Seducing the Boss (The Pulse Series) (12 page)

Kellan was used to being compared to his dad. They favored each other in coloring and build—and personality. They were driven, opinionated, and not particularly great at listening, at least according to his mother.

In the past, he’d rejected the comparisons, the likenesses. Kellan preferred to think of himself as his own man. Now, he was proud to be like his dad. And he hoped to God he got the chance to tell him that. If his father died before Kellan could apologize and tell him that he loved him, he would never forgive himself.

“You okay?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’m going to hang out here a little longer.”

Sara glanced at her watch. “My break is over. I’m working a second shift, so I’ll be close by if you need me.”

Kellan felt a strong urge to kiss her again, but he recalled Sara’s comment about getting them fired. He didn’t want to put her job at risk. The hospital—the ER—needed her.

“I’ll come find you later. Maybe we can grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria.”

“It’s a date.” She winked and turned, walking away unaware of the impact her little joke had on him.

A date. With Sara.

That sounded pretty damn good to him.

…

Kellan walked through the hallways like a robot. It had been a full twenty-four hours since he’d entered the hospital yesterday morning, intent on continuing his seduction of Sara. Then his world had spun on its axis and left him hanging upside down, fighting to find some sort of balance again.

Finally he found her in the doctor’s lounge. The room was empty except for her. She was staring down, and for a moment, he wondered if she was asleep. Or praying.

“Sara?”

Sara looked up at him sleepily, her hands cupped around a mug of coffee. “Your dad?”

“Resting. My mom is with him. She’s given me orders to get out of here and get some sleep. So I’m doing the same to you. Grab your stuff. We’re going home.”

She looked like she might argue, so he tugged her up from the table and kissed her. The door to the lounge was open. Anyone in the world could see them. He was too tired to care.

Apparently, even exhausted, Sara had more sense than him. She backed away.

“Kellan.”

“We’re leaving.” She hesitated until he added, “No funny business. I swear. We’re both coasting on fumes. I just want to make sure you get home okay.”

Sara smiled appreciatively. “I was actually just sitting here wondering how I was going to drive. I can’t keep my eyes open. Let me tell them I’m going.”

She opened a locker, retrieved her purse and jacket, and then followed him to the charge nurse’s desk. If the woman found it unusual for Sara to be leaving with the hospital CEO, she had the good grace to keep that opinion to herself. She thanked Sara for all her hard work and told her to get some rest.

They were quiet on the ride to her home. She’d left her car at the hospital, not bothering to argue when he insisted on driving her. Despite her own fatigue, she managed to remain awake, and he knew she was keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn’t fall asleep. They were equals in exhaustion.

When they pulled into her driveway, Kellan sat numbly behind the wheel, unmoving. He wondered where the nearest coffee shop was. He wasn’t going to make it back to his place without a quick kick of something black and strong.

“Come on,” she prompted.

He gave her a questioning look as she reached over to turn off the car, claiming his keys.

“There’s no way you’ll make it home without dozing off. Sleep here for a little while.”

Yesterday morning that invitation would have had a much different impact on him. Today, all he could muster was relief.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he offered when they walked inside.

“I spilled lemonade on it Sunday. The cushions are sticky as hell. Just come upstairs with me. I trust you to be a gentleman.” The last was said with a sleepy grin.

She wasn’t wrong. Sex was the last thing on his mind.

Sara pulled down the covers, and they crawled in. He lay on his back, careful not to touch her.

Apparently, she didn’t appreciate his efforts. Instead, she placed her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder. There was something very comforting about holding her, being with her.

“Your dad’s going to be okay.”

She couldn’t know that any more than he could, but somehow, hearing the words from her helped him believe it.

After so many hours spent teetering on the edge of a cliff, it felt as if he’d finally been rescued. He was safe here.

Sara fell asleep within seconds, and it occurred to him he’d never simply slept with a woman. When he took a lover to bed, it was for sex. Sleep was just the end result of that.

Right now, he just wanted to hold her. To be with her because he couldn’t stand the idea of going home to his cold bed alone.

She had accused him of using her for sex. Somehow that seemed better than what he was using her for now.

His father thought Sara was in love with him. What if he was right? How could Kellan continue this cat and mouse game, trying to seduce her, when they both knew what the end result would be?

He couldn’t hurt her that way. She didn’t deserve to be used like this, but there was no way he could offer her anything more.

It was time to let her go, time to put an end to…whatever this was. Right now, it felt like he was stringing Sara along. Which was especially low now that there was a nice guy waiting in the wings, ready to give her exactly what she wanted.

