Seems Like Old Times (17 page)

After that, she was regularly sent out on assignment. Her
all American blond looks and poised, intelligent manner quickly made her a
favorite with the public, and a year later, she was offered a job as a local
news anchor on weekends. She threw herself into the job with fervor. Weekends
led to prime time, and eventually, to New York, where she began using the name
Lee.

In New York, Lee perfected what she’d only been a novice
at in Los Angeles--backstabbing, game playing and newsroom politics. She
thrived on them. The only way to get ahead, she had quickly learned, was to be
faster, smarter and dirtier than the competition. To her surprise, it wasn't
very hard to do. She seemed to fit right into that world.

It was Miwok that was alien now. Seeing old friends
confused her--especially Tony, and in a new, disturbing way, Ben did as well,
She
didn't understand herself around either of them, and
that bothered her. They made her think about things she didn't want to think
about. They made her ponder "if
only’s
"
that she didn't want to ponder. It was best to stay away from them both.

No matter how much she wanted to see them.

o0o

That afternoon, after sorting and discarding more of her
mother's possessions, she sat in the garden with Miriam.

"Do you think we're doing the right thing,
Miriam?" she asked. They sat on the patio in the morning sun, tea, muffins
and a tub of Clover sweet butter in front of them. Clover dairies dotted the
Marin and Sonoma county headlands. She hadn’t seen the brand for years.

"Are you talking about the cholesterol in the butter
or selling your house?"

"Neither. Of course we'll sell. I meant choosing
Janet
Lettice
as our realtor. Do we trust her?"

Miriam gave a slight shrug. "I trust her to sell the
house as much as anyone. Of course, Lisa, once you sell you'll be cut off from
Miwok forever."

"You did it."

"Because I thought the town had too many bad
memories. You weren't the only one who couldn't get along with Judith, and a part
of me always held her responsible for my brother's death. If it weren't for
you, after Jack died, I would never have spoken to Judith again."

"I never realize that." Lee was startled by
Miriam's words.

"I shouldn't have said anything to you. But you know
what? My brother lived in this house. He loved puttering in this garden. The
big rhododendron by the fence, he planted. The painting that hangs over the
mantle in the family room was one he picked out. When I ran away from what
hurt, I also ran from all I'd loved."

"Aren't you happy in San Diego?"

"Oh, I am. But now, I realize how much Miwok means to
me as well."

"No regrets, then?" Lee asked.

"Only that I wasn't here while you were growing
up."

"I didn't turn out that bad, did I?"

"You're lovely. Everything Judith ever wanted you to
be."

Everything...successful, well known,
wealthy.
Lee could measure "everything" by the number of fan
letters she received, the number of phone calls from politicians and the
"in" people, even how many floors above Park Avenue her apartment was
located. "I don't know what she wanted me to be," Lee said.
"Half the time she said I could do whatever I set my mind
to,
and the other half I was called a complete
failure." She chuckled sardonically. "Can that be a reason we never
got along?"

"She could be very cruel." Miriam words were
low.

Since they were being honest, Lee said what had been in
her heart for a long time. It was difficult for her to do. She had kept her
feeling about her mother locked up forever it seemed, and she wasn't sure if
she could find the words. "A part of me still feels sorry for her. She was
hurt, in constant pain. There were times, I admit, that I forgot that myself.
There were times I hated her. As I grew older, I've come to understand her
disappointments in life--how my father died at such a young age, and how her
own career never even began,
me.
It wasn’t really her fault, and yet,
she could never forgive. And I could never forget."

"She was a bitter, self-centered, hateful
woman," Miriam said.
"Probably the poorest
combination of all in a mother."

"It's a funny thing," Lee said. "I'll never
forgive her for what she did, and yet a part of me is sorry we never got along.
I spent years hating her. Then, the hatred disappeared and all that's left is
disappointment."

