Shades of Honor (18 page)

Evelyn pulled from his grasp and backed away, an expression of hopelessness marring her face. “You did something to me.”

“I know what I did.” Just remembering where his hands and mouth had been made Radford’s blood surge and his heart pound. Oh, yes, he remembered every damned detail of her sweet body and it was going to kill him to keep his hands to himself.

Still, it was the deeper current of emotion that drew him to Evelyn, and for the first time in his life, Radford discovered he wanted more than a woman's body. Evelyn had resurrected a part of him that had been dead for many years. She gave his daughter happiness, and him a reason to look forward to his future rather than flounder in his past. She gave him friendship and the strength to face himself.

“I wanted to know,” Evelyn said, her tormented gaze locked with his. “Now, I wish to God I didn’t.” She spun away and raced to her room, closing the door quietly behind her as Radford stared in confusion.

What did that mean? What did she finally know? That he was attracted to her? That he had to grip the railing and battle the beast inside himself when he saw her kissing Kyle?

Radford approached the partially walled-in frame of Kyle's house with mounting anxiety, hoping Kyle was alone. They needed to talk. Radford couldn’t continue to battle his attraction to Evelyn while sharing the same house and working beside her each day. He needed to get away from her, to get back to the mill where he should have been all along. The livery was doing well enough now that Kyle could hire someone else to help out.

Propping his saw against the wall, Radford dropped his sack of nails beside it. Voices from the other side were raised in argument and Radford sighed in frustration. The fact that Kyle’s defenses were already up didn’t bode well, but Radford wasn’t going to back down this time. He couldn’t afford it.

Neither could Kyle.

“How the hell can you say that, Kyle?” The anger in Boyd’s voice echoed clear outside and made Radford pause, his senses alert.

“Because it’s true. He’s at the mill every time I turn around. Just because he's home doesn't give him the right to something we've busted our backs over.”

“The fact that he's our brother gives him the right.” Duke's voice sent a cold sense of dread down Radford's spine. This wasn’t just another bickering match between Kyle and Boyd.

 
“Where the hell was Radford when Dad died and the three of us damned near lived at the mill just to keep it going? He was off rubbing elbows with railroad barons and bedding some ballerina chit while we were stuck here sweating blood. I can't believe you two can just forget that.”

“Well, I can't believe you would forget it was his money that bought the new mill,” Boyd argued.

Radford sagged against the building. And he had thought everything was going well with Kyle.

“It was Mother's money.”

“That Radford sent to her every month,” Boyd finished.

Radford heard the enormous sigh clear outside before Duke spoke. “Kyle, you've got to get the chip off your shoulder. Radford did what he had to do.”

“So did I. We've all had problems, but we didn't run off.”

“Kyle!” Boyd's booming voice bounced off the wall. “The man went through a wretched war and he's experienced things I can't even imagine surviving! Do you have any understanding in that thick head of yours how he suffered, what it did to him?”

“Did he care what we went through when he left!” Kyle shouted back. “Dad said we could depend on him, but we found out otherwise, didn't we?”

Radford stood outside alone, hearing firsthand the pain he'd caused his family by running away.

“We were here for him, but he wouldn't even talk to us.”

“He couldn't, Kyle,” Duke said.

“Why not,
dammit
!” Something hard struck the wall. “Why the hell not?”

Unwilling to let Duke and Boyd fight his battles for him, Radford stepped into the doorway. “Because I couldn't stand myself.”

Three shocked men swung guilty looks in his direction. Only the drone of the wind broke the silence as they faced each other. Radford had considered taking the cowardly way out and leaving before they knew he'd overheard them, but he'd made promises to Rebecca as well as himself and he was through running.

Boyd glared at Kyle. “I ought to choke you.”

It didn't surprise Radford that Duke automatically stepped between them. He had always been the peacekeeper, but Radford waved him back. “No, Duke. Let it alone.” He turned to Kyle. “From what I've heard, you're the one who's upset with my being home.”

