Seducing the Boss (The Pulse Series) (10 page)

Kellan wasn’t sure how to respond. In the past, he’d always shrugged off this conversation, told his dad everything was cool, and walked away. Tonight, seeing Sara dancing in the arms of another man, had him ready to commit murder. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind for any of this, but he couldn’t brush it off anymore.

“I don’t get why,” Kellan said at last. “Why did you do it? You’re crazy about Mom.” His dad had opened this door for him countless times. This was the first time he’d ever stepped through.

“I’ve thought about this for years, Kellan. And, as with anything in life as I get older, I reevaluate the reasons and always come up with something different. After it first happened, I thought perhaps it was because she flattered me, made me feel young and virile.” His father always referred to the other woman as “she.” Kellan had never heard her name. Not once.

“That’s a really shitty reason for cheating on your wife.”

His dad nodded. “I know. Your mother and I had let the fire burn out. We’d fallen into a comfortable routine, and I let myself be swept away by the excitement of something new.”

“So, you’re blaming her?”

“Good God, no. Your mom is the kindest, most beautiful, loving woman in the world. It would never have occurred to her to betray me the way I did her. Which is why I will spend every single second of the rest of my life making sure I never hurt her, never abuse her trust or her belief in me again.”

Kellan glanced over his shoulder. His mother was still chatting with her old friend, reminiscing, catching up. She looked very pretty tonight. And happy. Of course, when Kellan looked back on his childhood, his mother had always been the bright spot, the bundle of energy, the eternal optimist who had never seen a storm cloud in her life. He adored her.

And so did his dad. Which was why Kellan could never understand why a man who seemed so head-over-heels in love could cheat. But that’s what he’d done.

Kellan had only been thirteen when he and his mom had walked in on Dad and his lover one afternoon. He’d blown off football practice due to a headache, so they’d returned home an hour earlier than expected.

The look of absolute devastation on his mother’s face had sent Kellan into a rage. He had flown across the room, fists flying as he attacked his father. Called the man every bad name he’d ever heard in his life. His father took it all—the foul words, the blows, the pure hatred. When Kellan thought back on that day, it occurred to him that his father hadn’t seemed to hear or feel a thing he had dished out. Instead, his father’s eyes remained locked on his mom’s face.

The lover left without a word. Kellan assumed Dad had given her the brush-off and broken it off immediately afterward. The fight between his parents had been held behind closed doors. Kellan heard none of it. All he knew was the next morning his parents sat him down at the kitchen table and said the entire affair had been a mistake. His mom had forgiven his dad. Dad had promised to never stray again, and they’d made an appointment with a marriage counselor.

They had offered to send him to a therapist as well, but Kellan had insisted he was fine. And he’d always believed that to be true. For the first time in his life, he started to question that answer. He was sitting in a restaurant, furious with a father he loved dearly, and ready to do bodily harm to a stranger simply because he was dancing with Sara.

“You love Mom.”

Dad nodded. “More than life itself. Always have.”

“And yet you couldn’t resist the urge to stick your dick in another woman.” They were harsh words. Kellan didn’t care.

“It was a terrible mistake. One I will regret until the day I die.”

For the first time in his life, Kellan wanted answers, wanted to know why the man he’d always looked up to, had always been compared to whenever he did something good, something of value, could do something so hurtful to the one person he’d sworn to be faithful to.

“Why?”

“We’re different people, Kellan. Every single day of our lives, we wake up slightly changed. It’s inevitable. We take the lessons, experiences, and events that happened the previous day, and we let them change the mold. It’s a slow process. Sort of like water eroding rock, but it happens. I let life blind me to what was important.”

As far as explanations went, that one was damn vague. “You found a hot blonde, and you fucked her, Dad. While I love the heavy philosophy thing you’ve got going on here, it feels like just words.”

Kellan hadn’t spoken to his father with such anger since that afternoon so many years earlier. His parents told him everything was okay between them, and any emotion he might have felt seemed to dissolve. He took his cues from his mother, who carried out the same damn daily routines as if her husband hadn’t just grabbed a knife and cut her heart out.

“I’m still letting life blind me,” his father said softly.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Kellan growled through clenched teeth. Was his dad still screwing around?

Dad raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not having an affair. I strayed that one time, and I’ll never do it again. I mean I’ve closed my eyes to what’s going on with you.”

Kellan couldn’t begin to understand that. “With me?”

“Your aversion to marriage. Hell, your disdain for anything that resembles a committed relationship. That’s because of me, isn’t it? Because of what I did.”

“No.” Kellan shook his head, rejecting the notion. Why was it so damn hard for people to accept that he simply didn’t want to tie himself down?

