Seduced by Pain (9 page)

It is not night when I do see your face,

Therefore I think I am not in the night;

—William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

THE SUN CLUNG
to the sky as it fought to stay awake, casting purple and gold beams of light into the clouds. Derek and I took advantage of the evening by exploring the gardens hand in hand.

We'd spent the day meeting so many people whose names I'd never remember and settling into our rooms. I'd been surprised when the priest gave Derek and me a private guest room, separate from the house. Guess the ring on my finger had its advantages.

The silence between us hung lightly, like a bird perched on a branch. Neither of us felt the need to break it for idle small talk. Instead, we enjoyed each other's presence and processed the intense day.

This was the day of changes for me, if I had to give it a name. Looking back on who I'd been when I woke up that morning, and who I was now, standing with my fiancé at a school for paranormals, it was hard to believe less than twenty-four hours had passed.

The longer we'd been gone, the more my actions with Blake last night bugged me. Not that he wasn't attractive, but how did I lose control so completely and so fast? None of that pull remained, and I wondered if magic had been involved.

It didn't matter anymore. I was with Derek and would never consider anyone else ever again.

I tugged my glove off and looked at my ring for the millionth time, smiling.

We sat on a bench with the weeping willow hanging over us. Its song had quieted as evening approached, sounding more like a whisper. Nature had never spoken to me like this before, and I felt a certain presence in the tree I couldn't describe.

Derek caressed my cheek and traced my cheekbones with his finger. "It's incredible to me that we're here right now, together. I never thought I'd love anyone this much."

I reached my hand to his face, the diamond on my finger sparkling in the setting sunlight. "I feel the same way. It's a miracle."

The kiss started softly, like butterfly wings dancing in the dark. Heat built in waves, like a tsunami in my core as our mouths explored each other. He pulled me closer to him, bodies pressed together, my fingers gripping his head, pushing through his thick hair to deepen our kiss.

His hand slid up my shirt, flesh on flesh that burned with desire as he stroked the small of my back.

Our heartbeats thrummed between us, pounding out a rhythm that built in intensity until my whole body flashed with an ache of need that had never been satiated.

With his free hand, he explored my breasts over my blouse, teasing my hard nipples with his thumb.

I wanted to push his hand down my jeans, to feel his fingers slide into my body, stroking the part of me that ached so badly, but the sexual tension uncoiled the darkness in me, and I felt my power leaking out.

Frustrated, angry, tired of this battle, I willed it back to its place behind the barrier I'd erected, but it refused to stay contained. Like mist, it floated around us, clinging to our bodies, hungry and ready to feed.

I pushed Derek away and stood, slipping my hands back into my gloves and pulling my shirt down. "We can't. Not yet. I can't stop it. I don't want to hurt you."

Tears turned to sobs, hope to gray ash, as once again I fought this uncontrollable impulse to take the life of the man I loved.

The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream was.

—William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Dear Diary,

I spent my life feeling so alone, so different from others. Even within my own coven, I was shunned for my dark gift. This school has opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. These children and teens with extraordinary abilities have shared many heartbreaking stories of their lives before coming here. For so long I've drifted, unsure of my future, lacking ambition, or at least lacking focus for my ambition. But as I watch these kids, not much younger than myself, work so hard to master their powers, to carve a niche for themselves in a world fast to reject them, a new yearning has taken hold in my heart.

If I can gain control of my own powers, maybe I can help them do the same.

MORNING STARTED EARLY
at the school for paranormals. Derek, Ocean and I joined everyone in a large cafeteria for breakfast, which consisted of an open fruit bar, whole grain muffins, eggs, bacon, sausage and freshly squeezed orange juice.

Surrounded by students hurrying to get to their classes, the chaos and energy of the early rush filled me with a giddy optimism. Their zest for life was contagious, and I wanted to be a part of it.

Derek caught me staring at my engagement ring as I popped a grape into my mouth.

His lips brushed against my ear lobe, sending shivers up my spine. "Having second thoughts?"

"Never." I held his hand, enjoying how strong and big they were compared to mine. "I was just thinking about this place, and about our future, about what I want to do with my life. What would you think about someday working here, with these kids?"

He kissed my fingers. "I think you would make an amazing teacher, and I'm sure we could find ways to help here. It's definitely worth talking about."

A small finger tapped on my shoulder, and I turned to face a tiny girl with long blond hair and the biggest eyes I'd ever seen. She looked like a doll, and the white cat we'd seen the day before curled around her legs, purring.

I smiled at her. "Hi."

She smiled back, her cheeks dimpling as she did. "Hi. Are you Rose?"

"Yes, I am. What's your name?"

"I'm Serena. Father Patrick asked me to tell you that when you're done eating, he'd like to see you by the weeping willow for training."

Did he know that tree spoke to me in song? "Thank you. I'm nearly finished."

She took a step to leave, then stopped and turned back at me. "Are you sick?"

Her question surprised me. "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"I… I'm sorry if that was rude. It's just, my power is buzzing, and that usually means the person is sick and needs healing. Do you need healing?"

My heart pounded in my chest. "Are you a healer?"

She nodded, her long curls bobbing around her pale face.

"Can you tell what needs healing in me?" My palms slickened with sweat as I waited for her answer.

"No, ma'am. Just, something feels broken inside you. Does it hurt? The thing that's broken?"

Could she be talking about my dark gift? "Sometimes, yes. But that's why I'm here, to get help. To see if I can fix it."

"I hope they can. I don't want you to hurt anymore. Everyone here is super nice. They'll help you, I'm sure. They've helped all of us. But sometimes things hurt no matter how much you heal them."

