Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality (6 page)

Sexual prohibition is in the DNA of all the major religions. Without it, the entire religion may collapse. The most successful religions depend on sexual restrictions and condemnation. They redirect the energy of sexual repression and guilt to drive growth and maintain power. Without sexual repression they lose their advantage.

It is not just Western religions that use this strategy. Eastern religions are as oppressive. Hinduism and Buddhism use sex in many ways; Buddhist monks and nuns cannot have sex. Boys at a very young age are put into training in monasteries.
¹²
The Dalai Lama says that homosexuality is wrong though he preaches tolerance. Most forms of Buddhism practiced in Asia sanction and disapprove of various forms of sexual expression from masturbation to homosexuality to anal sex. Japanese and Thai Buddhist practices and beliefs have followed the notion for centuries that women’s aspirations toward Buddhahood are far weaker than men’s. These traditions also hold that women pollute the earth every month with their blood. Western (read California) Buddhists have cleaned up Buddhism with modern ideas from feminism, but Buddhism is no more friendly to women than Islam or Christianity.

Hinduism has proscriptions on women, especially during menstruation. The caste system restricts who can have sex with whom. When confronted with the notion of sexual repression, Eastern religion apologists cite the many
Hindu scriptures that talk positively about sex and even offer instruction. Despite its scriptures, Hinduism is sexually repressive.

An examination of Hindu practice in India reveals bans against public kissing, sex during menstruation and pornography. In many ways, Hinduism is more Victorian than Victorian England. Some attribute this to the influence of England during Victorian times, but Hindu sexual restriction goes back thousands of years. A recent
Newsweek
report on the treatment of women placed India as 141 out of 165 countries, one of the worst countries in the world.
¹³
With an 80% Hindu population, much of the repression in India is related to Hinduism although Islam undoubtedly contributes its share. Sexual repression of women pervades Indian society in all castes. In a government response to the survey, the official quoted Hindu scripture that glorified women with no mention of the fact that religion was probably the root cause of much of the repression and restriction.

Further, Orthodox Jews prohibit sex during a woman’s menstrual cycle and seven days after. The practice is based upon ancient ideas of female uncleanliness. What is the message to a woman if she is told she is unclean for one third of each month?

All religions say that sexual prohibitions are in the interest of greater enlightenment, salvation, freedom from sin and closer communion with god. If you take away the supernatural or spiritual, the whole scheme falls like a house of cards. Why would I deny myself one of the greatest pleasures in life? Without the promise of a great supernatural reward or greater punishment, such self-denial makes little sense. Plus, it is entirely possible that your sexual sacrifice will be in vain.

If the Muslim god is correct, then the Christians may as well enjoy themselves since they are going to Islamic Hell. If the Baptist god is correct, all the abstinence and celibacy by Catholic priests is a big waste of potential pleasure and a lot of suffering for nothing.

Once you recognize that sexual restriction is critical to religious propagation, you can construct a new sexual framework for yourself. To construct that new framework, to design a map that has some relationship to reality, we must understand biology, psychology, history and anthropology. It requires us to look at sex across many times and cultures, to understand the breadth
and depth of human sexual practices. Armed with this information, we can begin to make informed decisions about our sexuality. We can also learn the appropriate place of sex in creating and supporting the joy that comes from bonds formed in long-term committed relationships.

Removing religion from sex allows for an exploration that is unencumbered with dogma. Ethics become more important than religious notions of morality. In the following chapters we will look at religious sexual myths.

9
Joseph Smith had a total of 34 wives in all, some as young as 14. Eleven of his wives were already married to other men when he essentially stole them under the command of his god (See
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/
). Brigham Young, leader of Mormonism after Joseph Smith’s death, went several steps further and married 55 women. At least six had living husbands before he stole them.

10
Congress made elimination of polygamy a condition for statehood.

11
Guttmacher Institute News Release, 19 Dec 2006, “Premarital Sex Is Nearly Universal Among Americans, And Has Been For Decades.” Online at
http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2006/12/19/index.html
.

12
A very informative editorial in the
Bangkok Post
decries the sexual corruption of the Buddhist clergy. If one simply substituted Catholic for Buddhist, the article would be virtually identical to any that might have been written in
The Boston Globe
or the
Irish Times
; (Sanitsuda Ekachai, “Sex in the monastery,” available online at
http://www.bangkokpost.com/blogs/index.php/2009/01/30/sex-in-the-monastery?blog=64
).

13
As reported online at
http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report_india-ranks-as-low-as-141-in-condition-of-women-survey_1591332
.

Many common sexual beliefs are founded in religious indoctrination. They often impact us profoundly without our knowledge
.

Many myths are built into our sexual ideas. Most people never question or examine them. In fact, to question the myths is to question the religion. How does one question the virgin birth without questioning Catholicism? How does one examine the pedophilia of Mohamed marrying a nine-year-old girl without questioning Islam? How does one talk about Joseph Smith’s revelation in the 1840s that Mormon men can have many wives and President Wolford’s “about face” revelation in 1890 that Mormons can only have one wife, without questioning the foundations of Mormonism? All of these are sexual myths.

The very first story in the book of Genesis is a sexual myth, “… then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves” (Genesis 3:7). Exactly what Adam and Eve did is never stated, but it had something to do with sex!

