Sex and the Single Girl: The Unmarried Woman's Guide to Men (19 page)

However, that’s me, and you may
adore
big parties. Give one!

These are cocktail party rules from my friend Mark, who gave the best cocktail parties I have ever attended—and in a one-room apartment. He has since gotten rich, moved to a posh neighborhood, and his parties don’t
compare
to the old stretch-the-dollar-to-the-limit affairs.

These are Mark’s rules:

Give the party in a small space and pack the people in. Never be afraid you’ve asked too many. Play Rumanian gypsy music (interspersed with a little Perez Prado) to heighten the intimacy and drama. Serve gobs of weak martinis which you have made up beforehand and stored in the icebox. A constantly circulating martini pitcher creates a feeling of well-being and good fellowship in guests. Let any two friends bring
hors d’oeuvres—
deviled eggs, clam dip, guacamole or whatever they wish. Praise them lavishly. Never let anybody contribute liquor. Don’t ask any but charming and attractive people. Lump the lugubrious and hostile together on another occasion and pack them all off to the movies! Invite plenty of single people.

Mark usually tossed in a couple of fifty-five-year-old lady fascinators who had lived in Europe. You never saw the men and women congeal on opposite sides of the room at
his
parties. When the hour grows late, gather up everybody and take them to a pre-chosen supper place. Let everybody go Dutch. This host favored Barney’s Beanery—a ramshackle chili house with great atmosphere.

I think many of these rules are sound. However, you can go as posh as you please. Hire a bartender if you like.

Marguerite adds this rule. Invite
all
your beaux at once. (She has a lot of beaux and can say a thing like that.) It gives them a good shaking up to see the competition.

Ruth says forget that business about having fun at your own party. When a hostess enjoys herself
more
, the guests may be enjoying themselves
less.

You must be twice as effervescent as you are in real life, even if you feel it’s slightly phony and even if your eyes glaze over. Be out there with your troops all the time, smiling but in command.

Economy-minded party-givers say it’s okay to use inexpensive bourbon and Scotch, but it must be potable! Your friendly liquor-store dealer will tell you the price you do not dare drop below.

Sunday Brunch

A party
I
have always had good luck with is Sunday brunch. It seems to sort of go with career girls and is a chic, inexpensive way to entertain. The hour is interesting. Invite guests for twelve noon. You can often round up people you might not have the nerve to ask for dinner.

If you’d like to be notorious in a nice way for your brunches, start with chloroform cocktails. These will unlimber a log and clobber more sensitive timber altogether. I remember one sweet girl who came over directly from church, had two chloroform cocktails because they tasted like coffee malteds and was still asleep (to put it euphemistically) under the coffee table at five in the afternoon.

Here’s the recipe:

Make a pot of coffee. Then boil down six cups of it in a saucepan to one cup. In a big bowl or pitcher mix the coffee with a fifth of gin or vodka and one quart of rich vanilla ice cream. Serve in Pilsner beer glasses, Old Fashioned glasses or almost any kind. Top with nutmeg. At a brunch for eight people you should probably make up at least two batches of chloroform.

The rest of the menu (and you can go much more elegant than this) might include scrambled eggs with fresh sautéed mushroom blended in; lots of canned sausages piping hot; canned peach halves with grated orange peel, brown sugar, cinnamon and a maraschino cherry on top, baked half an hour; really
good
coffeecake from the bakery, heated; and pots of coffee.

Games are fun at brunch … charades, truth or consequence, blindman’s bluff. I’ve found everybody likes to perform … the shyer the person the more he likes being
on
, but you have to coax him. Make each guest do a little act—sing, soft-shoe, or just tell a joke. You could also let each guest pick a book from your library and read his favorite passage. Give a prize for the best reading.

A mildly naughty but great party game is to let guests guess the number of garments other guests are wearing. Whoever is “it” is looked over by the crowd. No feeling or pinching allowed. Each person says what he thinks is underneath the outer garment. Then “it” tells who was right. Or you can give each guest a pencil and paper and let him write down total number of clothes “it” is wearing. Count jewelry, shoes, etc. Give a prize for the most right answers. You must take the guest’s word for what he’s wearing. No undressing—it says here.

