Separate Roads (19 page)

If I write to them, they’ll know we’ve been lying all these years. They might worry, or even come here, Victoria thought. And while she wouldn’t have minded her mother’s company, she knew Kiernan would be mortified.

She looked at her sleeping husband and frowned. He wouldn’t want her to acknowledge the truth to them. He was a proud man, and if she wrote and asked for money, he would despise it—maybe even come to despise her. He wanted to take care of her himself, and he had promised he would find a way to restore her money.

Oh, God, what am I to do?
She prayed and pleaded for answers, but nothing seemed to come clear. They were at God’s mercy. God’s and the Central Pacific Railroad’s.

16

In the weeks that followed their return to Sacramento, Victoria and Kiernan found life to be overwhelming. Victoria had to literally do everything for Kiernan the first week or two, but even as he recovered from his physical wounds, his spirit plummeted and a severe depression set in. If it hadn’t been for Li, Victoria would surely have gone mad.

Kiernan suffered from great bouts of pain, sometimes screaming out when the intensity was too much. The doctor hired by the railroad deemed it a normal matter of recuperation, then after dosing Kiernan with medicine, went off to make his other rounds. Victoria hated his seeming indifference. It wasn’t long before she begged Mark Hopkins to dismiss the unfeeling man in favor of hiring on Dr. Benson. The only problem with Dr. Benson was that he wasn’t a firm believer in the use of laudanum. He thought the medication too habit-forming and feared for Kiernan’s mental abilities should he be too long on the drug. Instead, the doctor closely examined Kiernan and, in the wake of doing so, found the wounds of his left arm had festered. For a time he feared he would have to amputate, but after much prayer and round-the-clock attention, Kiernan’s health improved.

The comfort Victoria received from her friendship with Li crossed all barriers that could possibly stand between them because of language or culture. Li saw the need in Victoria’s life and, with Jia in tow, was often at the apartment from the first moment Victoria woke up until she went to bed that night. Li always seemed to know what to do to offer comfort and hope, and Victoria praised God for having sent this dear woman into her life.

After the crisis with Kiernan’s infection, Victoria’s routine pretty much set itself, as one day blended into another. She and Li washed bandages and bedding and Kiernan himself before ever attending to anything else. Li took up all of Victoria’s mending and many of her household chores, while Victoria worked to knit her husband back together. But it was no easy task. For although Kiernan’s body was mending, his heart had hardened. Even Li was surprised by this change in the once gentle man.

Kiernan was surly and outright ugly at times, often refusing to allow the ministrations of his wife or Li. Charlie had come to check Kiernan’s condition on several occasions, but Kiernan always remained silent and disinterested. Victoria tried to comfort herself in the fact that hers wasn’t the only company Kiernan rejected. She knew it was hard on this once vibrant and well-muscled man to be reduced to a state of bed rest and nursing care. She knew he despised being waited on, but there was nothing else to be done. She could hardly demand that the man get up and come to the table for his meals, not when he could barely remember from one minute to the next what it was that had actually happened to him and why he was injured.

The head wound was taking a long time to heal. Dr. Benson had deemed there was little to be done for Kiernan and that time was the only thing that could help him now. He believed the brain was swollen and, after digging out additional bits of rock and dirt from Kiernan’s face, suggested he wear a patch over his wounded eye.

“The light will damage the tissue,” he told Victoria as he took his leave that evening. “I will bring you a patch next time I visit. Then we’ll remove the rest of the bandages from his face and eye and see exactly what we’re dealing with.”

“Thank you for coming. I know he’s not always easy to work with, but he’s just so angry right now.”

“Understandably so,” Dr. Benson replied. “The recovery will be a long one, and who is to say whether the brain has been permanently affected. We shall hope for the best.”

And pray against the worst, Victoria thought as the doctor took his leave. She turned to find Li crocheting, something Victoria had taught her to do. Jia played contentedly at his mother’s feet, batting the ball of crochet yarn and laughing at the way it unraveled. Victoria smiled down at the chubby-cheeked boy. His dark-eyed gaze fixed on Victoria for a moment before he got up and toddled over to where she stood. He beamed her a smile, and Victoria couldn’t resist picking him up.

Burying her face against his neck, Victoria cherished the feel of the baby in her arms. There was nothing in the world quite so sweet.

“He like you very much,” Li said, glancing up. “Maybe more than yarn.” She smiled and pointed to the forgotten ball at her feet.

“Well, I think he’s the best baby in the world. He comes and plays so quietly. Why, I’ll bet Kiernan doesn’t even know he’s here.” Victoria carried him to the rocking chair and sat down to play pat-a-cake with Jia. “Li, you’ve been so very good to me—and to Kiernan.”

Victoria knew she would never have made it through these difficult times without her friend. Surely Xiang was beside himself in her long absences. After all, despite the slowing of business up the line, they were still taking in laundry here in town.

“Li, doesn’t your husband resent your time spent here? I mean, what about the washing business and the railroad?”