In the Koran we learn the myth that women have an illness when menstruating:

The Cow 2:222,
They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a care for cleanness.

In Romans 5:12, Paul is very clear that original sin came from Adam and has corrupted mankind ever since. “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.” From this unfathomable idea come centuries of torture and deprivation for millions of humans. You were born imperfect and your very sexuality is living proof of that imperfection. It can and will damn you forever, especially if you are a woman. Woman tempted man and caused the “Fall,” therefore she is the more sinful and suspect of the sexes.

Other myths are more specific to our sexual behavior. Masturbation is against god’s commandment not to spill your seed. It was called Onanism for centuries after the poor fellow Onan in the book of Genesis who chose to spill his seed rather than father a child by his deceased brother’s wife. A quaint practice of the day that modern religionists forget to include in their list of sins – failing to father children by your dead brother’s wife. Modern
religionists look at the spilling of seed as the crime,
not
screwing his brother’s wife, probably against her will.

The list of myths we acquire about sex and sexuality is amazingly long. Here is a short sample:

• God is watching as you have sex.
  
• Jesus does not want you to masturbate.
  
• Homosexuality is a far greater sin than adultery.
  
• Women should cover themselves for modesty in the sight of the lord.
  
• Women should be sexually available to their husbands under almost any condition.
  
• Sex outside of marriage is always wrong.
  
• Pornography is harmful to women and children.
  
• Religious leaders are equipped to counsel you on sex and marriage.
  
• Menstruation is dirty; you should not have sex with a menstruating woman.
  
• Teaching children and adolescents about sex will encourage them to actually do it.
  
• Teaching children about Jesus’ plan will help them resist sexual temptation.
  
• Fantasizing is wrong. If you lust in your heart, you have committed adultery.
  
• No one else feels the sexual feelings you feel, so you must be sinful.
  
• Premarital sex will damage your marriage.
  
• Too much sex in marriage is wrong.
  
• Women don’t enjoy sex.
  
• All men want from women is sex. Women are Jesus’ sexual gatekeepers.
  
• Premarital purity and abstinence will help you have a long and happy marriage.
  
• Women who have had a lot of sex partners are sluts.
  
• Men who have a lot of sex partners just use women.
  
• Women should be subservient to men.
  
• Anal sex is repulsive and wrong in the sight of god.
  
• Punishment for adultery is deserved.
  
• Women are the tempters and lead men astray.
  
• Oral sex is unnatural.
  
• God inserts the soul at the moment of conception.
  
• Sexual pleasure is dangerous.
  
• Ministers who go astray deserve forgiveness just as Jesus commands.
  

These myths and many more are part of the larger map of sex that we carry around in our heads. You may not believe most or any of these, but many people do. These myths have a direct impact on a person’s ability to enjoy and develop sexually and influence how they relate to and teach their children
and
which politicians they vote for.

One of the most pernicious Christian myths is the myth of monogamy.

Monogamy as the natural state is so deeply ingrained that most Christians and Jews are able to totally ignore the hundreds of wives and concubines of their god’s most holy men – Solomon, David, Abraham and many others. Indeed, monogamy as Jesus defined it is not even practiced among most Christians.

Jesus defined monogamy as one sex partner for life:

Matthew 5:31–32
, It was also said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Other passages also make it clear that divorce is not an option except in the most extreme case of adultery. For example, Paul says in

1 Corinthians 7:10–11,
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
¹¹
But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. . . .
(39)
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

Just to make the point as clear as possible, Jesus said

Marhew 19:4-6,
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said,
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Premarital sex was not an option for Jesus or Paul. Based on this, the Christian view of monogamy has been “one partner for life,” with the only exception being death of the spouse. Even in the case of adultery, the wronged spouse is not supposed to remarry. How many Christians today would fit into that definition of monogamy? Every Mormon who had premarital sex, every Baptist who has had an affair, every Catholic who has received an annulment (except for adultery), every person who remarried after a divorce – all are living a non-monogamous lifestyle.

Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House and very conservative Catholic, has had three wives and who knows how many other partners. He is anything but monogamous, according to this definition. Is Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, monogamous? He admittedly had sex with a male prostitute. Is Earl Paulk, mega-church evangelical minister, monogamous? It turns out, through DNA testing, that his “nephew” is really his son. He had sex with his sister-in-law to father the son. (The son, qua nephew, is now taking over the ministry.) Having sex with your dead brother’s wife was a biblical commandment, but Earl evidently couldn’t wait until his brother died.

Many members of Haggard and Paulk’s congregations are as non-monogamous as their leaders.
¹⁴
Some would say that people like Newt Gingrich or the evangelist Joyce Meyer are serial monogamists. But the idea of “serial monogamy” makes no sense. Either one is monogamous or not according to the Christian tradition.

So monogamy is a myth among most Christians. At least the Muslim men don’t have to deal with that problem. They are permitted up to four wives, though Mohammed allowed himself many more.

Thousands of sermons have been preached on how to bring Jesus into your marriage. I’ve heard at least a dozen from ministers who eventually got
caught in affairs or divorced themselves. A 2000 study by the evangelical researcher George Barna found that fundamentalists have the highest divorce rates.
¹⁵
The leaders in divorce were non-denominational, Episcopal, Baptist and Pentecostal. Not much evidence of Jesus present in those marriages.