Seduction in Session (37 page)

“Did she hit you?” His voice was a gravelly mess, as though all his shouting had roughened his throat. “Are you hurt?”

She shook her head and put an arm around his neck. Safe. No matter what he’d done, she was safe with him. She buried her face against his chest so she couldn’t see the body again. “She killed herself?”

His arms tightened around her. “She’s lucky I didn’t get to her.”

“Lara,” Tom called out to her.

She didn’t look up, didn’t want anything or anyone but Connor. She’d thought Tom was being cool under pressure, but now she had to wonder if he hadn’t just been playing them both. He would have let Kiki kill her. She would never have let that happen to him.

“Lara, come on. You can’t hold that against me,” Tom whined.

“Hold what against you?” Connor’s voice sounded as warm as an arctic breeze.

She brought her head up. “It doesn’t matter. Get me out of here.”

“What did he do?” Connor turned to face Tom. She noticed the
Secret Service agents who had previously been standing at her door were in the apartment. One of them kicked away the gun in Kiki’s hand, though Lara could have told him it was useless.

“Connor, I’m going to ask you to stay calm. I can work a lot of miracles, but I would hate to have to pardon you for murder.” Zack Hayes stood outside the door, another Secret Service agent at his side. “Lara, are you all right?”

“Yes, sir.” She nodded his way, suddenly grateful that someone could keep Connor in check.

“We’ve got a team on the way, Connor,” Zack said. “We’ll make sure this doesn’t hit the press.” He turned to Tom. “Young man, do you know who I am?”

“Yes, Mr. President,” he stammered.

“Then you know what I’ll do to you if you don’t follow instructions. If you make my friends’ lives difficult, I’ll do the same to you. Who do you think is better at that?”

“You,” Tom replied. “I’m sure you are so much better at it than I am. I don’t have any desire to ever tell this story. I swear. Any cover-up you want to use, I’m here for you.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Connor, I don’t think Lara needs to be here. Everly is packing for her. Bring her to the limo with me and we’ll get you both home. She needs rest and care. It can be a terrible thing to find out the people we care about aren’t what they seem.” Zack headed for the door and two of the agents flanked him.

“I can handle this. So far the cops haven’t been alerted. We’ll call it a suicide. Naturally since the president was visiting his friend, the Secret Service investigated.” The agent looked at Tom. “You’re her friend?”

Was anyone really friends when the chips were down?

“I’m whatever you need me to be, sir,” Tom replied.

“You broke down the door when you heard the gunshot. You’re terribly upset, of course.”

“So upset,” Tom agreed.

The agent nodded to Connor. “Go with the president. There’s no need for her to stay.”

She could tell from the set of Connor’s jaw that he really wanted to say a word or two. She hugged him close. “Please, can we go?”

He immediately softened. “Of course.” He looked back at Tom. “Know that while the president might be very good at threatening people, I’m equally skilled at torturing them. If I find out you’ve caused Lara a moment’s distress, you’re going to see just how good I am.”

“Not at all. Lara and I were in that together. Kiki was the crazy one.”

Connor started walking and she looked over his shoulder, wondering if she’d ever really known her friends at all.

C
onnor looked at Lara across the table. In the morning light he could see how pale she was. Despite the dark circles under her eyes, she was still the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. It had been so damn hard to leave her alone the night before. After they’d been dropped off at his house, he’d tried to talk to her, tried to get her to eat, to have a glass of wine. Anything. She’d wanted a shower and to go to sleep, but he suspected she’d been up most of the night working, researching that series of names she’d been given in connection to Natalia. He’d sat up most of the night watching the light under her door, wishing she hadn’t closed it between them.

The morning had brought no sudden reversal. A cup of coffee sat in front of her, but she hadn’t taken a sip. She’d simply nodded when he’d taken Lincoln for a walk. Now she was so quiet he was beginning to get worried. Gone was the chatty, positive Lara he knew, and in her place was a ghost. She responded when someone spoke and did what was asked of her, but there was no animation behind her calm facade.

“Do you want me to call your father?”

She looked up from her laptop. “Why would you do that?”

She sounded slightly accusing, and Connor held in a sigh. “Because you went through something terrible yesterday. You need to talk to someone and you won’t talk to me.”

“Do you talk after a mission?” A brow arched over her right eye. “Do you come in from killing a few people and feel the need for emotional closure?”

She seemed determined to lash out at him, but he understood the impulse. He was the only one here. He was also the person who’d hurt her in the first place. Despite everything that had happened, he knew at the core she was still angry with him. “I don’t talk about it because no one would care. I’m a weapon. No one particularly wants to know how a weapon feels after being used. Besides, this isn’t an Agency debrief. This is a man who’s worried about his woman.”

That arrogant brow came down and she swallowed. “You’re not a weapon to be used.”

