Selby Spacedog (14 page)

Selby closed the hatch and turned on the air cylinder, filling the cabin.

‘This should revive him,’ he thought.

Selby took off Spud’s helmet and shook the man. Then he took the starter button from his collar.

‘I wish Spud would wake up and do his stuff with the starter button,’ he thought.

‘Is the dog inside, Spud
?’ a voice crackled.
‘You’d better get a move on. If you don’t blast off in five minutes you’ll have to wait for another three days and you don’t have enough air for another three days’

‘Did you hear that, Spud?’ Selby thought as he slapped the man lightly on the face. ‘If we don’t blast off straightaway we’re going to die!’

But Spud’s eyes stayed closed.

‘The man’s completely out of it,’ Selby thought. ‘I’m going to have to put in the new starter button myself — but how? I’ll have to get Mission Control to tell me how to do it. But if I do that I’m going to have to tell them that I’m a talking dog. And if I tell
them,
everyone in the whole wide world will know! I’ll never have a moment’s peace for the rest of
my life. I’ll be studied by scientists. I’ll be chased by autograph hounds!’

‘Spud, we don’t have much time. Do you read me?’

‘No, no,’ Selby thought. ‘I can’t talk. But I have to.’ Suddenly a light came on in Selby’s head. ‘I’ve got it!’ he thought. ‘I’ll imitate Spud’s voice! It’s my only chance.’

Selby cleared his throat and then put on a deep astronaut voice.

‘This is Spud here,’ he said calmly. ‘I read you, Bip.’

‘Spud! You’re awake! This is a miracle!’

‘More than you know,’ Selby said. ‘The dog’s on board and I’m ready for take off. Could you tell me how to do the auto retro refit thingy to the hoosey whatsis?’

‘Come again, Spud?’

‘I’d be mighty obliged if you’d tell me how to change the starter button,’ Selby said.

‘Sure thing, Spud, but it’s right there in your manual.
‘

‘Forget the manual,’ Selby said. ‘Just tell me how to do it.’

‘Okay, okay. Step One: establish the situational
locale of the non-functional Digital Auto-Sequencing Commencer.
‘

‘Beg your pardon?’

‘Find the broken starter button.
‘

‘Right, found it,’ Selby said, seeing the starter button on the instrument panel. ‘Now what?’

‘Step Two: effect a manual extraction.
‘

‘Pull it out?’

‘Affirmative.’

Selby pulled the switch out and pressed the new one in its place.

‘Step Three
—’

‘Forget Step Three, I’ve already done it. Now what?’

‘You mean you’ve replaced it?’

‘Of course, you ninny! — I mean, check, Bip,’ Selby said. ‘Now, how do I take off? Come on, I’ve only got seconds left.’

‘Apply digital pressure.’

‘You want me to push the button, is that it, Bip?’

‘Affirmative.’

Selby pushed the button and there was a great noise as the rockets blasted the
Spirit of Space
up into the sky.

‘You’re on your way, Spud’
the voice said. ‘Sit
back and we’ll take it from here. Good going, old buddy. Sit back and we’ll have you home in a jiffy’

‘Sure thing, Bip,’ said Selby. ‘Catch ya later, buddy.’

‘Well, if this just don’t beat all,’ the voice behind him said. Selby turned and found himself staring straight into the smiling face of a wide awake Spud Kirkle. ‘A talking dog,’ the man said. ‘They didn’t tell me they were sending a talking dog. I thought I’d get the regular barking kind. The way you changed that starter button was something else. Tell me this: how’d you learn to talk?’

Selby stared back in stunned silence.

‘Oh, no! He’s seen and heard everything!’ he thought. ‘My secret is out! I went all the way to Mars to keep from talking and now I’ve been sprung by Spud!’

‘Well?’ said Spud. ‘Aren’t you going to tell me?’

More silence from Selby.

‘Come on, doggy, talk to me,’ Spud said. ‘You’re not going to give me the silent treatment, are you?’

‘Spud, can you hear me? Mission Control here, do you copy?’

‘I hear you.’

‘You got a problem?’

‘No, no problem. I was just talking to the dog, that’s all.’

‘You were talking to a dog? Is that what you said, Spud?’

‘That’s right,’ Spud said.

‘Spud, old buddy, would you do us a favour and just lie back and take it easy?’

Suddenly Spud’s face lit up.

‘Hang on a sec — I get it!’ he whispered to Selby. ‘This whole thing’s a big secret, isn’t it? You’re the biggest secret in the whole space program! I nearly blew it by blabbing it out to the whole world! Don’t worry, pal, mum’s the word,’ he said, putting his finger to his lips. ‘How about we go for a bit of a spacewalk to get some exercise
and then we’ll have a nice talk when we get down.’

‘Oh, no, we won’t,’ Selby thought. ‘And, fortunately for me, nobody’s ever going to believe Spud. They’ll think he was bonkers from lack of air. My secret will be safe, after all.’

Which is exactly what happened. Soon even Spud believed that he’d been seeing — and hearing — things.

The Trifles were waiting in the desert when the
Spirit of Space
touched down. From there, Selby and the Trifles were flown back to Australia. The last Selby saw of Spud Kirkle was on television when he rode in an open car, waving to a cheering crowd, the air filled with bits of falling paper.

For a while, TV and newspaper reporters came to Bogusville and took pictures of Selby but after a while the Trifles said that enough was enough and Selby’s life went back to normal.

It had been a wonderful adventure and, when he looked back on it, the best part was the trip back. As they drifted safely back towards earth Selby had stared out at the shimmering shape of the earth. It was a nice round shape, he thought, with lots of blue and green and covered in wispy white clouds.

‘I’m so lucky!’ Selby thought. ‘This is just what Wanderin’ Dan always dreamed of doing — but I’m actually doing it!’

He remembered the old man and how he’d had nothing, and everything, and he was the happiest man alive. For a moment Selby imagined that he could see the tiny dot on the earth that was Bogusville and, somewhere inside it, a tinier dot that was home to him and the most wonderful people in the world — the Trifles.

‘Good old earth,’ he thought. ‘And good old Dr and Mrs Trifle. I am the happiest dog alive.

The author would like to thank Anna McFarlane and Laura Harris for hounding the author into writing this book and for their dogged determination to sniff out Selby’s mistakes.

Any similarity between Camilla Bonzer, the bomb-throwing librarian in the story ’Books, Bombs and Book Week’, and any of the wonderful librarians who the author has met in his travels around Australia is purely coincidental.

Duncan Ball is an Australian author and scriptwriter, best known for his popular books for children. Among his most-loved works are the Selby books of stories plus the collections
Selby’s Selection, Selby’s Joke Book
and
Selby’s Side-Splitting Joke Book.
Some of these books have also been published in New Zealand, Germany, Japan and the USA, and have won countless awards, most of which were voted by the children themselves.