Shadowed (11 page)

“Welcome home.”

He ran his thumb over her chin and tipped her face to meet his eyes, his lips covering
hers in a kiss filled with pain and passion. She knew him too well to miss the rage
and hurt he tried so well to hide. She'd never seen him like this before. She pulled
back and rested her head on his chest.

“Thanks for taking care of the kids.”

She laughed. “Those have to be the easiest kids I've ever baby-sat
in my life. Kim
and Logan definitely should win some kind of award.”

Someone cleared his throat behind them, and Kaylan pulled away to find her brother
with his arms crossed.

“Excuse me, what am I? Chopped liver? I do believe it's my turn for a hug and welcome
home. I was out there too.”

Kaylan rolled her eyes with a smile and met her brother in a tight hug. “Are you
sure you aren't my baby brother? That was an awful lot of whining.” She pulled back
and noticed the butterfly bandage over his eye for the first time. “Micah Richards,
what did you do?”

“Well, it's a great story actually. I got in a fight with this huge tiger shark.”

Nick rolled his eyes and grabbed Kaylan's waist, pulling her back against him as
she listened to her brother.

“So I'm wrestling this shark the size of an elephant, and Hawk wouldn't even help.
I finally beat him and got nothing but this little scratch.”

“And let me guess . . . all you have to show for it is one lousy tooth?” Her voice
dripped with sarcasm.

Micah threw his arms into the air as the rest of the team chuckled in the waiting
room. “Exactly. Now it will just be a legend.”

“Uh-huh. Did someone look at that?”

Micah's eyes squinted into slits. “You sure you're my baby sister and not my mom?”

“You'll wish I were Mom when she gets hold of you.”

Micah's voice turned serious. “Kayles, we don't need to tell her. This will heal
and be no big deal. You're going to have to get used to a lot of tall stories and
vague answers. There's a lot you don't know, and there's a lot you never will.”

Nick's arms tightened around her waist before he let her go.
She hugged Micah again,
leaning into him under his arm. “Well, I'm glad you beat the shark. And I'm glad
you're so tough.”

A cry came from down the hall, and Conner walked out holding his sister's hand. Kaylan
let go of Micah and walked to meet the little girl. Molly ran the rest of the way
to Kaylan and leapt into her arms, her tears soaking Kaylan's t-shirt.

Nick came up and put his hand on Kaylan's back, leaning to peer into Molly's eyes.
“Hey, ladybug.”

“Uncle Nick.” She reached for him, and Kaylan let her go as Nick took her weight.
For the first time she got a small glimpse of what life would be like with Nick,
with children. Her heart warmed at the thought.

“What's the matter, ladybug?” Nick smoothed away Molly's tears.

“My daddy got hurt. Why didn't you protect him, Uncle Nick?” Her tears nearly broke
Kaylan's heart, and she saw pain flash across Nick's face. The guys behind him bowed
their heads. Jay paced.

“Sometimes things happen that we can't control, Molly. We got him home as quickly
as we could, and the doctors are going to take good care of him.”

She nodded and leaned her head on Nick's shoulder as he rocked her. Kim came out
of Logan's room with the boys.

“Kaylan, do you mind taking the kids home and putting them to bed? I'll be home in
a little bit.”

Kaylan looked to Nick, who answered for both of them. “We'll both take them home.
Why don't we stay with them tonight? I'll take them to school in the morning since
Kaylan has her internship. That way you can stay with Logan tonight.”

Relief flooded Kim's face. “Are you sure?”

“Our pleasure.” Nick nodded to the men who had gathered around them.

Jay stepped forward. “I'll follow you and bring an overnight bag for Kim and Logan.”

“But . . . ”

Kaylan intercepted Kim before she could protest. “I'll pack it. Don't worry.” She
hugged Kim. “We've got it under control.”

The group followed Kaylan and Nick out to the cars. Nick took the keys from Kaylan
and climbed in the driver's seat. The kids were silent. Kaylan watched him close
his eyes for just a moment and realized he must be exhausted. He turned on the car
and pointed it toward the Carpenter's home.