“I am. I have been for a long time. I’m necessary and when I leave, someone else will take my place because this country needs weapons. I just hope there’s some reward for doing my duty.”

“What kind of reward?”

“I would love some peace, Lara. I’ve been at war most of my life so I would like some peace. And normalcy. Please talk to me. Tell me what happened. You haven’t cried.” That was the worst part. She was bottling it all up, shoving it deep where it would fester. “You don’t know what not dealing with this will do to you.”

“Maybe it didn’t affect me as much as you think.”

“I think you watched a person you thought was a friend turn on you in the most vicious way possible.” He’d seen it before, even experienced it in a way, though he’d never thought of those people as friends. He knew who his friends were. But Lara hadn’t lived in the same world. Lara looked at everyone she met as a potential friend.

“She called me princess, too. I guess you both agree on that.”

His heart sank. “My feelings have nothing to do with hers.”

“You both think I’m entitled and ridiculous.”

He shook his head. She didn’t understand at all. “I don’t mean it like that when I call you princess. When I first saw you, I thought you looked like a cute little pixie. Like a fairy princess. I thought you were the kind who would jump from flower to flower and wave your little wand and make everything all right. That’s why I call you princess.”

Her eyes watered. “Really?”

Finally he was getting to her. “Really. The whole time I was lying to you, I thought about the fact that I was the troll in that story.”

She snorted a little. “Yes, because trolls are known for being ridiculously handsome.”

No one ever made him feel the way she did. He couldn’t lose her. “I want to talk about everything, Lara. I want to apologize and ask for your forgiveness.”

“That’s not fair.”

It wasn’t fair. He was getting her while she was vulnerable. “I am a ruthless bastard, but if you let me, I’ll be your ruthless bastard.”

“Connor . . .” Her eyes found the screen again. “I can’t yet. Everything just hurts right now.”

“Then we don’t have to talk about us tonight. We’ll talk about you.”

She shook her head. “I’m not ready. How about we discuss the case? I think I found the connection.”

Right now, he didn’t give a damn about the connection. “And we’ll get to that. But I care about the fact that you went through something horrible and you’re shutting down.”

Her eyes zipped up and this time they flashed with anger. “This case is the entire reason you met me in the first place. I would think you would be thrilled that I’ve almost cracked it. You’re going to get everything you want.”

He had to make her understand. The mission goal had changed. At some point, finding Natalia had become secondary to securing a place in Lara’s life. “The only thing I want is you.”

She shook her head. “What would a man with as much power as
you need with little old me? Connor, I’m cooperating. As soon as I give you this information, you can take it, pass it off to your buddy Roman, and head right back to your bigwig CIA job.”

“I quit.” He’d sent his letter of resignation about fifteen minutes after they’d gotten home.

“What?” She blinked.

“I can’t be a good husband to you if I’m always on a different continent. I quit the Agency and I’ll either build my own business or fix up security at the White House. I have enough money saved up to support us. You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll take care of you.”

“I’m not going to marry you,” she said stubbornly and then ruined it by sniffling.

She was fighting, yes. Kiki and Tom had both betrayed her in different ways. Connor knew he’d deceived her terribly himself. All in one day, she’d learned that the people closest to her weren’t who she thought at all. Lara needed time. He needed patience. If he stayed calm and remembered the senator’s advice, he could get through to her.
Vulnerable
. He hated the word, but nothing was more important than her.

“Whether you marry me or not, I intend to protect you. I can’t do that if I’m an operative. Lara, I don’t want to be apart from you. I like the man I am when I’m with you.”

She sat back, her eyes not meeting his. “I hate you.”

That “I hate you” sounded stubborn and sullen and a little weepy. Still, it cut him to the quick. Normally, his reaction would be to lash out, to throw down some nasty shit that would slice her soul open. Except this was Lara and he refused to hurt her again.

For almost two decades, he’d thought he was nothing but a gun with a hair trigger waiting to mow down anyone who could hurt him. Not Lara. She was both his weakness and his strength. And, just maybe, she was his salvation.

“I can understand why you feel that way right now. But I promise
I’ll make it up to you because I love you. I’ve never loved a woman before so I’m trying. But I need you to try, too.”

“Why? I was stupid to hope for loyalty or love from a man I didn’t know last week. Hell, the friends I’d known for years didn’t show me any.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Connor wanted to hold her in his arms so badly but keeping her talking was more important. “I’m not them, Lara. You can always expect loyalty and love from me. I want everything that’s good for you. Don’t shut me out, princess. Please. This cold act isn’t you.”

“Maybe it should be.”

