Semiautomatic Marriage (21 page)

Carolyn said quickly, “Everything’s fine, Mack. You’re doing a wonderful job with the landscaping. I just need your help for a few minutes.”

She explained her plans to spend the afternoon in the attic and asked him to help her locate some of her grandfather’s personal effects.

Relief spread across Mack’s smudged face, and he led the way to an attic staircase located in the middle of the second floor. After searching for the right key on a ring hanging from his belt, he opened the squeaky door, reached in and turned on a light. Then he stepped back to let her enter first.

A low, peaked-ceiling room stretched away in every direction. The front and back walls of the attic had a series of dormer windows.

She gasped at the stacks of boxes, barrels, trunks, assorted furniture and other household items haphazardly spread before her. She’d never seen anything like it. It would take days, no, weeks, to sort out all the stuff.

“Kind of a mess,” Mack granted. “I guess the family’s been shoving stuff up here for a good many years. That’s the way it is with these old houses, you know.”

Carolyn didn’t know. She’d never had a family. And she’d never had a house. She felt like an intruder. What right did she have to be there, looking through other people’s belongings?

“I think we piled all your grandfather’s things over by that first window. Arthur didn’t have a lot of clothes. Mostly books, papers and things from his
bedroom and study,” Mack said as he forged a path through the maze of items. “Why don’t you point out what you want and I’ll move them downstairs?”

“I have no idea what I want,” she answered honestly. “If I decide to move anything, Mack, I’ll let you know. There’s enough light from the windows for me to check out some of the boxes.” She gestured at an old footstool. “I’ll just sit here and go through them.”

“Okay, let me open these boxes for you. That way you won’t have any trouble looking to see what’s in them.”

“Thank you, Mack. Looks as if I’ll be busy most of the afternoon.”

“All right, then. I’ll be getting back to my work.” He hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want me to send up one of the girls to help?”

She shook her head. “No, I think this is something I have to do by myself.”

After he’d gone, Carolyn wondered why she’d been so stubborn about doing this all alone. She’d never been one to believe in lingering spirits, but in that shadowy attic, she felt the back of her neck prickle.

Her fingers trembled slightly as she examined some of the things that had been her grandfather’s. She stroked a pipe that still retained a strong odor of tobacco and turned the pages of old books that had his name in them. Little by little she began to know intimate things about him: he loved reading, smoked a pipe, and collected small, wooden Indian figures.

She went through several other boxes Mack had opened for her, but found only miscellaneous things,
like papers and magazines her grandfather had kept for some reason. Nothing personal. Nothing that would ease her sense of disconnection. She’d about given up when she opened a box of framed photographs. Her mouth went dry and her hands trembled as she drew them out one by one.

There was a photograph of Arthur and his wife in their wedding finery.
My grandmother.
Carolyn stared at their faces for a long time and then put the frame down with a sigh. They were two strangers staring at her, nothing more.

There was a high school graduation photo of Jasper, showing him as a solemn young man. Carolyn wondered why he looked as if life had always been a heavy burden. In a silver frame at the bottom of the box was the photograph she’d been hoping for. Her hands trembled as she picked up a picture of a smiling, honey-blond adolescent girl.

As Carolyn read the inscription, “To Daddy, with love, Alicia,” all the years of displacement rushed over her with an aching loneliness. She blinked rapidly to clear her eyes of an instant fullness. When she was a child, the words
mother
and
father
had always reminded her of the void in her life. Now with a trembling finger, she traced the features that were so like hers. She sought to find comfort in this realization of her identity, but to no avail.

“Mother,” she whispered in a husky voice, but it was only a word. There were no memories to give it meaning. “It’s too late,” she said in a tremulous voice. “It’s too late.”

She suddenly became aware of the sound of footfalls. Quickly she put the picture down, stood up and swiped at her tear-filled eyes.

“Adam?” she asked in disbelief when he came into view. Was she hallucinating?

“There you are,” he said. “I thought I heard sounds coming from this corner.”

“What…what are you doing here?”