"Has being back helped any?" Miriam’s gaze was
sad. "Has it helped the open wound that was you and Judith to heal at
least a little?"

"I hope so." Lee grabbed her wallet and car keys
from her purse. "I think I’ll take a drive," she said, then hurried
from the house.

She drove to the public library and parked. Soon she'd be
back on television where she belonged. She'd scarcely paid any attention to
world events this past week. Several
days
worth
of the
New York Times
and the
Washington Post
would
have to be devoured quickly. She hadn’t even brought her iPad, thinking she
would finish her task in Miwok more quickly if not distracted. She never
expected to be away this long, or so cut-off from the real world.

She glanced at the bulletin board as she walked in. A
large flyer caught her attention. The Miwok Schools' Athletic Association was
putting on a benefit dance at Miwok High School on Friday night for parents and
any adults who wanted to support school sports.

She read further. It would be an 'Oldies but Goodies'
night with music from the 'fifties and 'sixties, plus a 'live' disc jockey.

A dance at Miwok High! What fun they had been.

With a sigh for all that used to be, she picked up the
last three
days worth
of the
New York Times
--the
library didn’t receive copies of the
Washington Post
--then found a
cubicle with a desk and chair. There, she could sit, read, and take notes if
necessary, undisturbed.

She found a detailed news report about the Middle East and
began to read. Iran and Iraq, even the North Korea, seemed so far away...

 Her mind wandered back to the flyer about the dance.
She was in the ninth grade when she went to her first dance at Miwok High. She
had defined the term "wallflower."

In the tenth grade, though, boys began to notice her. And,
of course, in the tenth grade she met Tony. He was a terrific dancer and could
dance the socks off anyone else she had ever known.

She smiled as she slowly turned the pages of the
Times
without even seeing them. Although each had plans for their future, they never
dwelled on the fact it would mean parting. Like most kids, they only saw the
big picture, the ideal, and not how to achieve it.

Lee sighed. It'd been years since she was naive about
anything.

As much as Lee had enjoyed Ben’s Little League games, she
had to admit to uneasiness about going another game. It would be the last one
she’d be attending, though, so why not go and enjoy it?

She wanted to see Ben one last time, and to say good-bye
to Tony after a game would be fitting. Baseball fields were where she
remembered him best, and were where she would always want to remember him.
Although she might always carry some bad memories--of Judith, of high school,
even of Miwok, she was glad that Tony would never be one of them.

She’d tell him how wonderful it had been to see him again,
and to have met Ben. She’d wish them both well, and then leave. She'd already
spent far too much time thinking about them.

She arrived just as the game was starting. Tony waved to
her,
then
Ben spotted her and yelled, "
Yo
, Lisa!" He smiled. "You came! Thanks!"

"I wouldn’t miss it," she called back,
"Good luck, Ben."

Ben played shortstop and the game kept him busy since few
players could hit past the infield. More than most games, this one was turning
into a real duel, with both teams playing their hearts out. Ben's friend,
Zachary, the Bruin's best pitcher, was on the mound. Lee found herself paying
close attention to the game, agonizing over every pitch.

Try as they might, though, the Bruins were losing to the
Firebirds, 4 to 3.

It was the bottom of the fifth inning--Little League
"minor" league games only played six innings rather than nine. One
parent explained to Lee, while getting an autograph, that it was more as a
kindness to the parents than to conserve the strength of the children.

Lee bent forward to watch as suspense built.

The Bruins first batter walked. The second struck out.
Zachary singled, but the following batter flied out. Runners were now on second
and third, two outs, the game on the line. Lee's heart jumped into her throat
when she saw Ben walking up to the plate. She remembered Tony in situations
like this when they were in high school. She remembered how he felt the weight
of the whole team rested on his shoulders. A
hit,
and
he was a hero. An
out,
and he was the goat.

She glanced at Tony, and saw him pacing back and forth in
front of the
dug out
. Ben stepped into the batter's
box.
Tony stopped walking, his concentration fully on the
boy.