Kyle's jaw stiffened and he didn't answer.

Radford ignored the silent challenge, determined to set the record straight here and now. “I'll say this as clearly as possible to all of you. I didn't come home to disrupt what you've accomplished, or to take control of the mill.”

“Then why have you insisted on working with us when I told you we didn't need the help?” Kyle asked.

“Because I felt I owed you something. I didn't think a strong back and another set of hands would be a problem.”

“It wouldn't if I knew your purpose for lending them.”

“My purpose?” Radford gave a disbelieving laugh. “My purpose was to spend some time with my brothers. I have no other motives.”

“You don't need any when you're the oldest son,” Kyle said. “Dad left the business to all of us, but he made damn sure we knew who was in charge if you ever came home. The whole time you were gone we busted our backs so we could eat, yet it was always with the knowledge that you could just sashay in and grab the reins any time you wished. You have no idea how hard we've worked for this.”

“Your efforts are obvious. I'm proud of what you've accomplished. I wish I could claim as much.”

Kyle snorted. “You can. You can claim any damned thing you want when it comes to the mill.”

In that moment, Radford finally understood. He would lose Kyle if he pushed his way back in. The thought of giving up the only bond he had left with his father destroyed Radford, but there was no other choice. The mill had offered him the chance to be with his brothers and work toward a secure future. But too much time had passed to resurrect an old dream. His father was dead, and Radford wasn't willing to lose what he had left of his family.

His knees weakened and he placed a hand against a door stud to steady himself. “I can't blame a man for looking out for his own interest, Kyle. I’m sorry I caused problems between you three. I think it’s best if I forfeit my share of the mill.”

Boyd threw up his hands and glared at Kyle. “You are one rotten son of a bitch.” His feet thundered across the floor as he approached Radford. “Whether you've been here or not, you're entitled to this business. Dad left it to the four of us. Not just Kyle.”

“I don't want it,” Radford said quietly, the lie wrenching his gut. He felt as if someone had just stolen his boyhood—that one time in his life when he had been truly happy.

“Kyle’s an ass, but that’s no reason for you to give up the mill. Duke and I were just trying to get that through his fat head before you came.”

Radford stuffed his hands into his tool apron. “Kyle's right. I admire him for having the guts to speak his mind. I didn't earn my place. I foolishly thought I could make up for the times I wasn't here, but it's too late for that.” Radford met the eyes of each of his brothers as he struggled to speak through an overwhelming wave of regret. “I'm sorry for that,” he said hoarsely.

Kyle folded his arms across his chest. “We've worked hard for that mill, Radford. Now that we're finally able to breathe without a noose around our necks, I want to protect our interest.”

“I'd feel the same way in your place.”

“You would,” Kyle said with certainty. “But Boyd has a valid point. I shouldn't have spoken so hastily.”

“You had your reasons.” Radford slipped the hammer from his belt and slapped the handle against his palm. “As far as I'm concerned, I'm out.” Radford's misery was reflected in the faces that stared back at him and he wished he could run somewhere and bleed in private. “For now, I plan to concentrate on the livery and help finish this house.” Swallowing the pain of his past and the fear of his future, Radford nudged Boyd with his hammer. “Are you going to stand there all night or pound some nails?”

Boyd shook his head in disbelief. “You're serious, aren't you? You're really going to do this!”

Radford tried to grin, but failed pathetically. “For a ribbon chaser you're pretty astute.” He grabbed the sack of nails and tossed it at Boyd. “Let's get this house up.”

The sooner Kyle’s house was finished, the sooner Evelyn would be in it—and away from Radford.

 
 
o0o

Evelyn pushed the wheelbarrow outside, bumping over the rutted ground in the paddock where Radford was tearing down the rotted horse shelter. He’d been quiet the past few days, but how else was he supposed to react after his brother’s fiancée admitted that she’d wanted to kiss him? She couldn’t even look at Radford now without a hot rush of shame scorching her face.

