Sempre (Forever) (20 page)

She looked at him with confusion but did what he said. She shifted some things around and blushed when she pulled out a small black box. Carmine groaned when he realized she’d found the condoms he kept in the car.

“Christ, I forgot they were in there.” He snatched them from her hand and rolled down the window in a panic, tossing them out along the side of the road. He ignored her incredulous look, not wanting to have to explain himself.

Haven shook her head and turned back to the glove compartment, grabbing a piece of notebook paper. “Is this it?”

“Yeah, that’s it. What does it say?” She unfolded the paper, her lips moving as she silently sounded out the list. “Out loud, Haven.”

Wide-eyed, she stammered over some of the words. “Uh, chips… pret—uh, pretzels… soda… are we going to a store?”

“Yes. That’s what we need for the party. While we’re there, we’ll stock up the house. You know, kill two birds with one stone.”

He didn’t know if she'd ever heard that expression before, but she smiled like she understood. “Do you want me to make some stuff for your party?”

“No, you should be enjoying yourself with my father gone.”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, I would, so just relax. If anyone asks you for anything, tell them to kiss your ass.”

“Okay.”

“Really, Haven? Okay? I mean it. Promise if anyone tries to order you around, you’ll tell them no.”

She sighed. “I promise.”

They made it to the store and Haven’s footsteps faltered as the doors opened on their own. Carmine chuckled as she surveyed them, almost as if she was afraid to go through. She took a step inside after a moment while he stood there, waiting for her to get a cart. She didn’t, though, so he grabbed one.

“Have you ever been grocery shopping?” he asked, watching her from the corner of his eye.

She shook her head. “I’ve never been inside a store before.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

He sighed. This was going to be more complicated than he thought. “I can’t say I’ve ever actually been either.”

“Really? You haven’t?”

“I mean, I’ve ran into a store and bought something specific, but I’ve never done this whole thing myself. I’m not trusted. So I guess we’ll figure this shit out together.”

She tried to hand him the paper then, but he shook his head and pulled out a pen. “You do the list. Practice makes perfect, right?”

He started pushing the cart and glanced around when they hit the produce section. “I have another confession.”

“What’s that?”

“I can’t say I’ve ever cooked either, so I have no idea what half this shit is.” He picked up a green stalk and eyeing it skeptically. “What the fuck is this?”

She smiled. “Those are Brussels sprouts.”

“Definitely not buying them,” he said. She laughed as Carmine threw the stalk back down on the display. “You have a nice laugh.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “You do, too.”

He nodded but didn’t respond as they stared at each other, falling into a trance. He cleared his throat after a moment and ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s get this over with.”

It was quiet so early in the afternoon, only a few shoppers in the store other than them. Carmine was grateful for the privacy. Haven was clearly out of her element, clutching the list tightly as her eyes scanned everything. “What should we get?”

“Whatever you wanna cook,” he said. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Dom will eat anything. Hell, he’d probably eat Brussels sprouts. And my father isn’t hard to please. When it comes to food, anyway.”

“And you?”

He shrugged.

“Finicky,” she said to herself.

He looked at her incredulously. “What did you just call me?”

She looked guilty as she repeated the word. “Finicky.”

“My father taught you that, didn’t he?” he asked. “He’s been calling me that for years.”

“Dr. DeMarco did mention it, but I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

“I know,” he said. “But whatever, let’s shop. We look like idiots just standing here, like we’ve never done this shit before.”

“We haven’t,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, well, I know that, and you know that, but the rest of these fuckers don’t need to know it.”

They made their way through the aisles slowly. Carmine did most of the work, packing the cart full of his favorite convenience foods, while Haven picked up the staples that he bypassed. He watched her those moments, as she grabbed milk and eggs and bread, her shoulders more relaxed now than they’d been walking in the store. She adapted easily. He had a hard time believing she’d spent her life out of the public eye.