Kellan’s jaw clenched at the thought of Gabriel and Sara together, but he forced the annoyance away. No matter how much the saintly doctor annoyed the shit out of him, the fact remained he was perfect for Sara in ways Kellan could never be.

He’d talk to her about it. Tomorrow.

Or maybe the day after. Considering how touch and go things were with his dad, he wasn’t sure he could get through the next few days without her.

He sighed and chastised himself for being an asshole. Sara was his friend. She had been there for him his entire life. She wouldn’t desert him while his dad was in the hospital, fighting for his life, no matter what. He’d promise to back away, give her and Gabriel his blessing, and then things could go back to normal. For both of them.

Kellan rested his cheek against the top of her head, catching a whiff of the coconut-scented shampoo she used. He loved the way she always smelled like sunshine and the beach.

Then he found himself envying her ability to sleep. While his body might be weary, his mind was racing, replaying the last twenty-four hours over and over.

He needed to sleep. So he tried to match his own breathing to her slow, peaceful inhalations.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

His eyes grew heavy, the lids drifting closed. Sara shifted slightly, her hand moving to rest flat on his chest.

As he lingered in that dreamlike world between sleep and consciousness, he let himself pretend that Sara was his. That he had the rest of his life to hold her just like this.

It was that fantasy that finally allowed him to close down all the fears and sadness, and granted him peace.

Chapter Nine

Sara buttered the toast she’d just made. She had left Kellan sleeping in her bed. It was late afternoon, but their days and nights had gotten mixed up after his father’s accident. She had called the hospital to check on Mr. James. His condition had stabilized and improved enough that they were already talking about moving him out of ICU.

“Good morning. Or…”

She turned at the sound of Kellan’s deep voice in the doorway.

“I think it’s safe to say it’s ‘good afternoon’ at this point.” She didn’t like the dark circles under his eyes. “Did you sleep okay?”

He shrugged. “Not really. Too much on my mind. Speaking of. I need to find my cell.”

“I already called the hospital.” She filled him in on his father’s recovery, pleased to see some of the stress seep out of his face.

“That’s good. God. That’s really good.” He ran his hand through his mussed up hair, then pointed to the toast. “Tell you what—why don’t we stop by the hospital to visit Dad, and then I’ll take you out to dinner? It’s the least I can offer after everything you did for my family yesterday.”

“You really don’t have to, Kellan. I was just doing my job.”

He shook his head. “No. You went above and beyond. You were amazing. I’m not sure I would have made it through all that without you.”

She smiled and thanked him. “That’s sweet, but isn’t necessary. Truth is, you were actually getting toast because there’s not much else to eat here. I didn’t make it to the grocery store this week. Things have been sort of nuts.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, well, I think I’ve done more than my fair share of contributing to the insanity. Another reason why I should buy you a meal. Please. It really is just a thank-you.”

“Mind if I get a quick shower first?”

He shook his head. And then, most notably, he didn’t offer to join her. He also hadn’t approached her for a kiss. The absence of his touches after a week of nonstop come-ons was jarring.

She missed it, which proved to her just how far she’d fallen.

“Okay. I won’t be long.” She dangled the carrot again.

He didn’t grab it. “That’s fine. I figure my inbox is overflowing with emails after yesterday. I’ll just grab my phone, park myself on the couch, and start plowing through them.”

She brushed against him as she left the kitchen, but the glancing touch had no impact on him. Meanwhile, it wrecked her, sending sparks of electricity along her skin and making her hot and shivery.

He followed her back to the bedroom, picked up his phone, and headed for the living room without even trying to steal a kiss.

Sara was perplexed by his sudden about-face. After all, he had been the one to insist they continue the affair, and he had pointedly ignored her refusals.

Then she felt guilty for her thoughts. How on earth could she expect the man to be thinking about sex when he’d almost lost his dad yesterday? Of course he would be distant. He was worried out of his mind.

Good lord. When did she become such a freaking sex maniac? It was as if her hormones were overriding her compassion as well as her good sense. She had told him no, and it appeared—for once in his life—Kellan had listened. Dammit.

She hopped in the shower, lingering longer than normal, still hoping he would join her. When it became obvious he wasn’t going to surprise her, she got out and dressed. She took a few minutes to fix her hair and makeup, and then she found him exactly where he said he’d be. On the couch, phone in hand, thumbs tapping a million miles a minute.

“You ready to go?” she asked. “I can putter around here if you need more time.”

