Shades of Honor (29 page)

“Has he been awake yet?” Agatha asked.

With a weary sigh, Evelyn shook her head. “Once, briefly. Doc Kendall says Papa’s recovery is up to the Lord this time.”

“Well, you must keep your faith. It's times like this when we need it most.” Agatha went to William's side and tapped him lightly on the chest. “Don't you dare leave me again, William Tucker. I’ve yet to have the pleasure of getting even with you.”

To Evelyn’s utter disbelief, her father’s eyes fluttered open and he squinted up at Agatha. “Papa!” Evelyn cried. With profound joy, she rushed to his side and clasped his limp hand.

Agatha held his other hand. “It's about time you remembered your manners and greeted me properly.”

One side of his mouth lifted. “Aggie. Would
rec-nize
that
horrennous
voice
anawhere
,” he said, his speech badly slurred.

Agatha’s smile faltered. “You'd better mend fast so I can tell you what a rotten man you are for breaking my heart all those years ago.”

“Ah, Aggie...
Fwank
was a
wucky
guy.”

Tears filled Agatha's eyes and she pressed her handkerchief to her quivering mouth. “William, you must get well, you hear? You must!” She choked and turned away. “I’ll have to come back tomorrow,” she whispered, then hurried from the room.

Evelyn dug her fingernails into the palm of her hand, the pain a welcome diversion from the one shredding her heart. She touched her father's paralyzed face, but his eyes were closed. “Papa?” she called, but he’d slipped away again, leaving Evelyn alone with her fear.
 

Carefully, she lay down beside him and rested her cheek against his thin shoulder. The shadows of evening eventually darkened the room and Evelyn rubbed her father’s chest.

“Do you remember the day you took Mama and me on a picnic in the gorge? Mama made fun of your legs and you tossed her in the water.” Evelyn’s lips curved against his shoulder. “That was one of my best days. Mama looked so pretty with her hair wet, and you spent the whole day making us laugh. Sometimes, I can still hear Mama’s breathless laughter echoing through the gorge. You could always make us laugh, Papa.” Evelyn propped up on an elbow and stroked her father’s dry cheek, silently begging him to wake. “You were the best father a girl could have, and now you're a wonderful friend. Please don't leave me.”

She pressed her lips to his shoulder, smelling the starch of the sheets and the light perspiration on his nightshirt. “I feel as helpless as I did the day Mama died.” She lifted her head and gazed down at him. “I didn’t know men cried like that, but when you fell apart, it was awful. Seeing you like this is worse, Papa.”

Moisture beaded up on Evelyn’s lower lids and she buried her face in his shoulder. The sound of a door closing downstairs jolted her, but she stayed close to her father.

“Aunt Evelyn!” Rebecca's small voice called up to her.

Evelyn drew a shuddering breath beneath the weight of her leaden chest, then let it sigh away and ease the constriction in her throat. “I love you, Papa.” She kissed his hot, dry cheek, then left the bed and lit a lantern.

“Is Grandpa better?” Rebecca asked, peeking inside the door.

“We'll have to ask him when he wakes up,” Evelyn said, not wanting to frighten Rebecca with the truth of his condition.

Rebecca went to the bed and touched his cheek. “Grandpa?” she called quietly. She nudged him gently, but he didn't move. Rebecca's mouth drooped. She leaned against the bed and picked at the yarn ties on the blanket. “He can't hear me.”

Evelyn patted the bed. “I'll bet Grandpa would like a hug.”

Rebecca crawled onto the bed and perched on her knees beside him. She took his limp hand in hers and called his name. “Why don't he wake up?” she asked, but Evelyn couldn’t answer. She compressed her lips and swallowed the tears that surged in her throat.

“What are you doing on Grandpa's bed?” Radford asked as he entered the room.

Rebecca looked up and her shoulders sagged. “He won't wake up, Daddy.”

Radford leaned over and cupped her chin. “Grandpa needs his sleep, and so do you. Kiss him good night, so Grandma can take you home.”

“I want to stay here with you, Daddy.”

Radford shook his head, but Evelyn caught his eye. “Let her stay with us,” she said. Doc Kendall had delayed leaving because of her father’s collapse, which provided a suitable chaperone that had allowed Radford to stay and keep vigil with Evelyn throughout the long night hours.

“All right, sprite, you can stay,” he said. “Come on.”

She laid her head on William’s chest and gave him a hug only children know how to give, then kissed his flaccid cheek. “‘Night, Grandpa.”

After they left, Evelyn thought about how much she loved those two. She hadn’t planned to love them. But she did.

“
Evewyn
?”

Her father's hoarse voice startled her and she hurried to his side. “Thank the Lord, you're awake.”

“Where's your
movvurr
?”

“Mother?” Evelyn asked, having difficulty understanding his slurred speech. When he nodded, she was sorry she'd guessed correctly. “She's not here, Papa.”

He looked confused for a moment then comprehension lit his eyes. “
Thaz
right.” His lips compressed and he averted his face. She smoothed back his thin hair, understanding how deeply his heart ached. Slowly, he returned his misty gaze to hers. “
Whaa
are you
doin
’
abouu
Raforr
ann
Kyle.”

Intense shame washed through Evelyn. More than anything in the world, she’d wanted to make her father proud. “I’m so sorry, Papa. I didn’t mean to let you down.” Evelyn’s eyes filled and her throat convulsed as she tried to hold back her tears. “I tried not to love Radford, but I do. I can’t marry Kyle.”

He fumbled for her fingers, his own trembling with the effort. “I
unnerstan
.” He gave her hand a weak pat. “Our heart chooses who we love, pixie. Just wiz I could stay
arounn
to see my
grannchillen
.”

Evelyn covered his lips with her fingers. “Don't say that.” She laid her head on his chest, fighting the ocean that threatened to spill from her eyes. “Please don’t say that.”

