Shadowglass (26 page)

I swallowed. “It’s okay—”

“No, it isn’t, Ice. I was so angry with her for lying to me. I shoved her away and she . . . she fell. I tried to catch her. I really did. I held on so tight. But my fingers were bloody, and . . . and her little hand was so small. I couldn’t hold her. She died because of me, Ice. I can’t let you die because of me, too. They’re my consequences. I won’t let you suffer them.”

Icy shards ripped deep into my heart. Jesus. No wonder he was so afraid of girls. Of liking a girl. Was that why he’d acted like such an ice-walled prick for so long? Because he feared he might like me?

I’d finally gotten him to admit it, and now one of us had to die?

I slid timid fingers onto his arm, but gently he brushed them away.

His gaze settled on me again, silver sparkling on his lashes, and the determination glowing there made me shiver. “There’s more, Ice. Please. Just listen. I looked into the mirror that day, to see what was so damn important that I’d lost her. Ever since then, I . . . well, it’s like I’m split in two. There’s this shadow half of me locked away, the part that could love her . . . but it’s the part that hated her, too, and it’s dark and angry and dangerous and . . . and I can’t control it, Ice. I black out and I wake up somewhere else, and I don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve done.”

His molten gaze shifted, just for an instant, and my throat hurt. That rainbow titanium bangle, so snug now on his left wrist. I was right. It didn’t come off. It swapped, whenever he felt like it. He was two fairies, and at least one of him had known it all along.

Two fairies. Indigo’s kindness, flashing in and out like neon. No accident. The way he kissed me, so hot and passionate and full of desperate emotion. But whose? How was I supposed to tell? None of it was real.

My throat burned tight. “So everything you’ve said to me is a lie, is that it?”

“No!” His jaw tightened, pulse shifting. “No, Ice. You make me forget it all. You make me want to be whole again, and I . . . I don’t know what to do. I’m crippled. I don’t know how to give you what you need. I’m sorry. Just take the mirror and go.”

Lightning crackled, deafening. I rubbed my arms, chill aching my bones though the stormy air stuck hot and thick to my skin. “So what, I’m just supposed to let some demon bitch tear you apart?”

He shrugged, casual, though unease leaked dark blue ink into his eyes. “I’ll get rid of her somehow.”

Anger skewered my nerves. “That is such boy bullshit, you know that? She’s a fucking demon. You don’t get rid of demons.”

He eyed me steadily, calm, ineluctable, unmovable. “Ice, there’s no other way.”

“There must another way!” Tears slashed at my eyes, and words rushed unstoppable from my tongue. “Don’t you see, I can’t do this! I can’t let you do it. It’s not so bad, all right? I’m not so nuts. It’s just this . . . this urge to do stupid things and live on the edge and say every idiot thing that slips into my head and when you threw me off that skyscraper I was scared shitless but I’ve never felt so fucking good in my entire life and . . . and I want to be brave and crazy and reckless but I don’t know if I can do it alone, and you helped me see that for once in my sorry little life I’m
not
alone, and if I have to do it without you I think I’ll die right now and get it over with because I’m in love with you and if you push me away one more time I’ll break into a million screeching bleeding little pieces and make a big mess and Christ I can’t believe I said that.”

Hair whipped my cheeks in the rising wind, and I left it there, tears fresh on my face. For once I didn’t care if he laughed at me.

He swallowed, dragging hair from his cheeks with unsteady fingers. “Ice—”

The rain pelted harder, drowning out his voice in the battering sound of water on iron roofs and tiles and concrete. Fat raindrops drilled the pavement like bullets, splashing huge on my skin. My hair plastered to my face, warm and glorious, and my wings soaked transparent with sweet-smelling droplets. My watery senses lit like searchlights, and I wanted to dance, splash, lie down with him and roll in the puddles, run and whirl and jump until we were soaked.

Indigo slid his fingers into mine and tugged me around the corner for shelter, an alley under a slim line of eaves. Rain still soaked my clothes, splashed over his silvery wings, slid in shiny rivulets through his hair. Sapphire static crackled over him, arcing in random slices through the sheeting rain. So beautiful. My fingers zapped where he held me, and miniature lightning crackled up my forearm.

Storm water rushed around our ankles, overflowing, the noise swelling ever louder. He pushed me against the wall, curving his wings overhead to form an electrically charged silver cocoon. Static crawled in my hair, lifting the soaked strands, and magnetism tugged the jewel in my belly taut, teasing me like caressing fingers.

