Selby Shattered (11 page)

‘What are you doing?’ Dr Krakpott cried.

‘Stand back, everyone,’ Jigsaw said, ‘there’s a puzzle to be solved.’

He picked up two pieces of Selby and put them together. His quick eyes scanned the floor and he picked up another and joined that to the others.

‘I can’t believe it!’ Professor Krakpott said.

Piece by tiny piece, Jigsaw put Selby back together again. He got bigger and bigger and bigger until finally Jigsaw lifted Selby’s head onto his body.

‘I can’t believe it,’ Selby thought. ‘I’m back together again and I’m not falling apart. Goodness me, I can move my toes! I can move my legs. I can bend! The soldiers aren’t holding hands any more! The Nice has melted! It’s a miracle! The guy is a genius!’

‘This dog looks familiar,’ Jigsaw said. ‘Hmmm, I wonder where I’ve seen him before.’

It was a very happy and un-frozen dog who was taken back to his home in Bogusville.

‘Selby! Oh, Selby! You’re here!’ Mrs Trifle cried. ‘You darling dog!’

‘Yes,’ Dr Trifle said, ‘you are the most wonderful dog there ever was.’

‘And you two,’ Selby thought as he blinked back a tear, ‘are the dearest, most wonderful people in the whole world.’

When hecklers interrupt Gary Gaggs’ comedy shows, he has lots of what he calls ‘heckler busters’ to make fun of them and get them to stop. Here are some good ones:

     ‘I never forget a face but in your case I’ll try.’

     ‘Oh my goodness! Look at your face! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?’

     ‘This guy is descended from royalty. His grandfather was King Kong.’

     ‘Thanks for your point of view. Come to think of it, it matches the point on your head.’

     ‘But seriously folks, this guy tried to leave his brain to science but they rejected it.’

     ‘I’m not saying that he’s dumb but mind-readers only charge him half price.’ if ‘So you think you’re a wit? Well at least you’re
half
right.’

     
‘You’ve got a lot of well-wishers here. These people wish they could throw you down a well.’

     ‘Excuse me, sir, but did you get up bright and early this morning, or just early?’

     ‘You may not know it but you just won the lucky door prize. Will someone please show him the door?’ if ‘Your mother must have been a weight-lifter to raise a dumbbell like you.’

     ‘This guy isn’t bald, he’s just taller than his hair. It’s not a great head but I’m sure he’d never part with it.’

     ‘When he was at school he got nothing but underwater marks. They were all below C level.’

     ‘He had to leave school because of illness and fatigue. The principal got sick and tired of him.’