“I’m really not sure,” he admitted, but as light from the window bathed her tear-streaked face, he knew his intuition had been right. Giving in to a nagging feeling that nothing was more important at that moment than being with her, he had turned the car around before he reached Horizon. “I guess I decided you might need a hug.”

He put his arms around her, but she stiffened, fearful that if he touched her, she’d give way to the shattering emotion within her. She pulled away and sat back down on her footstool.

“It’s been a little draining going through this stuff,” she admitted as she picked up the photograph of Alicia and handed it to him. “This must have been taken about the time she ran away with my father.”

He nodded. “Yes, I’d say she was about sixteen, wouldn’t you?”

Carolyn’s controlled voice and manner didn’t fool him one bit. He could tell she was torn up inside and fighting for composure. As he looked at the picture of Alicia, he could see the physical resemblance between mother and daughter. Even though strength radiated from the clear, direct gazes of both, Adam was certain of one difference between them: Carolyn would control her future, not waste it.

“I’m almost to the bottom of this box,” she said as she took out the last remaining large envelope filled with various sizes of snapshots. As they spilled
out onto her lap, her stomach took a sickening plunge. No, it couldn’t be! All of them were of her—as an adult!

As she played them through her fingers, the photos were a kaleidoscope of her life. Someone had documented every area of her life for the past five years. There were pictures of her walking the hospital corridors, checking medical charts, coming out of the Friends Free Clinic, climbing the outdoor stairs to her apartment, shopping with Rosie, working at her desk at the investment company and many, many more taken in almost every area of her life.

She was stunned, horrified and angry at this unbelievable evidence of the invasion of her privacy. Her grandfather was the one responsible. He’d hired someone to spy on her and knew everything about her. Instead of openly admitting to their relationship, he’d been too cowardly to show himself.

She gave the photos an angry shove, spilling them all over the floor.

“Easy, easy,” Adam soothed, hiding his own astonishment that Arthur must have paid someone a bundle to keep a surveillance on Carolyn for all those years.

“My grandfather can take his blasted house and pharmaceutical firm, and… He withheld from me the only thing that mattered. He was afraid to love me for myself.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “He had to make sure I was worthy to be a Stanford. Well, I’m not! And nothing I’ve seen or heard makes me want to be.”

She jerked away from Adam’s hand on her arm, pushed her way through the attic clutter and
bounded down the attic stairs. She was consumed by an irrational urge to get as far away as she could from the pain in her heart. In her confused state, she turned the wrong way on the second floor and realized too late that she was headed for Della and Jasper’s wing.

She stopped short, swung around and bumped into Adam. Frustration brought hot tears to her eyes. She hadn’t realized he’d been behind her as she fled. Without saying anything, he put his arms around her, and her wild urge to run away faded. Adam led the way back to their rooms and firmly closed the door behind them.

As he looked at her with tender, loving concern, she realized with a start that he wasn’t judging her irrational behavior at all. She didn’t have to role-play with him, hide her true feelings, or apologize for her emotional display. It was an experience she’d never had before with anyone. Her defense mechanism had always fallen into place when she was about to reveal her inner thoughts to someone.

A muscle flicked in his cheek as he moved closer to her. “It was Arthur’s loss that he lacked the courage to claim you and love you,” he said gently. “I think your grandfather knew that when he made his new will. If he’d lived, I believe he would have eventually drawn you into his life and been rewarded by knowing what a treasure you are.”

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes moist.

“Would you like that hug now?” he asked.

She nodded. His arms went around her, holding her gently and firmly until she raised her lips to his. He searched her face before he tightened his embrace and gave her a long, exploring kiss that left
them both breathless. Then he buried his lips against the quickening pulse in her neck. Carolyn gasped as the flick of his tongue on her skin fanned the fire between them. She returned his kisses with an urgency that drove all thought from her mind.

When he lifted his mouth from hers, his eyes asked if she wanted him to stop. Her answer was to lace her arms around his neck and to offer him her lips again.

She clung to him when he lifted her up and carried her to the bed. Their clothes fell away and she welcomed the hands that moved caressingly over her, heightening the pleasure of his kisses. Trembling in his arms, tracing the length of his inviting body with her hands, she matched his rising hunger.

