Shades of Honor (26 page)

“I don’t know.” After Kyle’s scowl on the dance floor, Radford was probably staying clear of the house to avoid antagonizing him further. Kyle slowed the carriage near the porch, but Evelyn touched his shoulder. “Pull around to the far side of the driveway,” she said, indicating a shadowed area away from the house and barn that would give them some privacy.

The carriage wheels crunched through dry leaves then rolled to a stop. Kyle turned to her with a smile blooming on his face. “Are you going to give me one of those monkey kisses again?”

Evelyn’s chest grew tense and she met Kyle’s eyes. “No,” she said softly. “I want to talk to you.”

Kyle’s expression turned wary. “Why?”

“I know I promised I’d always be your friend, and I will,” she said sincerely. “I’ll always care for you, Kyle, but I...I can’t keep my promise to never leave you.”

His shoulders stiffened, but he remained silent, his eyes piercing hers.

“Do you remember how old we were when we made those promises?” she asked.

“Old enough to know what we were committing to,” he said, his voice hard-edged.

“But too young to know that we’d be different people now.”

“We haven’t changed.”

Evelyn curled her fingers into a fist, her chipped nails digging into her palm. Even though she sat beside him in a silk dress with her hair in curls, Kyle couldn’t see that she’d changed from his childhood friend into a woman who needed love. They’d even kissed each other and he couldn’t see a difference!

She lowered her gaze to the fingernail she was destroying with her nervous picking. “I want a marriage based on more than friendship and promises,” she said.

“What else would you base a marriage on?” Kyle rammed his fingers through his hair. “You aren’t making any sense,
Ev
. Something has been going on with you and I have no idea how to talk to you anymore.”

“That’s because we don’t talk to each other. We have business meetings. We argue over the livery. You haven't spoken from your heart about your dreams since you were nineteen years old.”

“I don’t give a damn about dreams,” he said in exasperation. “I have too many people depending on me to let my mind wander off on a tangent.”

The rising irritation in his voice unnerved Evelyn, but she forced herself to continue. “We live our lives too differently, Kyle. I want picnics and to spend time with my husband who will share a cup of tea with me late at night while we talk about our life together. I want tickling matches with our children and a man who knows how to laugh. I haven’t heard an honest laugh from you in years. I’m afraid I never will.” She held his gaze, her own growing misty. “I’m afraid I’ll never hear you say you love me.”

He closed his eyes and released a long, tired sigh. “
Ev
, love usually comes after marriage.”

Though she was relieved Kyle didn’t suddenly proclaim his love and make it more difficult for her to break their engagement, it still hurt knowing he couldn’t say he loved her. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life searching for something that isn't possible between us,” she said quietly.

“How do you know what’s possible? We haven’t spent more than a few minutes together since we got engaged. You'll see the possibilities after we've spent some private time together.”

She shook her head. “No, I won’t because I’m not going to marry you.”

His eyebrows plunged downward. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I want more than a partnership,” she whispered, clenching her hands in front of her.

He stared as if she’d lost her mind. “I'm not calling off this wedding, Evelyn. I've invested too much time to start over. You'll just have to settle for a man who knows about honoring his promises and being loyal. It may not be a picnic or a cup of tea, but it's my best offer.”

Evelyn had never regretted anything more than the anguish she saw in his face, but she forced herself to finish making the break. “I can’t accept your offer.”

Kyle’s fists clenched around the reins and he glared at her for several long seconds. “Get out. I can’t talk to you right now.”

She touched his arm. “I can explain this better if you’d just calm down and listen a minute.”

He jerked away from her. “I’m not interested in talking tonight. I’m going to find Perry Morton and kill him for spiking that punch you were drinking all evening.”

“It’s not the punch influencing my decision.”

“Well, it’s sure as hell
something
.” He jumped out of the carriage, caught her around the waist, and swung her out, planting her feet on the ground. “We’ll settle this tomorrow when you’re thinking straight,” he said, then climbed aboard, snapped the reins, and bolted out of her driveway.

Confused and hurting, Evelyn turned toward the quiet sanctuary of her livery. Even if she couldn’t communicate with Kyle anymore, she didn’t want to lose his friendship. Tomorrow she’d go talk to him and try to make him understand that breaking their engagement had been the right thing to do.

She wandered across the lawn, seeking a place to calm her mind and find a way to reach through Kyle’s anger.

When Radford stepped from the darkened doorway of the livery, Evelyn gasped and stumbled back a step. She’d forgotten about the light in the window.

Radford moved into the moonlight and Evelyn’s breath caught. She should go to the house, but she couldn’t force herself to turn away from the appeal in his eyes.

“Remember the night in my bedroom when I said I was feeling dangerous?” he asked quietly.

A tingle of warning crawled up her back, and she took a step away from him.

“I’ve been out of control all evening, Evelyn. Every time I saw you in Kyle’s arms, I wanted to shove him aside and pull you into my own.”

Her heart pounded and her gaze locked with his.

“I can’t pretend anymore. I need you,” he said, his gaze dark, intense.

Stunned, Evelyn could barely force herself to reply. “I need you, too,” she whispered.

He held out his hand. “Then come here,” he said, his voice compelling her to move toward him.

He drew her inside the barn, pushed the door closed with his shoulder, then guided her to the tack room. Soft yellow light reflected in his eyes as he lowered the lighting. “Unless you tell me otherwise, I’m going to tell Kyle how I feel. I have to, Evelyn.” His dark-eyed gaze moved over her like a gentle caress as he stepped forward and brushed his thumb across her lips. “I’ve never experienced this feeling in my life. I don’t want to lose it.”

Wings of joy lifted Evelyn’s heart and she raised her face. “I don’t, either,” she said softly, then in a needy, bold act, she pulled his mouth down on hers.