He turned his head until her fingers lay upon his hollow cheek. “
Evewyn
.” With resignation she lifted her head and looked down at him. “I
wannn
you happy.
Raaforr
lovz
you.”

“You're right, William.” Evelyn’s glance flew to Radford who stood in the doorway, hands in pockets, eyes dark.

“Come here,
Raaforr
.
Wannn
talk to you, too.”

Radford placed a chair beside the bed. “Glad to see you’re awake. Rebecca's been waiting for a story.”

A weak chuckle sounded in William's throat. “
Thaz
your job now. And you damn well
be'er
take care of my
daugh'er
.”

“I intend to.”

His gaze locked on Radford. “We need to talk, son.”

“I’ll check on Rebecca,” Evelyn said, respectfully leaving them alone.

“Don't have
muz
strength for this, but some things need
sayin
'.”

“I've got all night, William.”

“I don't, so
lizzen
to me for once. Your father
raiz
four sons to be
prouu
of and I love all you boys. You
muss
find a way to fix things with Kyle.”

Shame and sorrow consumed Radford. “If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll find a way. I swear it.”

William nodded. “Your father was a good
frienn
, but you and I had a
spezial
frienzship
,
Raaforr
. Our time
togezzer
in the war was hell, but it made us close—like father and son. It made us strong.” William paused to catch his breath. “I know why you
thinn
you're a
cowarr
.”

The statement shocked Radford. “You were there. My actions speak for themselves.”

“Bull. You're no
cowarr
,
Raaforr
. Time you faced that.”

Radford believed he had accepted the truth, but he remained mute, unwilling to challenge William’s statement.

“Remember the
promizz
you made me
affer
Chancellorsville?”

Radford nodded, remembering the words he had spoken to William after deserting from his first battle. He’d promised to conquer his fear and face each battle like a man, to embrace each moment of his life with passion, and to trust in the caliber of his own character.

“
Truz
yourself,
Raaforr
. You’re worthy of my
daugh’er’s
love and her belief in you. Don’t let her down.”

Radford clasped the hand of his best friend, his father, his mentor. “I'm sorry for this situation, William. I never meant for this to happen, but I do love her. I intend to marry her as soon as I straighten out a few things.”

“You’re
lettin
’ it eat you up,
Raaforr
. Just turn
arounn
and look at it!” William said, his chest heaving from emotion. “Stop
runnin
’,
dammit
. My
daugh’er
needs you. So does Rebecca.”

“I know.”

“Then take care of it.” His hand trembled. “Take care of
Evewyn
for me.” His eyes
teared
and he sighed tiredly. “She’s my life. An’ don't wait no
mournin
’ period to marry her. Don't believe in all that bull-
malarky
.”

“I'm hoping there won't be any need, William. I've been looking forward to parking my rocking chair next to yours someday and seeing if I can't outdo some of those tall tales you tell Rebecca.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners, pushing aside the sheen of moisture that had welled up. “Never happen,” he said. “
Tazes
years of practice to get that full of bull.”

“Then you'd better perk up. Rebecca's missing you.”

Radford felt the faint squeeze of William's hand. “That
li’l
one gave this old man
sumpin
’ worth living for. You tell her
thaz
for me when she's ole ‘
nough
to
unnerstann
.”

Radford nodded, too overcome by emotion to answer.

William coughed weakly, winded from his moments of talking; still, he clung to Radford’s hand. “Let
Evewyn
help you. You have
nothin
’ to be ‘shamed of,
Raaforr
. You need help to
unnerstann
that.”

“Thank you,” Radford said, admiring the man who had given him so much, who had protected him like a son, and taught him by example how to become a man.

“Do it for me,” William said, his eyes drifting closed. “Do it for an ole man who
lovz
you.”

Radford clenched his fist and closed his eyes, unable to watch William’s struggle to breathe. He sat up and wiped William’s face with the wet cloth that had been lying in the basin. “This battle isn’t over yet, William. Now fight!” he whispered fiercely, his fingers clenched in the cold cloth.

But William didn’t respond to Radford’s command and his breathing grew more labored despite Doc Kendall’s renewed attention and Evelyn’s continuous prayers. The three of them sat at William’s side until Radford forced the doctor to go to bed. Eventually, exhaustion claimed Evelyn, and she dozed in her chair. William’s breathing grew more labored, and though he roused occasionally, he was no longer lucid.

Late in the night, Radford was finally forced to wake Evelyn. Filled with remorse, he brushed the hair from her face and watched her eyes flutter open. “You’d better wake up, love.”

A flash of understanding filled her eyes and she bolted from the chair. “Papa!” Evelyn cried, rushing to her father’s side. He lay on the mattress, his face transparent, lids closed over sunken eyes. Wisps of white hair sparsely covered his skull. She took his hand and felt the squeeze of his frail fingers.

A hint of a smile tugged one corner of his mouth as he gazed up with dazed eyes. “Mary?”

Evelyn opened trembling lips to correct him, but Radford squeezed her shoulder and shook his head. They exchanged a long, meaningful look before she nodded.

Her father's grip became more insistent. “Mary?” he called, concern strengthening his voice.

Evelyn leaned close and cupped his face. “I'm here,” she said, knowing it was kinder to lie.

“Knew you'd wait.” He relaxed and pressed his cheek into Evelyn's palm. “Ah, Mare...” he whispered as his eyes drifted closed.

Evelyn held his hand as he passed away. Memories of her beautiful, giving father should have given her strength to face his death, but it made the pain of her loss unbearable. The unjustness of a strong man being reduced to such a weakened state made her angry and a cry of denial burst from her lips. “No!” She clasped his hand and shook it gently. “Not yet! Papa.”