She handed the list to him once everything was crossed off, and they headed to the register. He put their stuff on the conveyer belt and reached toward the display of candy. Haven flinched as his arm shot out, and he slowed his movements. Throwing his chocolate Toblerone bar on the conveyor belt, he kept his eyes on her.

“Your total’s $347.63,” the cashier said when she finished ringing up their items. Carmine looked away from Haven and pulled out the credit card to pay.

Once back out in the parking lot, Carmine stuffed the trunk with all of the bags while Haven stood beside the car. He wasn’t paying her any mind as he returned the cart, and his stomach sunk when he turned back around. Haven wasn’t standing there anymore.

Panic erupted inside of him as he scanned the vacant parking lot. His father was going to kill him.

As he approached the car again, movement inside of it nearly made his knees buckle. Haven sat in the passenger seat, her seatbelt clipped in place and hands folded in her lap. Feeling ridiculous for panicking, he climbed in beside her with his candy bar.

After starting up the car, he opened the Toblerone and pulled off a triangle. Holding it out to her, he watched with confusion as she just gaped at his hand. “Don’t you like chocolate?”

“I’ve never had it.”

He thrust it at her. “Christ, girl, take this shit then. Eat it.”

She laughed at his enthusiasm and took it, biting off a small corner of the chocolate. Her expression brightened, and she quickly consumed the rest of it, her words coming out as a moan. “Wow, that’s really sweet.”

Pulling off a few triangles for himself, Carmine handed the rest of the Toblerone to her. “I know. Fucking amazing.”

It was drizzling when they arrived back at the house, so he pulled as close to the porch as possible. “Unlock the door, okay?” She started to interject, but he cut her off. “The code is 62373. Punch it into the keypad and hit the big ass button. Can you remember that?”

“62373,” she repeated.

She ran to the front door, pressing the numbers as the rain started coming down harder. Once she had the door open, he climbed out and grabbed a bunch of bags.

Haven turned to head back outside when he reached the foyer, but he threw his hand out to stop her. He didn’t think before he did it, and her arms flew up protectively in front of her. He withdrew his hand. “Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just don’t want you to get wet, so I’ll get the bags from the car.”

She gave him a look that seemed to be a mixture of confusion and amusement before she started taking bags into the kitchen. He unloaded the car and tried to help, tossing things where he figured they went, but he only made the job harder by getting in her way.

Dominic brought pizzas home for dinner, and Carmine grabbed the box of pepperoni before plopping down on the couch. He glanced at Haven and patted the cushion beside him. Her eyes darted toward the stairs, and he cocked an eyebrow at her as to say, “Don’t fucking dare”. He would’ve dragged her back, because there was no reason for her to not eat with them.

Sighing, Haven took a seat, a smile tugging her lips.

*  *  *  *

A loud pounding woke Carmine around one o’clock the next afternoon. He jumped up, cursing, and swung the door open to see startlingly bright blue hair.

“I’m just wondering if you planned to get up at all today,” Dia said. “You know, since it’s already so late?”

He rolled his eyes. “Does my answer matter since I’m up now?”

She patted his cheek condescendingly before walking away.

A few minutes later he headed downstairs, groaning when he heard Tess’s voice. She and Dia stood on chairs by the window in the family room, tacking streamers to the wall, while Haven sorted through a box of fake flowers. He smiled and grabbed a hold of Tess’s chair, shaking it. Yelling, she tried to smack him, but he jumped out of the way. Tess leapt off the chair, and he covered his head as she punched him in the back. “You’re such a jerk, Carmine.”

“Yeah, well, you hit like a little girl.” The words were barely out of his mouth when her fist shot out, punching him right in the chest. He winced. “Damn, that hurt!”

Tess smirked. “Who’s the little girl now?”

“Apparently me,” he said, rubbing his chest. “I’m starting to feel like one, anyway, in a room full of bitches.”

“What did you call me?” Haven’s voice was low but had an edge he’d never heard from her before.

His brow furrowed until it dawned on him what he’d said. “Ah, shit…”
Bitch
. He shook his head. “Nothing.”

