Seduced by Innocence (16 page)

 and all these woes shall serve 
For sweet discourses in our time to come.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

TIME LUMBERED FORWARD
thick and slow, like sap frozen to the bark of a tree, stuck forever in its last drip. It had been two days since I'd heard from Rose, despite numerous phone calls, emails and texts. I was starting to feel like a stalker but, knowing how much she must be suffering, I couldn't give up.

I was about to drive over to her house when my phone binged with a new email.

"Derek, I'm sorry I haven't returned your messages. It's been a hard couple of days and I just needed time alone. I miss you. I'll call you later tonight. Love, Rose."

At least I could stop worrying that she never wanted to speak to me again after Sandy died trying to save me. The guilt of that chewed through me, tarnishing the most perfect week I'd ever experienced.

Instead of leaving as planned, I went to check on Dean, who hadn't shown any signs of improvement.

Tammy sat by his bed, holding his hand, tears running down her face. "It seems our childhood memories are burning down around us. First Dean is attacked and… taken from us. Then our cabin is burned down." She looked up at me. "What do we do, Derek? I don't know how to handle this. I need him back."

I sat in the chair next to her and rubbed her back. "I do, too. There has to be a way to heal him. We'll find it, I swear, and we'll make those witches pay for this and the cabin."

She used her sweater sleeve to wipe her eyes. "Do you really think they're responsible for the fire?"

"Who else would deliberately do that? We know it was arson, so it had to be someone coming after our family." Besides, I sensed something unusual about the energy in the woods after the fire. Power had been used by someone.

"Don't you have a few enemies that might want to hurt you?"

I thought of the bars I'd toured, the men I'd conned money from in pool. "Yes, but they wouldn't know where to find me, and they'd certainly never suspect that I'm an O'Conner. I've been using mom's maiden name since I left." Even with Rose. I didn't want her to know that I was the heir to Rose Botanicals. I wanted her to fall in love with me for me before she found out the truth about my family.

"Are you so ashamed of us that you won't even use our name?" She looked hurt, and I didn't want to add any more pain to her life.

"No, not at all. I just needed to find my own way for a while. It had nothing to do with you guys."

She shook her head. "That's where you're wrong. We're a family. When you left, it had everything to do with us. We were hurt. We missed you. We worried for you."

Looking back down at Dean, she smiled and brushed a lock of hair out of his face. "You know Dean and I used to spend hours making up stories about your life when you first left. We imagined elaborate scenarios that rivaled James Bond movies. We'd try to outdo each other with the most outrageous Derek O'Conner escapade. We held each other together, but now, I don't have him, and you'll be leaving soon. I feel so alone. So lost."

Our mother walked in at that moment, her eyes full of grief ever since my brother came home this way. She kissed us both on the head, then leaned in to kiss Dean. "All of my children, finally together. This isn't how I imagined it."

I stood and offered her my seat.

"No, I'm not staying. I just wanted to see how my poor boy was doing. Have there been any changes? Any sign he's heard you?"

Dean lay on the bed, eyes open but face void of any thought or presence. He could have been a mannequin for all the life that existed in his eyes.

I resisted the urge to shake him, to beg him to wake up. This nightmare had to end soon. "Have the doctors come up with anything?"

Mom shook her head. "No, nothing. But I'll let you know the moment they do. Have you heard from Rose?"

Leave it to my mother to still be concerned about my love life despite everything going on. "Just now. She's hurting."

"I can imagine. Give her our love and tell her we look forward to meeting her when she's ready. I've never seen you so happy, so hopeful, as you've been since you started seeing her. Anyone that can bring the spark back in my son's eyes is a keeper."

"Thanks, Mom." I hugged her, then turned to hug Tammy. "I've got to go email her back. I'll see you in a bit?"

They nodded as Mom sat next to Tammy, and I slipped out and locked myself in my room.

I couldn't wait until that night, I needed to talk to her sooner. Phone in hand, I listened to it ring and willed her to pick up.

When I heard her voice, I almost thought it was her voicemail, but I had that memorized and this wasn't it. "Rose?"

"Hi, Derek. How are you?"

"Missing you. Can I see you soon? You don't have to go through this alone, you know."

Was that a sob I heard? I couldn't tell with the crappy cell phone reception she got in the country.

"I'm okay, but it's a bit crazy here right now. My family is dealing with some other stuff and until I get that sorted out, I'm afraid it'll be hard to get together."

My heart dropped. Was she breaking up with me? "How long?"

"Just a few more days, I think. Then we can go out, and I'll explain everything, I promise. Derek, there are things about me that might be hard for you to accept and, if you can't, that's okay. I'd never hurt you on purpose and I just want… " Definitely a sob. "I just want you to be happy."