His dad lifted his chin, directing Kellan’s attention to Sara on the dance floor. “You crossed a line with Sara. One you didn’t mean to.”

Kellan rubbed his eyes wearily. “No. I haven’t.”

His father chuckled, the sound raising Kellan’s hackles. “Then why are you here?”

“It’s Mom’s birthday.”

“Sell that bullshit to someone who doesn’t know you.”

Kellan crossed his arms, hoping the action shielded his clenched fists. “I suppose you think I’m here because I have feelings for Sara. I can assure you, the only thing she’s stirred is my dick. You, of all people, should understand that.”

His dad winced as if he’d struck him.

The song was coming to an end. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed his mom was wrapping up her conversation with her old friend. Soon, the table would be crowded again. Kellan couldn’t paste on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy himself.

Time to regroup. He’d go home, lick his wounds, and tomorrow he would hit Score. Forget this night ever happened. Forget Sara.

“I think I’m going to head out,” he said, rising from his seat.

His father nodded. “Give your mom a hug before you go. She’ll be upset if you leave without saying good-bye.”

Kellan started to say he would never pull a dick move like that, but in truth, all he’d been looking at was the exit. He turned in his mom’s direction, but Dad grabbed his arm, halting his escape.

“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am, Kellan. For everything. I hope you’ll find a way to open yourself up to love someday.”

Kellan walked toward his mom and gave her a quick hug, claiming to have been called back to the hospital to deal with something. The lie came far too easy.

As he crossed the parking lot to his car, he considered his dad’s words. They weren’t as easy to dismiss as he hoped, so he continued to let them play through his mind.

Once he got back to his house, it became even harder to forget their conversation. Every room he walked into was filled with memories of her—Sara on the couch watching TV with him, at the kitchen table tossing a carrot at him when he teased her about something silly, in his bed waiting for him with open arms.

He didn’t want her out with Gabriel, but he couldn’t ask her to come back here. Sara had laid out what she wanted very clearly, and it was obvious to both of them, he didn’t fit the mold.

But for the first time in his life, he wished he did.

Chapter Seven

Sara pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, feeling far too weary. Kellan had bailed on dinner last night, leaving before she and Gabriel returned from the dance floor. Not that she’d been terribly shocked by that. He hadn’t hidden his disdain for her presence there with another man.

What had taken her by surprise was seeing him walk into the restaurant in the first place. Though she had pretended to be annoyed by his attendance, it was impossible to ignore the way her heart raced when he sat down. And she hated herself for actually being disappointed when she had returned to the table to find him gone.

The damn man was screwing with her head and her body. Even now her pussy was damp and fluttery, and there was no way she was going to make it through the night without pulling out her vibrator. And to add insult to injury, it would be Kellan’s face, his voice, his cock she imagined when she slid the thing home.

Not Gabriel’s.

What was wrong with her? Gabriel had turned out to be everything she had hoped for. He was kind, gentle, thoughtful. He was attractive, had a good job and a hot body, and he got her sense of humor. He had confessed to wanting marriage and kids someday. And although he was a bit of a workaholic—he’d excused himself from the table four times last night—it hadn’t bothered her. His job was important. She got that. For now. But she wasn’t entirely certain she wouldn’t resent the time his job took up somewhere down the road and then feel damn guilty for it.

Regardless of all that, if he’d shown up on Friday, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind she’d be floating at least six feet off the ground right now.

But he hadn’t been at Score. Kellan had.

Now she was sitting in her car obsessing over the world’s biggest commitment-phobe and struggling to work up any sort of enthusiasm for the Mr. Right who’d just been dropped on her doorstep.

She was an idiot.

Sara sighed and climbed out of her car. This was it. The last night she let herself dream about Kellan.

Tomorrow, she’d turn the page on last weekend’s unbelievable sexual adventure and move on.

She had just reached the top step of her front porch when her phone beeped. Glancing at the screen, she felt herself hoping it wasn’t a text from Gabriel.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Where are you?

It was from Kellan.

She sank down on the porch steps and considered her reply. If she had a brain in her head, she’d be pissed off by the text and she would tell him her whereabouts were none of his concern. Unfortunately, it was impossible to work up any anger when she was so excited to see his name on his screen.

Time to get a freaking grip.

So she opted for the truth.

Home.

Alone?

This time, she was ready with the right answer.
None of your business
, she tapped onto the screen.

Kellan didn’t reply immediately and she wondered if that would be the end of the conversation. The sick, masochistic part of her really hoped it wouldn’t.

Feel like grabbing some dinner with me?

