doubt that you do understand.”

“Doubt that if you want, but do not doubt my love, Rose, or my sympathy for why you seek escape. You admitted that you lied to yourself about Norbury. Do not lie to yourself about this now, I beg you.”

Every word that Alexia spoke added stones to a wall that gradually enclosed a very small place from which there was no escape. Rose wanted to scream that Alexia was wrong and arrogant. A bitter corner of her heart snarled that Alexia was too smug in her own happiness to be capable of all the knowing and understanding that she professed.

Seeing that wall looming, she yearned to run home and back up that hill. She wanted to lie beneath the sky and again know the hopeful joy that had filled her that day.

A sound broke through her furious distraction. A small voice intruded on her anger and resentment.

“It is cold in the carriage and Lord Hayden said that I might come in now. Should I have waited longer, Alexia?”

A surge of emotion crested Roselyn’s composure. She looked at the doorway through pools of brimming tears.

Irene stood there. Her sister appeared fashionable and fresh. Her long blond hair hung below a lovely bonnet, and her apple green carriage ensemble enhanced her youth and beauty. The garments were all new ones, gifts from Alexia.

“Do not look so angry, Rose,” Irene pleaded. “I have been so unhappy since you left, and grieving that we would never speak again. Alexia said I could see you today, and even Hayden agreed that no one would know.”

“I am not angry, darling. I am surprised and grateful and moved beyond words.” She stood and held open her arms. Irene rushed to her embrace.

She held Irene close. She looked over her sister’s shoulder at Alexia. It was clear that Alexia considered their argument over.

CHAPTER
EIGHT

H
e saw her at once, standing beside the canal in her blue cloak. Her letter had given detailed instructions on where to meet her in Regent’s Park. No more than five other bodies could be seen at this hour.

He had not known what to expect when she finally contacted him, but he had not anticipated the brief letter requesting a meeting here in London. There had been nothing encouraging about those few sentences.

As he walked toward her, he debated whether to plead his case further. He doubted it would make a difference. If she had decided to decline his offer, her reasons would be ones he had no answer for.

She noticed his approach. The sun caught the golden rim of her hair visible beneath the blue bonnet. Her smile could at best be called polite, but it still blotted out half of his mind.

He would probably be better off if she made short work of this mad idea.

“Thank you for coming, Mr. Bradwell. Especially at such an early hour.”

“I always visit the parks at nine in the morning, Miss Longworth, so we have something in common.”

He did not think she had ever been in one of London’s parks this early before. She sought public privacy with him, however, and there were few other locations and times that would do.

He looked down the deserted paths and saw no conveyance but his own. “How did you get here?”

“I walked. A friend of Alexia’s gave me use of her house and I came up for a few days.”

“Have you walked enough, or shall we take a turn along the canal?”

She agreed to that. He offered a few pleasantries while he waited for her to address the reason for this meeting.

“Mr. Bradwell, I was hoping we could have another conversation about your generous offer. I believe that if two people are going to even consider such an irrevocable step, absolute honesty is best.”

“Absolute honesty is never a good idea, to my thinking. I do not believe the world could survive it.”

She looked at him, aghast.

He laughed. “I shock you. Will you settle for circumspect honesty? Some truths change, after all, and others are not even known.”

“I only require sufficient honesty so that if we do this we have a right understanding.”

She had just revealed more than all the absolute honesty ever would. Whatever she had been debating these last days, the scales had somehow tipped in his favor.

It is only yours to lose now, Kyle lad.

“Speak frankly, Miss Longworth, and I will try to do so as well.”

“I understand what you are offering. I want you to know that I comprehend its value. The security and protection are important, but the chance for redemption—I have realized the fullness of that now. If I appear skeptical, please forgive me. Please know that I am truly grateful. However, I think it best if we both know what we are getting in such a match, in real and practical terms.”

“How sensible.”

She blushed. “I sound like a heartless and cold merchant, don’t I? I do not mean to. It is just that I find myself incapable of creating romantic illusions. I am well done with those girlish ideas.”