“No. I said before that the world needs people like me, but it needs people like you, too. It needs people who believe in the good. It needs fairy princesses who see the bad yet still believe in the good.” He sighed. “You know what? Screw the world.
I
need you. I need you to be Lara, to find it in your heart to forgive a man who lied to you, who betrayed you, and who will spend the rest of his life loving you completely.”

A little sob left her mouth. He moved to her, gathering her in his arms and dragging her into his lap. He felt better than he had all day, and he knew he was a stinking bastard because he was glad she was really crying. In that moment, he realized he was happier and more alive when he was comforting her than his best day without her. “I was an asshole. Tom and Kiki were assholes, too.”

Yeah, he wasn’t good at the comforting thing. He stroked her head and petted her hair, happy when she leaned on him.

Finally, she wrapped her arms around him and clung. “I don’t want to cry. I want to be strong.”

He shook his head. “You are, princess. You have no idea how strong. Strength isn’t measured in how many people you kill or how hard it is to make you cry. It’s in how resolutely you cling to your goodness. I need you, Lara. I need you so fucking bad.”

“How? Why? I don’t understand because you’re the one with all the power.”

“That’s not true. I have the power to protect, but you can change things. Can’t you see how important that is? I called you naive at the beginning, but maybe I’m too cynical after spending so much time with traitors and killers. I need you to keep seeing the world as a good place. I can’t cry anymore.” He caressed her face. “I watched one of my closest friends go through hell yesterday and then I saw something worse, the woman I love get her heart broken—twice. The only power I want now is to help put you back together. The only way you’ll heal is if you cry. So cry. Cry for both of us. Cry for you and me and for Kiki and Tom, and god, please cry for Zack and his wife, for Roman and Elizabeth because everything is fucked up and it deserves healing tears. You’re the only one who can give them to us.”

Her arms tightened around him and she sobbed against his chest. He held her, his eyes watering, but it was in pure relief. She was finally crying in his arms.

“Let me take some of the burden, princess.” He wasn’t going to shy away from using the nickname he’d given her just because her best friend turned out to be a crazy bitch. She was his princess and he was working hard to go from troll to knight. His armor would likely always be tarnished, but he would change for her. “We don’t have to talk about us now. Tell me what happened with Kiki. Don’t keep it all in. It will be a poison in your veins.”

“She hated me. She hated me so much,” she whispered through her tears.

“She had issues and she hid them well. Deep down she didn’t hate you. She hated herself.”

“Her whole office was full of pictures of Tom.”

This might be a touchy subject. Lara had loved Tom at one point. He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad tidings but she should know what had been happening. “She’d had an affair with him. From the information I gathered, she started sleeping with him right after you broke off your engagement.”

She nodded and he breathed a sigh of relief. “He told me. He’d been using her for a long time. I think he’d decided it was time to use me again. He wanted to change jobs and thought my dad could help him.”

Connor gritted his teeth. “He’s not a strong man. You were right to break it off with him. As it happens, I found out he had nearly twenty outstanding parking tickets. He might have been arrested this morning.”

That sounded nice and factual. What he really wanted to say was Tom was a fuckwit who deserved to have his balls shoved down his throat.

Lara froze. “You didn’t.”

He shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t kill him.”

A hopeless little grin tugged at her lips before she fell quiet again. “I never knew them at all. I think that might be my fault.”

He cupped her chin and forced her to look up at him. “They used you. It’s not your fault. You saw the good in them and they weren’t smart enough to know what a gift that is.”

She laid her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know who to trust anymore.”

He had no right to ask for her trust. “Give me time. Let me prove I can be what you need me to be.”

“I don’t think I can be near you and not sleep with you.”

His gut clenched. Was she asking to stay with Gabe, who also had great security and could surround her with guards? Gabe wasn’t a constant reminder that she’d been lied to. Connor didn’t know how to talk her out of leaving. “I won’t push you. I promise. I’ll give you all the time you need.”

She cuddled closer and cupped his cheek. “Time won’t work. Time doesn’t make me want you less. While we finish this case, I want to have sex with you. I might need it.”

It, not him. “You want to use me.”

She kept her gaze steady on him. “Maybe. I need to be out of my
head for a while. I need something good, Connor. Are you going to demand payment for it?”

So Lara did need him. She could call it whatever she wanted, but she needed to be made love to and he was the only man in the world who would do it.

He lowered his mouth to hers, their lips brushing. He would never deny her this. “No. I’ll take whatever you give me.”

She sniffled again then slid off his lap. “All right. Then we’ll have that to look forward to.”

He watched as she moved back to her chair and focused on the screen again. He sat back and studied her as she started typing. Her face was red but her shoulders weren’t as tight as they’d been before.

Connor had always been good at reading people but he was too tangled up in this woman to see beyond his own yearning and fear of losing her. Because despite the fact that she’d asked him for sex, he wasn’t sure if she intended to use it to bring them back together or work him out of her system for good.