Wait. What?

Sara analyzed the request, trying to figure out what was behind the invitation. Was he hoping to press the sex thing again? Was he trying to reestablish the friendship? Was he jealous?

She dismissed the last. She’d never seen Kellan jealous a day in his life.

He obviously hadn’t cared for Gabriel, but she couldn’t figure out his reasoning. Did he dislike Gabriel because he was jealous, or for some innocuous, boring reason like he was still annoyed that the guy had stood her up?

She didn’t realize how long she’d been staring at the screen until he sent another text.

Did your cell phone die or are you ignoring me?

She grinned.
Trying to determine your motivation.
She’d never been good at playing things cool. Her friends called her an open book, but she’d learned early on that in most cases it was easier to get the answers you wanted if you simply asked the questions. Besides, subterfuge wasn’t her strong suit.

I’m hungry and I thought you might be, too.

Try again.

I want to talk to you. I’ve missed you.

Shit. If he’d said anything about sex, or trying to salvage the friendship, she could have resisted the invitation.

Probably.

Maybe.

But that text…that one was hard to say no to.

Where and when?
The second she hit send on the message, she wanted to kick her own ass.

Just leaving work. Be there in twenty.

For some reason, his quick arrival made her stomach less jittery. Clearly this wasn’t going to be a date. They’d probably just hit Score, order beer and burgers and maybe—just maybe—things would return to normal between them.

He’d call her Scrubs, tease her about ordering a Miller Lite, and all would be well.

Then her phone beeped again.

Wear something nice.

What the hell did that mean? Rather than give it too much thought, she dashed upstairs, stripping off her uniform as she went.

Lucky for Kellan, she was fairly low maintenance. By the time his car was pulling into her driveway, she had washed her face, freshened up her makeup, run a brush through her hair—which she’d opted to leave down—and thrown on a skirt, blouse, and some strappy sandals she’d recently bought.

His hand was raised and about to knock on the door when she opened it.

He grinned when he saw her. “Most women would have read me the riot act for giving them only twenty minutes to get ready.”

Sara glanced at her watch. “Took you twenty-three minutes to get here. You’re late.”

“You look pretty.”

After locking the door behind her, she hesitated only a second before accepting the hand he proffered. They never used to have the type of friendship where they held hands or touched all that much, but Sara figured it was only natural for some of those boundaries to have changed since the weekend.

“Where are we headed? Score?”

He shook his head. “No. I felt like sushi.”

“Oh. That sounds good, too. So, Mount Fuji?”

“Nope. Thought we’d take advantage of the warm evening.”

The top was down on his Audi, and it was clear he’d made plans that included a drive. Sara didn’t complain. She loved riding in his convertible, and he was right—it was a gorgeous night.

She hopped in the passenger side and reached into her purse for a hairband.

“You own stock in those or something?” he teased as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.

“Trust me. You don’t want to know what my hair would look like at this end of the ride without this.”

For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to protest the new hairstyle, but instead he simply started the car and put it in reverse.

Sara kept her gaze steadily to the right, taking in the scenery. There was no way she could face him without recalling what she’d been doing in this car with—and to—him a week earlier.

They’d been on the road twenty minutes before she figured out his direction. “Wait. Are we going to Montauk?”

He nodded. “Made reservations at East by Northeast. It sits on the water, and I’ve heard good things about their food. Thought we’d give it a try.”

Sara didn’t say anything else. Her mind was too busy whirling over what the heck was going on. Was this a date?

Kellan must have sensed her unease, so he turned on the radio, blasting “Start Me Up” by the Rolling Stones. The music did the trick. She laughed and let go. The salty sea air was fresh and warm as they flew down the highway, and Mick Jagger set the perfect carefree mood. She felt more relaxed than she had in days.

When they arrived at the restaurant, the hostess led them to a candlelit table by a window with a beautiful view of the water. Kellan ordered a bottle of sake, and then, as if nothing had happened last weekend, her friend was back.

“How was your week?” he asked.

“Not bad,” she hedged. Work was always a hit-or-miss topic for them. “We’re still discussing our options for improving wait times without more staff.”

Kellan raised his hand to stop her. “No. I don’t want to talk about that tonight.”

She nodded and released a sigh of relief. She didn’t, either.

“What’s Josh been up to lately?” she asked.

“Still dating that blonde he picked up at Score last weekend.”

“Really? Good for him.”

Kellan shrugged. “Apparently she’s hot shit between the sheets.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “Of course she is. Please tell me you and Josh didn’t discuss what you and I—”

“Stop right there. I didn’t. And I wouldn’t.”