“Husband gone three week now trying to find more business. He say he go first and find us good place to work. He not know if he find good men or bad. He not want Jia and me to be in bad place.”

“Xiang is gone?” Li nodded, then turned her attention back to the shawl she was crocheting. Victoria considered this for a moment. “Are you living in the tent by yourself?” Again Li nodded.

Victoria considered the situation for a moment. “Why don’t you come live with me? You and Jia and I can sleep out here in the front room. It’s small, but we could help each other that way. You can use the pump downstairs for water and hang the washing on the lines in back of the house. When you need to deliver mending and washing to other people, I could take care of Jia. And when I need to go to the market, you could stay here with Kiernan.”

Li nodded. “It would be good.”

“Do you know how long Xiang will be gone?”

“Husband no say.”

“Well, it’s no matter. You can stay here as long as you like. Kiernan won’t be able to do much for a while, and in that time maybe you and I can put our heads together and think of a way to bring in some money.”

“Put heads together?”

Victoria chuckled at the look on Li’s face. “It just means we’ll work together.” Jia laughed and grabbed hold of Victoria’s fingers. Without warning he tried to put them in his mouth. Victoria chuckled and drew the baby’s fingers to her own lips. Kissing him playfully, Victoria said, “It’ll be nice having a baby in the house.”

“There be number two after celebration of Jesus.”

Victoria felt as if Li had dealt her a blow. “After Christmas? Another baby?”

Li nodded. “Husband say another son. Plenty strong like number one.”

“That’s wonderful, Li,” Victoria replied, trying to infuse her words with enthusiasm. Victoria ignored the aching in her heart. The longing there for a child was so strong she could hardly speak. She didn’t want to make Li feel bad for her happiness, but it was hard to hear this news and not feel overwhelmed.

Deciding it was time to check on Kiernan, Victoria put Jia back down on the floor and went into the kitchen to pour some hot tea for Kiernan to drink.

Tiptoeing into her bedroom, Victoria whispered, “Are you awake?”

“Unfortunately so,” came Kiernan’s sour reply. He was propped up in the bed, his left arm bound in a sling, the left side of his face bandaged to cover his eye.

“I’ve brought you some fresh tea.”

“I’m not thirsty.”

“Kiernan, you know what the doctor said about keeping up your strength. You’re supposed to be eating better and drinking plenty of fluids. The tea will make you feel better, you’ll see.”

“Nothin’ will be makin’ me feel better except to get back on me feet.”

She smiled sympathetically. “That’ll come in time, darling.” She put the tray down and poured him a cup of tea. Taking it with her to the bed, she sat down beside him, careful not to disturb his body. Smiling at his battered face, she offered the cup. “Won’t you please drink this?”

He shook his head ever so slightly. “I told ya, I don’t want it. I don’t want yarself here, either.”

He’d been saying awful things like that ever since the doctor reduced the amount of laudanum Kiernan was to be allowed. Kiernan handled the pain in his own way, which was to counter it with anger. Victoria tried not to let his words affect her. He didn’t mean them, of this she was sure. But sometimes they hurt.

“Li’s going to stay with us for a while,” she went on as if he’d never said anything hurtful at all. “Xiang has gone out on the line to find a suitable place to set up his business and bring his family.”

“There are no suitable places for families on the railroad,” Kiernan declared bitterly.

Victoria shook her head. “As I recall, Greigsville didn’t seem so bad.”

Kiernan grimaced. “If yar mother would have kept ya to home in Baltimore, ya’d not be all miserable here with me. Why don’t ya leave, Victoria?” He looked at her with grim intensity. “Go on to New York and let yar father care for ya. I don’t seem to be able to do the job.”

Victoria put the tea on the night table and reached out to touch Kiernan’s face. He turned away, but she refused to be discouraged. “You are the man I love and the one I want to spend my life with. Do you know how grateful I am to have you alive and here with me? Can’t you see? This will pass. You’ll regain your strength, and you’ll heal.”

“And what are we to be eatin’ in the meantime? We have no money.”

“We have some,” she told him, realizing there wasn’t all that much. “I’ve been helping Li with mending, and since she’s coming to stay with me, we might as well take on more laundry, and I can help her with that as well.”

“I don’t want ya workin’ like that,” Kiernan protested.

“Well, right now your job is to get well,” Victoria ordered with as much force as she dared. “There’s nothing that says I shouldn’t take on responsibilities for making money while you’re laid up. Honestly, Kiernan, you can say what you like, but you aren’t going to drive me away.” She smiled at his scowl. “Looking like that won’t do it either.”

“I don’t want ya here anymore. Don’t ya understand? I want ya to go home where you belong.”

Victoria forced herself to remain strong. “I am home, Kiernan. Wherever you are, that’s where I belong.” She gently stroked his face until he reached up to stop her. He said nothing, but she saw the pain in his expression. Leaning forward, she placed a kiss on his lips. “I love you. Now and forever. For better or worse.”

“But it’s always worse, never better.”