He shook his head as he stood. “Nope. I’m good. I put out the most immediate fires, and the rest can wait until I’m back in the office.”

Kellan claimed his keys and waited as she locked her front door. Lately he placed his hand at the base of her spine whenever they walked, but that guiding touch was absent today. In fact, it all was. He climbed in the driver’s side as she took her place in the passenger’s seat.

As they rode to the hospital in silence, she snuck a few glances at his face. His expression was serious, almost stoic. “You doing okay?”

He looked over and gave her a friendly smile. “I’m hanging in there. I think I’ll feel better once I’ve seen Dad and had a chance to talk to him. Our last conversation…wasn’t great.”

She waited for more details, but he didn’t bother to explain. She considered asking him, but she was too afraid. Part of her was fairly certain that last conversation took place at the Social Club Thursday night. Kellan and his dad had been alone at the table while she danced with Gabriel. She’d snuck several peeks at them as she and Gabriel swayed in time to the music. Whatever they’d been discussing had been serious.

Sara reached across the console and placed her hand on his forearm. “You’ll have a chance to make things right today.”

He placed his hand on top of hers. “I can’t keep fucking things up.”

The statement was vague, but it was obvious he had no intention of saying more. She let it go, and they spent the rest of the ride to the hospital talking about the weather and discussing possible places to go for dinner.

Once they arrived at the hospital, she parted ways with Kellan in order to give him some privacy with his dad. She used the time to check on the progress of the other victims of the accident.

After an hour, her cell beeped.

You ready?

She tried to rein in her irrational excitement at seeing him again. For God’s sake, they’d only been apart a little while.

Sara was in completely over her head and terrified this wasn’t going to end well. Despite that, she couldn’t beat down the hope that fluttered every time she thought about him.

The optimist in her still believed he’d open his eyes, see what they had, what they
could
have, and he’d come to his senses.

The realist told her she was a total idiot and just asking for a broken heart.

She blew out a long, nervous breath, replied to the text, and they met in the lobby. Both of them were starving, so they simply headed across the street to Score. It wasn’t fancy or different, but it was close and the food was good.

Tanya Miller, the owner, was there. Before opening the bar, Tanya had worked as a nurse at Hampton Gen. Her daughter Andy was still a nurse there. As such, she knew Kellan and Sara well. She asked about his father and then led the two of them to the same quiet corner table where he had issued his offer of sex, sex, and more sex, just over a week ago.

He had been uncharacteristically quiet all day, but more so since his visit with his dad. After they placed their orders, Sara bit the bullet.

“Did you have a chance to speak with your father?”

Kellan shook his head. “Not really. He’s on some fairly heavy medication so he kept drifting in and out of sleep. I told him I loved him, but I’m not sure he heard me. Hell, I’m not even sure he realized I was in the room.”

Sara could tell how important it was to Kellan to talk to his dad, to clear up whatever disagreement they’d had just before the accident. She also knew Mr. James, and knew there was nothing Kellan could have done or said that would make him believe his son didn’t love him.

“I get that you’re upset, but your dad knows how you feel about him, Kell. He knows you love him. You may think you need to get what’s bothering you off your chest, but I suspect whatever it is isn’t as bad as you believe. In fact, I bet your dad forgave you for it two seconds after you guys parted ways the other night. Besides, your father is going to get stronger with each day. You’ll have your chance to talk to him. Until then…” She hesitated briefly, uncertain if she should make the offer dangling on the tip of her tongue. She went for it. “Until then, I’m here. Want to talk to me about it?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s okay. You’re right. I have to let it go for now.”

Sara wished his refusal didn’t hurt so much. While they’d always been friends, she wouldn’t call herself his closest confidante or anything. Even so, since their weekend together she’d felt a switch in the dynamics of their friendship. It felt deeper, more connected. She had hoped it was the same for him. Apparently, it wasn’t.

They chatted instead about his father’s prognosis as they ate. They’d both opted for chicken sandwiches and fries, and they split a piece of chocolate cake. Sara hadn’t realized until the food was placed in front of her how hungry she was.

The waitress walked by, asking if they’d like more coffee, and she nodded.

Kellan planned to check on his dad one more time before going home. Her car was still in the hospital parking lot, so their time was growing short. Sara felt guilty stalling their departure, but she didn’t like the idea of being alone just yet. She didn’t consider that he might spend the night with her. And while she’d insisted repeatedly that was the way she wanted it, the truth was…she wasn’t so sure anymore.