Actually, he would. She’d joined Josh and Kellan for drinks more than a few times over the years and been entertained by their sex stories. But she didn’t question him, didn’t doubt that his answer was the truth, given the vehement way he responded.

So the topic of the two of them and sex was off-limits. Interesting.

Hopeful.

Internally, Sara winced, groaned, and called herself a jackass. He was simply acting as he always had, and there had been nothing in his actions to suggest anything had changed.

In fact, the longer they sat there, the more Sara was convinced that this was just what she’d half-hoped, half-feared. Kellan was trying to reestablish the friendship.

She ignored the sharp pain in her heart that accompanied that realization.

After that, the conversation continued along its platonic path as they engaged in the latest gossip about a certain married doctor and an affair he was having with his nurse. And then, as usual, Kellan tried to convince her to start watching the
Walking Dead
, while she insisted she was perfectly happy in her
New Girl
sitcom world.

The hostess had cleared their plates, and they were silently contemplating dessert when Kellan leaned back and looked at her with a serious expression.

“Why did you choose to become a nurse?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the pay sucks, the hours are long, it’s not a particularly glamorous job. It’s actually hard work, plus, your family is loaded.”

She toyed with the rim of her glass. “First of all, my parents are rich. Not me. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth—you were, too, by the way—but that doesn’t mean I want to marry a rich guy and be his trophy wife. I could never be dependent on another person for my livelihood. I prefer making my own way in the world, paying my own bills. Nursing, helping others, makes me happy. It gives my life meaning.”

“I get that.”

“Why did you become a hospital administrator?”

He shrugged light-heartedly. “I graduated with my MBA, and my dad had several friends on the hospital board. He pulled a few strings and voilà—I was employed.”

She snorted before she could stop herself. “I’d call you out on that if I weren’t so afraid it might be true.”

He chuckled. “I love your laugh.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. It’s completely unfeminine.”

Sara was surprised when his voice lowered and his gaze darkened. “You’re going to have to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Rolling your eyes at me. For some strange reason, it’s started turning me on. You roll your eyes, and I get hard.”

“Kellan,” she started, the air in her lungs evaporating.

He raised his hands in surrender. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I swear to you, my intentions tonight were completely innocent.”

“Were?”

“Are,” he quickly amended. “I don’t like you avoiding me at work, and I don’t like that I can’t just pick up my phone and text you a question or a joke or some stupid random observation like I used to, without worrying about it being interpreted as coming on to you.”

She nodded slowly. “I’ve missed you this week, too. We clearly didn’t think through all the ramifications of what we were doing last weekend. So…” She paused and gave him a rueful grin, “Start over?”

“Yeah.”

After that, things seemed to slip right back into place. Kellan was the same irreverent, funny, off-color guy he’d always been. But Sara noticed one omission. Kellan never mentioned her date with Gabriel. Not that she was complaining. She was grateful for that reprieve. If he’d asked about it, she wasn’t sure what she would have said, wasn’t sure she could fake enthusiasm about a guy she probably wasn’t going the distance with.

Gabriel fit the mold of Sara’s past boyfriends. Nice, quiet, unassuming. Boring as fuck. She couldn’t go back to that. Kellan had raised the bar, which sucked on every level because she hadn’t even been able to find guys to reach her previously mediocre expectations.

I’m going to die alone.

The rest of the night passed far too quickly for her, and before she knew it, Sara was standing on her front porch, ready to say good-bye to Kellan. That was the moment she realized fresh starts didn’t include forgetting. It was the memories that were going to keep knocking her on her ass, no matter how many times she thought she’d gotten her balance.

“I had a really good time tonight,” she said, struggling with the urge to touch him, kiss him.

“Me, too.”

“So, I guess I’ll see you—”

Her words were cut off when Kellan cupped her cheeks in his hands, lowered his head, and kissed the fuck out of her.

Sara responded on instinct. Her body knew him. Wanted him. She wrapped her hands tightly around his neck as he backed her against her front door. If any of her neighbors were looking outside, they were getting one hell of a show.

Kellan was the first to pull away. “You’re making me crazy, Sara.”

She blew out a long breath. “Ditto.”

“You realize there’s an easy solution to all of this.”

Sara narrowed her eyes and raised one warning finger. “Don’t you dare say it. Dammit, Kellan. We just spent the better part of the evening making things right again. Stop screwing this up.”

“That’s just it. Don’t you see? Sex didn’t screw this up. It made it better.”

She crossed her arms and tilted her head. “Give it a name, Kell. Tell me what
this
is. And be warned now, if you say ‘friends with benefits,’ I’ll knee you in the nuts and give you a black eye.”