Never had she imagined the incredible sensations she felt as they made love—giving, taking and sharing. For the first time in her life, Carolyn realized the fulfillment of an unconditional love.

And when their desire had been lovingly sated, Carolyn sighed with contentment and nestled more deeply in his loving arms.

“What was that sigh all about?” he asked as he nuzzled her cheek.

“I was just thinking that my wedding night was slow in coming,” she answered as she turned to him again. “But it was well worth the wait.”

Chapter Fourteen

They were late coming down for dinner. Lisa was the only one sitting at the dining-room table, which was set for six, and she gave them a knowing smile as if signs of their shared passion lingered on their faces.

“Some things are better than eating, right?” she teased, winking at Carolyn.

“Right,” Adam agreed, and turned to Carolyn with a smile that spoke volumes. Her eyes were soft and loving as he held out a chair for her.
Carolyn. Sweet Carolyn.
The past two hours had taken him into a different realm of feeling and being, fired senses with a passion he’d never known before. Although his marriage had been good, he’d never enjoyed the height of total bliss in bed that he experienced with Carolyn. He was no longer a pretend husband. He vowed that he would commit himself on every level to her happiness if she made the decision to keep him in her life.

As Lotuse began to serve dinner, Adam smiled at Lisa. “And how did you spend your Sunday?” he asked as if he had no idea where she’d been this morning and probably last night.

“Visiting a friend,” she answered without the least hesitation. “And this afternoon I played a round of golf at the club. What about you two? Don’t tell me you spent a beautiful day like this at Horizon.”

“Only part of the day,” Carolyn answered. “Didn’t Morna tell you that there was a small fire there this morning?”

“What?” Lisa set her wineglass down with a splash. “Where? How?”

Either she was a consummate actress or she really didn’t know about the fire, Adam decided as he briefly explained what had happened.

“I can’t believe it. Do Mom and Jasper know?”

“I called them,” Carolyn said. “That’s probably why they’re late.”

“I bet she’s going to be in a snit,” Lisa said with a groan. “She protects that place like a mother bear. I’d hate to be in the shoes of the nut who set it.”

“Do you have any idea who it might have been?” Carolyn asked in what she hoped was a casual tone. “I mean, has your mother said anything about a disgruntled employee or competitor, someone who might be seeking revenge?”

“She never tells me anything about the business,” Lisa replied. “I’ve offered plenty of times to try my hand at working there, but she doesn’t want me around.” The bitter note in her voice was hard to miss, but she tried to cover it with a laugh. “So I guess I’ll just go on being her pampered daughter.”

Adam tried a few more innocent questions without gleaning any helpful information.

A few minutes later, just as Lotuse was removing
the soup bowls, Della and Jasper walked into the dining room. Lisa immediately began to plague her mother with questions about the fire, but it was obvious Della didn’t want to talk about it.

“Everything is under control,” she said in a tone that didn’t invite further discussion on the subject.

“The dinner table is not the place for discussing problems and indulging in unpleasant conversation,” Jasper stated in his usual unsociable manner, and his glare included Carolyn and Adam in the pronouncement.

Carolyn was surprised at their attitude. She’d have thought they’d be asking Adam and her about the fire, since they were on the scene. Did Della and Jasper know about Susan Kimble’s suicide? Should she say something or let it ride?

Adam’s thoughts were running along the same channel. Would Susan’s death mean anything more to Della than the loss of a business manager? It was becoming apparent that several people at Horizon had to be involved in the illegal packaging and shipment of drugs to black markets. If Susan had been one of those people in the chain, and if Della was orchestrating these undercover sales, she would have lost an important accomplice. What would she do now? Close up the operation? Or find a replacement?

A heavy silence settled over the dinner table, and Carolyn was sorry Buddy wasn’t there to liven things up. Lisa seemed sullen, and Carolyn wondered if the mood had anything to do with Cliff. It was all she could do to pretend ignorance when she wanted more than anything to warn Lisa not to get involved with the creep.