Sleeping—just sleeping—with him last night had felt…good.

Her phone beeped. Picking it up, she glanced at the screen and sighed.

“Everything okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s from Gabriel. He wants to know if I’m free for dinner tomorrow.”

Kellan frowned, but made no further comment. She wondered if that information would jar him out of whatever weird mood he was in—if it would stimulate him enough to make a move.

“Are you going out with him?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” Gabriel was a nice guy, but she felt zero attraction to him. If Kellan weren’t sitting there with her, she would have already come up with an excuse to get out of the invitation.

Unfortunately she wasn’t sure if that lack of desire was based on her feelings for Gabriel or her feelings for Kellan. If she hadn’t fallen for the world’s least eligible bachelor, perhaps she would have felt a spark for Gabriel. Maybe.

Her gut said no, but right now, all her emotions were jumbled. She was tied up in knots. A mess.

“Why wouldn’t you go out with him?” Kellan pressed. “I thought you liked him.”

“I do. He’s…” She couldn’t come up with anything more exciting than, “A really nice guy.”

“So text him back and say yes.”

“You want me to date Gabriel now? The other night you said—”

“I was wrong, Sara.”

“About Gabriel?”

He shook his head. “No. About this. Us. I should have stuck to the time limit and not pushed for more. Actually, I shouldn’t have even made the damn offer to begin with. It wasn’t fair to you.”

Sara sucked in a breath, feeling as if she’d just been punched in the stomach. It was a ridiculous, overblown reaction, but she couldn’t help it.

He took her hand, and she was struck by how warm his felt in comparison to her ice-cold fingers. Why was she behaving like this?

As Kellan liked to say, she’d known the score going in. The problem was she had thought she was different. That he would actually be able to open that ice-encased heart of his and let her in.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Can I ask you something?” Her initial surprise was giving way to anger. Ordinarily she was able to control her emotions, but Kellan somehow managed to evoke every extreme in her. Her feelings were hurt, her heart crushed.

He’d called their weekend together a mistake, and it infuriated her. How could he think one single thing they’d done was wrong? How dare he use her, discard her, and then say “Oh sorry. My bad.”

There was a very good chance they were no longer going to be friends when they left this table, but she was too furious to give a shit about it, to guard her words.

Kellan nodded hesitantly, her aggressive tone giving her anger away.

“Why are you so afraid of commitment? And please”—she raised one hand—“don’t feed me the same crap you’ve been spouting for years.”

He glanced around the room uncomfortably. He was probably scoping out the exit and plotting a quick escape. She was about to cause a scene. Kellan didn’t do scenes or drama any more than he did emotions. Which made her even more determined to provoke some sort of response from him.

“My reasons aren’t crap. I don’t know what you expect me to say.” His tone was so cool and collected, so distant it stung. She was in serious danger of crying and there was no way in hell she’d let him see that.

“Forget it,” she said at last, deciding she couldn’t do this anymore. She had been a fool to let herself get caught in Kellan James’s tractor beam to begin with. The man was too damn good at laying on the charm, and she’d let him suck her in, make an ass of herself. She should have known better. “Forget all of it.”

She started to scoot out of the booth, but Kellan caught her wrist, stopping her.

“My dad cheated on my mom. He had an affair with another woman when I was thirteen.”

Whatever she’d expected him to say, that sure as hell hadn’t been it. “Are you sure?” It was a stupid response, but she had grown up next door to the James family. She had never known a more loving, devoted couple in her life. It was one of the reasons she had always struggled to understand Kellan’s aversion to the institution of marriage.

“My mom and I caught him in the act.”

He’d only been thirteen. Suddenly things were starting to make sense. Kellan had always idolized his dad as a boy. Whenever anyone remarked about how much he resembled or acted like his father, Kellan would grin as if he’d been handed a million dollars.

When Sara looked back, she realized that hero worship had started to wane in high school. She hadn’t really considered it until this moment and if she had, she probably would have just attributed it to puberty, to growing up.

“I’m sorry, Kellan. I didn’t know.”

He lifted one shoulder as if it didn’t matter, though he looked miserable. “No one did. Well, with the exception of the other woman and my parents’ marriage counselor.”

“So, he broke it off?”

Kellan nodded.

“And your mom forgave him?”

He scowled. “Of course she did. You know my mother. She loves everyone unconditionally.”

Kellan seemed to resent his mother’s innate kindness, which was weird. In the past, he’d always adored and spoken highly of her. Had he really been hiding all this bitterness for so many years?