He planted his hands either side of my head, leaning over so I could hear him above the din, and his voice came out low and strained and full of unexpected pain. “I’m so sorry. I can’t bear that you’re unhappy because of me. Tell me what to do.”

He smelled fantastic wet, warm iron mixing with rust. My mouth watered. His dripping hair slicked on my cheek, his breath tickling the point of my ear. My fingers tightened around the mirror, and my voice shook. “Just be honest with me. That’s all I want.”

He dropped his head, water spilling from his hair, his gaze for once level with mine. His eyes shone blue at me through the rain, copper lashes rimmed with wet diamonds. “You’re so precious and wonderful and innocent. You clean me, Ice. You wash my guilt away. I can’t . . . I don’t know if I want to live with you hating me.”

Light welled from some lost cavern deep in my soul and showered me with glittering delight that melted the tension inside me to glowing honey. Laughter bubbled from my mouth, and I let it flow.

He stared at me, wounded, and backed off, his wings folding sheepishly in sheets of water. “What?”

“Nothing.” I laughed more, old shackles cracking open at last in my chest. We were drenched. My skin would shrivel up like a rotten orange. He’d probably rust. I didn’t care. The cowering specter of my fear rubbed its scrawny arms, shook itself in wonder, and scampered away giggling. I’d been afraid for nothing. He actually cared about me.

He hadn’t said as much. I mean, he didn’t say,
Ice, I love you more than a million diamonds, be with me forever
, or anything silly like that. But I meant something to him, even if only for a moment while we stood here yelling at each other to be heard in this glorious rain. He had ice around his heart, this one, his affection frozen deep by a horrible mistake. But warmth still burned in there, and for one diamond-precious moment, he’d let me in. If that’s the best he could offer, it was good enough for me.

And if I hadn’t lost my mind—if I hadn’t been so pissed off at his coldness that I went home with Kane and stumbled across this ugly mirror—none of it would have happened.

Maybe some things are just fate, and you shouldn’t rage against the chaos or squeeze your eyes shut to pretend they aren’t happening. Sometimes you just have to leap off a skyscraper and trust you’ll be caught.

I stepped slowly up to him, my limbs shaking. He just stood there, staring at me, rain-jewels glittering on his lashes and dripping through his hair. I placed my hand on his chest, where he was warm and slick under my palm. His heartbeat quickened, and I struggled to keep my voice calm. “Delilah . . . If you don’t take her the mirror, she’ll never stop chasing you.”

He covered my hand in his. Pressed my palm to his chest. Tucked his copper claws under mine. His irises swirled like molten metal, blue and green darkening to hot maroon. “And if I do, you’ll never stop haunting me.”

I stared, mesmerized by the rain, transfixed by his eerie beauty. He drifted closer on an electric flicker of wings, clasping my hand close against his chest, and softly his body brushed mine. His long blue fingers wrapped mine completely.

He laid his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. His hair splashed my face, his silver lips sparkling with raindrops. “I need you, Ice. You’re all I have that’s good. I don’t want you to leave me. But . . .”

My heart overflowed, and the fine mesh that remained of my defenses washed away like glitter on a moonlit beach. Shuddering, I fluttered up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips on his.

His shock flickered static between our mouths for one bright second. My teeth tingled, alive. And then he tightened his fingers around mine and kissed me back.

We’d kissed a couple minutes ago, hot and lustful and unforgiving. But this was different. Gentle, shy, a single soft kiss, then another, and another, longer but still hesitant, like we feared something would break. His lips melted into mine, so soft and yet steely, so tender and yet full of anguish and pain and desperate loss.

My chest ached. This was insane. It wouldn’t solve anything. But warmth spilled into me like hot chocolate, dark and rich and delicious, making me want more of him, more of this glorious sharp-sweet world where he let me love him. His dark metal taste stung my tongue, thrilling me, and the care in our kiss only made me want him harder.

I pressed closer, searching for more. He let me lead him, caress his mouth with mine, part his lips so I could taste him. I tempted his tongue with mine, drawing him out until he hissed deep inside his chest and crushed his arm around my waist, lifting me and pulling me flush with his body as we kissed. The warm smell of metal enveloped me, the steely muscles of his arm, his hard body, the crunch of his bangle into the small of my back. Rainwater spilled in the echo of thunder, and static crackled across my skin like hungry fingers, creeping under my wet clothes, into my hair.