I wanted to pull this little girl into my lap and take away all of her pain, but instead I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "You're right. Not all pain can be fixed. Time can help heal most pain, though. How long have you lived here?"

She was too young to have a story, but I could see in her eyes that she did.

"Just a few months. My dad was a guard at the bad school, but he didn't know it was bad. Then he was killed and they came and killed my mommy too and took me away to another really bad place. But Sam and Drake and Father Patrick, they saved all us kids from that bad man."

This time I gave in to my urge and pulled her into a hug. "You're a very brave girl, and I'm so sorry you've had so much sadness in your life. I'm glad you're safe now."

With a tiny finger, she brushed a tear off my cheek that I didn't realize was there. "You'll be safe soon, too, I think. I have to go to class now, but it was nice meeting you, Rose."

"You too, Serena."

She spun off, her cat following behind her, and I leaned on Derek's shoulder.

He stroked my hand and kissed my head. "When this is all over and we're married, we'll talk to Father Patrick about working here and helping these kids. I'm pretty sure Rose Botanicals will be starting a lot of new scholarship programs as well."

Once again, I couldn't believe that I was a part of this amazing family.

Father Patrick and Drake sat in a meditative pose as Derek and I arrived for my training. My conversation with Serena weighed heavy on me as I considered how broken I must be to set off that little girl's powers in such a way. For the first time, I considered the possibility that the problem wasn't just my inability to control my powers. Maybe there was something wrong with them. Ever since I was a little girl, I'd fantasize about what it would be like to have different abilities, to be like Ocean or even Jasmine. To be anything other than what I was.

Derek sat next to me, and we faced the two men, who looked relaxed and peaceful.

"Is it all right if I stay?" Derek asked.

It didn't occur to me he would leave. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of going through this without him, and I gripped his hand harder.

Father Patrick looked at me. "It's up to Rose. This is her training."

"I'd like him to stay. I'm really nervous about doing anything involving my dark gift, and this affects him more than anyone." As if they wouldn't already know the state of my panicked mind.

The priest's eyebrow rose. "You consider it your
dark
gift?"

"Definitely dark. But really, more like a curse. There's no good that can come of what I do. It's not like other powers, where it can be used for good or bad, depending on how it's wielded. This power is evil, through and through." The pitch of my voice rose as emotion took over. "All it does is send people to hell, or at least a hell-like dimension of some kind. Even if I use it in true self-defense, against someone horrible, I wouldn't want to trap their soul in a demon plane forever. I never even knew demons were real!"

"Demons are indeed real, just as angels and all manner of supernatural creatures. You are marrying into a family of Shifters, guardians of the ancient ways, and you are a witch with unusual powers. But these labels do not make anyone good or bad, in the traditional way of seeing things." As Father Patrick spoke, he intertwined his long fingers together, as if in prayer.

"Surely demons are evil, regardless." I'd learned that much, at least.

"Not necessarily. As you explore this world more deeply, you'll find more shades of gray than black and white."

I studied the man before me, who could have played a priest in one of those movies with an anti-Christ and dark powers. He would have been the righteous priest, committed to saving the world at any cost. He looked the part, but… "You don't sound like a priest."

He chuckled. "What do priests sound like, my dear?"

"I don't know. I've never actually known a real one, but I assumed they'd be more fire and brimstone types, with strong opinions about heaven and hell and good verses evil."

"Oh, I have strong opinions, they just don't match what others of my cloth might have. Now, as to
your
particular gift, I've been doing some research, and the first approach I'd like to take is meditation to see if we can tap into that power and explore it more. Are you willing?"

I shrugged. "Sure, but I doubt it'll work. I've meditated before."

"I've asked Drake to join us for this. He's training to help in special cases, such as yours, and his gifts give him a unique ability that I think will help you in this. You might be surprised."

Meditation required a calm mind and mine was anything but. A fly landed on my nose, tickling it. My ears grew numb with cold. Something that felt like ants crawled into my jean cuffs and made me itch. It seemed nature was intent on distracting me. Despite Father Patrick's guidance and soothing words, despite whatever power Drake brought to the mix, and despite Derek's presence to my right, I couldn't relax or concentrate.

My dark gift stayed locked away, hidden from any effort to coax it out for a little chat.

A feather tickled the back of my neck. When I slapped at it, someone giggled. I whipped my head around, but saw no one.

Drake glanced at me, then behind me. "Toby, show yourself."

Before my eyes, a scrawny boy materialized from nowhere with an impish grin on his face. "Yo, Drake. This is bo-ring. Come hang."

He said 'boring' in two exaggerated syllables and had a city-kid-street-thug kind of accent.

"Toby, I'm helping this lady with her powers. Do you remember what we talked about?" Drake's voice held firm, but with kindness and patience.

I could tell he worked a lot with the boy, who clearly came from a troubled background. Remembering Serena's story, my heart softened for him.

"Yeah, I remember. No popping in when you're working. Sorry, man. It's just crazy dull today. Everyone's all like studying and shit."

His vulgarity took me by surprise, but didn't seem to faze anyone else, even the priest.

"Perhaps you should consider that a hint and work on your own lessons," Drake suggested.

"Man, I knew you was going to say that. Yo, whateve, I'm outta here." He disappeared again.

Drake spoke in his general direction. "I'll check your work tonight. Remember to ask for help from your classmates if you need it."

When the invisible stomping of feet faded out, Drake apologized. "He grew up on the streets, as you probably guessed. His mother died in front of him, and he never knew his father. This is the first home he's known, and the first time he's gone to school. It's an adjustment."