The fecund smell of hay and leather mixed with the fragrance of Radford's cologne and wool suit. The lingering hint of a sweet cigar and the light taste of whiskey upon his tongue filled Evelyn's senses, leaving her reeling in the intoxicating potpourri of his kiss.

Radford retreated first, pulling back and gritting his teeth. “I’m too weak tonight,” he said, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Go inside. We’ll talk in the morning, then I’ll go see Kyle.”

Evelyn didn’t want to talk. Despite her heartache over Kyle, she felt free and alive and wanted to experience every wild emotion rushing through her veins. She kissed Radford’s neck and nipped his chin with her teeth. His whole body trembled.

“If I lock that door, like I’m tempted to do, it will be a long time before it opens again.”

As if another person had taken over her body, Evelyn raised her hand and locked the door herself.

Radford’s brows shot upward. “What are you doing?”

 
She silenced him with another bold kiss, but he broke away.

“You have to go.”

“Not yet.”

“You’re killing me.” Radford fumbled with the pins in her hair until Evelyn reached up and pulled them free, one pin after another falling to the floor until her curls tumbled over her shoulders and fell to her hips. He dug his hands into the thick strands and buried his face in her neck, then he groaned and grappled for the door lock. “Go!” he commanded, but Evelyn stopped his hand.

“I broke my engagement, Radford.”

He reared back, his eyes wide as he stared at her.

“I couldn’t promise to love and honor Kyle when I wanted to do this with you,” she said, threading her fingers into his hair.

He braced his palms against the door, his arms bracketing her head. “You’re serious?”

She nodded.

“Kyle must have been—”

Evelyn put her fingers over his mouth. “He was, but we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him against her. “I don’t want to talk tonight.”

He slipped his fingers into her hair. “What
do
you want?” he asked, his mouth hovering above hers.

“Everything,” she whispered, unable to think beyond the thrilling sensation of being in Radford’s arms.

His nostrils flared and he lowered his mouth to her neck. “You smell so good.” He swept her hair away from her body then let it fall around her hips. “I love your hair.” He linked fingers with her and brought her knuckles to his lips. “I love your callused hands and the way they treat my daughter. I love the way they care for your father. They're beautiful, honest hands.” He kissed her fingers then freed the buttons on her sleeves. “Last chance to unlock the door,” he said, brushing her eyebrow with his lips.

Unashamed of her need, Evelyn pushed his suit coat open and ran her hands up his chest.

Radford’s eyes turned darker than she’d ever seen them. “I can’t do this slow,” he said, tugging open the long line of pearl buttons down the front of her dress. He pushed it off her shoulders and let it fall to her feet. With trembling hands, he released the silk ties of her corset and pushed the straps of her chemise off her shoulders. His nostrils flared when he saw her breasts, but he didn’t touch them. He untied her drawers and the ties to her stockings. The lacy undergarments fell to the floor, frothing at Evelyn’s feet like a small cascade of water as she stood naked above them.

Radford’s eyes swept her body. Suddenly shy, Evelyn dropped her chin and let her hair fall around her like a protective cloak.

“Don’t hide. You’re beautiful.” He pushed her hair away, then reached down and lifted her into his arms. He crossed the room and lowered her to the narrow cot against the wall. “I have an unfair advantage at the moment,” he said, reaching for the buttons on his trousers.

As Radford undressed, Evelyn was unable to look away. The white of his shorts contrasted sharply with the black hair on his legs and his tanned, firm waist. When he reached for the waistband of his undershorts, his eyes met hers as he slid them down the length of his long, hard legs. When Evelyn's gaze traveled back up, she knew a moment of true amazement. He was splendid, with a lean waist and narrow hips, so regal in his desire, the boldness of him there for her to admire or fear.

He knelt before her, removed her shoes, then drew her down on the bed, the heat of his body branding her as he pulled her into his arms.

Evelyn smoothed her palms over his skin, not because she was so bold, but simply because she could not resist the dark line of hair that covered his chest and tapered to a
vee
as it descended his hard stomach. His muscles quivered as her hands traveled over his warm skin, coarse hair, and hard nipples.

Radford kissed her and brushed her private curls with his fingers. Evelyn gasped as he stroked her there, eliciting a warmth that spread through her thighs and stomach until she couldn’t stop her hips from lifting toward his palm.

Radford gloried in Evelyn’s response. She was beautiful with her head pressed back against the pillow, her throat arched, her hair tousled around her ivory skin as he brought her body to a climax.

Unable to wait any longer, he covered Evelyn’s body with his own, allowing only the slightest breach until she was ready and the effort of holding back was more than he could bear. He deepened their kiss, then pushed inside, taking her pained cry into his mouth.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” he said, brushing her hair off her face. He waited until he felt her relax, then began a slow rolling movement with his hips that made her tremble beneath him while he found his own release.

In the aftermath, they lay quiet, letting their breathing slow as they held each other.

“I never knew it would be so beautiful,” Evelyn whispered.

“It’s only that way when you share it with someone you love,” Radford said. “Otherwise it’s an empty act.”

“You’ve never felt this before?”

Radford propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her. “No,” he said, smoothing away the
worryline
between her eyes.

“But you have Rebecca.”

He smiled. “You don’t need to love someone to make a child with them.”

Evelyn lowered her lashes. “I know. I just assumed you felt something for her mother.”

Radford sighed, not wanting to talk about Olivia after loving Evelyn, but knowing it would ease Evelyn’s mind. He traced the underside of her jaw. “When I met Olivia, I’d just come off the battlefields after three years of hell. I was trying to distract my mind from the war and I found that distraction with Olivia. She didn’t love me, and I never loved her.”