He deepened the kiss, crushing me against him in a velvet metal embrace like he never wanted to let me go. My fingers clenched around the mirror, frustrated. I wanted my hand free to touch him, undress him, feel his skin under my fingerpads. I wanted to throw the damn thing to the ground and hear it scream and shatter.

“Here.” He slipped the sphere from my hand and fumbled it back into his pocket. Rain ran into our kiss, warm, the dusty taste mingling with the glorious sting of iron. My watery senses overloaded, my whole body thrumming with sensation. I grabbed his sodden hair and held him there, swallowing, his tongue alive and insistent in my mouth. His hair bloodied my knuckles, stinging like paper cuts, but I didn’t care. I loved the metal slide of his teeth, the molten slickness of his lips.

Our wet bodies plastered together, and the sleek hardness of those delectable fairy muscles slid slowly against me as he moved, a full-body caress that ignited my nerves like matches. The steely twist of his cock pressed into my belly, coated in soaked cloth but scorching me. Mirror or no mirror, I burned for him, this strange metal maniac who’d driven me so efficiently out of my mind.

Urgency chewed like a plague of insects. I wrapped my thigh around him, but he was too tall for what I wanted, and with a slick crunch I popped my hip joint so I could reach, curling my calf around his waist. My muscles protested, but it was worth it just to feel him at last. He slid his dripping hand up my thigh and pulled me onto him, and when I remembered my underwear was already gone and his claws were digging into my bare bottom, my last wispy inhibition evaporated. I wanted him. Here. Now. Before this dissolved in a sweet dream like it always had before.

He slid his kiss to the corner of my mouth, my jawline, nudged my chin up to kiss a trail of hot desire down to my throat, his lips lingering on the vein, tasting the throbbing pulse of my excitement. Cuts still stung there, and he traced them with his tongue, murmuring. Tension stirred, tugged, awakened inside me. My breasts ached for him. I gripped his hair and pulled him downward.

He nuzzled the wet cloth of my halter, nipping at me with sharp metal teeth. His tongue wrapped over one nipple through the thin cotton. Gentle sensation flared deep, warming my whole body. He sucked me slowly, gently, drawing my pleasure out until I moaned.

My muscles weakened, and my head fell back. My eyes slid closed. Such care. Men have always taken me quickly, carelessly, hot and breathless but empty. I’d never been anywhere like this before.

Gently he tugged at the knot of my halter, and it slipped free.

The old fear whetted my desire sharp, and I slipped my hand up to clutch the cloth in place. “Someone might see.”

“I want to see.” He kissed my collarbone, biting me softly, his fingers tracing my breast, drawing me on.

The ache between my legs blossomed and grew, and I shivered. “Please. Not here. Can’t we go somewhere else?”

He kissed my fingers where I held the cloth, and slipped his arm tighter around my waist. His whisper burned my throat. “Hold on.” And with a flit of silvery wings and a shower of raindrops, he leapt into the air.

We darted upward, and I clutched my legs around his hips and pressed my cheek on his chest. His heartbeat echoed in my ear, swift and strong, rain and his coppery sweat tingling sharp and delightful in my nose. His body felt wonderfully warm and safe, his steely embrace unbreakable as with wings and one strong arm he flitted up a drainpipe, copper claws snicking on brick. For an instant he lurched backwards under dripping iron eaves, flaring his wings wide to keep aloft, and then we were on the roof, his feet lighting almost soundlessly on sloping water-rippled iron.

Clouds rumbled, steel and silver, close and warm like I could touch them, and the rain fell unfettered, spilling over my shoulders, into my mouth, running sweet tingles down my back. Lightning cracked, deafening. He flipped me around and crushed my back to his chest. He leant over to lick hot shivers into my ear, and his teeth nipped me, exquisite. “There. Now no one can see us.”

A breathless smile parted my lips. God, I loved the rain. I curled backwards against him, and at the touch of my wings, he murmured and rubbed his cheek against the springy edge. He kissed my neck, my throat, my shoulders, wrapping me in hot ribbons of sensation, and when his fingers crept once again to my halter, I let him peel the wet cloth from my breasts. My nipples stung hard in the warm trickling rain, and gently he laid me on my back on the smooth iron.