"Rose, what are you talking about? There's nothing you can tell me that would make me love you any less."

A pause.

A long pause.

Because I'd just used the "L" word, entirely by accident. But I meant it, so I didn't take it back. I just wished I could have said it to her face, first.

"Love?"

"Yes, Rose. I love you. You have no idea how hard it is to
not
say something like that, when every time we talk, every time I look at you, my heart is screaming it." I held my breath and waited to see what she'd do.

More sobs. "Oh, God, Derek. I love you, too. I do. But you don't know the real me, and when you do, I fear you'll change your mind about this. But I love you, just know that. And even when you hate me, I'll still love you. I have to go now, but I just wanted to thank you for giving me the most magical week of my life. I'll never forget it."

She hung up, and I stared at my phone, unsure of what to think or feel. She loved me back, so that should have made me happy—and it did. But why did she think I would hate her? What could she possibly tell me that would be so horrible?

And what would she think of me, when she learned my secrets?

Ready to go but never to return.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Dear Diary,

He used the word that exploded my world into a million shiny threads of color and light. But how can he love a woman he doesn't really know?

We think we see the truth of life, but the real truth slithers under layers of foliage, unseen and unknown, waiting to strike like a snake dripping with venom.

If we had the power to rewrite our histories, what stories would we tell? Would I have chosen to forgo paradise to save Sandy's life, only to leave her stuck in her own sorrow? Does the fact that her last days were filled with joy give more meaning to her death, somehow?

And what would she think of all this, if she could think at all?

Today we go to war, and with war there are always casualties. I've already forfeited my soul for this battle, and it hasn't even begun. What of me will be left to love when this is over?

Will Derek even see the same woman when he looks into my eyes?

Somewhere, hidden in the secret folds of the universe, there must be a different path I can choose. But those secrets have yet to be revealed to me.

And tonight, my hands carry only death.

Wisely and slow, they stumble who run fast.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

THE NIGHT OF
a new moon was always a calm affair at my house. The energy of a full moon built our power like a raging fire, but the new moon soothed us, causing a more reflective journey.

My dad used these nights to meditate and hone his gift of Seeing.

I hadn't heard from Rose since I told her I loved her, but my mom and sister both suggested that this time I give her a bit of space before pursuing her more aggressively.

So when my dad invited me to join him in his meditations, I surprised myself by accepting.

We sat, knees crossed, in the rose garden, allowing the power of this sacred space to enhance our ability to channel. I'd always liked the unpretentious nature of the new moon. It didn't flaunt itself; it just went about its work in silence, invisible to everyone, not at all showy. But under such moons, new creations were strongest, new journeys encouraged.

It was a night of new beginnings, and I hoped that this meditation could help provide me the answer I needed to bring Rose into my life permanently.

We'd been sitting in silence for an hour, me mostly trying not to scratch at random itches, when my dad's eyes popped open and he stood. "We have to gather the whole family. The witches are planning to attack tonight. They're coming for the rose bush."

Blood bumped faster in my veins, and my wolf side howled to come out and attack. "We can finally crush them and get them out of our lives for good."

"No, son. That's not our way. We will defend and protect, we will offer healing to anyone who is injured—including the witches—but we will not engage in violence. Violence only creates more of the same. If we want a world of peace, love and true harmony, we have to practice that ourselves."

He walked out of the garden before I could point out that, throughout history, any true revolution that affected change for the better had begun in bloodshed. He may not want to fight, but for my brother, my family, and for our sacred duty to defend this power, I was ready to rip every single witch's throat out and drink their blood.

The magic of the roses, the magic of the moon and my ancestry, filled my veins, coursing through me as part of my flesh. It bent the core of my DNA, reshaping me into something new. Bones broke and mended, organs repositioned, skin turned to fur and my senses heightened.

The pain, extreme but fleeting, gave way to the crash of sensory overload as I adjusted to the sounds and smells of the night.

Bugs scurried under the boulder, their legs grating against the ground, filling my ears with their sound. Moss grew on trees, its odor distinct and musty.

Leaves rotted and decomposed under the fresh fall of snow, but my wolf nose didn't interpret this as unpleasant, just a natural extension of the earth's cycle.

I embraced the power, howling at the hidden moon, and stood guard over the roses while I planned my attack.

Each of us had distinctive markings, and I was the only all-black wolf in the pack, so if I went against my father's orders, he'd know it was me.

I paused and reflected on my choices. Was I really willing to risk losing my family for a chance at revenge?

In that moment, I'd have given anything for revenge.