She turned back to the flowers. Carmine watched her for a moment before approaching. Leaning in, his lips close to her ear, he whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

She nodded but said nothing. Guilt tugged at his chest. He couldn’t tell if she believed him or not.

After the house was decorated, Carmine strolled upstairs to put on his pirate costume. He slid on the black pants and boots before buttoning up the white ruffled shirt and tying the red bandana around his head. Grabbing the big black hat, he headed back down to see Dominic in the foyer, swinging a sword.

“Which dumbass gave him a weapon?” Carmine called out, barely evading the plastic blade as his brother swung it at him. “You people should know better by now.”

“No one gave it to him,” Tess said, stepping out of the family room in her devil costume. “He found it on his own.”

Shaking his head, Carmine headed toward the office under the stairs, punching in the code to unlock the door. The room looked like a normal office, with a wooden mahogany desk and a black leather chair. A Persian rug covered the floor, and Carmine folded the corner, exposing the hidden door. He opened it and headed down the flimsy stairs into the basement, flicking on the light. A subtle glow came over the front room, revealing the dozens of wooden crates.

Using the front of his shirt to cover his hand, he pulled the top off of the first one by the stairs and grabbed a few bottles of liquor from it. He didn’t go any further, having no desire to venture to the back.

He wasn't sure if it was subconscious fear or if his father had taught him it at some point, but he never left his fingerprints down there.

Once he had the liquor, he headed back upstairs and closed everything back up in time for the guests to arrive.

*  *  *  *

Haven sat on the edge of the bed, picking at her fingernails as sickness stirred in the pit of her stomach. She felt out of place and was afraid of going downstairs, worried, with one look, they’d all know what she was. They’d all know she didn’t belong in their world.

There was a soft knock on the door after a while and Dominic peeked in his head. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” she said.

He strolled in, using a sword like a walking cane, and sat down beside her on the bed. He leaned back on his elbows and things grew quiet as Dominic stared off into space. She wondered why he was up here with her instead of down at his party, but she remained silent and let him speak first.

“
Nella vita: chi non risica, non rosica
,” he said finally, his voice quiet. “In life: nothing ventured, nothing gained. My mom used to tell us that. It’s been a long time, but I can still hear her saying it.”

He smiled to himself, remembering. Haven tried to conjure her mama’s voice in her mind, never wanting to forget what she sounded like.

“Mom taught me a lot, but out of everything that’s what I remember most. You shouldn’t be afraid to take risks. It might not always work out, you might fail miserably and get hurt, but you’ll never know unless you try. And if it does work, wouldn’t it have been worth it?”

He paused, sighing. “You can play it safe, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. You can continue as you’ve been doing, and you’ll survive, but is that what you want? Is that enough? Do you even want to survive if this is what surviving means?”

Haven had no answer to that question.

“Or you could take a risk,” he said. “Go for it, while you can. I know you have it in you. And I can’t promise you’ll get everything you want, but I can promise nothing will change if you don’t try.”

She stared at him, absorbing his words. She understood it, and it made sense, but she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.

He turned away from her again, his expression somber. “Carmine wasn’t always such an asshole. He used to be the most like Mom, couldn’t hurt a fly, but all that changed. Carmine will take physical risks—sometimes I honestly wonder if he has any regard for his life—but anything emotional is out of the question. You’re good for him that way. You’re the first girl he’s looked at like a person and not an object.”

Her eyes widened, and Dominic laughed at her expression. “Odd, isn’t it? You’ve managed to somehow tap into a part of Carmine we all thought was dead.”

“But why am I so different to him?”

He shrugged. “I think you remind him of her, but he’s the only one that can answer that for sure.”

They were both quiet for a moment before Dominic stood up. “So, tell me, Haven. Are we going to play it safe and just survive, or are we going to put ourselves out there?”

*  *  *  *

Nothing screamed “Halloween” to Carmine quite like throwing dirty ping-pong balls into plastic cups full of piss-warm, cheap beer and watching the bane of your existence, dressed like a girl, drink those germs because of you.