Kaylan wove her fingers through his free hand. The streets had emptied of most of
the traffic at 10:00 p.m., most people at home getting ready for the workday to come.
“Hey, why don't you go home and get some sleep tonight? I've got the kids. I can
go in a little late in the morning.”

The car stopped at a red light and Nick met her gaze, his voice low over the sound
of the radio playing Shane and Shane. “We made a promise we would be there for Kim
and Logan. I'm going to help tonight.”

Kaylan nodded, knowing better than to argue with his decision. Once he made up his
mind, only an act of God could undo it. She ran her fingers through the hair at the
back of his neck, and he leaned into her touch like a cat responding to a good back
scratch. Not for the first time did she realize that she had the love of a man she
didn't deserve. A man who put others before himself, no matter the personal cost.

Chapter 13

I
T TOOK ALMOST
an hour for Molly to fall asleep. Kaylan curled up on the bed next
to her, stroking her hair and listening to her whimper until she finally went limp.
She looked so innocent with her arm wrapped around her teddy bear and her thumb in
her mouth. Her hero lay injured in a hospital bed, and that rocked her world.

Kaylan remembered the feeling of seeing Pap right after his stroke. Usually strong
and capable, he'd looked feeble and confused. It shook her to her core. She couldn't
even imagine having that feeling as a four-year-old.

Kaylan exited Molly's room, pulling the door closed behind her. She tiptoed across
the hall and put her ear to the door of Conner and Tanner's room. Deep breathing.
The boys had remained subdued, taking in every bit of the situation. They'd stayed
close to Nick when they got home as he helped them unwind and get ready for bed.
Thankfully they crashed as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

She wandered down the hall to the family room where Nick sat on the couch, his elbows
resting on his knees and his head in his hands. The TV played an episode of
I Love
Lucy
in the background, and Kaylan smiled as Lucy tried to talk Ethel into one of
her crazy schemes. It reminded her of Seth and Micah. They'd always been in one hair-brained
scheme or another growing up, usually with Micah as the mastermind. But Seth had
an ornery streak all his own.

Leaning on the couch behind Nick, Kaylan grabbed his shoulders and eased him back
into the chocolate suede couch. The room felt like Montana—outdoor paintings, rustic
furniture, and pictures of the family in white shirts, jeans, and cowboy boots adorned
the space.

Kaylan wrapped her arms around Nick and kissed his cheek. “How ya doing?”

He turned his eyes to meet hers, and she saw the exhaustion and something else. She
could almost see his mind running ninety miles an hour.

“I missed you.” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and then tugged on her arms.
She walked around the couch and sank next to him, curling into his chest, reassured
by the sound of his heartbeat. On nights like this she wondered how she'd lived
life before him. It somehow felt fuller now, as if a missing piece had found its
way into her life. They chuckled together as Ricky showed up and caught Lucy in trouble.

Nick's eyes remained cloudy despite his laughter. She ran her fingers down his face,
drawing his eyes to hers. “You're here with me, but your mind is still in a different
country. Are you okay?”

He sat up on the couch and she followed, turning to face him, the suede changing
color with her movement. He reached for her hands. “Let's play a game. Twenty questions.
Things we may not know about one another.”

Kaylan smiled, amazed he could orchestrate a lighthearted conversation when his face
held so much worry. But she had to remember that SEALs worked hard and played hard.
If they wore their work all the time, they would be emotionless machines. “All right.
You go first.”

“What do you want to be for Halloween this year?”

“Alice in Wonderland and the Mad Hatter.”

Nick threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes. You'll look cute in all that makeup.”

“No guy should ever wear more makeup than his girlfriend.”

Kaylan smirked, causing Nick to chuckle again.

“Change that. No guy should ever have makeup on period, but especially in this circumstance
where I would need more just to play the part.”

Kaylan leaned in close as if about to kiss him. “Please?”

“No, ma'am. Play fair.”

Her lips hovered right over his. “Please, babe?”