The Not-Quite-Sudden Guest

As sometimes happens, you didn’t
know
the night before that you were going to have a guest for breakfast, but there he is …
ravenous
!

I assume you like him, or he wouldn’t be there. In that case,
feed
him!

What is needed is a hearty little breakfast you can toss together quickly while he is taking a shower.

How about half-clam, half-tomato juice with a wedge of lemon squeezed and dropped in, Omelet Surprise (the surprise is how many things you can find to go in it), toast and coffee.

I’m sure you know how to make an omelet. Just put lots of beaten eggs in a skillet like for scrambled, only
don’t.
Let the eggs set without stirring; and, when firm on the bottom side, put any of these things on top: chopped onion, chopped pimiento (from a little glass jar), small can of drained mushrooms, chopped yellow cheese or grated Parmesan, chopped green bell pepper. Or use canned tomatoes instead of
all
of these. Fold the omelet over and let it cook a few more minutes.

If you have no bread to make toast, perhaps you’ll have a can of icebox biscuits or a boxed muffin mix. Most of the ingredients for this breakfast are things you could easily keep on hand.

The more poised you are, the more deft and unruffled at your chores, the more pleasant this could-be-awkward little repast will become.

If you have something on your mind to discuss—possibly a grievance—save it for a later hour and send him away thinking you are a dreamboat.

Like all other cooks, especially ones who are not quite over the wonder of having finally mastered part of the art, I can’t resist giving you some recipes to round out this chapter on food. Here are three dinners and a brunch that would be divine for
him
or
them.
Recipes for the first two dinners are for two, the third dinner and the brunch are for six. You can increase or decrease recipes to serve different numbers. A lovely girl named Noreen Sulmeyer helped compile these menus. She’s a better cook than I am and I’m not through copycatting
yet
! We borrowed heavily from
Thoughts for Buffets
and
Thoughts for Food
(Houghton Mifflin Co.);
The Gourmet Cookbook
(
Gourmet
, New York);
The Something Special Cookbook
, by Ruth Mellinkoff (Ward Ritchie Press);
The Joy of Cooking
, by Rombauer (The Bobbs-Merrill Company).

Unfortunately these dinners are sparing neither of calories nor cost. They are strictly to show how talented you are and to make guests groan with pleasure!

Crabmeat Puffs

Escalopes of Veal

Tomato Sauce Provençale

Broccoli Almondine

Château Potatoes

Green Salad

Dinner rolls

Coffee

Cheese & fruit

Chocolate Soufflé with Vanilla Sauce

6 slices white bread, crusts removed

1 cup milk

3 1-ounce slices American cheese

¹
/
₂
teaspoon salt

cup crabmeat, fresh or frozen

freshly ground pepper

eggs

Place three slices of bread across the bottom of a buttered shallow pan and cover each with a slice of cheese. Cover the cheese with crabmeat, and top with remaining slices of bread. Cut each sandwich into three strips. Beat the eggs with the milk, salt and pepper and pour over the sandwiches. Chill for two hours. Bake in 350° oven for 30 minutes or until puffy as a soufflé. Lift puffs out of baking dish with spatula, arrange on top of paper doilies on platter or tray. Serve immediately with cocktails.

6 veal slices
¹
/
₂
inch thick

¹
/
₂
teaspoon seasoned salt

¹
/
₂
cup butter

2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

1 cup stock (can be made with bouillon cube and hot water)

2 tablespoons chopped onion

¹
/
₄
teaspoon garlic powder

salt and pepper, freshly ground

Pound veal with edge of saucer until very thin. Melt butter in a skillet and when hot, sauté escalopes for 3 minutes on each side until brown. Add stock, garlic powder, seasoned salt, parsley and onion and blend; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover and simmer 20 minutes. Serve with Tomato Sauce Provençale on top.