Despite her request for absolutes, she did prefer some circumspection. He heard the hard truth anyway.
If we do this, I do not expect love. Nor should you.

“Mr. Bradwell, I need to know if you understand that whatever redemption I achieve will not be complete. I will never entirely live down that disastrous affair with Lord Norbury. When you are old and gray there will still be those who whisper as you walk by, if we are wed. Since you are not a gentleman, there are those who will speak of it right to your face.”

“I am the son of a collier. I am accustomed to whispers, and rudeness spoken right to my face.”

“The day may come when some malicious person claims that I have begun another affair. I would like to know if you will be inclined to believe that.”

“You have weighed every eventuality, haven’t you? I do not know what I will believe. I promise to ask you if it is true before I kill the man, however.”

She stopped walking near a tree. The sun’s crisp light reflected in a ribbon down the canal. “You must think me small and mean to parse your offer so thoroughly.”

“I think that all smart women scrutinize marriage offers. It is only unusual that I am hearing every point of debate.”

She gazed up at him with disconcerting directness. Her brow puckered, as if she sought to see his soul and regretted that she could not.

“You were at Norbury’s house for a reason that day. Are you friends with him?”

“I have known him for years. Our connection goes far back. At the moment we are involved in some business together.”

“So you will see this man. You will know, and he will know, and—”

“Women are not the only ones who scrutinize marriage offers, Miss Longworth. I have considered how that might be awkward. I promise you that he will not mention it to me. At least not more than once. I will not allow any man to insult my wife.” He took her hand in both of his. Since she allowed it, he regretted that they both wore gloves. “Nor will I ever speak of it to you. You made a mistake with a dishonorable man, but it is over.”

She searched his eyes as if trying to see if he meant it. He let her look as long as she wanted.

“It is unlikely that you will conjure up an objection for me that I have not already considered, Miss Longworth.”

“Actually, there is one, and it would be wrong not to speak of it.” She forced poise on her posture, much as she had that night. “Mr. Bradwell, I am one whisper away from being involved in a scandal that will make the current one child’s play in comparison.”

She appeared so adorably earnest and brave. The martyrs of old probably looked like this before entering the arena. “What scandal is that?”

“You know about my brother, you said. You do not know the whole of it. He stole money from people who had trusts and three percenters at his bank. And they know he did. He promised to repay them so no one laid down information, but then he fled and Lord Hayden made good on his debts.” It came out fast, in a torrent of confession that clearly pained her to admit. “There are dozens of victims and it will take only one of them to speak of it, you see. Just one, and it will be known what he did and my relationship to him will bring his disgrace on me. And on my husband, if I am married.”

He lifted her hand and dipped his head to kiss it. “I already know about your brother.”

“You do? How—oh, dear, were you one of the ones—”

“Someone I know was.”

“And yet you proposed marriage?”

“It was his crime. His sin. You are innocent. You are also one of the victims. You and your sister have suffered much due to him, have you not?”

The mention of her sister made her eyes glisten. He was not too good to press his advantage.

“That one whisper is another reason to marry me. It will make it clear that you are separate from him, and he from you. You will not be piling one fall upon another, the way it would be if you lived your exile in Oxfordshire.”

“I do not think anyone will see me as separate. I am his sister.”

“You will be my wife in the world’s eyes before you are his sister. In this scandal even more than the other, marriage offers protection.”

Her resistance was palpable. So was her vulnerability. “You said Lord Hayden was not paying you a settlement to do this. I assume the payment will come in other ways.”

“I never denied that there would be benefits.”

“They must be bigger than the ones I can imagine, if you are willing to tie yourself to so much disgrace.”

“Weigh your own gain and costs, Miss Longworth, and leave me to weigh mine. If I did not want you, nothing could lure me to this match no matter what the status of your fortune, family, or virtue.”

She stopped walking and faced him. She eyed him critically, as if deciding if that want of his would be tolerable. There were no words to convince her of that. For this woman, however, her conclusion would be a heavy weight no matter which side of the scales it rested on.

“Perhaps now is not the moment to make your decision, Miss Longworth. There is no hurry, and it is a decision that requires much thought on a woman’s part.”