Nick leaned away, arching his back over the armrest. He gently pushed her back, his
smile amused. “I'll think about it.”

She gave in, her back sinking into the couch. “Most dangerous thing you've ever done.
Outside of the SEALs, of course.”

“Street racing. Sophomore year of high school. Had the car at about 110 and climbing.
Went into a turn, and the car went up on two wheels. Thought I was going to flip.”
He shook his head. “Seriously the dumbest thing I've ever done. Thankfully it corrected
quickly, and I finished the race.”

“Did you slow down any?”

The smile that warned of trouble bloomed. “Nope.”

“Of course not. Your turn.”

“Most embarrassing moment.”

Kaylan groaned. “Most definitely falling on my face during a dance recital.”

He winced.

“Yeah, not good. I was thirteen and it was our big Christmas performance.” She thought
for a moment, the television casting an eerie glow in the dark room. “What did you
want to be as a kid?”

He didn't even hesitate. “A teenage mutant ninja turtle.”

She burst out laughing.

He rubbed his hands together. “All right, my turn. Where do you see yourself in five
years?”

The change in tone caught her off guard, and she fidgeted, unsure how to answer him.
“Well, I guess that depends.”

“On what?”

“You only get one question at a time.”

“You didn't answer the original question, Kayles.” He reached for her hands again,
running his thumbs over the top. His touch still sent shivers racing down her spine.
She forced her brain to concentrate. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” he
repeated.

She took a deep breath, her heart racing . “I guess I see myself working for a natural
disaster relief organization somewhere, helping them create emergency strategies
and provide nutritional food in the midst of a disaster like I experienced.”

“Is that it?”

She shook her head, cautious to finish. “I see myself married and starting a family.
My turn. I'll turn that question back to you.”

He shrugged. “That's easy. On a SEAL team, maybe Six.” He met her eyes, and for the
first time since their reunion at the hospital, they appeared crystal clear and
deep. Her breath quickened. “Married to you. Starting a family. That's what I want,
Kayles.” He brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his voice lowering to
a whisper. “What do you think about that?”

Heat crept up her face hidden in the dim flicker from the television screen. “Are
we still playing?”

“No. I need to know a few things. We need to talk about this. It's just me, Kayles.”
His fingers caressed her wrist where her pulse betrayed her racing heart. “What are
you afraid of?”

What fears held her captive? Abandonment, loss. The fear of letting someone in that
deeply again. She knew she cared for Nick in a different way than Sarah Beth, but
if they kept moving this direction, she would have to let him into all the ugly insecurities,
the bad attitudes, the bitterness, all the broken parts of her
heart. She would be
fully known, and that thought frightened her. Would he still love her the same way
if he really saw how weak she could be? He needed someone strong.

“Kayles . . . ”

She had to trust him with something, had to help him understand why she moved so
slowly.

“Baby. Can you answer me?” His face filled with hesitation for a moment, and he cleared
his throat. “Do you . . . do you not want this?”

She gripped his hands as if he would slip from her grasp. It hit her then, the weight
of her desire. She realized she wanted him more than her job, more than moving closer
to her family, more than she wanted someone who worked nine-to-five.

“Nick, I want this more than anything. Okay? It just terrifies me.”

Relief filled his face. “Why does it terrify you?”

“If you only knew what's inside me, the pain, the bitterness from this year. Trust
me, you wouldn't like what you see. But I would have to show you all of that.”

He cupped her face in his hands and focused all his intensity on her, his eyes piercing
to her heart, shining a light on all the hidden places. “I want to know every part
of you, even the dark places. Kaylan, that's what forever is all about. I'm not expecting
you to be perfect or put together.”

“But you are. All the time.”

“Hmm. I think you need to talk to Micah. Kaylan, I stay calm because I have to. But
inside I'm dying. Sometimes that manifests as anger, sometimes withdrawal, sometimes
pride and cockiness.” He smirked. “You should have seen me in college. Much worse.
But I am far from put together. And you've got to let me see those things too, babe.
I want to know. I want to understand you. And I want to know how we can fight that
stuff, be better together.”