She held her breath as the pitcher threw. The ball sailed
over the plate high. Ball one. She breathed again.

The throw.
Ben swung and missed.

Lee chewed her bottom lip, feeling his disappointment.

"Good swing, Ben," Tony called. "You'll get
it."

Ball two and ball three were low and outside. Only one
more ball and Ben could walk, then all this pressure would be off him.

Lee’s heart pounded at the next pitch.

"Strike two," the umpire called.
Full count.
Ben had stood there, the bat on his shoulder, watching
the ball travel straight down the middle of the plate.

Lee squeezed her eyes shut. Poor child, she thought. This
is too much pressure, simply too much for a nine year old!

"Step out of the box, Ben. Take a practice
swing," Tony said.

Against her will, Lee opened her eyes again. Much as she
didn't want to watch, she had to. She saw Tony rubbing his hands against his
jeans and imagined he was remembering his times in such a predicament. As he
had to learn to face it alone, so must Ben.

"Protect the plate, Ben," Tony counseled, hands
on knees as Ben, again, stepped back into the batter's box.
"Anything
close."

Ben nodded at Tony,
then
raised
the bat over his shoulder.

The pitcher went into his motion. Lee held her breath. The
ball sailed toward the plate, straight and true. She froze as she saw Ben go
into his swing.

The ball soared toward the outfield. Lee jumped up and
down, cheering with the parents as the center fielder ran toward the ball,
glove outstretched. The ball dropped, bounced, and went rolling toward the
fence as all three outfielders chased after it.

Ben sped past first and second and was on his way to third
as the throw came in to the third baseman. "Slide, Ben," Lee
screamed.

The ball zoomed past the third baseman into foul territory
when Ben took off toward home. "No!" She threw her arms up as if she
could stop him, then, "Yes! Run, Ben, come on! Run!"

The ball got to the catcher just before Ben reached home
plate. He slid right under the tag.

Lee clapped, stamped and cheered as the Bruins emptied the
dugout to give Ben high fives for his "inside the park home run." Ben
smiled from ear to ear when his teammates surround him.

Tony gave him a high five,
then
patted his back over and over. Lee could see his inclination to give Ben a big
hug at war with not wanting to do anything that would make Ben feel in the
least bit babyish. Ben, though, settled the quandary by throwing his arms
around Tony’s waist. That simple gesture showed the easy affection and love
between the two. Watching them, Lee’s eyes filled with tears of happiness and a
little awe at this special moment when Ben could feel pure, uncomplicated joy
at what he had achieved.

The Bruins held their lead in the top of the sixth and won
the game, 6 to 4.

o0o

Tony and some of the other parents decided to take the
boys out for a pizza to celebrate. Lee had approached Tony, planning to say her
good bye as soon as they were alone.

"Can Lisa come with us, Dad?" Ben asked.

Tony's gaze met hers. "Of course, if she'd
like."

Other parents were still nearby. In fact, one of the
coaches was watching Lee with bated breath. Suddenly, she realized she wanted
to go, wanted to be with them both a little while longer. What difference would
a couple hours make? There'd surely be a better time later this evening to say
her good-byes.

Despite the noise and bustle of the pizza parlor, Tony
found a quiet booth in a corner. Tony bought beers for himself and Lee, and Ben
went off to play video games with his friends while the pizza was being baked.

"Some game, huh?" Tony asked, barely able to sit
still after the excitement.

"Watch out, Lisa, you might turn into a Little League
junkie."

"I can't tell you how exciting it was--or how nerve
wracking!"

"Even more than the big leagues," Tony added.

"And Ben was so thrilled. It was fun being there. I’m
so glad he asked me to come. I really liked his company at the picnic,
too."

Tony flashed one of his brilliant smiles.
"Yeah?
That's great. I was hoping you'd tell him to get
lost if he was bothering you."

"He was no bother."