Her expression relaxed. “Thank you, Mr. Bradwell. I confess that the mere permanence of it makes my courage falter. You are, as always, very kind and considerate.”

Hardly.

His carriage had been following along the lane. He gestured for his man to wait. “Allow me to escort you back to your residence. I think that you have walked too far today already.”

Relieved of the worry of his proposal for another day, she accepted gladly. Innocently. She even smiled while they walked to the carriage.

He handed her in. It was time to close the negotiations.

She should have known that nice Mr. Bradwell would not press her for a decision. He was not that kind of man. He had understood, as always. He knew that such a step should not be taken lightly.

She settled in the carriage and he sat across from her. The carriage rolled toward the park’s entrance.

He was tall and imposing, and he seemed to crowd her, just as he had that horrible night. Once more she experienced the odd combination of danger and safety.

“You need not make a decision today, but I hope that you will soon,” he said.

“Of course. Tomorrow, I promise. I would never be so heartless as to leave an offer dangling. I am embarrassed that I have done so this long.”

“That is of no account. I understand why.”

Did he? She wondered for the first time if his comprehension was correct. She doubted any man would really know the terror that a woman could feel when faced with a proposal, as she imagined both the good and the bad it might bring to her life.

“It might be best if I explained some things, so that you can assess the situation most fully.” His gaze sharpened ever so slightly, but enough to raise a small, almost thrilling caution in her.

“Please speak freely, Mr. Bradwell.”

“I still have family up north. I will never deny them, or hide them, or pretend I am other than I am. Not for anyone. Not even for you.”

“Do you think me so hard as to want that?”

“I do not know what you will want, so I am making it clear how it will be. Also, as you begin returning to society, there will be those who want to receive you, but who will hesitate due to me. I want you to let it be known that you will accept invitations and that I will decline them when necessary. I will leave it to you to decide when those situations arise.”

She wished she could say that they never would. She thought it noble of him not to want to hold her back. Since he offered redemption he wanted it to be as complete as possible.

“You have expressed interest in any settlement that I will receive,” he continued. “However, you have neglected to ask about yours. Should you accept me, I will discuss your jointure with Lord Hayden, if that is acceptable to you.”

“Yes, that would be acceptable.” She
had
been neglectful. That more than anything reflected her ambivalence about this proposal. Had he guessed as much? Probably so.

“There is also the matter of your brother.”

“You said in the park that it did not matter to you.”

“I said that his crime does not taint you. However, it is very important, for your sake and for that of the family you will be able to reclaim, that you accept him as dead to you.”

Dead to you.
Rather suddenly, nice Mr. Bradwell had become strict and dire and a little presumptuous in his demands regarding a marriage he might not even have.

His command raised the devil in her, and fed her impractical resistance to the stark “forever” that she contemplated with him.

“He is my brother. It is unfair for you to ask this.”

“I do not ask, but demand.”

A demand now. “You are offering to give me half of my family back even as you insist that I relinquish the other half.”

“If that is how you see it, yes. I demand this more easily of you than I would of most women. I saw you the night of that auction, explaining to Lady Alexia how you must be dead to her and your sister. When she wrote, you returned her letters unopened, to make sure you would not taint her. It is how it must be, you said. If you saw that reality, you surely see this one.”

She felt her face warming. She resented the way he cornered her with her own words and actions.

“I will not think of him as dead. I cannot. In fact, if there is a chance that I can see him, I must
demand
that you promise now that you will permit it.”

The ultimatum hung in the air. The man who might become her husband let it dangle while he considered her. She half expected him to withdraw his proposal on the spot.

Instead of relief, the notion panicked her.

It was the escape that she wanted, for reasons she could not explain to Alexia or even herself. And yet, facing it now, she saw that if it happened she would have no decent life to honestly choose.

She almost retracted her words. A small, lonely, confused voice clamored to surrender.
Yes, I will do as you want. I will do anything if you feed me and flatter me and pretend to care. I will forget who I am and relinquish all my dreams and be obedient if you buy fuel for my hearth so I am not cold.