Avoiding eye contact, Evelyn parked the wheelbarrow under a thick branch in the birch tree. She wove a length of rope through a swatch of netting containing a small bundle of hay for Gus, then scooted it aside and stepped into the wheelbarrow. Steadying herself, she reached up and crossed the two ends of the twine over the tree limb.

“Need some help?” Radford hollered.

She shook her head. “I've almost got it.” Giving a firm tug, she hoisted the net of hay out of its resting place. Her makeshift platform teetered and she spread her feet to balance it. She leaned forward, wobbling as she struggled to tighten the knot, but the wheelbarrow tipped precariously to the side. Blast it! If she got down to move it, she would lose the net entirely and have to begin again. She had too many chores to waste time on this one. She inched forward, heedless of the tilting cart.

Suddenly, two strong hands circled her waist and Evelyn nearly leapt into the tree. With arms suspended above her, she dropped her chin and looked down into Radford's upturned face. From this angle, and only inches away, she noticed everything, the dampness on his forehead, the sunburn where his skin was tightest over his cheekbones, the shadow of whiskers that darkened his
jawline
and contrasted with his white teeth.

“Go ahead, I've got you,” he said, but he didn’t look happy about it.

His fingers spanned her ribs and sent ripples of sensation up her back. Desperate to escape Radford’s grasp and her own guilty yearnings, Evelyn tugged frantically at the rope. Radford’s hands were giving her that monkeyshine feeling again. Evelyn tried to knot the rope, but her trembling fingers couldn’t accomplish the task. Something bit her beneath the chin and Evelyn jerked her hand to the injured area. “That hurt,” she said, rubbing her hand over a small bump. “I already feel a welt there.”

“It was a black fly, and the welt you’re feeling is a mole.”

She looked down. “What?”

“You have a mole under your chin. Right there,” Radford said, lifting one hand to touch it.

Evelyn’s stomach flipped. She was melting all over herself and Radford was talking about moles? “I have moles everywhere. You have one, too,” she said. “It’s on your right arm just below your elbow.”

Radford glanced down and angled his elbow, revealing the dark spot she’d noticed the day they were painting the porch.

“Right there,” Evelyn said, satisfied that she wasn’t the only one with those ugly marks.

Radford’s eyes met hers. “That’s a shrapnel fragment I couldn’t get out.”

“You have a bullet in you?”

He grinned. “Just a speck of metal. It doesn’t hurt.”

“I thought it was a mole. I hate mine.”

“Why? Some women used to put patches on their faces to get those beauty marks. You should consider yourself fortunate. The little one above your lip adds character to your face.”

Evelyn snorted and
snugged
the knot. “Those women must have been out of their minds. I’d remove mine, if I could.” Evelyn gave the knot a hard cinch and dropped her hands. “I’m done,” she said, desperate to get away from Radford.

She jumped as Radford swung her out of the wheelbarrow. To Evelyn’s horror, her shirt acted as a lubricant and his hands slid up her ribs, his thumbs cupping the bottom of her breasts. Her gaze flew to his as an unexpected thrill shot through her. She clutched his shoulders to keep from falling, but Radford’s eyes grew so dark, so intense, it reminded Evelyn of the night she woke him from a nightmare. The night he had warned her he was dangerous.

Panicked, she pushed away and stumbled backward into the cart. Radford caught her arm and tried to steady her, but she yanked away. Heat flushed through her body. Without a word, she grasped the handles of the wheelbarrow and rushed to the barn, trying to excuse Radford’s hands on her breasts. It was just an accident, she told herself. They'd done nothing wrong. Her reaction was simply a mixture of surprise and embarrassment, that's all. He hadn’t done it on purpose.

Watching Evelyn hurry away, Radford tightened his fists against the tingling in his hands. A couple of inches higher and his palms would have been cupping her breasts.