8 large tomatoes

1 tablespoon flour

1 large onion, thinly sliced

1 tablespoon butter

³
/
₄
teaspoon thyme

¹
/
₂
teaspoon salt

1 bay leaf

³
/
₄
teaspoon freshly ground pepper

1 clove garlic, minced

Place tomatoes in a heavy skillet and crush. Add onion, thyme, bay leaf and garlic. Simmer 20 minutes or until tomatoes are tender. Strain through a food mill or ricer. Return to skillet. Blend flour and butter and stir into tomato puree. Season with salt and pepper and simmer 15 minutes.

Try to buy fresh broccoli if you can; if not, frozen broccoli spears will do. Boil them until just tender but not overdone. Top with generous portions of butter and lemon juice. Just before serving, sprinkle with blanched almonds (white ones) which you have browned in a pan with a little oil in the oven about 20 minutes.

Cut raw potatoes into balls with melon scoop and let them soak in cold water until ready to cook. Drain well. Season with salt and pepper. Cook very slowly in heavy skillet in lots of butter until they are golden in color. They should be crusty on the outside and soft in the inside. Sprinkle with finely chopped parsley and serve at once.

Splurge and buy several
different
kinds of lettuce, using only a few leaves from each for this salad. (You can eat the leftovers yourself.) Add thinly sliced cucumbers, scallions and watercress and chill. Serve with either garlic-oil-vinegar dressing or a concoction of sour cream, mayonnaise, garlic powder and
lots
of fresh dill.

Melt 3 tablespoons butter in a saucepan and blend well with 2 tablespoons flour. Gradually add 1 cup milk, stirring constantly, and 2 squares baking chocolate. Stir until chocolate is melted and sauce thoroughly blended. Mix in
¹
/
₂
teaspoon salt,
¹
/
₂
cup sugar and a 3-inch piece of vanilla bean. Add 4 lightly beaten egg yolks and beat well. Fold in 5 egg whites beaten stiff.

Butter a soufflé dish, sprinkle it with sugar, and pour in the batter. Set the dish in a pan of hot, not boiling, water. Bake in a hot oven (400º F.) and cook for 15 minutes. Reduce the heat to moderate (375° F.) and cook for 20 to 25 minutes longer. Serve with vanilla sauce.

(Soufflés are
not
easy and probably you should
not
practice on him. They’re well worth the effort though.)

1 3/4 ounce package instant vanilla pudding mix

¹
/
₂
teaspoon vanilla

1 cup cream, whipped

1 cup milk

dash of salt

Make instant pudding according to package directions, using only one cup of milk. Add vanilla and salt to beaten cream and fold into the custard just as it begins to thicken.
Voilà
! Let guests spoon over their soufflé.

Stuffed mushrooms

Lobster en Brochette

Artichokes with Polonaise Sauce

Caesar Salad

Tomato Stuffed with Rice

Dinner rolls

Coffee

Cheese and fruit

Chocolate Angel Pie

Select large fresh mushrooms, wash well and cut off the stems. Stuff with seasoned ground meat, brush with melted butter and broil under broiler until hot and brown. Serve hot with cocktails.

3 large lobster tails (cook the tails, remove the meat and cut into 1-inch squares)

12 large fresh mushrooms

¹
/
₂
cup dry bread crumbs

¹
/
₄
cup melted butter

4 metal skewers

lemon wedges

2/3 cup catsup

2 dashes Tabasco

3 tablespoons mustard

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Mix ingredients together.

Alternate mushrooms and lobster on skewers. Brush well with melted butter. Then brush on the Devil Sauce. Roll the filled skewers on the crumbs. Place on greased broiler and broil for 5 minutes on each side. Serve very hot with lemon wedges.

2 artichokes

Wash and soak artichokes for one hour in salted water. Drain. Trim off their spikes with scissors or sharp knife. Cook them in rapidly boiling salted water to which you have added a few tablespoons of vinegar. They should cook almost an hour.